feelin' weary

today's post is going to be brief for real.

I am studying for a genetics exam, and I have to pass it. In fact, I would like to get an 80, which would bring my not so lustrous grade up to a not that much more lustrous grade, but one that might actually have the sheen of tarnished silver rather than one that has the glow of cement or concrete. Yeah.

It's frustrating that I am even in genetics. I'm bad at it yeah, but yesterday in talking with my advisor (not the person who forced me to take genetics upon my admission to grad school) he basically implied with my work background, I should have been able to do a project to prove my molecular bio worthiness. This made me sad because not only does it make me feel as though I'm wasting time, taking an undergrad course when I could be taking a grad course and be 1/4 done with my degree, but I'm also wasting about $4,000 to do something that I'm really bad at and I hate. I guess I have to look at it from the perspective pointed out to me by a bookclub member: you're an adult, this is what we do, things that we don't think we have to, things that we don't want to.

Actually, what pisses me off most about genetics is my own ability not to grasp the concepts and excel at it. I'm not used to failing. Oh believe me, it's totally happened before (cough cough physics final 32% what? ) It's just that I didn't anticipate failing this completely. Of course, I should try to be optimistic, there's tomorrow's test and there's the final. There's time to bring the grade up. I can do it, I think, grrr. Another thing that pisses me off is that if you really think about it, genetics is pretty f*cking mind blowing. I sit in class and think "my cells know automatically that they need to make DNA to replicate. And the enzymes know where they need to go to do this. Then they know that they need to make RNA, and all of those enzymes know where to go. Then the RNA's know they need to move out of the nucleus into the cytoplasm to make proteins, and all those nucleotides know they need to be in a special order to be translated into proteins. Chemicals in my body know what to do when making DNA and they get to the end of the chromosome. They know how to end DNA synthesis without messing up. My cells know how to fix mistakes. My body is smart. Why isn't my brain??!!"

I guess if I get anything out of this class, at least I will have a renewed appreciation of the human body's intelligent design (which is not to say I believe in the intelligent design theory, just that whoever designed this biatch, whether it be God or the aliens, or maybe there's a single celled bacteria out there I owe this all to, who knows, frickin' KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.) So I learned that. And I got to watch a LOT of pretty videos. Sweet.