1. A No-Go: I receive Martha Stewart's near-daily craft email. Today's email contained instructions for making paper peonies out of recycled paper. Since I'm yearning for spring and always feel the need to be keeping busy with something crafty, I thought 'yes, peonies sound fun and delightful, plus these are made with recycled paper. Brilliant, Martha, brilliant.'
Then I saw that it took 16 steps to make them and required obscure ingredients (ok obscure to me) such as "silpat" and "pearlized medium" and would also require a blender. Cancel paper peonies.
2. Allergy Season: I am stuffy, sneezy, cough-y, and eye-watery. But my claritin that I put out on a legal pad this morning is gone, so I must've taken it.
3. Slackeration: I have artfully avoided doing work for the past 3 hours (except for work emails). Time to take a blogging break and get some real sh*t done.
4. No Organizational Skillz: I am so beyond scattered right now in EVERYTHING it's not even FUNNY. Total lack of organization and plan. Every day is waking up, struggle to keep head above water, get home, eat, crash. The problem is that I've been maintaining this since my promotion, and pretty much pulling it off. My work and social activities increased exponentially when promotion occurred (not that the two are related in any way, ha ha) and I'm drifting along. I think the reason for the acceptance of drifting is that I haven't actually forgotten anything yet, like an important meeting or a hard to schedule appointment...if that had happened I may actually have my sh*t together...instead I make my meetings and appointments and let everything else go to hell. It's a "I look together on the outside, but on the inside....disaster" situation. I think I will take a personal day tomorrow or work from home in an effort to pull sh*t together. Oh, and to go to the eye doctor. I thought earlier this month I'd be able to do the eye dr and then work, but then I remembered that the eye doctor 1. dilates my eyes and 2. runs at least an hour late. By the time the eye situation is good enough for me to drive to the train, it will be noon or so, getting me to the city at 1:30. And then what is the point really? Maybe I should take my dad up on his ride offer, cause then I'd be home around 11 and be able to put in a solid day's work. hmmm.
5. Shafted by a Minister: Jam and I asked my minister if he'd marry us. He went "uuhhhhheeeeeeuuummmmmmmwellllllllll. I don't know. Let me think about it." Heh? It'd be easier if he'd just have said "No." He's moving this summer and that's part of it. All the other reasons why not I'm really kinda unclear about. My coworker said "You can find a minister everywhere." I wanted to say something uber snarky about Catholicism and generic weddings, but I bit my tongue (and normally I'm not a bitch like that about religion, because I'm cool with whatever people want to be/believe in/wedding style preference, but she routinely lorded Catholicism over my head when she worked right next to me, so it was hard to keep it in......I know BITCHY and EVIL. That's me.) sigh. We have backups, but I think it'd be rude to ask them (one of whom is the associate pastor at my church) and then have the regular minister say "yes" after all and have us either drop the back-up and make them feel like they were our second choice OR tell the minister that we don't need him after all, making him feel like he didn't really matter. Dang. If any ministers are reading this, cut the bride some slack: don't say "maybe" just say "no!" ah!
6. When People Change Their Minds: I signed up to volunteer for the marathon. When I did this it was all so casual "show up at 10" "plenty of parking" "just bring yourself." Well well welllll. This has turned into "show up at 7:30 if you want parking, otherwise good luck" "bring five chairs, a cooler with ice, and a shade tent" and "you'll have to stay til the roads open at 3:30" WTF? I mean whatever, I signed up, I'm not about to back out, but seriously, put that sh*t in the job description so you don't surprise people the week before, because that is super-crappy. What sounded like awesome funness is quickly starting to sound like more trouble than it's worth. They better have some damn good free t-shirts.
7. But You Have WAY More Skills and Are More Talented Than Me Times Ten: I got this email from a fellow alum that was like "hi I saw that you're a project manager on the alum web site and would love to talk to you about it because I'm trying to break into that field" Coooool I think. Then I see this woman is a 2000 grad...ummmm...and that she attached her resume. She has FIVE more years work experience than me and a ton of previous management experience. Seriously, she has a frickin' rock star resume. I can't even pretend to be badass. I'm going to have to tell her that my lowly position only oversees 7 people who don't even work in the same state as I do, and that I basically have no power. I'm going to enjoy the flattery til tomorrow morning though, just so ya know.
8. Le Pig: I ate an entire box of Special K red berries today (though to be fair, this did include two meals, breakfast and dinner. still though). This tells me one of two things: 1. I am a pig determined to gain 20 lbs by my wedding 2. I am not sufficiently meeting my body's nutritional needs. I am really hoping it's 2. Tomorrow, during "get sh*t together" day, I am going to address this problem, as well as the fact that I haven't trained for my 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks (ok I was really sick though, cough, could not breathe). I can't go through a box of red berries a day, no matter how delicious it may be.
9. Epiglottis Malfunction: I choked, really choked for the first time yesterday. It freaked me the f*ck out, I will tell you that much. I was munching on a roasted potato and laughed and inhaled. It happened so fast I didn't even get that I was choking, that the freaking potato was OBSTRUCTING my windpipe and I had stopped breathing. Then I got this really weird dizzy out of body experience feeling (hi dumbass, that'd be you running out of oxygen) and I noticed my grandfather staring at me with his hand on the arm of his chair (parent/grandparent body language for "will I need to spring up from my seat and give you the heimlich or are you going to breathe?") and I managed a cough. Actually it was a really foul gag cough barf noise, which no one really seemed to notice, since I've been hacking up my pleura on a regular basis for the last two weeks....it was the desperate inhale that caught everyone's attention. I got up from the table because I thought I was going to barf, but I didn't, thankfully. A lot of coughing helped, plus a glass of water. Jesus, though, that was some scary sh*t.
10. Twenty-seven (late 20's!): My birthday is on Thursday (woooo). I am somewhat indifferent about it, not because I am anti-bday, but because bad stuff always happens on or around that date. To name a few: Waco, Oklahoma City, Columbine High, Virginia Tech...It's pretty much a downer-type day, so I usually do something quiet with my family. I am hoping for some cake though. Not even fancy cake, homemade funfetti cake would be AWESOME. My gift to the world that day will be some platelets. My gift to myself will be.........hmmmm. I don't even know. Oh well one gift will be making a 27 before I'm 28 list. A list of 27 things I want to do before I turn 28. Some will be tasks, some will be fun, some will be boring. But I am a lover of lists.
11. Sugah: My friend who does brain integration therapy suggested that I have a yeast imbalance in my system and that I should stop eating sugar. I was like "GET OUT OF HERE NO" but my tummy was bothering me so badly, I decided to give it a whirl, plus Lent was happening, so it was kind of perfect. Since about 99% of my refined sugar consumption was in the form of delicious candy, I decided the kick candy for Lent. It wasn't even that hard, and I only cheated twice (two mini snickers 2 or 3 gummi worms). My stomach feels a ton better, and I'm sure my teeth are thanking me. Today I bought some candy from the work vending machine, and expected it to taste like a little piece of heaven with a rainbow running through it. I ate it furtively, like the candy police were gonna come and get me. Boo hoo. It did not taste like rainbows. No one gave a sh*t I was eating candy. It wasn't even that good. Dammit, I am over candy.
12. Because What's a Post without OVERSHARING: OK. So this wouldn't happen to any men who might be reading this (yeah right) but girls probably get this.....today I totally forgot it was lady biz time of the month. HOLY CRAP. I had NO warning whatsoever (symptomatically...I mean I have been taking the placebo pills for four or five days lol) and totally went in the bathroom for an innocent pee and thought I had kidney failure. Then I put two and two together and. Well. You get it.
heh. can't believe I just put that in a public space. oh well.
With those 12 things I depart for yet another social activity. I think I am turning into a grouchy old lady because it starts at 7 and that means I won't be home til 10 and I am all "b*tch b*tch b*tch" about it, even though it should be great fun. There's ice cream involved. I better go psych myself up a bit. Til next time....