Monday, February 25, 2008

The Great Unknown

The other night to help me fall asleep, I was trying to come up with things that not many people (if anyone) knew about me. Not like, dark, depressing, or freakish things. Just like little factoids that are slightly amusing. I've come up with five. They're pretty random, and I'm pretty bored so here they are.

1. I once ate a raw clam to impress two guys. One I was dating, one I thought was hot. LOL, so wrong. I don't think it really worked, but now I can say casually, "yes, I have eaten a raw clam, yes it did taste like the sea. Refreshing!" I have since learned an easier way to impress a man - tackle him in a lounge, make out with him the whole night, and claim him as your own. It's lasted nearly three years, LOL, which is more than I can say for the two-month mistake that was the above!

2. When I was a kid I once wrapped my entire body in medical tape. I don't know why. I just started to and then I couldn't stop. Of course when I had covered everything but my head I just sort of looked in the mirror, thought "cool" and then ripped it all off. Why? I don't know. Probably just more bored than I am now.

3. The most fun I had doing my science project was NOT studying the microscopic effects of pool water on hair. Hell now. It was stabbing my finger with a pin, squeezing blood onto a glass slide and watching the cells slowly clot under the microscope. It was awesome.

4. The only parts of my body that truly piss me off are my thighs. This is no great secret. The secret is that when I'm looking in the mirror, whether in a department store dressing room or in the privacy of my own home, I will squish all the inner thigh fat together and like, move it around to the back. Then I'll think "if I can only get my thighs to look like this (squish thigh fat to back of leg) then I would be totally satisfied." Normally I think people who do this, and are totally serious, are kind of sad. And I think it's actually kind of sad that I do it. I wish I could be one of those people who totally loved myself as I am. Although then I might be really annoying. Besides, have I ever truly done anything about my thigh fat? Um, No. I let it hang.

5. Sometimes, at work or school, I will go to the ladies room just so I can have 5 minutes of peace and quiet. I admit it. I wipe down the seat (yeah ok it's kind of gross, but the doctor on Oprah said that whole "if you sit you'll catch something" is a myth unless the seat is wet. ew ew ew. anyways) and just sit there. Sometimes I'll even close my eyes for a few. Not like a suspiciously long time, but just long enough so that I no longer hear the drone of my coworkers or the idiotic buzz of undergraduates who don't even remember the Hubble Telescope because they were too young!

Well that's it for me on this dull Monday morning. My coworkers are staring at my typing. Time for a bathroom break.

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