Today

I made a "To Do" list with a perfect proportions, about 3/4 dedicated to work, 1/4 dedicated to personal life that can be completed during lunch and after work.

Have I started any of it?
NO

Have I wasted time looking at faery weddings?
YES

In other news:
I am pleased to announce that I summoned the tech savvy brain cells that are few and far between to come together in a moment of brilliance to restore my 5,000 missing pictures.
I restored all 24,000 files in my recycle bin.
Hells yeah. I have spent the last 4 or 5 days (a blur) picking through the tens of thousands of files to fetch my pic files and burn them on to disc. It's freaking tedious as hell but glorious getting them back.

Here's the uber weird thing: All kinds of sh*t is on there...except something I'm looking for in particular. Now I know enough to know that when you delete something, it's still on your drive but basically marked as available for overwriting. My instinct is to say "f*ck it, these files were overwritten by something else" but what makes no sense is that I have every file in and around the date on which these pics were taken and nothing. I don't even have the pics I deleted from the original pic upload, the ones I deleted before making a folder. How weird is that? It's not a huge big tragic deal that they're gone, it's no one's wedding or anything, but I am missing stuff like this:



and this:



and this little chicken:



So you see, nothing major or significant, but stuff I'd love to have back.
I'll try again tonight, but then might have to write it all off. Ohhhh well.

Off to tackle the to do list...

I adore..

..this wedding
..this decorating scheme for our reception site (with modifications)
..these earrings
..new babies

I do not like:

being so scattered I can't accomplish anything: nothing wedding, nothing work, nothing in life.

It's so frustrating!

Swine and Cheese Party

First off - is it rude to put a "Please Knock" sign on our office door?
There is this one doctor here who thinks he has the right to barge in whenever the spirit moves him. It pisses me off. I think if it were any other doctor it would bother me significantly less, but because it's him and I know him well-ish and I know he's an a-hole, I want to get all passive aggressive on his ass and put up a sign. Ugh, why do I even care really? It's all quite ridiculous.

I probably shouldn't even bother. I should probably wait until someone is hired to sit at the desk he's always rummaging through (apparently there are files in a cabinet here, left behind by a nearly fired coworker, that he needs access to). Then when he comes in someone can be all "Excuse me?! What are you doing?" Heh. I think another irksome factor is that he just walked in here with an intern telling him what he needed done over the summer and was like 'Oh just come in here and do xyz blah blah." Not without knocking, you shifty bastard!

You can tell I am in a somewhat feisty mood today. It is partly fueled by last week's exposure to H1N1 aka "Swine Flu." My coworker, who has been reprimanded once before for coming to work sick and contagious, decided that she needed to come to work to finish a certain task despite the fact that she had been coughing and sneezing and flu-like for the past week. We found out on Friday that she had a pathologically confirmed case of swine flu. This didn't leave me running for the hills or preparing a will or anything like that, but I did wonder about the implications for my other coworker and myself, given our close proximity to the six one (me, six inches, her six feet or so). Turns out I had to take a 10 day prophylactic course of tamiflu.

We-ell that's all well and good, especially since it was free at the hospital pharmacy, given the work-related exposure, but it has some foul side effects. I won't go into the long boring details, but I have thrown up in my mouth four times. EWWW.

I was willing to accept my punishment if it meant a week of Mxxxxxx not sitting next to me being irritating. HOWEVER, I walk into my office today and there she is, sitting pretty at her computer. I said "Oh good morning" She says "Good morning." I say "I take it you didn't have swine flu. Thank goodness, that Tamiflu sh*t is messing up my stomach." "Oh no," she clarifies, "I had it. I'm just better now. How'd you know I had it anyways?"

UM. BECAUSE YOU WORK IN A F*CKING CANCER HOSPITAL WITH SICK PEOPLE AND THE DPH MAKES DR'S REPORT IT!
OMG!
And because of it's pandemic proportions (i.e. spreadability) we had to take the proper precautions not to infect the entire hospital, which means tamiflu prophylaxis and calling in the second we feel sick. Gosh.

I said "I am on Tamiflu for 10 days and I was told I had to sterilize my workspace!"

Her reply "Oh.....sorry...."

OMG I wanted to hit her. It's not that I thought I would die from the swine flu, or even catch it, it's simply the blatant disregard for the health of those around you. It's selfish and it's ignorant behavior. I somehow managed to be nice about sending her home, which I have no authority to actually do, but pretended I did. "And email health services before you come back to be cleared" I yelled after her.

SO there's my day today. I'm thinking I might get one of those swine flu warning signs to go with the "please knock" sign.

No one would probably pay attention anyways, though...

There are three parts to this:

One part heart attack
One part beautiful lovely amazing perfection
One part sensible

I'm not sure what I'd do. But this site has really given me something to think about. Take a peek at the glorious photos. I see me and Jamaal tramping around on a beach or me sitting on a tree limb and imagine the awesomeness. I also see me hyperventilating. And I also see me irrationally preserving my wedding dress, having no one wear it, and giving it to my grandkids to play with because that's the only thing it will be good for by that point.....

Sigh.

And then I look at pictures like this and think it's a great idea all over again. Hmmm. What to do?
eta: apparently there is a lot of drama surrounding "trash the dress" because if you trash the dress it can't be donated to charity, etc. Here it is, I'm admitting it: I'm not donating my dress. It's awesome that people do, but I'm not. I've donated bridesmaid dresses and prom dresses that I hope have gone on to live happy lives and make girls positively glow with loveliness on their prom night. But my wedding dress? Sorry, I'm being selfish and keeping the thing, no matter if I "trash it" (and truly trash it is not my style, I'm not the dance in paint and throw my body on a canvas type girl, I'm the "do something I wouldn't have done on the big day cause beads might fall off" girl, LOL) or if it ends up in the back of my closet wrapped in plastic. There it is. The end.

When things work out

Don't you just love it when things work out?

I mentioned that my neighbor has leukemia, right? He's four and is in his second week of an inpatient chemo stint at Children's. I went over to visit last week and found him doing alright (his parents probably in worse shape!) but wanted to check in again. Last week there were about six or seven visitors in the room, and I know after the initial admission visits can taper off.

Besides that, we women (mother, sister, me) had gathered a parcel of gifts to deliver to the sick one, because the best way we know how to help is providing the sick one with material goods, lol. So many hospitals ban flowers and plants and latex these days (understandably) that little gifties are so much better, nevermind hospital "legal."

My sister got two awesome activity books, a lego one and a paper airplane making one, my mother bought a pile of books, some classic children's books (Ricki Tikki Tembo, etc) and activity books and I made a quilt. Actually I made two quilts, one for our little inpatient, and one for his brother. They were pretty easy to make, and I didn't want older brother feeling too left out. Plus the quilts were "I Spy" quilts (pictures soon), so this way, they could actually play "I Spy" together with their own blankets. Hurrah!

Now I can make a quilt up without too much trouble, but I totally admit to being a "lazy" quilter when it comes to finishing. Since I'm so often down to the wire with a gift quilt, the "put the right sides together and flip it out" method is the one I most often utilize, followed by tying, which I admittedly abhor. I don't finish the tops (too scary) and I never bind! I know, slacker!

We-ell I was looking at a particularly awesome quilt my cousin made me for a graduation gift and noticed that she doesn't use batting (partly responsible for my finishing hatred), and instead of a cotton backing, used flannel. I thought about it; warm cozy blanket, not too heavy, easy to put together, and maybe I could even manage to sew the top.

Because it was 1 am when I finally finished these quilts, I did indeed choose the slacker option of sewing the quilt up, right sides together, and turning them inside out....what I did manage to do, however, was sew the top down, because I hate tying (think I mentioned that) and I didn't want the quilt to be too slidey.

Here are the results (I apologize for the craptastic pics):
Here's the first quilt. I love the set up of small and large blocks.
Here are some closeups:As soon as my little neighbor opened the gift he and his mom started playing I spy. It made me happy...

Even though he's home from the hospital now, childhood leukemia patients have anywhere from 24-36 months of treatment ahead of them. I hope that these quilts will be companions during those long days in the pediatric clinic at the cancer hospital. Maybe it will even brighten other kid's days....I can only hope it does.

Eyetwitch

Reasons why my eye is twitching.

1. Got a work email about preparing a timeline for the BOD packets, adjusting cancer guidelines from last year to this, and talking to statistician about what's going to be removed from benchmarking and concordance. The whole email made me go "hunh?" The lovely kicker at the bottom was "Alison (spelled wrong, ugh) tell me if you need help."
Uh yeah. But way to make it obvious.

2. I really want to invite the neighbors to our wedding. This is for a lot of reasons: they're awesome, they're fun, we never get to celebrate fun stuff - we only get together when an elderly neighbor dies, I swear....plus with my next door neighbor's having a little one with leukemia, in a year and a couple months, we might need the break, and I just plain like them. I told Jam "I'd rather invite them than....certain other....um, blood relations, if you will. Yeah, well this is proof that my cell phone is effing tapped because who friends me on facebook today? Yes. You guessed it. Oh well. Hopefully everyone will make the guest list cut.

3. Got an email from theknot.com reminding me that in exactly 16 months, we'll be getting married. This made me exuberantly happy for about 5 seconds. Then the reality of the situation and the complete lack of planning set in. Everyone says not to panic, that there's still a TON of time, and while this is true, I said that when I got the "18 months to go" email, and that seemed like yesterday.

Whew. When did this turn into a list blog? And a full of complaints blog? Oh wait, it's always been complainy. LOL.

Anyways, I have to go figure out that BOD thing (I'm thinking this means "Board of Directors"). Ooh though quick update on the hard drive, I wrote a nasty review at Amazon. Especially when I found out that if I send back the drive a refund is not guaranteed because I can't find the packing slip. Guess that fantasy of me throwing it out of my bedroom window may ust be a reality. Hot.

ALSO. I am sooo making Jamaal do this with me: Crane Chandelier
How fun/special/awesome/crafty is that?

I actually think origami may play a small role at the wedding, as a way to save cashmoney and also make church decorating more simple. Since we're getting hitched out of state but not at the reception site, I staked out a non-denominational chapel at a local university campus that allows us to get married there with our own clergy member. While we can decorate as we like, we also have to clean up every trace that we were ever there, and I don't want bridesmaids and groomsmen lingering about trying to get everything cleaned up before the reception. I would like an aisle runner with a Beatles-inspired quotation (as it will be John Lennon's bday, and my whole family has special Beatles love, as does one of the bridesmaids), maybe some candles at the altar, but I thought THESE would add a special decorative element to the church without being expensive or cumbersome. The last person out of the pew could grab it too. Obviously bigger, and not with recycled maps....
We shall see...

Officially Dead This Week:

1. swordtail fish (dropsy, caught too late :{ )
2. external hard drive (refuse to pay $500-2600 to liberate files)
f*ck.

More Dead Birds, More Wedding

Oh this week. It's been a bit weird and hectic.

Let's see:

This week my little four year old neighbor was diagnosd with leukemia. Um, that was a bit of a shock. I think he'll be ok, but still, it's a pretty messed up situation, considering he was having a water fight with his brother in the front yard on Saturday. Plus it happened sooo fast. Saturday: leg pain, Sunday: bruising, Monday: Dr's, bone marrow bx, Tuesday: diagnosis - leukemia. It's crazy. They have a friend who works here (in fundraising...whatever) who's offered to help out so I think I'll just tell them whatever they need done, just ask. It makes you think though. Nevermind feel utterly helpless. Stupid cancer.

Then on that very same day, my father and I went for a glorious paddle in our kayaks. It was really just lovely. We started in the Indianhead River and paddled to the North River, which probably sounds impressive but really isn't at all. There were sunshine and birds everywhere. Sigh. When we got home we put our kayaks behind the shed, not sure when we'd have them out next. As we were getting ready to go inside my dad turned and looked and said "Oh my God. A bird. Allison, it's a bird." Then his voice went up a pitch, something I'm not used to hearing ever really and he said "It's the catbird, you have to help it, quick quick!!" See the catbirds have been nesting in our yard every summer since we moved there, so even though over the 17 years it's been different birds, we're attached. Besides, how can you not love a catbird? They're so sweet and charismatic and strike me as quite intelligent. Anyways, I got over to the bird and saw that it was in serious trouble. It was standing with its wings splayed and at first I thought it just had a broken wing, but then it flopped to its side. It couldn't even hold its head up. This is, as far as I know, pretty much the worst thing you can see an injured bird do. When they won't even hold their head up. I said "Oh dad, there's nothing I can do, something very bad is wrong with him." I pet the bird for a bit, then picked it up, and it died right in my hand. WTF. We were going to put him in the bird graveyard, but I told my father that we should let nature take its course with this one, as one birds misfortune could be a jackpot for another animal family foraging for food. It still sucked though. We couldn't see anything wrong with it from the outside, so I'm not sure what killed it. I'm not worried about bird salmonella now that we've eliminated our feeders and groundwaste. I dunno. Sigh.

To sort of rid myself from lingering feelings of ominousness and disease and death, I decided to do something happy. I began a wedding gift registry. Hurrah! Now Jamaal once revealed, much to my absolute horror, that he would prefer only money as gifts. I finally convinced him that putting that on an invite is the number 1 tackiest thing you can do. You can put sequins and feathers and sh*t on there and it would still be LESS tacky than putting "monetary gifts only." Gah, I SHUDDER. And I am pleased to say that all the etiquette gurus agree *smiles smugly* BESIDES a wedding is really the only time you can ask for specific gifts! And having attended many a wedding, I personally don't find registries offensive (I guess some people don't like to be told what to buy). I think they're a godsend, especially when you don't see a person that often or know what their decor is like. Soooo I started a registry. It was actually started for the sole purpose of entering a $4,000 gift card giveaway to Crate and Barrel, but since I was probably going to strongarm Jamaal into registering there anyways, I figured, why not? I only have a set of pans, a mixer, and some cake and loaf pans on there, but putting gifts on a registry gave me a giddy happy feeling :D Of course the rest is really going to have to wait til we find a place to live and til we get closer to the wedding. There's no use in registering for too much now, as it may be discontinued by the time we get hitched!

So that lifted my spirits significantly :)

Oh. I have no pictures to go with this post, I'm sad to say. My external hard drive, which held all of my pictures, crashed on Sunday. Sooo it is hopefully being repaired....I say hopefully because the computer guys have yet to call me with a clear prognosis. We'll see I guess!

It's Been a While

Oh Lordy, I haven't posted in for-ev.
It's been a busy couple of weeks. Plus there's been stuff going on.

Firstly, my dear fiance graduated! OK, actually, this is only in theory. He still has some things to take care of, like a couple more credits, but he walked with the class and received his empty diploma folder (poor guy lol). By the fall he'll have the real thing....and hopefully a job to go along with that nifty new degree.

Graduation day was really fantastic - the weather worked out beautifully and the campus looked just gorgeous, though Babson is lovely no matter the season it seems. Jam's commencement speaker was the first blind person to summit Everest, and though he rambled a bit at the end, the speech was inspirational and at times even hilarious. More importantly Jam's parents and sister and friends were all able to gather to watch him cross the stage. Hurrah! Of course Jamaal being Jamaal he brought the experience to a whole new level, waving to the crowd as he made his way to the stage. It was very him, LOL. Afterwards we had a fantastic dinner at the Metro 9 Steakhouse.

Last weekend I went off to Smith to my 5th Reunion and everything about it was lovely and fantastic. I loved staying on campus, and a dear friend and I shared what may have been the best room in the house....certainly with one of the best views on campus! There was great company, good food, shopping, even some leg-waxing thrown in there. Hee. I think one of my favorite moments was the alumnae parade, when all the alums who've gathered for Reunion march to a central location to listen to the president speak and the Alumnae Association president speak about fundraising, etc. We line up according to class year, with the youngest group in front and the oldest in the back. A marching band begins in the back of the line and marches through the two columns of alumnae, like a sock turning inside out (which is what we were told as students lol). This way the oldest alumnae end up in the front of the parade and get to pass through all of the other alumnae, who cheer for them with gusto. The women wave like celebrities...or comment on "how young we are" (which is what someone from the 15-year reunion class said....we were like 'um and you're only 37.....'). It's great fun. Later that night, the campus is strung with lanterns. This year the college swapped out old Chinese paper lanterns with real flame for LED-powered fabric lanterns that are fire, wind and weather-proof. It took a bit of adjusting as we were all in love with "the old way" but it wasn't too bad. The LED lights aren't quite as aesthetically pleasing, BUT the fact that Illumination Night can happen despite wind and weather is a bonus to me, as our commencement weekend illumination was cut short by a storm.

Whenever I return to Northampton I am reminded of Wester Mass's general awesomeness. It's so beautiful, especially when you get a stretch of weather like we did, clear, sunny and 80 the whole four days. Noho is a fabulous artsy community, full of shops and amazing restaurants. I could've gorged myself the whole weekend, but somehow held back. I didn't shop as much as I planned to either, but that's ok. I got a few trinkets here and there and purchased a diploma frame as well, and that left me feeling sufficiently poor enough to hold back on more ridiculousness (though I SHOULD have bought that cosmetic bag at Essentials dammit!).

Of course despite Northampton's awesomeness, I'm not sure it'd be the same returning there without my ladies. It's hard going back and appreciating things without someone who has a similar experience - I'm not saying that Jamaal, for instance, would not LOVE Northampton, but he doesn't have the allegiance to it that we Smithies do. Like my sister has mad love for Fredericksburg, where she went to school. I LOVED visiting, and I think she loved visiting Northampton, but it is noooot exaaactly the same. I did really miss a lot of the ladies who lived in Hubbard with us though - some '04's couldn't make it and it wasn't a reunion year for many of our Hubbard friends, but we still managed to have a good time and quite often raised a glass to those who couldn't join us!

The time since Reunion has been spent catching up with life and work and the like. Wednesday was a pretty low point, as my little Lucy-bird died. She was my evil, but mostly sweet...when she wanted to be, parakeet that had been struggling with a fatty tumor disease since I adopted her 3 1/2 years ago. We knew she only had a little time left due to her behavior last weekend, but regardless, the death of a pet is something that kind of kills your week, you know? There are two heartening things about her passing though: 1. she is out of pain and is not suffering, which is always something to be grateful for....2. her cagemate Charlie Brown, who was a gentleman to the end, preening her though she was very sick, seems liberated. At night when things are quiet, he definitely looks for Lucy, but the rest of the time, he plays with his toys (Lucy never let him do that) and he sings and eats in peace. While I miss poor Lucy, I can only feel happy for Charlie B., finally getting a chance at life :)Lucy in foreground, CB behind her. That's pretty much how the relationship went....

In other news, I am anxious and stressed about wedding things after a work conversation I had. Jam is trying to be a comfort by telling me to ignore my coworker's judgments and pessimism, and also telling me that married people are only trying to be helpful when administering advice, unsolicited or not. I feel bad because he is on the receiving end on the majority of my complaints, but I think that he gets that as a guy, his friends arent' going to be like, "dude, you should totally go with candles on the tables instead of flowers" whereas I get ALL KINDS OF INPUT from everyone to my mother, who is just trying to be lovely and helpful, to the lady who does my eyebrows, who I've met ONCE. Ugh. I try to be patient with people and just smile and say thank you, because a lot of the advice is legit fantastic and I'm grateful for it, as I am grateful for the inspiration, ideas, offers of help, etc. I am GRATEFUL. That being said, I am also tired of talking about the wedding. Meh. And if my coworkers tell me one more time that Jam will never move up here, that we'll never live in the same state and that they'll believe the wedding when they see it, I may scream.


This is how I feel about wedding planning and unsolicited advice!!

Ok rant over. I actually have a very peaceful and lovely weekend planned before the madness of June starts. I plan on getting ahead with my crafting, and even do some stealth wedding planning. Maybe even kayak....depending on the cooperation of our difficult New England weather. Anyways, after this ranty bit, I am looking forward to a peaceful couple of days...oh and I think homemade guacamole may be worked into the situation as well. OH and the MARTHA F*CKING STEWART ENCYCLOPEDIA OF CRAFTS! It arrived yesterday. I rubbed it all over my body. Oh and f*cking isn't really in the name, I'm using to emphasize the pure unadulterated awesomeness of this book. It's even alphabetized. OMG. It made me all tingly.


Thank you for reading my boringness :P


I am off to read my book club book while falling asleep. Whilst falling asleep. Can I use whilst? Am I allowed? It's just so lovely.....

Wedding Biz

So I got another one of those emails from OurWeddingDay.com. You know, one of those "you have done no work whatsoever and your wedding day is 1 year, 5 months and 2 days away."
OY.

Some of it sooo doesn't bother me. I was talking to my hairdresser about planning. We agreed that about 80% of the planning cannot be done before the year mark. But then we agreed that the stuff I could have done now, should be settled sooner rather than later. Um, like the church and minister. Kinda important. And the guest list and timing issues. I haven't done it. Hmm.

The nice thing was is that he totally validated the bridesmaid idea, the let's pick one color and have everyone choose a style. He was like 'THANK GOD FOR THAT!' I laughed and asked why he was so emphatic and he told me of a nightmarish wedding he did hair for last summer where the bridesmaids were dressed in floor-length salmon-colored halter dresses. He was like "Ok, honestly, the color sucked. It looked good on one person. But the thing that totally killed it was that the maids were all shapes sizes and skin tones. If the bride had just let them pick the style it would've made a world of difference." The other wedding he did featured lots of turquoise, but he pointed out that choosing a body-type-appropriate maids dress saved the wedding party. So at least that's set. Guess I should probably ask the bridal party formally. Tee hee.

Another thing - I 'trol the wedding blogs regularly, particularly on days like today, where I am grossly overtired, kinda cranky and desperate to stay awake. I looked at one site that is hashing out nail color. This bride is thinking red. I LOVE IT. Don't get me wrong, I adore a nice french manicure (and fake nails) but the truth is in the days marching up to our wedding date, I'm going to be doing a lot of physical sh*t with my hands. They're going to take a beating. One solution would be to get a set of acrylic, but I'm not sure that's my style. I had them for a while and totally loved it....but...what I really want to do is file my nails super-short, sligtly square and rock It's a Doozi, Says Suzi on both toes and fingies.

Especially since a few friends said that I "had to" get a french manicure and one woman at a nail salon said that brides come in there "with all sorts of ideas" but she always always always puts Essie Ballet Slippers on their nails because it's "soft, feminine and bridal" ummm so I have never encountered a masculine nail polish, and what is wrong with red? It rocks. Of course I'll be destined to change my mind about a billion times before the big day, and maybe It's a Doozi will look sh*tty with my dress, but I am sticking to the red I think. I just love it. Love the idea. Plus for a fall wedding I think it would stand out even less.

Ok enough musing for the day. Back to work I go!

Hair

One of my favorite movies of all time....probably my absolute number one favorite movie of all time, is "Out of Africa." Yes, I know it celebrates colonialism and the British stronghold on Africa, and through that the general oppression of black by white, but:

it's awesome. And romantic. And tragic and sad and heartwarming. And utterly devastating. And completely quote-worthy. And my friend David Livingstone Otieno is in it for brief second and that makes me magically happy.

I've only been able to watch it once the whole way through since returning from my four-month stint studying abroad, now six years ago. It evokes intense memories, and while they are almost all good and rich and full of life, they hurt, because I don't know when, if ever, I will get back there, and even if I do, it will never be the same. I was a tourist when I was there, but I was a tourist who lived there. Someone said to me "you can't say you've lived in a place til you've had to shop in a grocery store or pay a bill or go to the bank." I did all of those things, and a lot. I was happy, sad, laughed, cried, got drunk, got injured, threw up, peed in the bush, ate African dust, hugged Kenyan babies, went to church, went to villages, went to marketplaces all while in Kenya; I lived there, more so than I can say for other places where I have spent much more time. I am fairly sure I will never be able to embed myself in a country in that way again. I can't be sure though, and maybe it's that that keeps me going.

While it's hard to sit through the movie, I'm downloading it on iTunes (or trying, it's taking days). I need to get over whatever emotional block I have about watching it and just do it. Something today reminded me of a scene from the movie, thus provoking this topsy-turvy post where I have yet to get to the point. Here it is!

Today I went to get my hair done and had a particularly talented hair-washer-lady. She was a-maz-ing. I leaned back and relaxed for what seemed like the first time in days (I've done something foul to my back, so sitting and standing both suck, but reclining gently was AWESOME.) I kept thinking how having someone else wash your hair is one of the most luxurious things EVER. Yeah, I like a hot stone massage, and appreciate them because I can't do that to myself...I love manis and pedis because I do a bad job. Shampooing isn't exactly something that you need talent to do, and I rarely give it a second thought as I am either exhausted from the days events or still in a haze of sleep when this cleansing ritual occurs in the shower. Having someone else take over is pure heaven.

When "Out of Africa" was being filmed, Sydney Pollack wanted Robert Redford's character, Denys Finch-Hatton, to do something romantic for Meryl Streep's character, Karen Blixen, while on safari. I imagine they went through the host of possibilities, but then someone came up with washing her hair. At this point in the movie, the two have had basically no physical contact, and the hairwashing scene turns out to be intensely romantic and intimate. Of course it's en plein air, with a waterfall and hippos in the background, in the middle of the Mara. And of course Denys is reciting part of the 'Rime of the Ancient Mariner' to Karen, a favorite poem of mine, ending with an especially great stanza:
"Farewell, farewell ! but this I tell
To thee, thou Wedding-Guest !
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man and bird and beast. "
It's pretty damn perfect. Kind of even swoon-worthy. You see that on Karen's face at the end of the scene. Tah-rust me.

I used to think of this often when I was studying abroad. To be honest, I didn't wash my hair a ton, lol. The showers were cold water only, and it was much easier to crouch by the faucet and just douse yourself here and there rather than let your back get wet. We all lamented the moment where you have to face the water, or rather, back into the water, and let the bone-chilling cold hit your back - ugh. I used to think about how nice it would be to find someone who would wash my hair and recite Coleridge to me, but truth be told, there was no one near as sexy as Robert Redford in my program, oh God no, and I think while I may have convinced one of the Kenyan men to give it a go ;) it ultimately would've landed me in a bad situation, or they would've thought it was too ridiculous to even fathom. I was stuck with my cold showers.

It's nice that now that I'm home I can indulge in a shampoo at the salon every once in a while. There may not be hippos, it may not be Kenya, but it is still incredibly delicious. It's not like I can exactly complain.

Ornithologically Yours

It's spring migraa-aaa-aaaation TIME!
ACK!
My favorite time of the year. Mostly because it is the true sign that summer is coming, yet it's not yet hot and sticky and humidy here in New England.

Yesterday I did a bit of community service with my dad as we joined the great river cleanup in our area. It was the first time my dad would be out and about in his new kayak.

We decided to launch from a local site - normally we drive a few towns away and launch from the mouth of the North/South River, but yesterday we thought we'd try something new. Of course the day started badly....my dear father would not listen to my suggestion on loading the kayaks on the roof of my Subaru (something I've done totally on my own for two years now) and he knocked my boat off the roof. It fell on the grass, but knocked his kayak off balance, falling on the opposite side of the car, the driveway/stonewall side. Instead of trying to steady the kayak on the roof as it slipped, my dad tried to be a superhero and rush to my aid. Ummmm, unless you're Superman, it's not happening, you won't make it to me before my kayak fall. Soooo yes, disaster strikes, the kayak falls on top of him, pushing him to the driveway, and landing on the concrete stonewall. I hear a giant "F*CK" and expect to see a blood-soaked father emerge from below my car. Luckily he was unhurt, the kayak only scratched, and my car only mildly wounded, sans driver's side miror. Oh welllllll. I guess it's good I'm pretty c'est la vie when it comes to cars. What can you do really? Replace the thing and move on. I mean if it kept me from driving I would probably be pisssssed, but I can make it to the train and back without a mirror.

By the time we made it to the canoe launch it was an hour later than the official start time, but it was cool. We met up with a guy with trash bags and were off. Of course it was all I could do to focus on trash and not birds, though most of the trash I focused on was the bird-unfriendly, like fishing line and bobbers and the like. Despite the trash here and there, carried upriver by the tide, the place was a hidden paradise. Unlike the North River, this river is not boat accessible, but just deep enough for canoes and kayaks. It was wide open in some places and surrounded by trees in others, and there was no one else out there, making me feel like we were explorers seeing a place for the first time. It's corny I know, but it was a strong feeling I've rarely felt elsewhere. Kenya maybe. Alaska a teeny little bit - but to find this feeling so close to home? Awesome.

There were hundreds of red-winged blackbirds. We also saw yellow warblers in abundance, several eastern kingbirds, several great blue herons, comorants, an osprey, a rose-breasted grosbeak, a couple of orioles and a common yellowthroat. I'm sure I'm forgetting some as well, and since it wasn't a bird-watching mission, there are species I missed. Next time....this is going to be my new spot:
We came home and relaxed for a while. I cleaned a ton and then took a shower. As I was rubbing lotion all over my naked body, I saw a flash of red go by the window. HOLY CRAP! A scarlet tanager was taking a bath in a puddle left over from car washing in the driveway. I scrambled for my camera, shot a few pics outside the window, then scrambled for a robe and rushed outside. I flew by Jamaal fishwrangling on the couch. He looked at me like "what the HELL are you doing?" uhhhh just taking a picture dear. I got some shots in, but couldn't find my doubler, so they weren't particularly awesome. They're great to me though :)

I then proceeded to have kind of a lousy night. Dinner was fantastic, as I went out with Jam and Amy to a great Asian restaurant. Something disagreed with my stomach in the most foul manner though and let's just say, I spent a looong time in the bathroom. The pain and nausea was so bad I wasn't sure what was even wrong with me. It made me cry and it sucked. I started to wonder if I had something heinous like a bowel obstruction but...yeah, nothing was obstructed (EW). Amy and I are pretty sure I have a nasty food allergy to something in the lettuce wraps - last time I ate at Asian C I threw up afterwards, and everyone blamed it on the alcohol, even though I only had one drink...that time I had also had a mix of food, but it's just too much of a coincidence to have gastrointestinal distress again! b8tches.

Jam was a sweetie and gave me the bed, but I was up early this morning, still queasy as hell. It paid off though because I decided to go sit under a tree in the yard and focus on a small area of the yard. I saw a TON of birds! It was such a productive hour. I don't have any photos because I wanted to try and focus on species ID, and I think that paid off. Here's the roundup:

random seagull
ruby-throated hummingbird
downy woodpecker
northern flicker
eastern kingbird (a first for our yard)
tufted titmouse
black-capped chickadee
house wren
american robin
gray catbird
nashville warbler (a first for me AND our yard and total awesomeness)
yellow-rumped warbler
black and white warbler
common yellowthroat (pure awesomeness, plus he got sooo close)
northern cardinal
american tree sparrow
chipping sparrow
american goldfinch

Eighteen species and all I did was sit on my bum at the base of tree? not to friggin' bad in my opinion. I kind of want to wake up early every day this week and bird before work. It's sad that that can get me out of bed at 6am but work actually wouldn't. ha ha ha. There are some hazards to birding though; during "greet your neighbor" time at church the guy behind me picked an inch-worm out of my hair. LOL. Nature rules.

ETA: def saw a nashville warbler, confirmed that today - also I HEARD a northern parula yesterday but didn't see one......I will track it down.

Unamusing When the Alarm Is Going Off in Five Hours and Twenty Minutes

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Last night at Babson, Jam and I were roused by the fire alarm. Was I totally asleep? No. Was I seriously thinking about it? Yes. But then I had to get up, find a fleece, put on non-see-through pants over my jammies (btw we knew at least our part of the building wasn't burning, thus the taking time to put on pants. Otherwise I would have no qualms about running out nekkid). Then I sat on a stonewall outside the exec conference center and watched the firemen assess the situation. I figured it would be ok when the hook and ladder sped off campus with lights and sirens blaring, going to a "real call." Needless to say 5:20 came around obscenely early, but Jam gave me 20 extra minutes (awesomeness). Plus it's freakin' glorious out! I thought it was supposed to rain forever! It's sunny and nice and the birds are singing and the trees are blooming - can't complain too much ;)

H1N1 and How I'm Over It

I was hoping that the stupid swine flu outbreak would not affect my college reunion plans (could I be anymore selfish, seriously?!) and luckily I learned today that it shouldn't.

I feel bad for everyone who has suffered a case of the flu or even died from it. The flu sucks. I've had regular old flu four times in my life and have never been so miserable. And I've had norovirus, people - 24 hours of vomiting still can't compare to four days of sustained 102+ fever, the freaking PAIN of your blood cells exploding inside your body, the aches, the heat. Yuck. Flu is gross.

All that being said, I would like to point out an issue that one of my favorite African bloggers brought up: malaria kills millions of people each year.

Another fact I learned at book club from the famous Rainy: One in six women in Liberia will die in childbirth or from childbearing complications. One in f*cking SIX.

Yes, swine flu and its pandemic proportions is worrisome. The way it spreads (unlike malaria and pregnancy, for example) are totally scary. To think you could hop on a plane and hop off with swine flu is freaky. But it's hard for me to get all up in arms about swine flu when there's other sh*t, preventable sh*t, killing people everyday.

That is all. I have no other point except to complain...

I Got Tagged and Totally Missed It :P

I caught up with a blog friend (acquaintance? stranger? pal? LOL) and she tagged me in a meme forever ago, but because I hadn't read any blogs in forever, I totally missed out. I am in need of a little break at the moment, so I'm going to go for it. Yay!

8 Things I’m Looking Forward To

1. This weekend and its busy-ness - visiting with the fiance, Ducks Unlimited dinner (dork!), kayaking for the first time and cleaning up a local waterway, Mother's Day and catching up with the fam.
2. Smith Reunion Weekend
3. Going up to the island in NH
4. Jamaal finally moving up here and us finding a place to live
5. Planning some wedding stuff (also dorky...)
6. Reading some new books
7. Finally using a Christmas gift certificate to get my eyebrows done at a fancy place
8. Becoming more organized at home and work

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Worked
2. Lifted weights
3. Cast-on a baby dress
4. Semi-cleaned my room
5. Fed the birds some lettuce
6. Caught the 5:00 train by rushing insanely through the subway/South Station (felt accomplished)
7. Finished re-reading the sixth book in "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" series
8. Had a panic attack :( (Have I blogged about these? How I'm remembering this nightmare I have weeks ago and every time I have a vivid memory of the nightmare it triggers a panic attack? It's sh*tty as hell. Ironically it only happens when I am alone. It's weird and totally annoying and kinda scary. And I hate it. They're fading though, as the memory of the dream fades, which is good at least).

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Get on top of things at work (snooooze I know) It could really earn me the respect I need to do my job well. I'll keep trying.
2. Finish my project backlog
3. GET A KITTEN
4. Help Jamaal find a job so he can move up here...and buy me a kitten.
5. Design knitted garments.
6. Find the perfect job in the conservation biology field....or at least a great volunteer opportunity that jives with my work schedule.
7. Find my sister an awesome job so she is happy and makes more money so she can tell the bank that laid her off to "SUCK IT"
8. Shop irresponsibly for clothes and makeup/body products to redo my wardrobe. LOL.

8 Shows I Watch

1. LOST
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. ANTM
4. Ugly Betty
5. Gossip Girl
6. Animal Cops/Precinct
7. The First 48
8. What Not to Wear

8 People I Tag

1. Amy
2. Rachel
3. Alex
4. Jam (in hope he revives his blog)
5. EE (in hopes she revives her blog)
6. I have
7. no more
8. blog friends :P

hmmmfff

I just read online that basically, planning a wedding is the antithesis of feminism.
Wow.
Can't a girl be a strong independent woman and still want to wear a white dress and have a big ol' party?
I understand that's not for everyone. TOTALLY. And I understand people take the wedding day planning and the event itself waaaay waaaay too far and over-the-top.
But.
I can still be a bride and a feminist...and go a little crazy planning out every detail, from diy envelope liners to homemade cookie favors.
Right?
Or are my DIY goals of baking and making the very antithesis of feminism?
Argh.
I am thinking that they're not. Why? Because no one asked me to do this. I decided I wanted to do it. And just because I have skills traditionally thought of as "female" skills, why should I not flaunt my abilities? I GOT MAD SKILLLZZZZ and everyone is going to get to enjoy them. Including me!!
Ok. I feel better now. Phew.

Dos De Mayo

My Saturday, according to Fitday.com:

	Fat 27 %		Carbs 26 %
	Protein 7 %		Alcohol 39 %

My running website says to try and get your fat intake down to about 25% of all caloric intake per day. I don't think they meant balancing it out with five margaritas.....

Speaking of Spice

I said this to my friend in a voicemail last night:
"I thought I'd catch you before I went in for bowling league. Yup, I'm in a bowling league. That's what I've become, that's life after school. After you graduate perhaps you too could join a bowling team."

It made me realize that, as CJane put it, I need to get my spice back.

Bowling league would be awesome if I was legitimately good at bowling and went for more reasons than just to eat the cheesy fries and play Mass Millions (won $3 last night...no one won the big jackpot....I'll let you know). The thing is, I SUCK at bowling, as in bowling a 48 suckage.
meh.

I tried to be spicy last weekend. I went to an alum event in Newton to hear the college archivist talk about photography at Smith. I went from this:


to this:


in an effort to be spicy, and really just came out with slightly less insane hair and not enough makeup to look less tired. Oh well, it didn't really matter because I was about the 5th oldest person out of the group. The median age had to be about 70. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but think I am seeking my spice in the wrong places.

I told Jamaal about this sudden lack of seasoning and at first he laughed and said that it was all a ridiculous notion. I was silent for a long while and then I said "but I'm a slave to my job - I work long hours and stress over it, then I come home, work out if I'm lucky, shove some food in my mouth and fall into bed - what the f*ck happened? I'm 27 damn years old, aren't I supposed to be more interesting?"

You know what he said?
He said "But you bowled tonight"

I flipped. I mean it was funny after, but I was like 'I BOWLED? That's your version of excitement? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Finding a spider in my bed on Sunday night was more exciting!" (and freaky I might add).

I think he figured out what I was talking about finally because he was like "yes I know I know, since I've been in school we haven't done anything, it's true. We used to go out, we used to do stuff when you came down here, but we haven't in a while." Not since I forced him to go to the Statue of Liberty that is, lol. It was hard with us in school - harder for him because he has less flexibility about getting sh*t done. I could do work ahead of time before visiting him unless I had some hideous exam I needed to study for, but he is more "in the moment" with conference calls and group work, etc.

He promised spice when he moves up here (finally. whenever that may be.)

I shouldn't be so down because my life could really blow and it doesn't. It's just surface crap that needs cleaning, organization that needs to happen so I don't have to come home and be bogged down by boring sh*t. It's just that I was particularly complainy yesterday I guess. meh.

Something I did do earlier this week is a little garden photo shoot. You can really see spring happening now, especially with the native plants adapted to this wacky climate:

I also got this totally rad scarf in the mail from my RSE 3 partner.


I noticed how wackadoodle my front teeth look. Damn retainer, I should've worn it like I was told. uhhhhwell.

Alright I'm off to prepare for my big conference call. I feel less nervous about it, an improvement over last month. Sigh. Then I might try and find some spiciness...I will probably just end up watching ANTM in my pj's though, LOL

Because Turkey is the Spice of Life

And certainly makes spring more delicious ;)

Taken at BWH(ospital)

Delicious Spring

This morning I woke up with the windows open. It's the first time since last summer that it's been warm enough to do that...and I have to wait til it's quite warm because of the creatures with which I cohabitate (the birdies cannot have a draft blowing on them). Waking up to the morning sounds and a warm breeze is really the most pleasant way to wake up, I think, and I am not a morning person.

The sunlight and the air put me in such a great mood this morning too. The commuter rail seemed to glide over the tracks on its way to Boston; I looked out the window at the marshy areas in Weymouth and Braintree (I have learned that the left side of the train is the good side). I paused during my re-reading of Kalahari Typing School for Men to check for the lone Canada Goose and the set of turtles on the "turtle log" in a swampy bit before the Braintree T stop.

Once I got on the shuttle bus, I became reabsorbed in my book, but stashed it away when we crossed over Huntington. The trees near the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, Simmons and the Fens are blooming and look gorgeous. The leaves are just starting to come out. I really do love spring.

Whenever this change of season happens, I can't help but to think of Kenya. I was there from January to May and yes, there was the marked change between "the dry" and "the wet" but other than that, there was no way to mark the passage of time. As much as my heart sometimes aches from missing Africa, I know that deep down I am a New Englander who requires my year to have four distinct seasons. I feel somewhat unhinged without them. As glorious as Kenya is in both dry and wet, the warmth, the flowers, the birds, there is something truly delicious about New England, Boston, in particular, clawing its way through the grey and brown end of winter to emerge colorful and lush in the spring. Of course by August we'll all be bitching about the heat, the scorched lawns and wilted flowers, but for now, we're reveling in all of April's spring tidings and May's potential. We're soaking up the warm rays of the sun (with SPF 45 on) and thinking "This....this was just what I needed."

Give me a few days and I assure you that I will return to the harried, overworked cranky yankee I normall am ;-) For now though, I'm going to go outside and smell the tulips.

Today I...

1. Drank too much beer during lunch
2. Wasted time in the BWH gift shop with my coworkers
3. Ate a cupcake
4. Knit
5. Enjoyed Life
6. Walked in the sunshine


Today I did NOT
1. do much work
2. have a headache

I see a very very suspicious pattern here....

Greetings from Slackertonville

Well I promised to do this list of 27 things I'd like to do before I turn 28....of course that was about a week ago. Let me tell you, work and life have not allowed me a second thought about being 27 - which is not bad, I'm not complaining or anything, but I just haven't had the time I expected for deep personal reflection.

The weekend flew by and I didn't do too much....which is actually frustrating because I had goals for this weekend dammit. That's not to say I didn't do anything - on Saturday I drove out to Northampton to go to tea and it was so much fun. I needed it. Of course I felt like ass because I think I have an ear infection (boo) but the amazingness of being back at school, back in our old house full of memories was just fantastic. The house smelled the same, looked pretty much the same (some cleaner furniture) - I realized how much a part of my life Hubbard really was/is. I guess what most people remember from college might be the parties or the classes or the town where they went to school - obviously I remember all of those and fondly, but the memories that have really stuck have been house memories. Probably because so many of us were embedded into house life.

Sunday was the day I wasted, lying in bed, going to storage for the migration of the clothes, and poking around Whole Foods and AC Moore. Huge timesuck day.

Monday I volunteered with my sister at the marathon. We worked at the cancer hospital's tent and let me tell you, it was freakin' inspirational. I've been to the marathon live a couple times but never as an "adult" and as someone who has completed a half-marathon and has a concept of exacty how freakin hard 26.2 actually IS. I so admire the people running for charity - there are so many, 100's for the cancer hospital alone. Amazing! My favorite part was ringing a cowbell on the sidelines screaming at the top of my lungs for the runners. I have a loud-ass voice too, so I got a great response from a lot of the runners. Some of them acknowledged with the eyes, too tired or too focused to respond, which I totally understand, but others flashed a thumbs-up or high-fived. I also found a friend from college and friend from high school and went buckwild as they ran by - they flashed huge smiles as they made their way to the top of the hill. Badass. Today I opened the paper where the Globe listed the full results of yesterday's race and for some reason I went to the end - the last person in took 7+ hours to run the race. I wish I had been there to give her a high-five. While we all love watching the elite runners kickass, the woman who came in dead last has BALLS, man. How many times did she want to quit? Probably a lot....but she didn't. She crossed that finish line and she is awesome for doing it.

Ok so the weekend wasn't a bust. It was pretty great actually. But in terms of getting shit done, it didn't happen, and one of those items that I really wanted to do was make my 27 list. Most of the times I am anti- "lists of things to do before xyz." For example, I don't have a "bucket list" because I have this irrational fear that if I complete everything on my bucket list, I'll die. I mean I get that it's inevitable and all and since I'm the type of person who piles on tasks to to do lists with reckless abandon, I probably will never complete my bucket list, but still....I think all the blog reading I've been doing lately has pushed me to get out there and be a little more adventurous....and has certainly delivered a swift kick in the ass in terms of prioritizing family and friends and good times above the dumb sh*t (work, judgements, boring crap, time-wasting) I realized that I've become a bit dull. It's not a huge problem, and I'm not worried about it yet, but I'm thinking it's time to add a little spice - and what's wrong with writing it down? Life is short....ridiculously so....and I have to enjoy it dammit!
So. Here goes:

27 Things I Want to Do Before I'm 28:

1. Go somewhere new and somewhat faraway
2. Make a superfluous and ridiculous cake for no reason
3. Finish my running excel file bird life list (uber DORK!)
4. Make a blurb photo book
5. Run the Boston Marathon*
6. Take more photos of everything, especially people
7. Become insanely and enviously organized
8. Finish a long-abandoned craft project (under the sea cross stitch? sr year calligraphy project?)
9. FTDS and move in with Jamaal, opinions and judgements be damned
10. Memorize a poem. Or two.
11. Set the bar higher at work- I'm not organized, I'm not putting in 100%, and that makes me sad
12. GET OUT OF DEBT DAMMIT, ALLISON!
13. Spend more quality time with Jamaal. We hardly have any down time or time to do fun things beyond go out to dinner. I want to do fun stuff for a change (not that food isn't fun, but you know). I want to do photo-worthy things.
14. See a Red Sox game LIVE (bonus points for a stadium other than Fenway!)
15. Skip work, even if just for a day, to do something furtive and fun, like go to the beach. ooooh the indulgence!
16. Have the wedding planned out almost to completion so I enjoy the day
17. Take advantage of what Boston has to offer (restaurants, museums, shows etc)
18. Help more people and animals. I donate platelets and all, but it's kind of removed from the situation.
19. Bird watch more - see five new species! (neeerrrddd alert)
20. Take better care of my skin (beyond sunscreen, I don't do much of anything)
21. Chillax more. I am overbooked always, and feel guilty when I don't want to go to something, but have nothing to do otherwise. Have to stop feeling guilty too.
22. Conquer a fear (this will be the hardest thing on the list!)
23. Reduce that knitting stash!
24. Visit the Mapparium
25. Reconnect with someone
26. Spend more time in my kayak taking in the world.
27. Make a five-course dinner for me and Jamaal. I don't even know what those five courses would be really, but it's the kind of thing you hear in movies, and I'm gonna do it!


There it is. There's the list. I'll check in next year and see how I've done. For now, I'm heading home!


*This will be on April 19, 2010, technically 3 days after my 28th birthday, but I think you'll all cut me a break

Stuff today, Stuff tomorrow

Today I bought myself some bday gifts.

Normally I'm not all "oooh it's my BIRTHDAY I must buy myself lots of presents" usually it's more like 'oh I have been lusting after this one item for many months, now I shall use the excuse of my birthday and the check from my grandparents to purchase it' (*coughcoughdigitalrebelxticoughcough*). Anywho.

Today I decided to be frivolous. Well maybe not frivilous because I can use everything I bought, but I threw care and budgetary concerns to the wind. Plus I had a coupon, lol.

I bought myself new headphones because I broke mine. I actually already owned these headphones, but they lasted a year before they were busted. I bought them again because they were only $10 and they freakin' rock. If I had to spend $10 a year for them I might, simply because they come with different sized earbuds. I had been rocking your generic "comes with ipod" headphones and I dunno if my ears are oddly sized or shaped, but those b*tches killed. These are GREAT. I guess jlb makes fancier ones that are $40, but they only got mediocre reviews. I may as well get the ones that I love for a quarter of that and try to treat them a bit nicer in hopes they last. I tried them out today by listening to 'i am trying to break your heart' with my eyes closed. Seven minutes straight. It rocked. I felt relaxed and happy and now I won't have to listen to "man with high-pitched girlish laughter who sneezes a lot" and "loud man" on the train anymore. yyyyaaayyy.

Then I went to Sephora (coupon). I got this awesome hair sample there a while ago and I just dug it up recently and used it. It's fantastic. I went to pick up the full size, some more Hope in a Jar, some fresh face wash and some newer nicer-smelling body wash....and of course get my free bday gift, three mini glosses. Not too shabby.

I love unwrapping new stuff like this. It's Hope in a Jar, and it was so perfect and smooth and white....is it really hope in a jar? ha.

Then I went to Target to buy a new pillow. I left my old one at Babson, and it's really the lamest thing ever that I never called them to see if they have it. It's just that with work being what it is and my days being long, the thought of trekking there was so daunting that I let it go. Yeah, it was my favorite pillow. It was also stained an ungodly color and disintegrating. I did a "Oh I'm not going to buy a new one when Jam and I are going to move in together and buy new stuff" blah blah, but it was really gross and it should've been tossed a long time ago. The thing is that it was pure latex, and you can't find that sh*t anymore (not cheaply at least). No I don't want down, I don't want cotton, I don't want bamboo, and I don't want friggin' memory foam. I want plain old bad for the environment, weird smelling pure latex. It was not to be. I bought an extra firm Target pillow for 9.99 with a special gusset for side sleepers. I hope it doesn't disappoint, but I have very low expectations:
**edited to add: The pillow rocked my world. Seriously. I can't even tell you how freakin' comfy it was. I was lying in bed thinking "why did I not do this years agooo......" but then the thought ended because I fell asleep and slept like a rock an hour past my alarm clock. ha ha ha. Might have to chuck my other three pillows and get another one of these!**

I also bought bday candy. Birthday sour patch kids (gone) and birthday chocolate (saving). I have to say after giving up candy for lent, eating it again has been anticlimatic and disappointing. I think I might pretty much quit it altogether. There's no point, no secret thrill. Sigh. Oh well. Maybe I should try healthy food again, for the thrill...

Also, I had Lily out for a long while. He likes it and it makes him happy. How do I know? He will compose 20 minutes worth of whistling songs to tell me so. Then he settles into his "comfy mode" (last pic) and grinds his beak (sign of contentment in birds).

In other news, I've been addicted to this blog lately. I dare you to read it and not cry. It's so f*cking sad I can't even begin to tell you. But it's amazing. I'm not being very eloquent here, but basically it's f*cking sad, but it would be as amazing as it is if it weren't and it sucks that the blog ever had to be invented in the first place, but what this guy has shared with all of us is so beautiful and heartbreaking that I think the world is a better place for it. Read it without crying I DARE YOU. If my coworkers are reading this, yeah, that's what I was doing with all the tissues this morning - it wasn't allergies, it was me dabbing at my eyes.

So Matt's blog got me thinking about how damn fragile life is....I worry about so much ridiculous dumb sh*t it's not even funny and I take so much for granted. Like on Monday as I trudged into work I was thinking "ugh I'd rather be anywhere but here." Then I caught myself. I work at a damn cancer hospital, how do I think the patients and families feel about being here?! I was like "b8tch. get to work. stop complaining." It's good that I can self-administer reality check/dope slaps when needed. Seriously though, I've been thinking a lot about the future and how Jam and I will just need to treasure every moment together because you never know what sort of f*cked up thing might happen.
Therefore I have been compiling a list for my kids. It is short 'cause I don't have any yet, but here goes:

I. Things I will never make my kids do that I had to do as a kid
1. Eat pork chops, pork loin, pork anything. iiiiiiiiick

II. Things I will let my kids do that I wasn't allowed to
1. Decorate the whole driveway with sidewalk chalk (my dad was type a about the driveway,
(lol).

III. Things I got to do as a kid that I want my kids to be able to do
1. Travel with family all over the country (it rocked, happiest memories ever)
2. Go to summer camp and run wild
3. Go out in the backyard and run wild
4. Go to college, study abroad, etc
5. Be an innocent kid for as long as possible
(I like that this list is the longest)

IV. Things that my parents didn't make me do that I WILL make my kids do
1. recycle
2. practice an instrument/language if they choose to take it up. my biggest regret is that my
parents weren't hardasses about this, at least til I was old enough to make up my own mind!

I know when it comes down to it I'm just going to want to give them a loving home where they are safe and happy. But I might print out this list as a reminder. Especially part IV. I'll tap it and say "stop, turn, walk back to the piano and practice my little darling." ha ha ha. Ok maybe not. We'll see.......

Ok that's it for today...tonight....gotta go call Jamaal, tell him how much I loooove him because I don't do it enough.

Today's Random Thoughts

1. A No-Go: I receive Martha Stewart's near-daily craft email. Today's email contained instructions for making paper peonies out of recycled paper. Since I'm yearning for spring and always feel the need to be keeping busy with something crafty, I thought 'yes, peonies sound fun and delightful, plus these are made with recycled paper. Brilliant, Martha, brilliant.'
Then I saw that it took 16 steps to make them and required obscure ingredients (ok obscure to me) such as "silpat" and "pearlized medium" and would also require a blender. Cancel paper peonies.

2. Allergy Season: I am stuffy, sneezy, cough-y, and eye-watery. But my claritin that I put out on a legal pad this morning is gone, so I must've taken it.

3. Slackeration: I have artfully avoided doing work for the past 3 hours (except for work emails). Time to take a blogging break and get some real sh*t done.

4. No Organizational Skillz: I am so beyond scattered right now in EVERYTHING it's not even FUNNY. Total lack of organization and plan. Every day is waking up, struggle to keep head above water, get home, eat, crash. The problem is that I've been maintaining this since my promotion, and pretty much pulling it off. My work and social activities increased exponentially when promotion occurred (not that the two are related in any way, ha ha) and I'm drifting along. I think the reason for the acceptance of drifting is that I haven't actually forgotten anything yet, like an important meeting or a hard to schedule appointment...if that had happened I may actually have my sh*t together...instead I make my meetings and appointments and let everything else go to hell. It's a "I look together on the outside, but on the inside....disaster" situation. I think I will take a personal day tomorrow or work from home in an effort to pull sh*t together. Oh, and to go to the eye doctor. I thought earlier this month I'd be able to do the eye dr and then work, but then I remembered that the eye doctor 1. dilates my eyes and 2. runs at least an hour late. By the time the eye situation is good enough for me to drive to the train, it will be noon or so, getting me to the city at 1:30. And then what is the point really? Maybe I should take my dad up on his ride offer, cause then I'd be home around 11 and be able to put in a solid day's work. hmmm.

5. Shafted by a Minister: Jam and I asked my minister if he'd marry us. He went "uuhhhhheeeeeeuuummmmmmmwellllllllll. I don't know. Let me think about it." Heh? It'd be easier if he'd just have said "No." He's moving this summer and that's part of it. All the other reasons why not I'm really kinda unclear about. My coworker said "You can find a minister everywhere." I wanted to say something uber snarky about Catholicism and generic weddings, but I bit my tongue (and normally I'm not a bitch like that about religion, because I'm cool with whatever people want to be/believe in/wedding style preference, but she routinely lorded Catholicism over my head when she worked right next to me, so it was hard to keep it in......I know BITCHY and EVIL. That's me.) sigh. We have backups, but I think it'd be rude to ask them (one of whom is the associate pastor at my church) and then have the regular minister say "yes" after all and have us either drop the back-up and make them feel like they were our second choice OR tell the minister that we don't need him after all, making him feel like he didn't really matter. Dang. If any ministers are reading this, cut the bride some slack: don't say "maybe" just say "no!" ah!

6. When People Change Their Minds: I signed up to volunteer for the marathon. When I did this it was all so casual "show up at 10" "plenty of parking" "just bring yourself." Well well welllll. This has turned into "show up at 7:30 if you want parking, otherwise good luck" "bring five chairs, a cooler with ice, and a shade tent" and "you'll have to stay til the roads open at 3:30" WTF? I mean whatever, I signed up, I'm not about to back out, but seriously, put that sh*t in the job description so you don't surprise people the week before, because that is super-crappy. What sounded like awesome funness is quickly starting to sound like more trouble than it's worth. They better have some damn good free t-shirts.

7. But You Have WAY More Skills and Are More Talented Than Me Times Ten: I got this email from a fellow alum that was like "hi I saw that you're a project manager on the alum web site and would love to talk to you about it because I'm trying to break into that field" Coooool I think. Then I see this woman is a 2000 grad...ummmm...and that she attached her resume. She has FIVE more years work experience than me and a ton of previous management experience. Seriously, she has a frickin' rock star resume. I can't even pretend to be badass. I'm going to have to tell her that my lowly position only oversees 7 people who don't even work in the same state as I do, and that I basically have no power. I'm going to enjoy the flattery til tomorrow morning though, just so ya know.

8. Le Pig: I ate an entire box of Special K red berries today (though to be fair, this did include two meals, breakfast and dinner. still though). This tells me one of two things: 1. I am a pig determined to gain 20 lbs by my wedding 2. I am not sufficiently meeting my body's nutritional needs. I am really hoping it's 2. Tomorrow, during "get sh*t together" day, I am going to address this problem, as well as the fact that I haven't trained for my 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks (ok I was really sick though, cough, could not breathe). I can't go through a box of red berries a day, no matter how delicious it may be.

9. Epiglottis Malfunction: I choked, really choked for the first time yesterday. It freaked me the f*ck out, I will tell you that much. I was munching on a roasted potato and laughed and inhaled. It happened so fast I didn't even get that I was choking, that the freaking potato was OBSTRUCTING my windpipe and I had stopped breathing. Then I got this really weird dizzy out of body experience feeling (hi dumbass, that'd be you running out of oxygen) and I noticed my grandfather staring at me with his hand on the arm of his chair (parent/grandparent body language for "will I need to spring up from my seat and give you the heimlich or are you going to breathe?") and I managed a cough. Actually it was a really foul gag cough barf noise, which no one really seemed to notice, since I've been hacking up my pleura on a regular basis for the last two weeks....it was the desperate inhale that caught everyone's attention. I got up from the table because I thought I was going to barf, but I didn't, thankfully. A lot of coughing helped, plus a glass of water. Jesus, though, that was some scary sh*t.

10. Twenty-seven (late 20's!): My birthday is on Thursday (woooo). I am somewhat indifferent about it, not because I am anti-bday, but because bad stuff always happens on or around that date. To name a few: Waco, Oklahoma City, Columbine High, Virginia Tech...It's pretty much a downer-type day, so I usually do something quiet with my family. I am hoping for some cake though. Not even fancy cake, homemade funfetti cake would be AWESOME. My gift to the world that day will be some platelets. My gift to myself will be.........hmmmm. I don't even know. Oh well one gift will be making a 27 before I'm 28 list. A list of 27 things I want to do before I turn 28. Some will be tasks, some will be fun, some will be boring. But I am a lover of lists.

11. Sugah: My friend who does brain integration therapy suggested that I have a yeast imbalance in my system and that I should stop eating sugar. I was like "GET OUT OF HERE NO" but my tummy was bothering me so badly, I decided to give it a whirl, plus Lent was happening, so it was kind of perfect. Since about 99% of my refined sugar consumption was in the form of delicious candy, I decided the kick candy for Lent. It wasn't even that hard, and I only cheated twice (two mini snickers 2 or 3 gummi worms). My stomach feels a ton better, and I'm sure my teeth are thanking me. Today I bought some candy from the work vending machine, and expected it to taste like a little piece of heaven with a rainbow running through it. I ate it furtively, like the candy police were gonna come and get me. Boo hoo. It did not taste like rainbows. No one gave a sh*t I was eating candy. It wasn't even that good. Dammit, I am over candy.

12. Because What's a Post without OVERSHARING: OK. So this wouldn't happen to any men who might be reading this (yeah right) but girls probably get this.....today I totally forgot it was lady biz time of the month. HOLY CRAP. I had NO warning whatsoever (symptomatically...I mean I have been taking the placebo pills for four or five days lol) and totally went in the bathroom for an innocent pee and thought I had kidney failure. Then I put two and two together and. Well. You get it.

heh. can't believe I just put that in a public space. oh well.

With those 12 things I depart for yet another social activity. I think I am turning into a grouchy old lady because it starts at 7 and that means I won't be home til 10 and I am all "b*tch b*tch b*tch" about it, even though it should be great fun. There's ice cream involved. I better go psych myself up a bit. Til next time....