Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another Dream

I dreamed of Kenya again last night...
It's so strange to dream about it two nights in a row. When I first got back from the long stay I used to think about it before I went to bed and hoped that I'd dream about it. It was the next best thing to being there, being able to see all my friends in my sleep. Weird, but comforting.

Last night I dreamed that I was on the subway to Kimana. The sheer thought of Kenya having a subway system is terrifying. I can only imagine the things that would go wrong, but last night in my dream, it made perfect sense. It was dark and slow-moving and I was supposed to be traveling with a woman named Mama Njeri, but we got separated. Luckily I knew my stop and got off in Kimana, but realized I had no one to walk with to get back "home." Plus it was getting dark.

Lukily Maraka was there in his white truck giving a new intern a ride. I remember stepping up on the running boards just as he started the truck (the wheel was on the American side, as opposed to the Kenyan side, a small detail I am just now remembering. The brain is so odd). I stuck my face in the window and said "Hey Maraka, give me a ride?" He looked surprised and said "You are supposed to be with Mama Njeri, where did she go?" I told him she left me, and with that, he let me in his truck .

There were a couple weird things after that. We drove through those small street-side towns but they all had electricity. If I were in Kimana, I would've been only 5k from the camp where I studied abroad, but then we crossed through the bush, like we were going to one of the group ranches. We never got there, though we drove through the night and into the next day, but none of us minded the drive, and we traveled companionably through the wilderness.

I'm not sure what fueled this dream. I think maybe it was the fact that I'm nerdily compiling a bird life list and had to start with Kenyan birds (because I've seen more Kenyan birds than North American birds) and I spent a lot of time with my Birds of Kenya book last night. My bird book was the one thing I was meticulous about in Africa, and while I failed many times at keeping any sort of regular journal, I did write the date and location of each bird sighting. I had names of places I had nearly forgotten traveling to: Kuku Group Ranch, Marula Game Ranch, Elsamere. It brought back so many fond memories. I really should get my old pics scanned in and make a blurb book about it. Just another '09 to do I guess :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Last night I dreamed I was in Kenya.

It was amazing and wonderful. I was there with my whole family and I was showing them all the different types of birds. They were everywhere. I said to my mother "Do you see and understand now why I love this place so much?"

I sat with Maraka and Mboya and took their hands and said "I do worry about you so much when I am away and I don't hear from you. I worry about you because I am in the US and you are here and it is not easy for me to check on you." Mboya said "Oh, pole sanaaaaa" in his way of drawing out words, "what can we do for you to make this better?" "There is nothing you can do," I told them. "Just be safe in everything."

When I opened my eyes this morning, I was smiling. I closed them again, savoring the dream. Even now the thought of it makes me very happy and surprisingly, not sad.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

2009 Stuff

So I've been compiling a little list of stuff I want to get done in 2009. They're not resolutions because I am a resolution BREAKER - like it's my job. Of course I'd like to achieve a toned body, but then again, it's 9:15am and I'm working my way through a bag of sour patch kids, so let's be reasonable. This is a list of goals and "to dos" that are actually attainable (though I have lost a whopping two pounds since New Year's so maybe that toned thing is possible....or maybe that's just because I barfed on Friday at Jamaal's house from eating a quarter of grade F chicken from BBQ's on a completely empty stomach...)

Anywho. Here goes:

Finish and distribute overdue wedding gifts.
Embarrassingly enough, I have two wedding gifts I still owe people. Both are well within the year limit (apparently you have a year to give a gift according to etiquette gurus...personally, I am kind of mortified I still have these). I have a beautiful knit blanket that's about 2 or 3 skeins of yarn away from being finished, as well as a lovely cross stitch sampler that just needs to be framed. We (as in Jam and I) already gave both couples money, so it's not like they didn't get anything, plus as I recall, we gave really generously (they're totally worth it (-: ) but still, who doesn't finish wedding gifts on time! UGH!

Finish birthday and other gifts and distribute.
I owe four people quilts. Three know I do, one has no idea I was supposed to make him a quilt. My friend Elizabeth's quilt was supposed to be for her 25th birthday. She'll be 27 on March 18th. The other quilt is about 9 months late. My sister's quilt had no deadline, but she did buy the fabric and she probably would like it done.

Finish swap items. Send. Take swap hiatus.
I love swaps. I do. I've met some great people and received amazing and wonderful gifts via swaps. Swaps, however, are the reason that overdue gifts are languishing in my room. I will finish my current swaps (3- ISE 7, New Year, New Dishcloths, and RSE 3) with gusto, but then cut myself off (until the Ornament Swap, of course!) til I am done with gifts.

Get rid of crap.
I need to clean out my closet and my bureau. I have so much JUNK. Plus I need a place to safely hang my wedding dress. As of this moment, I literally have nowhere to put it. I know where it could go, if the area weren't obstructed by a shoe thing holding purses and a set of drawers holding a bajillion pairs of underwear and socks.

Plan wedding stuff in calm orderly fashion and do not bore people with details they don't care about.
That's pretty self explanatory LOL.

Obtain a new job with better pay.
"But the economy is failing! Unemployment is rampant! There are wage and hiring freezes!!" I'm sorry, what? Whether by promotion or entirely new job, by December 31, 2009, I'd like to get paid what I should. It has been acknowledged by the doctors at my job that all of the women in my office are underpaid. I'd like to rectify that somehow - bringing up the issue with the department head unfortunately got us nowhere...

Chillax more.
There was much franticness in 2008. MUCH. Much crying. Much stress. Gotta be calmer about life.

Go to church more.
Cause it's good (for me). The end.

Be more involved in my involvements.
ha ha I like that title. I belong to a bunch of groups. I slack sometimes. I've got to stop and step up to the plate. I have to be social and put myself out there. That's all there is to it.

Finish the rest of the stuff on my To Do list
I have a google docs to do list. I've had it since 2007. It should get done already!

Ok that's pretty much it. Ten things are more than enough. The end.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Not Much

I don't have much to write about the Inauguration.

I didn't go. I don't have a touching photo of the people around me watching it, all teary-eyed, or a picture of me and Jamaal celebrating the moment, lol. I didn't go somewhere special where everyone had on Obama shirts and was eating chili (apparently one of his favorite foods that was served around the city yesterday in his honeor). I watched it at my office, in a small windowless conference room with a bunch of women in their 40's and 50's who didn't like Bush but didn't like Obama because they were Hillary fans. Oh well.

I still managed to find his speech inspiring and his family endearing. Malia taking pictures of her dad while he's giving his inauguration speech in front of nearly two million people - I loved it. I liked the attitude of the speech too. It was basically like "we have MAD SH*T TO DO PEOPLE" and Obama made it clear that some of this work will have to be done by us, the common folk: "That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet."

I also like the pointed criticism of our current state of government. Many thought this was a direct hit to George Dubya, but personally, I think it should be interpreted as a hit to the crappy leadership that has plagued Washington for years, and both Democrats, Republicans, Independents and those that don't care fall into this category: "On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics." Word.

I liked this too: "As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.......We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you." Grrrrrr. It's stuff like that that makes me really damn proud to be an American. Gobama!


While I like this strong stance, I found that Obama made a very important point when he said this as well: "Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint" and "know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more." This has been an issue that has plagued me for a long time when it comes to America and her policies. I felt like our world image and reputation was on a serious decline, not just because of Iraq, but for many other reasons as well, including the simple ignorance of human suffering in places the were, for whatever reason, deemed "not important enough" by our leaders. I hope Obama is as ready to lead as he says he is, but I am actually optimistic about our future as a world leader. It makes me hope that we can help places like the Congo and Zimbabwe, help people in slums, people who are cold and hungry and destitute because their governments or the non-existence of government in their homeland is making sure that they stay that way.

Of course the economy, healthcare and homeland security are important to me, of course, but the environment and social justice/equality at home and abroad have always been forefront in my list of ideals and it is those ideals that led be to Obama. I was most inspired by hearing this yesterday: "To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it." To me, that phrase was the real "Yes We Can" moment of the speech. It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. Actually, it really wasn't any sunshine and lollipops, more a gritty and determined list of crap we've got to accomplish together, but that bit about branching out, helping others, stopping the plunder of resources from poor and suffering nations, halting our indifference - it really served as re-inspiration for saving the world. I really think we can do it. I really do.

Finally, the most important point in the entire speech:

"For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies."

Stop waiting for the government to do stuff for you - get out there and do it for yourself. Take some responsibility for your life.

Blah. That's enough from me. I think the real thrill already happened for me during the election. That was the tear-inducing moment, when Charlie Gibson called the election back in November. I was moved to see Michelle Obama look so proud as she held the Lincoln Bible under her husband's hand, and to see the little Obamas take in the whole scene, and I very much enjoyed the Inauguration speech, but the emotional reaction to it all was long over. I was all "Ok people, let's get to work, there is no time for partying!!!" Heh. Oh, and Aretha Franklin? You are too damn old, LOL. I know half the press was calling her "An American Treasure" but I seriously wanted to cover my ears. By the second verse I didn't know what the HELL she was singing. Oh, but Beyonce actually did a fantastic job at whatever ball she was singing at (I can't keep them straight to save my life). That was wonderful. And I sometimes doubt Beyonce's talent (I love her madly, but you know), but last night she was fantastic. (Oh and I hate to single out Aretha cause she's old and doing well considering some more harsh criticisms: I didn't like the poet or the benediction either, lol. I missed the beginning minister, so despite his apparent "anti-gay" status, I can't comment on him, hahahah. Here's who I liked: Obama. The quartet with Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, Anthony McGill and Gabriela Montero. Perhaps it is my congregationalist tendencies or my simple New England upbringing, but I find "Simple Gifts" a most beautiful and moving pieces of music. I also liked Beyonce, and the little kid's dancing behind Will.I.Am, but I'm not so sure I liked all of Will.I.Am's performance, and I am a HUGE fan of his "Yes We Can" video. Ummm. Oh and I turned off the TV when Mary J. came on screeching. I love her, but I had a mad headache. Ooooh yeah, and Alicia Keys looke HAWT.)

Anywho. Other than that I have no real news. I bought a wedding dress this weekend which was awesome. It's sort of anticlimatic though because you go to the store, try it on, the people you're with are like 'OH MY GOD IT'S SO PRETTY' but other than that, no one else is too into it. I mean, I don't expect people to like, drop what they're doing and go apesh*t cause I bought a dress, but besides the engagement, this is the first "big thing" to get accomplished. I guess I sort of lumped it into the same category as the engagement, and I shouldn't have, because now I'm like, weirdly sad. Ugh. This weekend we're supposed to go look at one of the reception places I had in mind. I'm not so sure my other half is into it, so this brings up a lot of guilt and regret blah blah blah, but the appointment has been made so we'll just have to see how it goes. Maybe it will be a hit and everyone will leave happy. My dress would look perfect there, LOL.

*edited to add: I have read a lot of criticisms about the First Lady's shoe choice yesterday. Everyone is all "yellow and green? ew"
I think Stacey and Clinton (WNTW) would be proud!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I linked to this blog today through another blog which I had linked to through another blog, etc.
Anywho, I love reading Kenyan blogs because it gives me this teeny little bit of a feeling of still being connected to what is happening over there, NOT the big news stories, but the seemingly dumb and insignificant sh8t that completely dominated our lives when we were over there. My fellow students and I used to laugh - it's really not all AIDS and's whether or not you could get a Tusker baridi at that bar or whether sign-language man would corner you at the bar in Kimana or whether the lady with the sweets would be a the market in Oloitokitok so you could buy some damn HobNobs.

That's probably why I find this reflection on Kenyan public restrooms rather hilarious. I can't remember any that were particularly "awash" though I do recall I'd go just about anywhere if I was intoxicated enough, which in social situations away from school, I often was. Though I will admit in national parks or other seemingly unpopulated areas where it was deemed appropriate/acceptable/wildlife free enough to piss outside, I often took that option, much to the delight one day of some children around Kiserian-way who stumbled upon a mzungu lady with her skirt hiked up in the bushes. I had to let them observe as they did not speak enough english or me speak enough swahili to get them to go away (without being rude - "shoo" and "go away" are things you say to dogs, not people!) and reassured myself that their mindful watching probably had a scientific basis to it all.

I remember taking pictures of some of the bathrooms I visited and showing my friends back here in America. I remember a couple of people looking at this and saying "but it's a hole in the ground"

To which I replied "I didn't take pictures of the ones that were holes in the ground."

Actually a pit choo, or a long drop or whatever, is seriously not that bad. Some of them even have guides on where to put your feet. As for a place to put your purse, I did like Aunt Elinore taught me "When you're worried about your purse, put it around your neck." Of course she meant in situations where you were nervous about being robbed, but I feel like the advice is pretty universal to all purse situations. A lot of the bathrooms are dark too. Sometimes I took these moments for a bit of quiet introspection, a minute away from the chaos of whatever was happening outside. I mean, if it didn't smell too bad that is.

I think the trick to navigating the public restrooms of Kenya is just to be prepared. Have some tissues, be ready to use your balance, have a bag you can put around your neck, have some purell, and be ready to pee outside if necessary. That's all. If you keep those things in mind, you'll probably have a fine old time and save yourself the trouble of looking for the bathroom Jane Seymour used to conduct lady business (read following post).

Here's the post from Rafiki Kenya:

"Awash in human effluvia"

The Bathroom Diaries lets you search through lists of more than 12,000 bathrooms all around the world. Each entry gives the restroom stars for cleanliness, safety, accessibility, aesthetics, facilities etc.

I was quite amused to find the following entry on the Nairobi page of the site:
Modern Green Day and Night Bar, Latema Road
Rating: Horrible
Hours: 24 hours
Gender: long drop
Fee: Free
Comments: May have had running water at one time. Virtually awash in human effluvia. Whilst labeled gender specific, in actual fact men, women and ?? all come and go as they please. Also used for sex by the resident prostitutes. Quite simply, the most disgusting toilets I've ever had the misfortune to encounter.
Although this may look funny at first, it does not really portray a good image about Kenya, does it? Fortunately, there is also a restroom in Kenya which is rated as excellent, namely the one at the Norfolk Hotel:
Norfolk Hotel, near the University
Rating: Excellent
Hours: 24 hours
Gender: Western
Fee: Free
Details: clean, safe, celebrity sightings: Jane Seymour (Dr. Quinn) was seen using this restroom.
Comments: The Norfolk is one of the main stopping points for tour groups heading out to the game preserves. The restrooms are just beyond the main desk. Just walk in like you are staying and you'll be fine.
If you happen to find another excellent washroom in Kenya, feel free to add it. It could help rebuild our image abroad while giving fellow Kenyans some good tips.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Remember yesterday's ominous feelings?!
THIS HAPPENED. Right across the highway from my mother's office.
Weirdly coincidental.

Anyways, I have nothing to write really. Oh, except I was thinking today that the bonus discs you get with DVD's are really kind of pointless. It's cool to watch the bonus materials of Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy like, once. But it's not like you're going to be sitting at your house at 10pm Saturday night looking for a good time and think "Oh! Oh there's one I haven't watched in a while, the bonus disc of The Royal Tenenbaums, yes brilliant!!" It's kind of a waste of space. Besides, couldn't they fit them on the flipside of the disc or something?
I dunno. That's my thought process at 6am.

Also, it is 12F here or -11.11 for all you Celsius fans. I think that is just a bit obscene. Though it's just this type of weather I'm talking about when I tell people "I love living in New England because it gets so cold in the winter that by the time it's spring and summer you have forgotten the awesomeness of warmth, then summer gets so hot you forget the awesomeness of a blanket of snow."
Note I never said "I like the cold"
BRR! Luckily I am in my semi-warm office with handwarmers and a scarf on, so I'm good. And off to clean my disgusting desk off with clorox wipes. Woohoo another fun day at the office!

Monday, January 12, 2009

If I Only Read 10 Books in 2008

We-ell I'm getting over the ominous stuff. Weird Monday-ness.
Anyways, here's the book round up for 2008. If I had only read 10 books it would've been these 10. Some of them were award-winning and eloquent, but some were teen romance-y books that were just fantastic because I got so involved in the alternate universe that I almost missed my train stop. No lie.
Here goes:
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
I loved this story of family, loss, and the struggle to be something different. The prose is vivid - I could *see* Central Square, their first apartment, even India.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
This end-of-the-world story is one of the most disturbing books I've ever read in my ENTIRE LIFE. Seriously messed up. I'm glad I read it nevertheless. The story is fascinating - how did McCarthy come up with this sh*t? I liked the sparse dialogue between father and son and found it very believable. I don't know if I could ever see the movie though. Ugh.
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
This was an inspirational non-fiction piece that focused on educating children, women in particular, in the far reaches of Pakistan. The goal of Mortenson is to end fundamentalism and cultural misunderstanding to foster peace and learning and tolerance throughout Pakistan and the world. I thought his attitude and outlook were refreshing and inspirational.
The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan
This book chronicled the Dustbowl. My grandparents are too young to really remember this, which makes a book like this invaluable to generations who weren't living in this era. It's also a pretty serious look back at how crappily we treated the environment and how it had its revenge. Sooo not funny. No, Sarah Palin, that Global Warming is for real!
An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks
This is the weirdest book - a compilation of all of the strange "brain cases" Sacks dealt with throughout his career, like the brilliant doctor with Tourette's or the blind guy whose sight was restored and hated every second of it....or the guy who joined a cult and then had an untreated brain tumor and had terrible terrible weird amnesia. It was frickin' fascinating.
Love in the Driest Season by Neely Tucker
Books about Zimbabwe are pretty much automatically going to be sad. This was very sad, but had such a message of hope worked into it. It was also a fascinating account of the struggle of international adoption in Africa - the mixed-race couple thing being factored in there added a whole new aspect to it too.
Whatever You Do, Don't Run by Peter Allison
This book was hilarious. True tales from a Botswana safari guide. If you read this, you will want to go to Botswana. Actually, you'll probably want to quit your job, move to Botswana and become a safari guide. I did!
Brother, I'm Dying by Edwidge Danticat
I've read fiction by Edwidge before, but none of her nonfiction and certainly nothing so personal. This is the story of her uncle as well as her childhood in Haiti. The book also discusses her uncle's experiences visiting the US from Haiti as well as his treatment as a foreigner seeking political asylum. It's positively heartbreaking yet completely free of self pity.
Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan
Ha, another disturbing book. This is a collection of short stories that deal with human trafficking throughout Africa. It made me beyond sad, but I think it's very important to be aware of these types of issues - especially in Africa, a continent to which so many of us turn a blind eye.
Twilight by Stephanie Meyers
CANDY FOR MY BRAIN. I'm not gonna make any excuses. This is good teen deliciousness. I ate it up, then I ate up the next three in the series, and then I saw the movie twice. These will be the type of books I'll pick up again and again when I want to delve back into the drama of an entirely inappropriate romance. Yummm.

Well that's that. Forgive my crapass book synopses. It's the end of a long day :) I am off to go home, work out, and then have a FAT cocktail. Made it through another Monday!


I have had Feelings lately that a Very Bad Thing is about to happen. I can't put a finger on it, except to say that it's not going to happen to me...
It's weird.

On Friday I woke up and had that feeling - so much that I almost called in sick. I didn't want to be in the city at all, I wanted to stay home in the 'burbs and watch the birds at my birdfeeder all day and be away from the world.

On my way to work MedFlight had to land and transport someone who had been hit by a stolen car in Holbrook. The car stealer died. The Abington ambulance passed me to get to Belcher St in Holbrook because the Holbrook ambulance was tied up at the car stealing/medflight scene. Ominous.

Then in the afternoon, leaving work after a 3 hour meeting to have a cocktail with a friend, police EVERYWHERE. It seemed like every Boston officer was in the LMA, blocking streets, directing traffic. My bus got through to Huntington, and then this.

I think it might just be me. But maybe not. I'm not too worried, cause like I said, this ominous ideation has nothing to do with me directly except in the sense that I am feeling it. I hope I am wrong. Maybe I'm just annoyed by the girl I'm sharing a project with who won't let things go and who is nervous about everything all the time. Or maybe I just feel squidgy after reading a new favorite blog and reading how a man in Tanzania went out into his field and disappeared. No one could find him. My Kenyan friend Maraka said to me once "In Africa, people just disappear." Weird.

This is a weird post.
I am going to give platelets and to get myself a little bit of optimism...
11:17 edited to add
I failed my hemoglobin test - perhaps this is the extent of ominous events for today and I am being dramatic...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

'08 In Pictures

You know, looking back on 2008 in pictures really puts a more positive spin on things. I am an optimist by nature, but this year had me down...a lot. I won't lie. There was my cousin Catherine's illness and death which descended out of nowhere and came as a shock. There was my father's work drama, which culminated in his sudden retirement. There was the sudden realization that one of my grad school classes wouldn't count, and having to take on an insane course load, never really knowing if I'd make it. My grandma fell flat on her face, then had a series of health issues that scared the crap out of us. People we knew died. I was tired, sleepless, anxious, hating my job....but.....

...then there was everything else. While the above things were big and overpowering and always managed to overshadow something, there were the other things that were joyous and happy, life events to be celebrated, and even small seemingly insignificant moments of beauty and tiny self-satisfying accomplishments. There were births and marriages and engagements and graduations and knitted shawls, pancakes, and birds. The big and the little, all put together to make a pretty damn good year. I'm so glad I stopped to reflect, because really? It was pretty fantastic.

What I did in 2008 (in no particular order):

voted for change

was skurry

rooted for the predator (who lost this one)

found a one-eyed squirrel

learned what it's like to cook in fine ceramic bakeware

rooted for my team (and heckled the enemy)

was overwhelmed by history (George Washington stood here!)

felt the love

fell down

found happiness out in nature

found beauty in the small simple things

experienced complete and utter peace all alone

fell in love with birds again and again and again

celebrated change

was reminded why I love this place

got a new perspective

celebrated more marriage


drove a boat

cooked some happy

acted stupid

kicked ass and took names

was inspired

wanted to quit (but didn't! I didn't!)

had a bruise - a big one

did I mention loving birds?

watched the snow


went to an opera recital and felt proud of my friend

rang in the new year in typical sisterly fashion

held someone brand new

explored new places

made something mini to share

witnessed a wedding

found someone who agreed on my views of graduate degree education

celebrated second chances

hung out with my Smith gallies

made something for myself

got glasses

cross stitched advice I need to learn to take

felt loved

felt like a patriot

got engaged


baked fancy

fed the birds

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Ringing in 2009

I am coming up with a photographic post that really captures the essence of 2008. I'm also trying to do a quick book roundup too, so I can start adding on the books of 2009 - I already have 3 to add thanks to Stephanie Meyers, LOL.

I only have this to write. I talked a bit about the sleeping issues with Jamaal. He didn't really have too much to say about it, but he was reassuring and comforting and it helped to get them off my back. We talked about it a couple night ago again, and since then, the anxiety, the loneliness...well, it's started to recede a bit, and that's really really good. It's weird, I seem to wobble between these weird highs and lows. Nothing uncontrollable, but it's odd nonetheless, though none too surprising given the state of flux my life and freakin' finances are in at night (yeah I'm being a loser and worrying about money, which is so un-me, but I owe the dentist 600, my dad 150, and tomorrow need to make a 225 loan payment....there's two weeks salary *gulp*)

So last night Amy and I went to re-see Twilight, and I loved it even more the second time around. It's not the greatest movie ever made, obviously, and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would mock me for loving it, but seriously, it is like candy for my brain, and I have a sweet tooth, and Twilight is just the type of thing that satisfies it. Now that I've completed the series I think I appreciated it even more and have managed to get over the whole weirdness of Edward's makeup in the movie, though I do hope they work on that for New Moon.....So ok, my point. I got home from Twilight around midnight, and of course could not sleep, which kinda sucked, but I pranced around my room for a bit, cleaned up a teensy bit, fed the birds, etc, paced back and forth a bunch, pranced some more, and finally leapt into bed. I turned on the TV, but stupid crap was on, so I turned it off....then I started thinking about happy things....then it turned to me making up stories in my head, which I think I've probably done since I was a little kid. Before I knew it the scene in my head became a dream, and I fell into this blissful deep sleep in which I didn't so much as roll over since I woke up the next morning and nothing had changed or moved. Mnnnn it felt sooooooo gooooooooood.

Of course then I rolled over and saw I had overslept by 2 hours. ugh.
Oh well.

Photos next time....I really bitched about 08 but it wasn't so bad. A lot of big changes, both good and bad. I told Jamaal my wish for 09 is peace and quiet. No drama. No funerals. No life-changing negative events. That'd be so sweet.
"Stupid Lamb"
"Sick, masochistic Lion"
O, delicious delicious Twilight.