Neglected Blog/New Post of Randomness/New Hampshire

First, you must look at this. The cuteness is unmatched, seriously unmatched. In fact, check out the blog in general, it's full of beautiful photography, wonderful stories, and great crafty ideas, all written from Zambia and Malawi.

Second, I found this little piece of reference material. I am making some muffins, the recipe for which I found on SouleMama (another gem of a blog) and want to buy local, so that's that (if you live in Massachusetts that is).

Other blog wanderings: I've signed up for a postcard swap and can't wait. I already have it partially designed in my head and will definitely feature New Hampshire and a line from a Rilo Kiley song. Score!

Speaking of New Hampshire, my sister and I are heading there tomorrow afternoon, despite the weekend's dismal forecast. My grandparents have a cottage on Bear Island in Lake Winnipesaukee. Yesterday as I was donating platelets the pheresis tech was like "oh do you have a boat?" I almost cackled because I had just explained how we were on an island, but luckily stopped myself because there are several islands that have bridges connecting them to the mainland, like the swanky Governor's Island, which I believe has been the vacation spot of famous peeps, even Ms. Spears. Lucky for us we are NOT connected to the mainland by a bridge and are only accessible by boat. We do not, therefore, have roads or stores, or anything more than trails, trees, a public dock for the mail boat....oh ok, we do have a lot of stuff, all that, plus two camps and a church, but nothing big and illustrious and attractive that would attract the type of people who need their entourage when traveling. I am actually hoping that gas prices will keep the lake relatively quiet this summer, as people think twice about spending a day zipping back and forth on their Ski-Doos (for which I foster a special hatred). Anyways I am amassing a packing list in my head as we speak. The island is pretty casual, and when it's warm, it's a bathing suit and shorts all day, or cargoes and a fleece if chilly, so clothes are not the thing I'm thinking of here...I'm thinking of a craft packing list. I'll have to pack the two belated wedding gifts I'm dying to finish, as well as the gorgeous Sea Silk yarn I just bought to make my mother a birthday gift (I'm thinking of a shawl).

The colorway is Lily Pond. Scrumptious.

I also need to pack my clapotis, which continues to kill my soulllll as well as another wedding gift I'm working on. Of course I'm going to two weddings and I don't have handmade gifts in the works, which makes me antsy. One is July 12th though and I have no freaking clue how I'd finish something in time. Of course I am going to visit Ravelry as soon as I finish this post to check out speedy afghans. Because I am crazy like that. It'll also be the perfect opportunity to capture some sunrise/sunset pics for the postcard swap!

Finally, speaking of weddings....Jam and I were both in one this past weekend, along with 12 other bridesmaids and 12 other groomsmen. I know it sounds ridiculous...I mean for a long time the whole even was a great source of ridiculousness and stress for me, but when the day came it really did go quite splendidly and it has been thus far, the most fun I've had at a wedding. Now to planning my own (eeeeh.)

Masters/Marriages/Margaritaville

Sooo I totally graduated...I even surprised myself a little bit by scraping by with the mandatory B- in Plant Physiology! So now I have a Master's degree in biology with a concentration in conservation and the environment and remain at my completely unrelated job at the cancer hospital, with no intention of finding something new til the fall. Of course it took me a few weeks to get over the weird feelings of guilt I had about spending so much for a degree and not getting a new job. I told someone I was so happy because I had managed to save 11 vacation days during the 2 years I had been going to school and that I was looking forward to a relaxing summer. The person happened to be in HR here and snapped at me "well we have vacation buyback, you don't need to stay just for the vacation." Woah! I wanted to tell her that no amount of money would be worthy enough to buy back those days. Hell no. That time is sooo worth it. I envision lazy days, crafts, and kayaking. Now I am enjoying school-free life and am being somewhat lazy. Ok not lazy as I am running around like mad preparing for a dear friend's wedding (yup, the same wedding I bitched about a few months ago....I've finally moved into excited and looking forward to it mode, FINALLY) but the stress level is down sooo much since graduating. I think with my father retiring too the family is in this sort of happy place. We all made it through the rough month of May and we're enjoying June and the newly redone porch and my parent's wise investment in the Margaritaville Frozen Concotion Maker. Oh yes. Every household should have one. We have not yet moved past margaritas, though this machine has the capacity for all sorts of frozen drinks, both of the alcoholic and non-alcoholic persuasion. While living at home with the parentals may not always be the most ideal living situation (it's great, but it's no Sex and the City) being able to take advantage of frozen drink maker and my mother's penchant for Patron is so worth it. God. Patron. I might need to go home and have a margarita. I'm so happy I reconciled with tequila.

Anyways, this has been a rather pointless post full of laziness and liquor-talk. I guess since graduating not much has been happening, mostly bridesmaid duties: shower, bachelorette (and cooking and packing and driving for each of those), getting the dress altered, getting eyebrows waxed, planning manicures and pedicures and getting shoes fixed. I get to pick up the shoes today from the shoe and luggage repair people at South Station. They're super-nice and from Uganda. Yes, I find Africans wherever I go, it's like a magnet or something :) As soon as I hear "Ah-LEE-zon" I thought "ah yes, East Africa....not quite Kenya though." So I asked the two gentlemen where they were from and they practically shouted UGANDA! at me. They were excited to hear about studying in Kenya and sending Mumbua to school (yep. still doing it. gosh, it's been 2 1/2 years now I guess. CRAZY) It's always nice to connect with people, so I've been referring people in Boston to them whenever I get the chance.

Ok I've actually now bored myself with the dullnes of this post. I'm going to finish my QA, water my plants and bounce. It's the "freakin' weekend." WOOOOOOOOO!

The Moment

Wherein I realize that I might actually be badass:

Email to Jamaal, discussing a bachelor/ette party we're going to this weekend. The venue was changed from a site with a hot tub and pool hall to a site that occasionally has black bears:

I am all for a more rusticated experience, but no one better be a dumbass about containing the food. grrr. I have camped in lion country b*tches, I will lay the smack down.

F8ck. That just hit me. Do you think camping in lion/hyena/elephant country is more badass than camping in bear country???

I think it might be! I think I might be LEGIT badASS! OMG!

Kenya/Kicking the Habit/Knitting/Liberia/Life and Death/Loyalty/Lester

I'm back, and if you thought I was dropping the whole alphabet kick thing, oh you were soooo wrong, LOL.

I've had a lot of time to think about my letters, so I guess I'll have to be pretty brief on each. Here goes.....

Kenya. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since I spent my semester in Kenya. My memories are still so vivid. I totally admit that sometimes I think of Kenya and all of my friends there and my heart sighs a little; I wonder if I'll ever return. This is not as bad as when I came home from my semester there though - then I truly believed I'd never go back...never EVER, and of course less than three years later I found myself standing in Jomo Kenyatta International face to face with Mboya Musau and his bright yellow parka, so I'm not exactly despondent when I think of Kenya now, more wistful. I think I'll get back there one of these days. I'm sure I'll be in Africa again at some point. The whole thing is so puzzling to me though, still. Why do I love it so much? I feel so drawn to Kenya and I have really no reason to be....I call it a primordial draw--a desire to return to our evolutionary "mother" since Kenya is the cradle of our evolution. That's the only reasonable explanation I can think of, in addition to the friends I made there of course. Hmm.

Kicking the habit. I decided to go off caffeine, soda in particular. I've been reading these really nasty things about aspartame lately and thought "Allison, you really ought to stop it with the soda." I mean it's bad for your bones, bad for your skin and makes it difficult to lose weight. Not that I am trying to lose weight per se, I am trying to be toned, but even that can be confounded by the consumption of large amounts of soda. I decided to go off it, see how it felt...you know see what it was like to decide one day "I would LIKE a coke zero" or "I would LIKE a latte" Not "Ohmyeffinggod if I don't have caffeine right now I will DDDIIEEEE" It's been going well. I haven't completely gone off soda, I admit, but I try to keep it to no more than 1 a day a few days a week. I feel empowered!! The coffee on the other hand isn't evil like aspartame, but it was really messing with my stomach for a few weeks. Maybe I'll start making my morning cup again, but maybe not.

Knitting. Knitting has kept me calm these past few weeks. It's been rough, there's been some family drama and I've felt pretty helpless. Knitting gives me control!! I am participating in my second ISE and it's been great fun. This weekend I received my ISE package and it's really fantastic. I mean, TOTAL strangers are being all thoughtful and lovely and knitting for one another and sending each other goodies, it really is fantastic. It sort of restores my hope for humanity every time I'm like "ugh people are so frickin rude." Then you get this package in the mail full of great stuff that someone took the time to pick out and package for you and you realize that there are still kind people out in the world. Yay!

Liberia. Speaking of amazing people - I saw a documentary on Ellen Johnson Sirleaf about a month ago. It was on the Independent Lens on PBS and was called Iron Ladies of Liberia. Holy crap, it was amazing. If you're ever looking for inspiration, I highly recommend this film. In the first ten minutes or so I found myself transfixed by Sirleaf's story and got pretty emotional at one point when the narrator discussed women's rights. I was all "This is why I cast my vote in every election, no matter how trivial it may seem, I vote for all the women of the world who do not share the rights I enjoy as an American woman." Yeah, sometimes I get like that, very impassioned etc, and it's in these moments I come up with my most brilliant "save the world" ideas, LOL. Anyways, check the movie out. It's incredible. It pretty much sums up (to me at least) why we haven't had a woman who I've felt would be a good president. Sirleaf is the type of woman you need to be to be a head of state. Hil, bless her for running, doesn't have it. Heck, as much as I love him, I'm not even sure that B-rock has the guts this lady does. Bad-ASS.

Life and Death. So we had a death in the family this month. It really sucks, there's just no other way to say it. Death BLOWS, especially when it's untimely, as it was in this case. The extraordinary thing though, is what we learned about my cousin Catherine's life in the wake of her death. She was a gifted psychologist - this we knew. She had two PhD's and was a brainiac, and I enjoyed talking with her about "issues" more than anything. She really had a way of deconstructing people and putting you in their shoes, making you understand their line of thought a little better. I think she made me a more understanding person in many ways. Anyways, the outpouring of praise for her colleagues and patients at her wake was extraordinary. Because of HIPAA and privacy laws, Catherine talked little of her patients. She would mention a case here and there, but never associate names or ages or professions with any of her stories. We were so pleased to hear the wonderful things people said about her, that she helped them, that they only knew her for ten hours but they were the most important ten hours of their life, how she wasn't afraid to be judgmental and tell a patient they did something dumb (that was my favorite pt story). Her colleagues talked about how brilliant she was, and even though her health prevented her from working full time, they wanted her to be a part of the practice so badly, they accommodated her schedule. It's funny because even now, two weeks after her death, it doesn't seem real. I keep thinking that we'll call her up one of these days and say "you missed this fantastic party with all your friends and family and coworkers and patients." Sigh. May we all be so lucky to live to be 100. Or 101. That would do me just fine.

Loyalty. This is touchy and I don't want to go into detail but let's put it this way: say you've been loyal to a company for over 30 years. Say you've put your life on the line for them more than once, that you've sacrificed time with family and friends to do your job, spent sleepless nights working overtime or worrying about something at work, was put in the position to help out literally hundreds of people and HAD helped hundreds if not more people during the course of your career. Say you elevated your unit to a high level within the organization, and with this came immense recognition and huge amounts of special funding. Say you'd done all this and a shitton more and to thank you, your company punishes you then transfers you 120 miles from your home. You'd be pissed right? You'd probably retire, yes? Yeah, well that's what my father's doing. After recovering from the shock and anger and realizing that dad's health and family trump job crap and that retiring is best, I made a big note to self: never work for the Commonwealth. They will suck your soul dry and then kick you while you're down. B8tches!!

Lester. Let's end with a happy note, shall we? I would like to ANNOUNCE to anyone not from around here or anyone who does not follow the great American pastime, that my FAVORITE Red Sox player pitched the first major-league no-hitter of the season. That's right, good ol' Jon Lester, Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma survivor pitched a no-hitter against the Royals last night, and by all accounts it was positively glorious. JL became my favorite when it was announced he had NHL (the disease I cover here at the cancer hospital) I was hoping he would kick it's ass and return to play for the Sox to show the world that cancer is a little b*tch that deserves to be beat into the ground. He did just that and last night he proved he was more badass than ever. AWESOME JON LESTER!!!! WOOT!

Out of Commission

This blog(ger) is going on a brief hiatus. My cousin Catherine passed away early Tuesday morning. There is a lot to deal with both in terms of getting sh*t done and emotionally. I'll be back in a bit.
-Al

Justice/Job Searching/Just Married

Justice: My grandma is convinced that there is a serious black cloud hanging over our family. First of all we have our cousin in the hospital, in ICU all sedated and ventilated with colon mets and are between a rock and a hard place given her care. I went in to the hospital yesterday with my dad (her health care proxy) and while he asked questions like "so you think she'll wake up and work again" I got all cancer hospital on their asses and was like "what did her renal status look like today?" Yeah, I do research but in the past three years have read easily over 1,500 medical records or MORE so I know some sh*t. Plus the nurse was like "don't sell yourself short, you probably know a lot more than you think you do." Ha ha yeah, like how I totally diagnosed Jam's coworker with Meniere's Disease!! I should start a booth on the corner with a sign "Diagnosis $20." Anyhow, we have the cousin who is ill and needs decisions made for her and no decision will be easy or good.

Then we have the fact that my grandma ATE IT in the backyard. When I say that my grandma fell, people get this image of a little old lady puttering around in her garden, all house dress and white hair. Oh no. Granny was on the porch enjoying a leisurely afternoon reading a book when she noticed a squirrel digging in her garden. "That damn squirrel!" she exclaimed, taking off her glasses and putting down her book. She whipped open the porch door, took a leap towards the garden, yelling at the squirrel, and tripped on a rain gutter. Not wanting to break her glasses, the woman did NOTHING to break her fall and landed on her knees then her face. She got a ride in ambulance for that.

Dad, let's see....he had gum surgery Monday, complete with 7 stitches. Add that to the complete and utter bullsh*t he has had to tolerate at work, he is not a happy camper.

Mom is better, recovering from a certain medical procedure...see if you can guess what it was...first you sh*t for like, EVER, then you get probed. Yeah. It's like a dark family secret that she even got a c****oscopy, so I won't mention it here anymore, but it turned out ok in the end. Of course Dad's turn is on Tuesday and he is not secretive. He's like "Oh I got to sit on the toilet all night on Monday then they put the camera up my ass." Awesome Dad, way to be brutally honest and fairly descriptive.

Me and Ame? I think we're pretty much ok. You know. Stress and crap. I have a final on Friday that could spell certain doom or victory. I am thinking VICTORY. I have a feeling. Yes. It's really the only thing I have control of at this point.

Finally the JUSTICE part. So the black cloud extended to my aunt and uncle yesterday, when someone tried to break into their house and left a trail of blood inside their kitchen (they didn't get IN to the house, but apparently bled INTO their house. Lovely) which covered the floor, their curtains, the deck, etc. This of course was pleasing to HPD because they were all "SCORE!! EVIDENCE! BLOOD EVIDENCE!!" If they ever arrest someone maybe they will do a DNA matching test!!! Knowing small town HPD though they will probably just hold the bloodied kitchen curtain up to the suspect and be like "Oh is this your blood?" Nah, I sell them short, HPD is pretty awesome, and I think they are probably way more badass than I think they are. Anyways, my uncle and cousin took the "I'm freaked out" reaction. I would be too, absolutely. My aunt chose rage, probably a little bit because her neighbor witnessed the whole scenario (besides the actual break-in) and did NOT call the police (I thought they were workmen! she said. Yeah workmen with dark hoodies and leather gloves? SURE!) and because her door is ruined. She hoped they bled to death. I think I am mostly wishing for not death justice but embarrassing legal justice where the thieves are caught and arrested and we get to go to the arraignment and look at their faces with unbridled disdain and judgment and say "You bastards effed up the kitchen door!!! But you were too big of a loser to get in a steal sh*t!" Ahh fantasies.

Job Search: Yep, I'm at work and job searching....because I am so confident I will pass my final with flying colors and graduate. I don't plan to switch jobs til fall, but I figure there is no harm in looking. Unfortunately most interesting jobs that combine the delightful fields of conservation and social justice pay s-h-i-t. And while I am all about undertaking a noble profession for a good cause, I need a raise if I am going to pay my student loans. Wicked depressing, yet the harsh reality of it all. I think I need an ice cream cone.

Just Married: No I did not elope. I was flipping through the Lowe's and Home Depot circular looking for large potted palms for next week's Foster Parrots/NEEWS Grand Opening complete with Jane Goodall. I was flipping through the pages past the usual junk, you know like spackle and insulation and ceiling fans and faucets and I thought "sh*t. One day Jam and I are going to own a home. And this type of crap? We'll get off on it. We'll be like "OMG can't wait til Saturday, linoleum on special at the Home Depot. Maybe we can do the kitchen floor?!" Maybe I exaggerate the excitement that moderately-priced lighting fixtures will bring to our lives as Jam isn't exactly handy...maybe it'll be something like "F8ck. I broke the toilet. Allison??!!" Who know though. The excitement could happen. Scary.

I is for Irresponsible

So apparently I irresponsibly forgot a credit card payment last month on my Ann Taylor Loft account. Yup, I owed a minimum payment of $10. So criminal. I paid it a week ago or so. On Saturday I started receiving calls from a collection agency. I didn't answer them, but know it's the number of a WFFNB collection agency because I googled it, and the internet gave me all the answers.

Speaking of which, can we have a moment for the internet and all the wonderful things it has brought us? Like Ravelry and blogs, instant news, photosharing on flickr, marketplaces like ebay and etsy and OH, WEBSITES THAT LIST PHONE NUMBERS THAT ARE BOGUS OR COLLECTION AGENCIES!

Anyways, my answer to these calls was to pay off all the ridiculous balances I was carrying on my WFFNB cards (ATL, Victoria's Secret, JCrew, Ny&Co....I only had balances on two though, the other two were ZERO!). Jamaal says that I should answer the calls and get a the people from the collection agency to promise me in writing that this little kerfluffle will not f*ck my credit score. He is right. Jam, are you reading? YOU ARE RIGHT. But as I told him, I don't even care any more. Don't care. Paid it off, case closed.

Of course this is financially irresponsible. I know. And if we can't get a mortgage because I forgot to make a $10 payment on an Ann Taylor card in April 2008 while being in school part time, working full time and under special extraordinary family stress yet still paying every other credit card and bill on time, I think we have a problem, and it's not me, it's the g-d*mn system. I don't think this will f*ck us over, but I do understand Jam wanting me to follow up on this because 1. that is what he would do, and be a bastard to the company to the point where they'd be like 'oh no, let us pay YOU for using our card and being a loyal customer' (because he is one of those people who complains and then gets sh*t for free, whereas I would simply be asked to leave the restaurant) 2. he is a businessman and 3. we're engaged, gonna be married and singing the song all Whitney Houston style "Your debt is my debt, and my debt is your debt...it would take an eternity to pay it off...the chains of Chase Manhattan would still hold us"
Sigh. I know I should call and make a fuss. But the thought makes me just want to 1. sleep 2. cry 3. vomit 4. all of the above. I can't deal. So I'm choosing irresponsibility. Considering I've been pretty damn responsible about everything else in life lately, I'm hoping that everyone will accept me for the flawed human being that I am and let this one slllide.

G and H

I'm still here, and I'm sticking to the letters.

As for G, I don't know about anyone else, but I eagerly awaited the return of Grey's Anatomy last Thursday night. No, I'm not the type of person who cries when a show goes off the air or anything, but I really felt like the writer's strike threw off the balance of the universe, and I'm happy to have Grey's back. world in order once again.

Hospital - The reason I've been absent. My cousin and my father's closest living relative is critically ill in the hospital. She's been there for two weeks and has declined steadily. I'm sad because this is really the only person left for my father, we're all really stressed at home with her being sick, some crap that's going down at my father' s job, and to add to my personal stress, we've got school and the simple existence of May and June. I have one free weekend in May and no free weekends in June. While everyone loves weddings and parties, the amount of them squished into this short period and the fact that 4 of the events will occur out of state stress me out, because nearly all of them require a car filled with gasoline and a gift. I think people will be cool regarding the gas and we can work out splitting it if a bunch of us carpool, but still. I am stressing a bit. Right now I am trying to think positively about my cousin's frankly grave state and my finals, but I am sort of just holding my breath and hoping things go well. Like they say in Botswana, I'm standing on one toe...

Happy Birthday. Finally on a happier note, I had a fantastic birthday with my sister. She took me to Oasis Day Spa to have my nails done and it was soooo relaxing. We then headed to the Cape for lunch and tea and to buy some jewelry.....then I googled yarn shops on my cell phone (like a true knit-a-holic) and we drove to a yarn shop where I found 10 skeins of Noro for $40, a perfect starter for the coveted Lizard Ridge afghan I would like to start. To top it off, Ame made a strawberry rhubarb pie and an awesome and quirky cross stitch picture for me, a picture of all these little woodland creatures going to a party with their hats on:
I just love it, and it's even cuter in person....I'm looking at it now. Plus she hand painted the frame! I think we are going to try and open an etsy shop for our cross stitch work soon. we'll have to see.

Well that's it. It's been kind of a crap month with a few gems here and there. I can only hope that things will start looking up in May....I HOPE.

Loopy

So I am very very loopy from my platelet donation. I need to sit a while and let everything readjust, as well as flush the anticoagulant from my system. I haven't forgotten about G and H....I'll be back!

F

My friend just sent me this email. It sums up life at the moment.
And makes great use of the letter F

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

f*ck.

I edited it with the *. But seriously, right now, I'm sitting at my desk, going over my thoughts, and that's the word that keeps flashing in my head. Holy ever-loving F*CK!

Hopefully in 24 hours or so I will be better. I hope I hope.

Elephants/Eccezionale

E was a hard letter to tackle, I admit it. I'm glad I've got a few weeks before "X" comes up.

When I tried to thing of interesting blog fodder that begins with E I thought of two things, an animal and a word. Random, but here goes.

Elephants are probably what every kid thinks of when you say 'name something that begins with E,' but it's fresh in my mind today. We went to a candle party on Friday (they really are fun, I have to admit) and PartyLite has this elephant votive holder that I was going to get. I decided on a set of mini-elephants, as the big elephant was too pricey and I was trying to be a good girl for a change. The hostess brought her friend to take orders for her, and as she was cashing me out she asked me where I was going to put the votives. "Well," I said, "I have sort of this Africa table in my room. I've been there twice and once was for four months, so I have quite a collection and I think the elephants will go well with my giraffe family and carved frame and little boma I have on the table." Right away, the woman, whose name was Cecile, exclaimed "You've been to Africa? Twice? What was it like?" I told her that I'd been to Kenya, once for a semester, once on a reunion trip and couldn't wait to get back there. Normally when I am the slightest bit intoxicated I ramble on and on, and in this case I was trying to hold back and not bore this poor woman, but she kept asking question after question. I finally said to her "If you ever get the chance to go, you must. Seeing an elephant in the wild is out of this world. It will literally blow your mind." Which I think is true. I saw hundreds of elephants during my semester there, but even upon my return in '06 they still filled me with the greatest sense of wonder. You look at them and think of the things they have seen - you can tell they are incredibly intelligent, and that they're looking right back at you, trying to decide what to make of you. Seeing an elephant face to face (ok within reasonable distance, they are quite dangerous at times) is magic. I recommend the experience to everyone.

Eccezionale is far more random than elephants. It means something like "extraordinary" or "exceptional" in Italian, and is actually the name of an Irene Grandi song we had to sing in class. Unlike most of the Italian songs we were forced to sing in classe d'italiano this one was singable (try getting 20 girls to sing Con Te Partiro or O Mio Babbino Caro. Not good.). It's kind of a rock song with a great chorus, though I find the music video somewhat ODD



Anyways, I love the song and still listen to it as well as another track, Verde Rosso e Blu. As I was thinking about how I love listening to these songs despite the fact that I can only get a basic idea of what they're about, given my poor italian skills, I realized that there a lot of foreign language songs on my iPod, and I don't know what the HELL a lot of them are about, yet I still enjoy the songs. Here they are: Corcovado (which is Portuguese and English, but so lovely) by Astrud and Joao Gilberto, Kothbiro by Ayub Ogado, Fanta by Baaba Maal, Tabu Wote Changu Sasa, Shosholosa, Any Ladysmith Black Mambazo (hhahhhhaa YES), A La Claire Fontaine by Laure Shang, Szerelem Szerelem by Marta Sebestyen, Malaika and Holili by Miriam Makeba, Soweto Daal by Wasis Diop, Mos Mos by E-Sir, Baba Yetu from Civilization IV, and Choli Ke Peeche from the movie Khalnayak, though I have some remix rap version. These are just a few favorites anyways, the ones I badly attempt to belt out while driving in my car. It's kind of fun to branch out and listen to stuff you don't understand - though I did just find out that some people think Choli is a little crude meaning something to the effect of "what's under you blouse?" I'll be careful where I blast that one, LOL.

D is for...

Done

I am so DONE

With school
With studying
With obsessing
With stressing

I am DONE
And I'm going to have a DRINK!!!

Cancer/Courtesy/Change

Cancer

I work at a cancer hospital in Boston. It's not great secret which one it is and it's also no great secret that for the past three years I've had a torrid love-hate relationship with my job. In general this job is "a living" - it's nothing dramatic, it's nothing extraordinary, it's something I do that keeps me out of trouble. I have had some incredibly humbling experiences since working here that have made me grateful simply to have the strength to step outside in the sunshine and take a breath of fresh air, but I credited the Institute itself for those experiences - I've never really given my job itself that much credit. Why? Because for the most part it is rather dull. I sit in front of two computer screens for most of my days, abstracting medical records into a database which tracks non-Hodgkin's lymphoma patients' diagnoses, treatments, and outcomes, as well as a slew of other data. I mean it's interesting at times, and I'm up on most of the latest lymphoma treatments out there. I've learned a great deal about the human body too, but for the most part, the work day drags and I only feel relief when I step outside, flip on the iPod and start making my way home. I dreamed of the day I'd walk out of here forever, not to return unless donating platelets or (heaven forbid) if I or someone in my family became sick. That was until last week, when my former project manager came to present her thesis defense to our department. She had earned her PhD and was now looking to get published. I always enjoy heme onc presentations since so much of my department is focused around things such as end-of-life care, palliative care, outcomes, etc. When she came to the methods section, the presenter explained that her data came from the database. MY database. My ears perked up. As she continued to speak, she gave the details of what the database collects. My heart swelled with pride. "That's my data," I thought. For the first time I saw the real deep and true value of what I do. Then I started thinking about how this has been my project for three years, and I felt myself getting almost emotional about letting it go. As a control freak, this project has been a perfect fit, I now know I'll have a hard time leaving it behind, even though when I go, it will be time to go!

As for courtesy, I'm going through one of those phases where the level of rudeness I observe on the T every day is reaching maximum capacity, and I feel like I'm going to snap and do something extreme or rude (and by "extreme" I mean throw the paper someone just threw on the floor back in their faces and by "rude" I mean push back or say EXCUSE ME really loudly. Nothing violent or anything!) Yesterday I was on the green line and started to fall, because I got shoved into that annoying spot where you can't reach a vertical pole, and you're too short to reach the horizontal pole, and you just have to balance with like, two fingers barely touching the vertical pole. All the people sitting just stare up at you as that stupid train bounces you around. Of course the Heath Street train is particularly offensive given that it is so overcrowded. As I was trying to balance the other day, we took a hard turn between Arlington and Copley and I lost my balance, something I hate because it makes you look so spazzy. So I start to fall backwards. The lady on my left was really cool in that she tried to catch me, she actually made a grab for my coat, which I appreciate. The women on my right, instead of sticking a hand out and just pushing me back, MOVED. Yup they moved so I could fall backwards and they could watch. I regained my balance at the last minute and stepped on one of their feet. I felt really bad, but then again they did just let me fall. I mean you don't see a person collapse and move so they hit the deck unless they are far away or too big to help down gently. While that is very very mild in terms of the usual rudeness that I see, I will still sort of all down about my fellow humankind and their willingness to help each other. Sigh. I did see something nice today though to restore some of my faith. This lady was trying to jet out of the Red Line at South Station and she kind of took out a woman, also exiting the train, on her way out. I figured she keep walking, but instead she stopped herself, turned and said "I'm sorry. You go ahead." Wow. There is hope!

Change
So today is the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination. Since I was a little kid, I had this odd fascination with MLK. I don't know why exactly, but I must've found his words inspirational, because as a second-grader I memorized part of his "I have a dream" speech for fun and recited it for my teacher. I remember I used to get chills when I got to this part: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." I thought it was beautiful, even though I didn't understand the full meaning of it all until I was older. Since I am only 25 - well 26 in 12 days (wow. time FLEW) I obviously was not alive in MLK's day, and don't truly understand the times and the struggles of the times, the tumultuousness that filled the United States, and I don't think anyone who didn't live through that can really understand what it was like. I listed to the words of Dr. King and I am so puzzled as to why people were scared of what he said - his words were so beautiful, so full of hope and determination. Listening to them today, I wonder what he would think if he were still alive today - or rather what he would think, were he to return, as I think his continued fight for equality would have made the nation a very different place. While I don't think MLK would be overjoyed to see some of the things that are happening in this country, I really think that he would not write us off as hopeless, not just yet. Why? Because I hear his words echoed in the words of another man, you know, that guy who keeps calling for change, telling us "Yes We Can." I'm not going to plug B-rock obnoxiously as I usually do, but I really think that 40 years later, we need to revisit the teaching of Martin Luther King. We need to read his words, we need to think about the things he said and the vision he had for this country...and I'm not talking about reading his speeches and saying "oh segregation? it's done, it's over, we're good now." I mean getting in there and reading his words and thinking about how far we still need to go, that we must, we must, we must change.

"With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day" MLK

"We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles
stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope." B-rock

Stepping off my soapbox now, the air up here is thin ;)

Bridesmaid Duties

B today.

So as I have previously mentioned, I am a bridesmaid in my friend's June wedding. Though I will be one of 13, I still feel special and will be very excited and happy and proud to be standing alongside my friend as she marries her man.

Since there 13 of us, I decided, out of the blue, that I would take it upon myself to make a bridesmaid survival kit, since other typical bridesmaidly duties are being handled by the Man of Honor and the bride herself. If Africa taught me one thing, it was to carry your sh*t with you everywhere because you never know when you might get stuck in the mud and need to spend the night in the middle of the bush in your car and to expect the unexpected. Now supplies will be easy to come by in the urban jungle of New York City should someone need an emergency tampon or something, but why risk not being prepared - especially when there is delightful, delicious consumerism involved?!!

I have already chosen the kit. No prepackaged bridesmaid survival kit will do, not for me, I am a customizing woman, but I did look at all the kits on the market to steal ideas. Once I compiled a list of what I would need, I realized that I would need more than your average rubbermaid. I would need something large but transportable, with compartments and drawers. I found the perfect kit at AC Moore on Sunday, and waited to receive an email coupon from them before buying it - 50% off one item this week! I plan to get a couple things for it every week until it is full of goods that we might need...oh, and I WILL be taking it back home with me too, that is for sure. I'll want to have it for my bridesmaids too!

Now you may be asking yourself, "what the HELL is in a bridesmaid survival kit." My reply is "ha ha what isn't?" I plan to have the usual female necessities on hand, such as tampons and gum and mints and tissues. But then I'm going to take it to a whole other level and have super glue for broken heels, first aid products, dental floss, batteries, film, deodorant, mini sewing kit, safety pins, hairspray, earring backs, perfume, you name it. Obviously I won't have these in huge amounts, so if every bridesmaid needs a role of film, we're shit out of luck, but if I can bail that one gal out, my work will not have been in vain.

Those are my Bridesmaid duties.

I wonder if it's wedding-acceptable to carry your camera down the aisle....dang, I bet it's not...

Accepting Average

So I totally blew NaBloPoMo last November. I almost made it but didn't exactly sprint to the finish, so when word went out that '08 was going to be NaBloPoYr (National Blog Posting Year) I thought "Hell no, I can't post every day, not even going to try!" I am going to adopt the April theme though, which is letters. I'm going to take it on literally (hahahhaha) too, and go right through the 26 in the alphabet. GO ME.

So A.

I've been stressing a lot lately about a bunch of different crap, mostly school, though the general baseline of school stress makes me susceptible to all kinds of other stress and obsessing (like the wedding shower, or exactly what kinds of cake cones I will be taking to my friend's recital. I mean she doesn't care, I KNOW she doesn't, but I'm like "ooh yay, more obsessing fodder" sick). My friend EE called me the other day (to request the cake cones lol) and I told her that I needed some Xanax or something to talk me down from the ledge, because I am being obsessivecrazystressed. After offering me klonopin (half/maybe/almost/very seriously??) she started chatting about her upcoming recital and the preparation involved and how she's stressing as well. But then she gave me the most incredible advice, passing it on from her speech therapist lady (EE forgive me if she is not a speech therapist and I f*ck up her quote!) She basically said, in so many words, that people go into something expecting to be freaking brilliant king of the world or expecting total and complete failure, and all you really need to do is come out in the middle somewhere. Be average.

Holy. Crap.

That's all I needed to hear. I need to learn to accept average. I don't need to be the best at plant physiology, or at school, I need to be average, I just need to pass. I don't need to have summa cum laude on my degree, I just need that piece of paper saying I did the work. I don't need trumpets and flowers and little doves flying down to turn the tassel on my mortarboard, I just need to show up and get it down and walk away from Tufts and never look back. That's all.

Accept. Average.

Thinking

I keep thinking that I want to graduate so badly because I can't wait to reclaim a normal life. And maybe go to the gym once in a while. And definitely sew more...and knit more..and run...maybe a marathon? And of course, plan THE WEDDING.

Yes, Fish Slap Calm Me

So if you know me, you know I like to plan. Yeah, I may procrastinate when it comes to school work and stuff like that, but in terms of "events" I love planning. A friend recently reminded me of a brunch Ame and I had here about a year ago. "My God, it was so AMAZING" she wrote. I had forgotten about it a bit, and then thinking back I thought "Damn, that sh*t was amazing if I do say so" saved mostly by Amy's scrambled eggs after I ruined a dozen that I made by keeping them in the oven to warm while the boys looked for champagne. Seriously though, that brunch was planned to hell, as was our recent PartyLite party, about which the rep said "your party had the best food ever." Hee.

Basically I like to plan more than parties, so I am probably well-suited to be planning for a wedding, even if it is years away. In the past two days I've pretty much picked out a reception site that I looove (hopefully Jam will like it too! otherwise it'll be back to google lol) and have formulated a few other ideas. Planning makes me happy. Planning makes me feel secure. I LIKE PLANNING.

I have a friend getting married soon who is a planner as well, but I don't know if her planning has fallen by the wayside or if she is planning only for herself or WHAT but the planning seems distinctly crappy in this case. Her wedding is 80 or so days away and I have no idea what is going on, except that I'm in it. That's about it. Everything about it makes me uneasy, not because I don't think it will be a fabulous time, but because I'm worried about the day living up to the bride's expectations in light of the fact that no one seems organized. In desperation, I looked up her gift registries in hopes of pinning down a gift. I had visions of grandeur for a gift, an art print I had seen a few years ago, but it's out in Saratoga Springs, and with graduation (I hope) finals, a ribbon-cutting ceremony, another wedding and two christenings in my midst I don't envision making the trip out to Saratoga to fetch the gift (it's too large and fragile to be shipped) so I turn to Macy's, Crate & Barrel and Bed, Bath and Beyond for inspiration. I find a large ticket item on sale and potentially splittable, so I email two of my fellow friends and bridesmaids.

One emails me back and is like "this is great, but can we include more people, or plan for xyz."
I like, FREAK OUT my reply. FLIPPAGE. I'm like "this wedding is driving me crazy, it's unorganized, I only have three free weekends left between April, May and June, it's going to be expensive, the hotel is going to be costly, blah blah freaking out blah, and I just want to get ONE THING accomplished."

My friend then replied with an equivalent of the fish slap in 50 First Dates, seen at 2min20sec in the video below




She basically said that the wedding is THEIR day and if they EFF it up it's not our fault. It's no one's fault. They never asked for help, and there comes a point where you need to let go. We're totally stressed about school and money and our own lives. If she doesn't have a shower, she doesn't have one. If the bachelorette party is a slumber party the night before at the hotel, so it goes. It's out of our hands.

I don't know why I didn't think of that. I mean I guess I did because I always say to Jam "It's not my problem" but I was making it my problem. A big part of me was stressing because I want her day to be perfect for her own sake....but I'm not in charge of planning, so why the eff am I so obsessed?? I needed fish slap to make me calm clearly, LOL. I'm going to take my friend's advice and help if asked, but otherwise, sit back, chillax, and try to get through my own stuff....I really think that's the best thing I can do for me right now, too...summer school isn't exactly appealing!!

3 Years

Happy 3rd Dating Anniversary Sweetness! You still make me smile!

Oh Fair Controversy!

Yesterday Jamaal sent me this article, with "I don't see the reason for the controversy" written above the link. Controversy?! Woohooo I smell a blog post!

Turns out this incredibly articulate piece is a response to this article, criticizing Vogue's LeBron James/Gisele Bundchen April cover:
Critics are saying that the cover, shot by the famous Annie Leibovitz, "conjures up images of a dangerous black man" showing LeBron in a "Gorilla-like pose, baring his teeth" and Gisele looks all "Fay Wray." I cackled for a few minutes at this criticism. Then I thought "hold up, this is serious!" We're talking racial stereotypes, how media portrays black men, and how the world is completely overreacting here!

I cannot write as eloquently as Jason Whitlock about this whole issue, so I seriously recommend reading his take on the whole deal, but I'll share MY OPINION (hahahahaha) with you.

When I saw this cover I thought "mmmnnnn. I would sure like to be in the middle of a LeBron-Gisele sandwich." This cover is sexy - c'mon it's the "Shape" issue!! Vogue wanted two people at the top of their game, and what's more impressive, a woman AND a man, as Mr. James is only the third man to grace the cover of Vogue magazine, and the first African American man. I wonder if they put a female athlete on the cover, would there be such a controversy? Or a black supermodel? I wonder what Tyra would say about this incredible juxtaposition of sheer strength/athleticism hotness and supermodel good looks?

And in the end - why are we caring so much? Critics say that the photo is stereotypical. Is it, or are there criticisms the same old tired arguments that are so passe, they're becoming cliche? "LeBron looks like Godzilla, Gisele is a damsel in distress." *yaaaawwwnnn* Whitlock asks, "Are we only bothered by negative images of black men when the primary/sole consumer of the image is white people?" He then brings up movies that are targeted towards black people, yet are stereotypic and "simple-minded"....but they aren't criticized because they're "made for us." He further points out that LeBron himself once stated that his goal was to be one of the richest men alive, and he is therefore equivalent to a "child celebrity" and "He's in very good and very deep company when it comes to being unconcerned with and unqualified for the job of representing black men in a positive light." Ouch! He makes an excellent point though, even if he makes me feel somewhat guilty of my love for this magazine cover on the purest of pure superficial level (it's attractive to the eye). While I'm sure Whitlock will take the heat for his biting commentary, I think this needed to be said (I also love his shot at the Clinton campaign....*ZING*) especially since this is an issue people don't like to get into: white people are uncomfortable about it. They think "sh*t. is this offensive? is this wrong and we didn't see it?" I say this from experience, as I said to Jamaal "this may be easy for me to say, because I am white, but i think the controversy is weak" to which he replied "No I think it's pretty easy to say period" LOL rationality will bring us all together.

I don't mean to sound like an insensitive jerk here, or to sound like just another person who doesn't have to deal with the "stereotypic criminalization" of my demographic....actually, I'm writing as someone who tends to by hypersensitive about certain things. I am still reeling from the "stuff white people like" blog, because I visited it and found it boring and stereotypical, and hell, I hated half the sh*t on that blog! But seriously, I know I was being completely oversensitive...so I've chosen to ignore it. I realize that's a lot different than seeing this magazine cover in stores, on newsstands and billboards everywhere, but do you get the gist of what I'm trying to say? We all need to caaaaalm down. A lot.

While the rest of the world is calming down, I'm going to go buy Vogue. Normally, I only read vogue at the nail salon, when it's well-thumbed and seven months old, but this purchase will be on principle this time around. Why? Because the cover is hot and I like seeing diversity featured on such a prominent magazine cover. Diversity is SEXY (and if you interpret that as "Jamaal and Allison are sexy," that is OK!!! Also, having the issue will better help me imagine myself in that Lebron-Gisele sandwich about which I was talking earlier....yummmmm.

Back In the Saddle

Oh *sigh*

It's been back to school this week! It really sucks up all of my focus too, giving my family a good break from wedding talk (of course Jamaal is not spared, that'll teach him for asking me! lol). I have a mere 37 days until my final, a number which I am finding QUITE terrifying. Never have I been so scared to fail...ok that's a lie, I was scared witless I would not get into my top choice school, not necessarily because it was my top choice and somewhat hard to get into, but because I did NOT like any of my other options (note to those looking at colleges: look at more than 5 if you can stand it. HAVE OPTIONS!). This I'm really freaking out about, and I'm not sure why. I mean, of course, I WANT to be done, but no one is really banking on my finishing in May. Some friends have made plans to come up for the graduation, but it's nothing set in stone and they could just as easily stay home, and since my family is local, it's no biggie to them. Why am I freaking out? I think it's because I have such high expectations of myself. The only person I'll really be failing if I don't pass plant phys is myself, and the person who will be most disappointed is me.

I feel I have two options in dealing with this. One option was suggested by Jamaal: focus on the positive. Good advice given my predilection for associating all things Tufts with doom and gloom. My second option is to let go. Just to let go. What is that blessing about God granting me the serenity to accept things I can't change? It's along that line. I think I might aim for a combination of the two options. Oh, and email the professor and make him tell me the secrets to passing his class...and by passing I mean getting a B- or above.

Let's see. So this week has been fun and exciting because two people have asked me for my address for wedding invitations. Hurrah! And Jam might be able to join me, definitely for one, maybe for both. WOOT! Plus we're both in the same wedding in June. Guess it's that time of life, though one couple is in their 50's. All of these weddings should be particularly enjoyable as one is in Maine over Memorial Day (you just can't beat Maine in May, just so lovely) and one is very local in October, but will have a special flair as the couple is living abroad and will have all sorts of guests. Plus my sister will be there, as well as some of her oldest friends, so it's guaranteed to be a rockin' good time, plus we're staying in a hotel all together. Let the Captain Morgan FLOW!

Also, today I donated to the Obama campaign. Can you believe it? ME? DONATING? TO A POLITICIAN?! It just goes to show you that I hardcore *believe* in this guy. Cause I'm not writing a political blog here I won't go into the gory details of why I know he's more than qualified and capable of becoming our next leader, but I totally wrote on the submission form something to the effect of "I DON'T DO STUFF LIKE THIS EVER." Translation: Don't mess up. Please!

What else? Oh yes, I donated something else today too, but not money, PLATELETS! My donation was flawless and I got to watch a decent chunk of Little Miss Sunshine too. This was definitely my speediest donation at 1 hour and 20 minutes. The blood was literally flying from my veins. I also had a massive Hgb (for me) a whopping 13.8! Who is badass? ME!!!!! Well ok, not me, but my blood is kind of a rockstar right now.

I think that's it. Life is rather mundane now that I'm not hanging out in restaurants where devilishly handsome young men are on one knee asking me to be their wedded bride and all :D Actually both Jam and I are back to being buried by work and school. Yes, most definitely anticipating a Memorial Day in Maine....as long as the transmission in my Subaru doesn't bottom out. But that's another story.

Happy Hump Day, readers few and far between!