Vent

I just need to vent for the quickest second: while I love social networking for the fact that it can reconnect you with old friends from across the globe and help you keep in touch with family far and near, it DOES NOT mean you know ANYTHING about the stuff going on in anyone's life, even your close friends' lives. Especially if you don't have an account and stalk people through other people's accounts :( nothing beats picking up the phone, or better yet, finding time to hang out. And if you're reading this blog, no worries, this doesn't apply to any of you :) I just found myself in a really crap situation this weekend. Actually, it made me want to delete my account so people would be forced to actually converse with me, but if I deleted my facebook account, how could I stalk random people from college and high school? ha ha ha. The account lives on, but I just might be using it a little less, and hopefully it will send the right people a message of sorts. Or not. Argh.  eta: Facebook issues solved for the moment...

Enough venting.

This weekend I went to a local park to try and jog a 5K...I think I should specify here. I know I can jog a 5k, and actually ran 3.2 miles in 35 minutes just the other day, but I wanted to jog this park because it was woodsy, near the ocean/river, and it had a 3+ mile looping trail so I wouldn't get bored or have to jog in circles. I bought a big ol' gatorade to carry with me and headed out. Problem 1: the gatorade was heavy and about five minutes into my run it felt like a 15 lb dumbbell. Problem 2: I went running at 11:30 without a hat or sunscreen. Problem 3: the park where I wanted to run has become mostly a dog park. I felt like an adult at the playground without a kid...creepy. Dog owners glanced at me out of the corner of their eyes or over the tops of their designer sunglasses like I was some sort of dog-napper or dogless voyeur come to stare longingly at their precious little puppykins. It was WEIRD! I saw one other runner (she had a dog) and one other dogless person (who actually creeped ME out) and my run turned into a pathetic run-walk as I lugged the gatorade around a seemingly endless system of paved trails. At one point I thought I was lost and started to wonder if I'd make it out of there alive. I did. I was soaked in sweat (more dirty looks...apparently the people in the ritzy town in which the park is located do NOT sweat) and was grateful I brought a fresh t-shirt to change into. I actually think I'll head to the park again at some point, though probably on my bike. Or with a dog. ha.

After that I went to Lowe's to continue to balcony improvement project. The feisty squirrels in my yard are determined to destroy my planting efforts. They will not win!! I will find a way to deter them! I will also put some pictures up of the improvements...you know, for the 2 people still reading this blog. Ha.

Sweet Victory

AP Photo/Julie Jacobson

Last night we watched the Bruins win the Stanley Cup in Game 7 - GLORIOUS GLORIOUS GLORIOUSNESS! I was especially happy for my die-hard hockey fan grandparents. They never miss a game (thus being far more dedicated hockey fans than me!) and I know they must've been on the edge of their seats for all seven games!! I'm especially happy for Tim Thomas (above) our stoic, steadfast goalie. Yeah B's!

As for the rioting that followed in Vancouver - it's sad to see. Apparently many Canadians are as embarrassed and ashamed of it as I was appalled and shocked (Vancouver! Such a world class city! What the heck!). Boston had its own set of shenanigans (why to drunken men try to flip cars, WHY?) but unfortunately, Boston has learned how to deal with this kind of behavior the hard way, and from what I hear, the police presence was heavy and came down hard on anyone misbehaving. It's sad a few rotten people spoil everyone's fun, but here's to the B's win and to a safe and happy victory parade on Saturday! Go Bruins!

Wow....No really, WOW!

I get these daily emails from Whole Living. They include a "challenge" for the day. Sometimes I ignore and delete them, sometimes I read them and think "yeah ok. whatever" and then delete them, but sometimes, like today, I actually read the email, "accept" the challenge, and delve deeper into the who/what/why of the challenge.

Today's challenge was "Get Motivated," and the email urged everyone to think of a task they'd been spending time dreading and re-work the thought process around that task, "focusing on the end result" so that it "fed" us instead of "drained" us. Hmm sounded like good advice, plus there's always something on my plate I'm dreading.

By accepting that challenge, I can across a list of 11 Common Stress Triggers. I've been coming home from work stressy and mad lately. I feel overwhelmed....or underwhelmed. I wondered if I had any of these "common" stress triggers. The list looked like this:

1. Money Issues
2. A Job That Never Ends (meaning you're working 24/7 because of iphones, blackberries, laptops, etc).
3. A Job You Don't Like
4. Your Relationship
5. Constant Caregiving
6. Holiday Pressures
7. Taking on Too Much
8. Not Enough Quality Time
9. Striving to be Perfect (HA!)
10. A Lack of Passion
11. Disorganized Clutter

Sigh. I feel as though 8 of these 11 things are a significant factor in my life. And trust me, I'm grateful for the three that are not, especially the "constant caregiving" one, but seriously? It's time to get life in order! I think just knowing that these things are causing unnecessary stress in my life will help me move forward.

Blah blah blah me me me.

Moving on :)

I finished Craft Hope projects 12 and 13. YAY!

First up, I made 27 bracelets for Russian Orphans:
Here are the "big girl" sizes (taken with the wicked clevah Hipstamatic app)

I loved making these - the beads brought me right back to early 90's Girl Scout camp and I admit, I kinda wanted to rock a bracelet for myself...but no! these are for the orphans! And though I joke, the orphan situation in Russia is nothing short of tragic. This is from Craft Hope's website, facts and figures via Orphan Outreach:

There are more than 143 million orphans around the world. The majority don’t live in orphanages, they live in communities. They live in extreme poverty and many are homeless.”

One hundred and forty three million. 143 million. Can you comprehend this number? Staggering. Mind boggling. Overwhelming.

I read this information, along with other countless figures, from the warmth of my own home. A safe place that I have created for my own children. With love bursting at the seams. And I became overwhelmingly grateful for all that I have and am able to provide.

A few more statistics that will stop you in your tracks…

• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans.
• Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…
• Every year 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUT of the system.
• More than 1 million orphans are waiting for a home in Russia.
• In Russia, 60% of girl orphans become prostitutes and 70% of male orphans become hardened criminals.

Kids don’t get to pick their parents. They don’t get to pick what their upbringing will be like. They have no choices. We can’t change this, but we can help. We can share a little love from across the globe.

 A little about Russia — When the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, it’s shaky orphan-care system also fell. Alcohol consumption increased 10 times the U.S. level. The instances of divorce also climbed, along with the HIV-infection rate, which is now one of the highest in the world. And, according to a 2007 UNICEF report, the annual number of children without parental care in Russian ‘has more than doubled over the last 10 years, despite falling birth rates.’ Currently, there are over 750,000 children in the orphanage system and hundreds of thousands more living in the streets.

Yeah. Kinda of makes my BS about "life stress" seem pretty insignificant, huh?

As a kid, ok, even as an adult, I have pieces of jewelry that I wear that mean something. I have a necklace I bought in Kenya on my 21st birthday that just makes me *HAPPY* when I wear it. I have several necklaces my sister made for me. I have a necklace a friend had made for me for a birthday gift. I have things my husband gave me, things from my parents, things from my grandparents, a string of fake pearls that my father's mother had amongst her limited possessions when she passed away. These things MEAN something when I wear them. My hope for all the Craft Hope bracelets sent to Russia is that a kid will wear them, look at it and know that someone out there made them that bracelet because they care.

For Craft Hope 13, my overwhelming desire to "DO SOMETHING!" was fulfilled - the mission of 13 was blankets for tornado survivors. Ironically enough, Massachusetts was hit with a round of tornadoes while I was working on these quilts. They were not particularly close to where I live (about 2 hours away, around the area where I attended college, so I consider it "close" but it wasn't geographically), but we got the aftermath of the storms in my city, with lightning, thunder, powerful winds. It was mildly scary. I looked out the window and thought "now multiply this scary times about a million, and that's what you were dealing with in places like Tuscaloosa and Joplin." Damn. I hope I never see anything like that.

Making the quilt tops for each of these was a breeze - I decided to go with big squares and raided my fabric stash for suitable options. I had hoarded sufficiently large bits of fabric from baby quilts and other projects past, so I knew I could make at least two quilt tops. Sewing them brought back such fond memories, as some of the pieces were inherited from my mother. The center of the "pink quilt" was actually fabric from a dress my mother sewed for my sister! The problem came much later when I chose to back the quilts with fleece. It thought making something warm and snuggly would be nice, and if I went with fleece, I wouldn't have to do the whole "quilt sandwich" thing with batting in the middle.

BIG MISTAKE.

Fleece is, previously unbeknownst to me, stretchy. For some reason I didn't pick up on the stretchy-ness when I was laying out quilt pieces, or even sewing the first side of the quilt back to the top. No, the realization came later, when I tried to finish the final sides and the seams didn't match or the fleece was bunched up weird. Oh the frustration! I was flipping out. When I finished the seams, everything seemed off-kilter. As I hand-sewed the final piece, I noticed how cozy the quilt's fleecy back was "At least this will keep someone warm"...and with that, I gave myself a mental dope-slap (at least that's what my dad would call it!) - "this a homemade WARM quilt that you are making for a stranger who has lost EVERYTHING," I told myself, "the last thing they are going to be worrying about is your stupid stupid stretchy fleece or your wonky seams." I told someone that I was all worried about the seams and she laughed in my face. I totally deserved it too :)

 So with that, I packed everything up and sent the quilts and bracelets off to their respective destinations. May they warms souls, brighten days, and let people know that they're in other's thoughts and hearts.

To Do

What I have to do today: truck through a huge QA report, figure out the status of my project, get ready for a conference call next week, map out summer plans, plan meals and plan the snack I have to make for a church thing, go grocery shopping, do laundry.

What I want to do today: play on Etsy (it's pay day, the one day each week where I feel wealthy, like I have money to burn), buy a new umbrella at the hospital gift shop, laze about, read, go swimming.

I might get to do both, but it seems unlikely!

The good news? I feel a little more inspiration coming on. I've been so "blah" lately in the inspired category. Maybe it's because we finally got out of this rain/crap weather rut, got to throw open the windows and have a steady breeze flowing through the apartment (accompanied by a steady stream of bugs - our screens are not as open-window-worthy as I thought...). I feel ready to tackle projects...but for some reason, not laundry. Hmmm.

The Good, The Bad

We spent a wonderful weekend with friends in Newport.
Though there are countless historic buildings and MANSIONS to explore, beaches to lazily lay upon and lots of places to explore, we ate and drank and talked. That's it. Gah, it was fabulous, even though my liver is still recovering, even though at 1:30AM on Sunday morning I stubbed my toe and split the tip open (Sailor Jerry dulled the pain). The fresh seafood, amazing Mexican fare, Blues club, caipirhinas, margaritas, spiced rum, purse dog and people-watching compensated for that all, nevermind the mostly-hilarious conversations we had.

The bad part is that the weekend flew by far too fast. Other cons? The group that we hung with this weekend was so fab and drama-free and CHILL that it makes going back to work that much harder. Argh! I'm so not in the mood to deal with work and people's problems!

Because I'm an optimist, I guess I should being playing up the four-day work week in my head, the fact that Jam and I discovered a cute park a short drive from home that's right on the ocean and full of birds and well-maintained trails, and the fact that this weekend we are busting out the kayaks....

So here we are. Tuesday half-down. Three and a half days to go until the weekend! Bring it.

Weather Pattern

It started raining on Saturday, May 14th. It hasn't stopped, and won't stop until at least Friday. It has also been a little bit chilly. Yes, I am a fairly hardy New Englander, but mid-May normally marks the beginning of the "Great Clothes Migration" (you know, the switching of winter to summer clothes) and I was not happy about dragging out my fleece-lined faux suede boots for this morning's commute. OK. I lie. I lie because I love those boots so much I've worn out the heels, so I was happy about putting them on, but annoyed that the weather called for warm boots this morning....but I digress, I digress.

There are some bad things about all this rain. One is that Jam and I awoke at 1:30am on Monday to a persistent "tap....tap....tap....tap..." I rolled over and pretended like the noise was just big fat raindrops hitting our window AC unit. Jam SPRUNG out of bed (sprung as in, FLUNG the covers back dramatically and LEAPED out of bed) and then committed the cardinal sin of all late-night rousings: he turned on the overhead bedroom light (note: when you must get up in the middle of the night and require light, you should use 1. small lamp at bedside, 2. headlamp 3. flashlight or 4. cell phone so as not to wake your bed partner. I'm just SAYIN'). He loudly exclaimed "*expletive* the ceiling is leaking." I played dumb - "really? the ceiling?!" and let him take care of it. Usually I discover the ceiling leak in the morning when I get up to take a shower and step in a puddle that has managed to run down the floor towards the wall and closet (our floors are crooked), and I'm left responsible for bucket-wrangling and clean-up, so I let Jam handle this late-night discovery. So there's that thing.

Another thing is the complete lack of motivation and energy which I choose to blame completely on the weather. This is why I gain "winter weight" every year. I look out the window and see rain/snow/fog/darkness/wet pavement and decide to "exercise" inside, which usually turns into flopping on the couch. This week I've lifted weights and done a Jillian Michaels ab routine, but beyond that, I have been sloth-like.

The constant rain makes the work day draaag. There's no glorious sunshine to escape to, to work towards. Instead I just sit at my computer, bored, sluggishly making my way through a to do list. I don't really care whether or not I complete it because waaahhh wahhhhhhhhhh all I have to look forward to is trudging through the rain.

There are, however, a few perks to the rainy stretch we've been having....

The damp chill is a great excuse to cook comfort food for dinner! We had mini-meatloaves on Monday, shrimp cakes on Tuesday, and a big ol' bowl of spinach pesto chicken pasta last night. The rain is a great excuse to snuggle up together with mugs of tea and watch Netflix movies (though we ventured out to see 'Bridesmaids' which was raunchy but HILARIOUS), bake cookies, nestle in big blankets....I mean, it's not ALL bad...it's just that it's been 6 days now, and I really want to see the sun again.

Despite my sloth-like pace at all tasks these days, I did plan for some major crafty time when I saw the extended forecast last week. I managed to visit two of my favorite yarn shops, Windsor Button in Boston and Patternworks in Center Harbor, NH just a few days apart, and between the two shops, I gathered some fabulous yarn to make several sweet baby projects. I finished a "Baby Sophisticate" sweater in just 4 days:

this one isn't mine, though the colors are the same. I took this pic from Camping Jason's flickr photostream

Since I flew through that sweater, I decided to start two projects at once, an owl hat:

this is from the designer's site. how cute is that baby?!

And another Golden Rose Sundress. I knit this one for my friend's daughter Alexa forever ago:

A friend from high school had a baby girl in February, saw the old picture of Alexa's dress on facebook and offered to buy one off me. I felt funny about it. Yeah, I think I'd totally do custom orders for cashmoney some day, but 1. I'm so not ready for that kind of pressure and 2. this girl was a buddy from the XC team, and we were a tight bunch. I'm not about to charge her for a little sundress!

I think I'll throw in a matching bonnet too, like this one I made for Alexa:

Oh and before I forget, the owl hat and sophisticate sweater are going to the same expecting mama. I can't make it to her baby shower, so I want to send something especially nice. Since her theme is "owls" (and I can hardly resist owls, including this one living near my house:

)

I bought some owlie fabric on etsy. I mean to make her (or rather, her expected baby, a little boy) a quilt with this cross stitch design in the middle:

which I snagged on ABC Stitch's website. I mean, I LOVE this little cross stitch thing - even though normally I'd gag at something that said "Mommy's Little Prince," I thought this was pretty tasteful and would appeal to the mom-to-be. I imagined subtle blue prints that played off the color scheme in the stitching making up the quilt blocks. But....then I started thinking about the owls... and found this on etsy and suddenly the whole elegant and subtle quilt idea went out the window. Of course I obsessed about whether or not the fabric would match the room decor, but I quickly found a solution. Instead of making a crib quilt, I plan on fashioning a stroller quilt. I stumbled upon this brilliant-ness while googling away, and the pattern is free on flickr. This blogger posted a picture of the one she made:

Towards the top of the quilt are two pieces of twill tape sewn into the binding. This allows you to tie the quilt to your stroller frame. The buttons on the bottom half allow the quilt to be folded and buttoned up out of the way, so the quilt isn't dragging on the ground. How frickin' brilliant is that?! 

So after I get all that done, I plan on making one last gift. Jam's former coworker has had two kids, and both times she was pregnant I told her I'd make something for her baby...and it so didn't happen. With her first, I was just disorganized, in grad school, all that stuff. Her second was born last August, while I was in the throes of wedding planning. This time around, she's having another girl, and in August. I have to make something really sweet to make up for my slacking. The designers at Pickles have made The Most Ridiculously Cute Baby Dress Ever. Yes, it's so cute it needs an official title with caps. Ladies, cross your legs, cause if you didn't want to have a baby girl RIGHT NOW you will when you see this pic:

SERIOUSLY cute. I love the dress and little booties, and the bonnet is to die for! I will, of course, include leggings and a long sleeved shirt in the gift box so baby can wear this outfit into the fall. Gah. Then I'll have to resist making one and stashing it for my non-existent girl child. 

After I get through all this stuff - which might not take too long if the weather patterns continues - I am taking a gift-crafting hiatus. I hate to do it, but I can't commit myself to making new gifts for anyone until I finish up what I owe. I actually have shawls for my bridesmaids that I never finished knitting. Oh the shame :(. Luckily I have an idea for that, so it's not a total disaster. I have quilts I owe, knitted stuff I owe, a stash that could really use some reducing, plus some things I want to make for myself. Oh yeah, plus the Craft Hope stuff I committed to. Maybe after all THAT I'll start taking custom orders. 

Happy crafting! 

Drumlin Farm

In my quest to be greener and more "local" (more on this later), I signed us up for a Mass Audubon membership - before we were even married at that. Of course with wedding stuff and then the more hideous than normal New England winter, we didn't get around to taking advantage of the sanctuaries for months. For most of the winter, I fantasized about taking Jamaal to the places I loved as a kid, particularly the Trailside Museum and Drumlin Farm.

In early April, I had to put 150 miles on my car (another story altogether) so I tried to think of a place kinda far away, but not TOO far because my car didn't have a valid inspection sticker on it, that would allow us to get outside and enjoy the fresh air. Why not Drumlin Farm? Since we didn't have anything else to do, we piled in the Subaru, expired inspection sticker/check engine light on/busted catalytic converter and all, and headed to Lincoln, located in one of my favorite areas of Massachusetts.

I promised Jam that he'd get a chance to see some of the flora and fauna of New England up close. Of course something you thought was HUGE as a kid always seems smaller as an adult. I seemed to remember aviary after aviary of birds that were unable to return to the wild, but in actuality, there were about five. Nevertheless, the birds were absolutely beautiful. It's so nice to see an organization caring for wildlife that cannot live on its own.



This pheasant was clucking away at the bottom of its aviary.




Love the intensity of this red-tailed hawk's stare



Great-Horned Owl - I think she's missing an eye, not actually winking



We took a stroll through the chicken coop - I liked this chicken in particular



How cool is this mobile coop? The chickens are wheeled to different parts of the farm each day.



It was lambing season at the farm. Glorious. This little Romney was playing with the other lambs and munching hay. awrr.



Yeah, even though it was April 2nd, there was snow on the ground. Ugh.



We decided to take the least-muddy path we could find - turned out to be a path around the fields. We walked for a bit, and decided to turn back to walk near a stream....which is when we saw BLUEBIRDS!!!



Yes, I've seen bluebirds before, but I've never seen an Eastern Bluebird this close - plus there were three, PLUS they didn't seem to mind us watching them do their thing.



Then this one came closer and closer...sat on a branch, and then let me come closer and closer. It was glorious!



YAY!!! I love Drumlin Farm as it is, but this made the trip positively wonderful. Even Jam, who respects my bird-nerd-ness but tends to get less excited about bird sightings, was impressed by this gorgeous bluebird. He kept saying "it's SO blue!"

It was so nice to be able to escape the confines of our apartment for a few hours and get some fresh air. Though we need to make an effort to hit up other Audubon sanctuaries in Mass, I'm guessing that we'll be making several repeat visits to Drumlin, especially when the trails dry out and we can take a nice loooong walk. I just noticed that they're having a "pick-your-own strawberry day" the third weekend in June. Think I've got that repeat visit scheduled....

Homemade Comfort

Because they're awesome, Craft Hope has found a way to help tornado victims. I'm so excited!

I'll still finish bracelets for Project 12, but I can't express the level of happiness I felt when I read about Project 13 today. Finally, the quilt I started has a reason to be finished! Plus this will be a great opportunity to pull together some smaller quilts using the fabric scraps I have in my pantry. I can't think of a more worthy cause!

In the meantime, I'm trying to get myself together. I'll be the first to admit it - I've really been struggling at work lately. I've come to the realization that it's time to look for a new job. It makes me sad in a way because I actually love SOME of what I do...but that 'some' has become a smaller and smaller percentage of what makes up my job as a whole, and as that percentage gets smaller, my job satisfaction decreases. It's also sad because I actually love the hospital for which I work. It is one of the finest specialty hospitals in the entire country. The work we are doing is good and sometimes even revolutionary. Our patients are treated with kindness and care by both physicians, nurses, and staff. I love that, and those are the things I wrestled with before coming to my decision to look for something new. What did help me get to that decision were a series of lousy things coworkers have done in the past couple of weeks. It's too petty to get into, but they were lousy on the coworker level (e.g. ideas getting shot down before I could even effectively pitch them) and on the personal level (e.g. let's invite everyone to a coworker's baby shower, to lunch, etc and purposefully leave out me and my officemate). I was sitting in my office and thought "I really do not have to take this anymore." I don't know where I'll end up, and I might not even move on from the job I have now, but if I don't I have to make certain changes that will make my work life more pleasant, and that's something I'm focusing on right now. In a way, it's good to have to come to terms with certain things I've pushed aside for the six years I've worked here.

In other news, it's kayaking time, gardening time, crafting time, spring cleaning time, graduation time...and maybe even vacation time. The rest of spring and summer lie in wait ahead of me. It's hard not to be optimistic.

Adams Birthplace - taken with my iPhone at a red light :)

Balcony Garden

I was a little nervous about moving to an apartment. At my parent's house, I had a few square feet of garden to attend to here and there. My mother was nice enough to give me a space for some of the things I had collected from landscaping clients over the years, including trillium, corydalis, hellebore, jack-in-the-pulpit, bloodroot, and even a kousa dogwood tree. I loved my mini gardens, and I loved helping my mother tend her large patches of garden.

My garden - ok, not so mini...

A fraction of my mother's garden.

When we settled on the apartment we're in now, outdoor space hardly factored into it. We had seen the dumpiest of dumpiest places, including an apartment with construction debris and black water filling the bathtub and staining the bathroom tiles. "Oh that'll be....cleaned up, or fixed...or whatever" the realtor assured us. UM. WHAT?

When we were shown the place we're in now - or rather, when my sister and I saw it, as Jam was in NYC and had to give his approval via YouTube - it was the spacious rooms, high ceilings, built-in details, driveway and neighborhood that sold me on the apartment. It's an apartment, not our forever home, and the apartment was glorious compared to the pieces of crap we had been shown. Bonus, it has about a 12x3 balcony, but at that point I could not have cared less about outdoor space.

Commence long and snowy and cold New England winter during which I become hermit-like, only venturing outside to go to work, shovel, or get groceries.

Now it's spring, and I'm ready for a little beautifyin', a little gardening. What could I do with my decrepit little balcony? Lucky for me, there's only about a zillion small-space gardening resources in print and on the interwebs! Hooray! The hard part will be narrowing down what I want. Here's some inspiration I found online: 

via apartment therapy - I loved this because it addresses a narrow space, similar to what we have. I think the key thing to take away from this photo is that this balcony is not overloaded with furniture. Right now we have a metal table on our balcony. I'd like to keep it (and cover it, yuck) and 5 plastic chairs and one weird folding chair. I'd like to keep the plastic chairs for guests, but I think the spares can go in the basement or stack in a corner when we're not using them.

 

also via apartment therapy - again, loving the narrow space and the table cloth is fab. It's a little too much pink for me though...

from bzesty, a deck garden featuring potted plants. Everything I am planting will be confined to a pot, but look how much you can do with a group of different sized plants and pots!

from flickr - I like knowing this is someone's "real" space - not that the others aren't, but what is more real than someone's personal photos from flickr? Wish I had a kitty to enjoy the deck as well. I think this is probably the best representation of what our balcony will look like, with the plants pushed around the edges.

Just pretty - found here.

Awesome bird bath idea for a small space from life on the balcony. I seem to be able to attract only house sparrows and starlings despite seeing a huge selection of birds in the yard next door - including tufted titmice, chickadees, mockingbirds, blue jays and carolina wrens, and the yards on the surrounding streets where I've seen all of those birds, plus nuthatches, house finches, downy woodpeckers and flickers, AND the presence of a nearby park which hosts even more interesting things like catbirds, house wrens and towhees. I'm hoping a water feature will lure something interesting to my balcony. If not, I know the starling that has learned to mimic my parakeet will enjoy it:

he's on the corner of the deck, singing away....

finally, a morning glory screen found here. We don't have fantabulous balcony views, but the one that faces a neighbor's broken down garage is particularly gross. I've already incorporated this idea into the garden plan and started some Heavenly Blue and Scarlett O'Hara morning glory seeds. 

Below is a little mock-up I made of our balcony. It's not to scale. At all. 

The blue rectangle represents the morning glory screen I'm planning on planting. Green circles are planters. I have a "love tree" - a dwarf pine from our wedding - planted in one, and I think that will end up in the corner. The other two I'm hoping to plant with semi-shade tolerant plants, but the beauty of container gardening is that  if anything gets leggy or pale from lack of sun, I'll drag it to the front of the balcony. The blue square is the bird bath I'm planning on, and the pink circles are hanging baskets I'd like to pull together, preferably fuchsia or bright plants that will attract hummingbirds to my feeder, which is represented by the red circle. The long pink rectangle represents planters that will hold sweet peas, herbs and lettuce if I can get my seeds to germinate, and green rectangles will be deck planters. I'd like these to be bright - since the deck faces southeast approximately I think the planters would flourish. Eek! So exciting to plan. Hopefully I'll have an update as soon as I get everything organized outside...oh and it warms up a bit. More later!

Realization

As funny as that scene in the car is (ok in retrospect) I did realize something today.

I really need to sloooow down.

Slow down. Be organized but not overwhelmed. Stop trying to be perfect. Relax.

I think I'm going to have a really hard time doing it, but, I think it's something I really REALLY need to work on. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to be burnt out by 30 - seriously! I'm reaching burnout phase. It's not good, and I have to do something about it.

How'd I arrive at this conclusion?

Honestly, it was a combination of what happened on Monday night and reading this. Yeah. I read that. And I went in thinking "what is this stupid woo-woo website going to tell me about taking care of myself?" Then, as I read, all I could think was "wow. this, aside from the family details and lost pregnancy, is me. ow."

I don't know how I'm going to slow down exactly - it might take time (says the girl with a conference call at 8:30 tonight). I'm feeling committed to finding out, and enjoying how it feels.

Eh though right now, all I feel is hungry. I'm frickin' starving! Off to forage for some food.....

Thank you for letting me ramble.

Why My Certain Small Scenes from my Life Would Make a Good Movie

Scene: Driving Northbound on I-95 somewhere in Connecticut, returning from husband's family funeral in Brooklyn. Allison is behind the wheel, crying hysterically about her job, her lack of patience, and mental exhaustion.

Jamaal: You know, you have Superwoman syndrome, you try and do too much all the time. It's not healthy. You need time for you, you know.
Allison: (hiccups) I...I...know
J: And if that means....um, do you need to pull over?
A: NO!
J: Are you sure? Do you need me to drive?
A: NO!
J: Allison, you are crying, how can you focus on driving??
A: I'm very very good and multitasking, REMEMBER?!

You ever have one of those days? I'm sure you have - just one of those days where you're completely overloaded and there is no more room in your head for thoughts or feelings or your emotions or anyone else's thoughts, feelings or emotions (ok, except crying apparently)? I had one of those days yesterday. Luckily I have a super-sweet and understanding husband who knows how to deal with me. Needless to say, once we got home I put on my PJ's, slipped under the covers and slept, brick-like, for the next 8 hours. I wish I could say I woke up in a completely different state, but I didn't. Mind you, I felt greatly improved, but looming ahead of me was a long day at the office. This past week and I'm sure the rest of this week has really sealed the deal: I need a new job. I'm kind of disappointed that it has come to this, but it's something I need to do. I'm nervous and kind of scared...but I'm excited to try and something that doesn't make me quite so miserable.

In the meantime, I'm going to try and start doing some things that make me really happy. Luckily, it's spring, and that means that kayaking and gardening are on deck for the sunny days, and crafting is there for the rainy ones. Here's to a better outlook!

Birthday Recap

 There were certain things I wanted to do for my birthday.

 I had a champagne cocktail at the Barker Tavern (actually, I had 2)

 I got a mani/pedi and became a convert of the gel manicure.

I went to Sephora and bought myself some treats. 

I did manage to get hygiene kits together for my church, but I didn't seem to take a picture of them! I am super-anal and had the facecloths and hand towels all match, and put in toothbrushes that coordinated well with the towel colors. Who does that? And what hygiene kit recipient, who is in such a desperate situation they need a facecloth, hand towel, comb, toothbrush, bar of soap, nail clipper and 6 bandaids, would ever notice such a thing? Maybe no one will - which is fine, because the point is bringing people what they need to survive - but maybe someone will notice and think "someone thought of me when they put this together" because I did. 

I still haven't started my Craft Hope project, but hope to soon!

As for the quilt, life intervened. Yeah. I had set aside a day to make a Quilt for Quake Survivors quilt, but I totally failed because I was having a really bad awful day and couldn't focus long enough to sew. It sounds stupid, and looking back, it  is pretty dumb. I have been feeling terrible about it, and every time I see the scraps that I had cut out hanging out on the shelf of my pantry, I have guilt. I really felt like I was meant to make a quilt to comfort someone who had lost everything.

Then this happened in Alabama:

I saw this picture on (and stole it from) abcnews.com. Someone commented that they could not believe that in the midst of all this, America seemed to be focused on the Royal Wedding and President Obama's birth certificate. How true. I can't imagine what it's like to have a mile-wide funnel cloud bearing down on your home, putting your entire family and existence at risk. I can't imagine losing everything - but I can imagine how heartbroken I'd be to lose certain things - like family photos, heirlooms, and things I had made and other people had made for me. Suddenly I realized I have a reason to finish that quilt and that I wouldn't even have to search as far as Japan to find someone who might need a little homemade comfort.

John James Audubon!

Google looks like this today - it's John James Audubon's birthday! Thanks to my friend Rachel, the walls of our living room are graced with Audubon prints. I love them, they actually make me happy when I walk in the room! They're so vibrant you could stare at them for hours. I'm plotting ways to get my favorite print up in the dining room, a Baltimore Oriole in a Magnolia tree. Our wall are full, but there's always room for another Audubon print, right?

Here's what we have on the walls now (forgive the hideous camera phone photos):

Louisiana Heron, now called the Tricolored Heron

Screech Owls - especially fitting as I've found one living in a tree not far from our apartment

Pileated Woodpeckers

Blue-Winged Teals and Mallards

Great Blue Heron, one of my favorite birds

Carolina Parakeets, which are unfortunately extinct. Sad considering how beautiful they were.

Why You Gotta Hate?

What is up with people HATING on the Royal Wedding??

I get lukewarm feelings, I get indifference because we're Americans, sure, but some people I've encountered have super-violent reactions. Lighten up people, it's a wedding! A celebration of love! Yes, it's a multi-million dollar/pound celebration of love, but LIGHTEN UP, it's supposed to be fun for the rest of commoners to watch, judge, talk about Kate's dress, why she went with flowers in her hair instead of a tiara (or vice versa, as it remains to be seen), etc.

I say this as someone who does not plan to get up at 4AM to watch the beginning of wedding coverage. I'll DVR it and watch later, but after work on Friday I plan to enjoy checking out Kate's dress, what the queen is wearing, what kind of suit Will chose (I'm a newlywed, these things still entertain me. Oh, and I'm nosy lol). After all, the beauty of television coverage is that you have a choice - you can turn your tv on and watch the coverage, or you can watch something else, or not watch TV at all. OR you can go all out, you can get up at 4AM, watch the coverage, you can go to a viewing party at the asscrack of dawn in your fancy hat and sip mimosas.

Someone on facebook said "I'm not watching the Royal Wedding. Our forefathers fought a war with England so we wouldn't have to be subjected to things like this" (dramatic much?). My response is that yes, we're Americans, and most of us have 5 TVs in our houses and get 500 cable channels. We do have a choice about watching the wedding or not watching it. There's no need to get all riled up about it. Do it or don't. The end.

This American, however, is going to watch it with an adult beverage, fast forward through the dull bits, enjoy it, and will wish the newlyweds well...then it's back to normal for the rest of us!

As my sister would say: WHAT EVEN?

My coworker eats the same thing for lunch every.day. Oh except Fridays, when she gets chicken and lo mein at the Chinese place in the food court.

Every day she makes fun of the fact that I eat yogurt.

Why? Do I make fun of her Au Bon Pain salad that costs 11 bucks? Of which she only eats half and throws away the rest? NO. I don't.

I have made passive aggressive comments to try and get her to stop, like "wow, you're really concerned about my yogurt eating" but she doesn't get it. It's YoCrunch Greek, fruity and delicious with granola-y stuff on top. I eat it because 1. it's fairly healthy 2. I like it. So like, what is the issue?

I think I might start eating it for breakfast. And when she says something like "where's the yogurt?" I'll say "Oh, got sick of the comments, so now I eat it for breakfast when I'm alone in my office." SRSLY WTF?!

A Thought

More about my spectacular birthday later...
for now, a thought:

I was reading my blogroll this morning and came across pictures of Easter egg dying. My inner self sighed. I just turned 29, kind of old to be dying Easter eggs....besides, what would I do with them? As I sat at my desk thinking "eat them on Easter morning, and oh, the egg salad, one of Jam's specialties..." dying eggs seemed like maybe not so foolish an idea. Then I imagined my grown self buying a box of Paas at the supermarket. Yeah, I use self-checkout, but wouldn't I feel silly, just a little bit?

Then I remembered - I have a wedding ring, and one of the many perks of being married, is that you get a ring to wear for the world to see, upon which they may base their many assumptions about your life.....and when I go to the store and buy things, "kid things" I let the world make those assumptions, however wrong they may be...I'm a married lady, buying her kids Halloween candy, toys for Christmas, or......stuff for Easter eggs :)

Yes, it's wrong....but it feels oh so right.....

Birthday

My birthday is on Saturday. Yay!

While I always buy myself something and tend to be waaay self-indulgent (last year I bought a clarisonic!) this year I want to give back a little too. So, though it is my "birthday weekend" I am hoping to get a lot accomplished.

1. I would like to put together a bunch of hygiene kits for my church

2. I would like to participate in Craft Hope's Project 12

3. I would like to make a quilt for Quilts for Quake survivors.

I'd consider that to be a really good way to celebrate my birthday/spend time.

Just so you don't think I'm a goody two shoes, I'd also like to

1. order a champagne cocktail at the Barker Tavern

2. get a mani/ped

3. buy a clarisonic replacement head, night lotion, lorac multiplex 3D lip gloss and some bumble and bumble products at Sephora

These things mean birthday glory....and I am all about birthday glory for my last birthday in my 20's. Let's GO!!!

Amusing

I know, I know, it's a little crazy to compare nail polish to gasoline (though milk to gasoline I find a more reasonable comparison, because if you drove a little less, yet still bought x gallons of milk per week your're spending....ok I'm stopping), but I find this chart very interesting and entertaining, from the endlessly interesting and entertaining I Love Charts tumblr.

Subway Etiquette

Great pictorial display of why we should stop being a$$holes on the train and give up our seats to pregnant ladies (well, and anyone needing a seat!)

http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/post/4373042007/subway-chivalry-via-noogs

I will say that I have offered my seat to pregnant ladies and ladies I suspected were pregnant. If you have any doubt about a woman being pregnant, err on the side of caution and offer up your seat. If a woman asks why you're offering it (though why anyone would ask is beyond me) say "you look like you've had a long day" or "just thought you would like to sit" - DO NOT SAY "Because you're pregnant, right?" Because let me tell you, it will make a non-pregnant lady feel kind of crappy about herself. Take it from a girl who knows. Luckily I have a sense of humor and usually say "yes, I know this parka makes me look pregnant, but I'm not! Thank you for being so kind as to offer me a seat though, that's really nice."

Actually, looking at this chart made me laugh because I fall into the category of the "alleyoops" aka standing people who have requested a seat on the pregnant person's behalf. I have only done this once, and I was intensely provoked. It was last summer on a packed red line train. A very obviously pregnant lady got on the train and proceeded take off her cardi and put her parcels on the floor. She looked hot and exhausted. The line of d-bag men seated in front of her either buried their head in their newspapers or stared at her gape-mouthed. A woman standing next to me muttered "can you believe it?" when no one stood to offer up their seat. I reached across 3 or 4 people, tapped the pregnant lady on the arm and said "Do you need to sit? Because I will tell someone to MOVE." The lady next to me chuckled. The pregnant lady looked slightly mortified and said "No, actually, I'm fine." I said "OK, but if at any point you want to sit, let me know. I will get someone to move." Now the men gaped at me...probably because they thought I was crazy. I probably looked crazy too. I noticed that when some seats freed up, the pregnant lady took one...at the opposite end of the train. Heh. I didn't care though, I was so so angry. Don't even get me started about the time a blind man WITH A SEEING EYE DOG got on the train and no one offered up their seat. I was ready to start throwing things at people.

Wow, this post turned from "lookit this cool chart" to full-out ranty. Oops. In short, read and be amused but horrified at the chart, think of it when you're next on the subway, offer your seat to someone who needs it more than you do. I will do the same.

Thank you, PSA now over.

Two Lists

Things my officemate does that ANNOY ME:

1. disagrees with me on purpose/brings up sensitive issues she knows we disagree on just so she can voice her opinion once again. E.g. gay marriage, pre-marital cohabitation, when a couple should buy a house/have kids, the fact that Jam and I don't eat pork. I would like to note in the record that I avoid these topics, and do not ever bring up coworkers 1.eating habits 2. religious affiliations/beliefs based solely on the teachings of the church to which she belongs and with which I have major personal issues 3. her marriage 4. her kids (unless it's "how's so and so doing in school")

2. reads the news to me. All of which I have usually read the day before...sometimes days and days before.

3. talks disparagingly about coworkers on our project - I don't care what they do unless their work affects me, which it doesn't

4. reads the weather out loud to me

5. reports on the status of the ladies room after each visit. E.g. "pee on the seat in stall one, in stall two, no one flushed." WTF?

6. plays the radio out loud without head phones. Some Neil Young-heavy station.

Things my officemate does that make me feel guilty about getting annoyed:

1. has my back (most of the time)

2. gossips (and she has good gossip, so as long as she's not purposefully mean, I am happy to indulge.)

3. gives me candy apples at Christmas (which may sound insignificant but they are the most bangin' candy apples ever invented on EARTH the end.)

4. tries to be helpful in my quest for additional domestic skills including cooking (she sends me recipes and bought me a pie plate for a wedding gift)

5. shares candy/baked goods/food with me at least once a week...I think she has a secret quest to fatten me up, but still, it seems like a benevolent gesture.

So while certain days are super-unbearable and I sit at my desk and think "today I am not going to talk about XYZ" or sit there and brace myself for questions I won't want to answer, there are times when I feel really bad about getting annoyed so easily because it could be much, much MUCH worse....like my old supervisor could be my officemate....and she has tics (slurping, tapping her fingers/feet, etc). It could be worse. I must learn a bit more patience. And learn to answer questions and respond to comments strategically.

Today I did fairly well. I shrugged when asked "why do elderly people still have their licenses? Old people are crashing into things all the time." I shrugged twice and said "I don't know. Doesn't the registry test them?" "It's a JOKE" she yelled. I shrugged again. Probably because I know several old people who drive more responsibly that I do....

Anyways, there's a list for today. I promise something more creative tomorrow. Hopefully a project won't eat my soul and three hours of my time tomorrow...