Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Justice/Job Searching/Just Married

Justice: My grandma is convinced that there is a serious black cloud hanging over our family. First of all we have our cousin in the hospital, in ICU all sedated and ventilated with colon mets and are between a rock and a hard place given her care. I went in to the hospital yesterday with my dad (her health care proxy) and while he asked questions like "so you think she'll wake up and work again" I got all cancer hospital on their asses and was like "what did her renal status look like today?" Yeah, I do research but in the past three years have read easily over 1,500 medical records or MORE so I know some sh*t. Plus the nurse was like "don't sell yourself short, you probably know a lot more than you think you do." Ha ha yeah, like how I totally diagnosed Jam's coworker with Meniere's Disease!! I should start a booth on the corner with a sign "Diagnosis $20." Anyhow, we have the cousin who is ill and needs decisions made for her and no decision will be easy or good.

Then we have the fact that my grandma ATE IT in the backyard. When I say that my grandma fell, people get this image of a little old lady puttering around in her garden, all house dress and white hair. Oh no. Granny was on the porch enjoying a leisurely afternoon reading a book when she noticed a squirrel digging in her garden. "That damn squirrel!" she exclaimed, taking off her glasses and putting down her book. She whipped open the porch door, took a leap towards the garden, yelling at the squirrel, and tripped on a rain gutter. Not wanting to break her glasses, the woman did NOTHING to break her fall and landed on her knees then her face. She got a ride in ambulance for that.

Dad, let's see....he had gum surgery Monday, complete with 7 stitches. Add that to the complete and utter bullsh*t he has had to tolerate at work, he is not a happy camper.

Mom is better, recovering from a certain medical procedure...see if you can guess what it was...first you sh*t for like, EVER, then you get probed. Yeah. It's like a dark family secret that she even got a c****oscopy, so I won't mention it here anymore, but it turned out ok in the end. Of course Dad's turn is on Tuesday and he is not secretive. He's like "Oh I got to sit on the toilet all night on Monday then they put the camera up my ass." Awesome Dad, way to be brutally honest and fairly descriptive.

Me and Ame? I think we're pretty much ok. You know. Stress and crap. I have a final on Friday that could spell certain doom or victory. I am thinking VICTORY. I have a feeling. Yes. It's really the only thing I have control of at this point.

Finally the JUSTICE part. So the black cloud extended to my aunt and uncle yesterday, when someone tried to break into their house and left a trail of blood inside their kitchen (they didn't get IN to the house, but apparently bled INTO their house. Lovely) which covered the floor, their curtains, the deck, etc. This of course was pleasing to HPD because they were all "SCORE!! EVIDENCE! BLOOD EVIDENCE!!" If they ever arrest someone maybe they will do a DNA matching test!!! Knowing small town HPD though they will probably just hold the bloodied kitchen curtain up to the suspect and be like "Oh is this your blood?" Nah, I sell them short, HPD is pretty awesome, and I think they are probably way more badass than I think they are. Anyways, my uncle and cousin took the "I'm freaked out" reaction. I would be too, absolutely. My aunt chose rage, probably a little bit because her neighbor witnessed the whole scenario (besides the actual break-in) and did NOT call the police (I thought they were workmen! she said. Yeah workmen with dark hoodies and leather gloves? SURE!) and because her door is ruined. She hoped they bled to death. I think I am mostly wishing for not death justice but embarrassing legal justice where the thieves are caught and arrested and we get to go to the arraignment and look at their faces with unbridled disdain and judgment and say "You bastards effed up the kitchen door!!! But you were too big of a loser to get in a steal sh*t!" Ahh fantasies.

Job Search: Yep, I'm at work and job searching....because I am so confident I will pass my final with flying colors and graduate. I don't plan to switch jobs til fall, but I figure there is no harm in looking. Unfortunately most interesting jobs that combine the delightful fields of conservation and social justice pay s-h-i-t. And while I am all about undertaking a noble profession for a good cause, I need a raise if I am going to pay my student loans. Wicked depressing, yet the harsh reality of it all. I think I need an ice cream cone.

Just Married: No I did not elope. I was flipping through the Lowe's and Home Depot circular looking for large potted palms for next week's Foster Parrots/NEEWS Grand Opening complete with Jane Goodall. I was flipping through the pages past the usual junk, you know like spackle and insulation and ceiling fans and faucets and I thought "sh*t. One day Jam and I are going to own a home. And this type of crap? We'll get off on it. We'll be like "OMG can't wait til Saturday, linoleum on special at the Home Depot. Maybe we can do the kitchen floor?!" Maybe I exaggerate the excitement that moderately-priced lighting fixtures will bring to our lives as Jam isn't exactly handy...maybe it'll be something like "F8ck. I broke the toilet. Allison??!!" Who know though. The excitement could happen. Scary.

No comments: