debtor's prison

Because I have been accepted to the School of Graduate and Professional Studies program at Tufts University this fall...(pause)

*takes moment to bow deeply acknowledgeing the feat of getting in*

(resume)......I have been trying desperately, desperatel, DESPERATELY to get out of debt. My debt isn't humongous (well...let's say that not including the student loan I took out for my bachelor's degree, it's under $10,000) but it's mere presence is a great annoyance. When I look at the pitiful amount I put in savings each week ($20!! only $20!!) I feel so inadequate. Someone like me should be throwing money in savings and practically debt free! I still live with my parents!! True, I do pay all my bills, but let's face it people, I don't have to come up with rent every month. I try to imagine my life with that and I can't, not with a car and car insurance and loans, etc etc. The very worst of it is the credit card debt I've accrued. Yes, a huge amount of it is Kenya's fault, that's true, but what was I to do, not go?

Anyways, I have come up with a debt elimination plan which may prove to be worth while. I have a set amount I set aside weekly. While this seemed like the perfect plan at first, it isn't flawless, because midway through the month I dumbly realized that not all of my bills are due at the end of the month when I have all this money saved and set aside. Oh well, it's a minor glitch in the road. Things should get better. I definitely have challenges ahead and I know that, but I also know that one of my credit card balances has been reduced by half since I started this plan two months ago, which makes me happy.

There are disappointments and hardships. There always seem to be an endless string of weddings and babies and birthdays and coming up with gifts has been tricky, but if I can just get to September I know I'll be ok...of course, then school comes and I'll have a whole other fish to fry. But for now, I am trying to stick to the budget. I'm trying to evaluate whether or not I need something before I buy it and have started to plan things ahead so I can budget....yes, Christmas presents have already been thought of. Cause I'm anal like that. I just feel like I have to get myself in order. School has been one part of that quest, and I'm going to make finances, the other, and just keep imagining how good life will be with an extra $325 a month when I'm done paying off my car -_-

Addendum (just like a doctor's note, LOL)
I wrote that post while falling asleep, and it probably be seems morose....while it is true, I am not morose about my financial situation, and yesterday I had a minor victory in the quest to stop excessively spending. I went to JoAnn's fabrics to get fabric for some wee bunnies (may I take a moment to say that for what it is, JoAnn's is quite good, but I loooong LONG for a truly excellent fabric store in my area...then again, it could lead to the feeding of a deadly addiction...) and I managed to spend on ly $6.00 and I went in wanting to spend no more than $20! $14 below budget! I found a lovely pink fuzzy remnant for $1.11, perfect for the bunny fronts, plus I have old pajama fabric for the back, and together they'll make something quite perfect for a baby. I also got some fat quarters for a dollar each. True I didn't buy everything I needed and still need to get a bit of fabric for a project, I think, and some linen for cross stitch, but first I need to thoroughly search my house in case there is something more appropriate there, as my mother keeps a stash she really doesn't use...So in the end, I think I can pull off this whole living in a budget get out of debt deal.....and still manage to do ok :)

muzak meme cause I am so bored at work

muzak (or not) meme

Stolen from everyone (by my sister, from whom I stole it)

Total volume of music files on my computer:
* 664 cause I'm at work....

The last CD I bought was:
* Smithereens CD at the Smith bookstore when I was there for reunion.

Last acquired:
* The Hot 97 Request Line and Now 21, both burned for me by Jam.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
* I'll Believe Anything - Wolf Parade (I love this, discovered it from dooce and have adopted it. I listen to it when I walk to work from the chain to bring my mood up, and while I run. I love the band's funky sound and the lyrics are amazing)
* Elevator Love Song - The Stars (also from dooce. I love love love it and listen to it on the way out of work to calm the mood down. The lyrics are sad, but I think they would speak to a lot of people from my particular generation, even if they don't directly refer to me.)
* Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley (this one isn't particularly meaningful, more fun to sing and it's on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack which is permanently trapped in my car's CD player)
* Stranded - Smithereens (also trapped in the car CD player. Plus I love a capella. Unlike all other music I have a small chance in hell of sounding good while singing it because of all the different ranges. Plus this song has beautiful lyrics "It's coming over you, like it's coming over me, I'm crashing like a tidal wave, that drags me out to sea, I wanna be with you, if you wanna be with me, I'm crashing like a tidal wave, and I don't wanna be, STRANDED)
* I had Little Earthquakes by Tori as the last one cause it was the last one I was blasting in the car, but instead I'm gonna put "I'm Sorry" by Jem, because I love playing this song at work, it REALLY fits.



Top five genres:
* unknown
* vocal
* workout
(because I am sad and haven't classified my songs)

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton (I am also tagging the unsuspecting with this...):
hahahah pretty much no one, but that's ok
- - - - - - - - -


Sort by Song
First Song: 1 Thing (Party Blend) - Ty Boogie (yeah I don't even know it, ha ha)
Last Song: You'll Keep Me Then? - Out of Africa soundtrack (this clip breaks my heart everytime I hear it)

Sort by Time
Shortest Song: "Save Me Jebus!" - Homer Simpson (0:12) (same as Ame, amazing)
Longest Song: Konstantine - Something Corporate (9:37)

Sort by Artist
First Artist: 50 Cent (Disco Inferno - oh the shame)
Last Artist: Various (Clarinet Concerto in A Minor, Mozart, from "Out of Africa" soundtrack)

Sort by Album
First Album: 12/04 (which Amy burned for me)
Last Album: Work It (workout songs, also burnd by Amy)

Search the Keyword--song title only--and see how many songs appear:

"Sex": 1
"Death": 1
"Love": 22
"You": 59
"Me": 117
"Drug": 0
"Hate": 3

Shuffle your library and list the first five songs. No padding your playlist you hipster, you. Be honest, or I'll kill you.

1. Let's Get Loud - J Lo
2. A swahili song that is fabulous, but I don't know the name of it - I call it the "shakin song" cause of the lyrics
3. In My Life - Judy Collins
4. Karma - Alicia Keys
5. The Chokin' Kind - Joss Stone


Total music: 664, 5:08, 7,238KB

disturbed, then sad, then angry

This morning I was driving to work, same as always. I pulled out of my street onto a more main, yet still heavily wooded road. As I drove down Union Street, I nearly died of shocked as I looked to my left and saw that about 4 acres of land had been clear cut and a group of men were standing next to their big machines having a chat. We had heard that the land was being looked at for houses, but were hoping that the land wouldn't perk due to the heavy rain we've had, or the builders would lose interest. Then today without warning, the trees are gone. There will probably be houses there by the end of the summer.

I was shocked to see this, so horrified that I nearly drove off the road into someone's split rail fence. I quickly straightened the wheel, but it still felt like a punch in the stomach. A few seconds passed and I got over the shock and horror, and then it was replaced by incredible sadness, a sadness that, yet again, a piece of my town has been clear cut for development. It makes me ill to see piece by piece the town turning from woods and field to hideous 1 acre plots upon which million dollar houses are built. I got a panicky feeling when I thought about the trees being cut down. What if there were bird's nests in there? Then I thought of the wildlife. This tract of land has been unoccupied for who knows how long. A house across the street was built in 1820 or so, so we can safely assume that there hasn't been anyone on that land since then, and even if it was at one point farm land, it's been resting for a very long time, long enough to grow thick stands of pines. So for the past 150 to 200 years or so, no one has touched that land and it's been wild, hosting who knows how many types of birds and animals and plants and insects. Had they been crushed, obliterated or had they survived to escape? I can only wonder.

Finally, sitting here now, all I feel is an intense rage for people who could show such disregard for the world around them. I feel disappointed and sad for the people who look at a tract of forest and see it plowed down and replaced by houses. I am disgusted by people who consume, consume, consume, knocking down forests and displacing wildlife so they can live in a 4,000 square foot house and park their escalade in the driveway. People may listen to me or read this and think 'there goes that raging tree-hugging liberal again' but it's not just the wildlife I'm worried about. I do understand people need a space on this planet too, but the implications of building on that piece of land may be greater than anyone anticipates. Cutting down trees is the first issue. As soon as that is done, you lose a major absorber of ground water, which would be an issue on this piece of land because it is damp and has a tendency to flood. You reduce the amount of oxygen around you (which might not be noticed) and your house is going to bake in the summer sun, thus driving up the cost of air conditioning the house (because of course, these people will have central air and will probably never open the windows). Traffic will increase on road as well. Also, because a major wildlife corridor has been fragmented, human wildlife interaction is inevitable. Deer will probably eat bushes and trees, and the residents will see coyotes in their yard, and probably flip out about it too. But you know what? You get what you deserve. For doing this, for RAPING the land, I hope their basements flood everytime it rains. I hope the sun heats their house so unbearably in the summer that no amount of AC will ever make them comfortable. I hope deer eat their bushes, and coyotes eat their cats (or their children. Ok, I don't wish coyotes eat their cats, cause hey, the cats didn't do anything....plus they shouldn't be outside....as for the kids, I hope they don't get eaten, but I hope they are so terrified that they don't play outside. ha. there!). I hope they disturb nests of insects and mice and their houses are infested. Thinking of these things makes me smile, but in the end, they do no good, because even if this happnes, what's done is done. The forest is clear cut and gone, and even if by some strange miracle the builders choose not to build, I won't ever see that forest again, not in my lifetime.

Starbucks Cup #138 That's Been on my desk for 3 weeks waiting to be entered and might be moldy

The Way I See It #138

The good life is the middle way
Between ambition and compassion
Between action and reflection
Between company and solitude
Between hedonism and abstinence
Between passion and judgement
Between the cup of coffee
and the glass of wine.

--Jay McInerney
Author of Bright Lights, Big City
and The Good Life.

And yes, I opened the cup to see if it was moldy. NOt moldy as much as fermented and very very smelly. Ew. Throwing it away now. The end!

peeved

I wrote a list yesterday of things that annoyed me, but I didnt' finish it. So I went to edit it today and thought "well. It's all true, but how productive is this list really?" I can to the conclusion that it didn't really serve a purpose, mostly because I don't intentionally surround myself with people who annoy me, and those who do are only in my life because they have to be, and I can deal with that. So I let it go. EXCEPT FOR THE AMBULANCE RULE!!! I have spared that deletion simply because it is something that bothers me A LOT, even deep down in the pit of my stomach. Yeah, it's that serious, ha ha ha.

Things that annoy me:

People who do not pull over/cross the street in front of emergency vehicles
Yes, you might laugh at this and say "hey, if that's the biggest thing bothering you then have a nice life" but seriously, this one drives me absolutely crazy, moreso now that I'm working in an area that has 5 major hospitals/clinics within a block or so radius. The lack of respect I see for ambulances is absolutely ridiculous. Let's start with the city. I know it's congested in Boston and it's one bitch ass mother f*cker to drive in - I've been there, and I've been there and been lost too, believe me. But that does not give you the right to cut off an ambulance, nor take a left in front of it just cause the traffic clears. Nor does it give you the right to stop your car and not let it pass because you don't feel like pulling over. Here is the law written in layman's terms:

state law requires that ALL traffic pull over as far as possible to the RIGHT and COME TO A COMPLETE STOP upon the approach of emergency vehicles using red or blue lights; it doesn’t matter if the vehicle is using its siren or not; the statute specifically refers to the red or blue lights. Coming to a stop in the middle of an intersection or slowing down and then remaining in the center of a travel lane while an emergency vehicle attempts to pass is not acceptable. Violation of this state law carries a stiff fine.

These are the rules people. Time and time again I see blatant disrespect, especially for ambulances, which I would like to point are far more difficult to manuever than a more aerodynamic police car, when they have lights or sirens or both on. Drivers don't pull over and pedestrians leap into crosswalks trying to run across the street before the ambulance comes. If the fact that you are breaking the law doesn't phase you, I suggest thinking of it this way. Imagine you've been in a horrific car accident, or you had a heart attack at your house, or your spouse has cut off his/her leg with a chainsaw, or, perhaps your child has fallen into the family pool and doesn't have a pulse, your grandma's had a stroke - imagine you or any member of your family clinging to life in the back of an ambulance. Now the men and women who drive these things are good, real good, but you can't deny that you or whomever is critically ill needs an emergency room. Now would you honestly want the ambulance to have to slow down or stop for a pedestrian or a car that is hindering the way? What if you have to stop for 4 or 5 seconds? When you or someone you know is in an emergency situation, that is an eternity. What if you have to stop 10 or 15 or 20 times for 5 seconds? Those are precious seconds slipping away, literally, the difference between life and death. So before you decide to break the law and continue on your merry way to the supermarket, or the nail salon or to starbucks or whatever other useless mundane task you have to do, or before you run across the street to get to your office because you're ten minutes late for work, put yourself in the back of that ambulance and think again, b*tches.

and I could give you all the olive trees

I've definitely posted about the greatness of dooce before.
Well I guess she posted about music, either on dooce or on alphamom and she mentioned "I'll Believe Anything" by Wolf Parade. Ame played it for me and it sounded like a bunch of punk brits howling at the moon, but I thought it was catchy as hell. So today I downloaded it because a certain line gets stuck in my head all the time ('Give me your eyes, I need sunshine") and let me tell you, when you can only remember that one line, you want to shove a spoon in your eye as you rock in your chair and repeat yourself over and over again. So I downloaded it from iTunes (flawlessly, I might add, while my coworker tried desperately to download music on to her new nano and complained that iTunes was "blocked" -- of course I cackled!) and listened to it obsessively. I finally decided that I should just look up the lyrics too, so I can belt the song out in non-embarassing places, such as the car. Well, I looked up the lyrics and they really struck me as beautiful. Mind you they are not sung in a way people would consider "beautiful." I actually see my opera-singing friend cringing, but the delivery of the lines and the way they are sung makes them beautiful to me. It's as if the guy singing them is like "we are total fucked up disasters, but just stay with me and we'll make it all ok. I'll even give you olive trees........Here they are:

I'll Believe In Anything Wolf Parade lyrics

Artist: Wolf Parade Album: Apologies To The Queen Mary Year: 2005 Title: I'll Believe In Anything

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
said I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything

If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn

and I could take another hit for you
and I could take away your trips from you
and I could take away the salt from your eyes
and take away the spitting salt in you
and I could give you my apologies
by handing over my neologies
and I could take away the shaking knees
and I could give you all the olive trees
oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything

If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way
About your blood
your bones
your voice
and ghost
because nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way

and now I'll believe in anything

Starbucks Cup #118, Beth Israel Deaconess

a very necessary venti latte for a very venti day

The Way I See It #118

There are those who don't
understand the nobility of horror
fiction. Isn't there enough horror in
the world? they ask. For all other
forms of literature, the value of
human life is optional. For horror
fiction, it's absolutely necessary. If
we don't value the life of the
threatened protagonist, we can't be
scared. And through our fear, we
better understand the individual
fears and values of our species
across the world.

--E.C. McMullen Jr.
Horror fiction writer and
editor of FeoAmante.com

An interesting concept indeed.

Stylehive

SO. I got this stylehive business and FORGOT I GOT IT!
I have to work on that!
but first, I must finish 1,453,287 projects.
I am going to update it though.
So all can witness my shopping whore ways, heh heh heh

sometimes I think coffee makes me a better person

And it's not just the inspirational Starbucks cups

The Way I See It #114

I try to go through my days without
judging. I can't preten to know
what is going on in anyone else's
life buy my own. I am
compassionate and meet people on
a human level. We all just crave to
be loved as who we are. Talk to the
next unfamiliar face you see or
brighten someone's day with a
smile. Live with peace in your
heart and bright light in you soul.

--LeAnn Rimes
Musician. Her songs can be heard
on Starbucks Hear Music station,
XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.

Aww, LeAnn, so idealistic and optimistic. You know she probably has incredible road rage and berates her maid and gardener on a daily basis. No, she actually is a nice person I am sure. Ha ha so evil, I am.

Anyways. SO blogger has been crapped out for like, 5 days. I went to post about 1 billion times only to be rejected. At first I blamed it on FireFox, with which I have a really steamy and volatile love hate relationship. SO I switched to Internet Explorer, which I still use for "important" business, simply cause a lot of bank and credit card websites aren't ready to jive with FireFox, but alas, I was denied with IE as well, so I chalked it up to being a blogger problem and let it go. Of course, these issues have led me to be a blog slacker and so much has been going on in life. Ah well, not important anyways.

So this weekend is the second weekend in a row I am home, after the madness of graduations and parties and mini vacations. I am looking forward to this weekend very much, and am hoping to get a lot of things done that I missed out on last weekend (mainly sewing, because last Saturday night I fell over my mother's sewing machine and she thought I broke it, so I didnt' dare ask her to borrow it, plus my leg was really busted and I wasn't up to much except sitting and stitching - now the machine is mended and the leg is trying, though when I was running to work this morning I could feel the knot in my shin throbbing still) Plus I need to tackle my magazine article filing. Jam called while I was doing it the other night and he was like "oh is this your wedding binder?" (I swear any other man who heard I had a wedding binder would run for the hills, but Jam seems to accept it as a personality trait "anal retentive magazine page ripper and filer") Actually, the wedding binder hasn't been updated in at least 3 years, which is ironic, because now that I'm actually with someone I want to marry, I haven't updated the binder. Maybe because I don't want to jinx anything. I dunno. I might update it soon. But I am being cheap about buying wedding magazines, whereas I used to grab the InStyle wedding editions as soon as they came out. Why I wonder? Anyways, I've been filing recipes, gardening ideas, fitness regimens, party ideas, crafts, travel tips and ideas and though tedious it's been fabulous going through that stuff and remembering it. I think the next step will be to transcribe the recipes I've collected to a better system. Ultimately I think this would be a database, but screw that til I get a computer upgrade because right now, my computer at home is in the midst of a complete meltdown. The binder at least will keep the little scraps of paper I have ripped out of magazines and newspapers contained for the moment.

Scrapbooking must be a priority. I am so behind in scrapbooking and I so want to be doing more of it. I have a secret scrapbook I am working on, and need to find a scanner so I can scan pics into it (my computer would not install my sister's scanner for all the tea in China, that little bastard) and work on that. I need to have that done by next weekend. Also, my pictures have arrived from Snapfish and I am about ready to work on regular and super special artistic Kenya scrapbook. And my regular scrapbook is behind too. Almost a year. Ah, work to do.

Cross stitching projects are fairly up to date. I am nearly finished with the baby picture I am making for one of the twin girls. I am then going to whip two small projects I want to have done, then the wedding picture for Danielle and Ron who are getting married in August. Then I need to do some work on my sister's gifts and my mom's as well as the Noah's Ark piece I want to do for Thomas and Kim. I still haven't heard from the store on Beacon Hill, the store that was going to try and sell my pieces. Of course just this week I read on a blog that I went about it pretty much the worst way, by bringing my pieces to the store. Ugh, it was slightly awkward and this article was like "It's bad for everyone cause the owners feel pressured, the artisan feels pressured." Oh well. If they don't sell I guess I can have the pictures back, LOL. I am not going to worry about that, that's for sure. I have so much stuff to do as it is!

Then there are the billions of errands. Buying work pants, buying bird food, buying running shorts, etc etc. Getting gas, volunteering, dropping off dry-cleaning. Yes, literally millions of tasks. But I feel up for it. I feel ready to take it all on. Because let's face it, my life needs some structure, the structure it really isn't getting right now. It needs budgets and lists and projects completed. That's a whole other story. For now, I am going forth to conquer! grrrr.

Before I go, I am going to post this gorgeous picture of Crane's Beach in Ipswich, which I have been meaning to visit for at least 2 years. I am going to imagine it this weekend when I get stressed.....this beach and all the others here

brief reflection on the bitches I work with

So I was just listening to a conversation between stupid and anorexia, two of my coworkers. Anorexia's brother is getting married soon. She, of course, hates the bride-to-be, as does the rest of the family (so she claims) and she is making this wedding as difficult as possible for everyone in her attempts to get her brother to cancel it from frustration or cancel it because suddenly his sister has made him see the light about the whore he is about to marry and calls it off. Yeah right.

Now I have no idea if this fiancee is cool or not because anorexia is an entirely unreliable and biased source. And she's fucking crazy. Regardless of these factual bits, the point is that the bride-to-be registered at Target. God forbid, not Target, which to them, is a six letter word scarily similar to the dreaded *said in a whisper* Wal-Mart! GOD NO! NOT TARGET! When she mentioned that bride to be had registered there, I said "Oh a lot of people do though." WHICH IS TRUE. First of all, some people don't give a crap about 300 thread count sheets and Vera Wang China. Secondly, some people do care about that stuff, but also register at places like Target that sell quality things that aren't through the roof expensive. This ups your chance of actually getting things that you registered for and provides an opportunity for guests who can't afford to spend $300 on a place setting of china to get you something nice. But like I said earlier. Target is a six-letter swear word to these girls. As Anorexia said, "why can't she have some fucking class and register at Crate and Barrel?"

I sat in utter disgust for a moment, then started to think about my coworkers and how fucking catty they sounded. Seriously. They sounded like girls who were in high school who had just lost for prom queen. Whiny and ranking on other people. Then I realized everything about these bitches is superficial. Anorexia is obsessed with her looks. We all say "ugh my thighs/lovehandles/belly/whatever could use some trimmin'" SHE says "I can't eat that, too fattening" or "I do between 500 and 600 sit-ups a day, and if I can't get a six pack, YOU certainly couldn't" or "Allison will probably eat my share of dessert AS WELL as her OWN" (translation, Allison is fat and a pig) She only wears name brand clothes, particulary Ann Taylor Loft, because they're the only clothes that really fit her shrunken frame. She will only sport a coach or kate spade bag and looks disgustedly at my Vera Bradley old lady tote (which I think is DA BOMB! It's got elephants on it!) and thinks that making homemade gifts for people is horrifying and that the amount of money you spend on a gift is the only way they'll know you love them - she was horrified that I gave my boyfriend a scrapbook for our one year anniversary. She was like "oh that's nice, but I am giving my boyfriend a magazine signed by Jay-Z cause he loves Jay-Z, like, a lot."

Stupid, my other co-worker, is just that. Really fucking dumb. She isn't as superficial as anorexia and will sport the non-namebrand items, but she does stuff socially because it's the "thing" to do. She's one of those people who just goes with the flow. She does stuff like drinks beer cause all the cool kids are doing it, even though she hates beer. Every night the Sox are home, she announces "I'm going to the game." Me: Hey, I'm out, have a good night. You have plans? Stupid: *tosses hair* Um, Yeah, going to the game Me: Oh awesome, you got tickets then? Stupid: Oh God, no, we depend on someone on the street to sell us theirs. She pretends to be SO INTO the Sox, yet she doesn't know the players. Another coworker, the ONLY cool one in this office, and I were talking about Doug Mirabelli and stupid was like "um whoooo????" I wanted to be like "For someone who goes to "every" home game, you don't know who Mirabelli is?YOu must be dumb. She also goes to the cape every weekend. I think she goes just so she can tell us she is going. "Um it's TOTALLY a CAPE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!" She also loves to come in in the morning and go "Oh my God, Cape traffic? So bad, ugh, it took me, like, hours to get down and back." IT's sad that she can't do anything originial. And pathetic and superficial and lame.

These girls are bitches. But you know what else? THey're miserable bitches who fool themselves into thinking they are actually happy. They fill their meaningless lives with kate spade bags and tanning salons and scalped red sox tickets trying to fill the void of pointlessness in their lives. The best part is that they're also clueless and have no idea that everyday their bitchiness and stupidity gets broadcasted to no less than 10 of my friends, just so the rest of us can realize how great our lives are ;)

Musings

Finally after three weekends in a row of travelling, I am going to hunker down at home and do some cleaning and crafting, about which I am very excited.

Plans for the weekend were to spend the day on Martha's Vineyard tomorrow, but given the ominous weather report, those plans will probably be cancelled as we are going out there without a car, or I should say, my sister and I will be without a car while my dad takes the one vehicle we're taking over to a traffic safety demonstration. I think we envisioned ourselves shopping, hanging out and maybe even lounging on the beach, but in the rain, those plans really take a nosedive, especially with the lacking transportation. I hate to even admit, but I was slightly relieved to hear the weather. These past few weeks have certainly been enjoyable, but grueling. Living out of a suitcase every weekend can be irksome, but make that three weekends in a row, throw in driving an average of 1,000 miles a week, and then add in 10-12 hour days at work so as not to lose precious vacation hours you get one tired person. At least all the travelling I have done has been for fun: sister's graduation in Virginia, cousin's graduation in New York, two-year reunion in Northampton, relaxing getaway in Maine. But still, my relief at sleeping late in my own bed is great.

Of course my bedroom is a huge disaster. My sister has been keeping some stuff in there while she moves around her room and unpacks her stuff and moves things she doesn't need at this moment in time to storage. I don't mind that there's a bookcase, a box of something that I forget and a large wheelie suitcase in my room, but this does make moving around somewhat of a problem. And since I can't access things easily, like my closet, for example, I think "hell I'll just wait to unpack." Deadly choice. Last night we finally moved the bookcase out, and instead of putting away my packed clothes, I dumped them in the middle of my floor, rolled up my duffel (Vera Bradley, Citrus Print!!) and watched Primetime instead of being productive and cleaning up my shit. argh. Now I have some work ahead of me. I am optimistic about it though, cause HOLY CRAP I have two entire full days at home! I am even playing hooky from volunteering, which I feel slightly guilty about. But only slightly since they've been a little bitchy about people coming in only on weekends. Ha. I know the directors mean well, but their job is running the sanctuary. Mine is working at this cancer hospital. 8-4. Mon-Fri. I wish I could work at the shelter, but it's not gonna happen. I think because I used to work there every day while semi-employed the directors are kind of bitter that I got a job and can only come on weekends, and though they have an overflow of volunteers they feel bad about telling me not to show up on weekends because I was once uber-committed. Ah well.

Anyways. Other optimistic things about this weekend are the multi and varied crafts that lie ahead of me. Firstly, I have an entire "fix it" table that needs to be dealt with. Broken clothes mostly, or half finished sewing projects. The purses I have made are big ones, they are just stacked on my fix it table. Some I haven't even made yet, like several for my sister, and I think the timing for making them is just right. Her fabrics are pretty and summery and since she is not a large bag whore like me, they would be just about the right size for her, so that will be fun, especially since I now know that plastic mesh is the key to getting the form of the purse just right. I think I need to fix a few of the purses I made for my mom too. So I'll do that. Then there is much scrapbooking to be done. I am working on a secret scrapping project, plus I want to do my basic Kenya album. There are going to be two Kenya albums. The first will be like my other album, simple 8 1/2 by 11 black paper. The pics will be mounted right on the paper, I think, with stories explaining the situation. I will put every single one of the 300 pictures I took in that album, with a few added in of the London side trip, which won't be in the "artful" scrapbook." The artful scrapbook will be the one I show guests. It will have about a third of the pictures as the big book, and they are my personal favorites/bests, along with some taken by other people on the trip. This is supposed to be my masterpiece, set up perfectly with stickers and quotations and mounted photos and colored paper. This may take a while, but I am really looking forward to getting it just right.

If I get sick of any of those projects I might try some others from the craft blogs I've been stumbling upon left and right. So I started reading Loobylu after Dooce featured some artwork of hers. Then I kind of got into littlebirds, which then led me to wee wonderfuls. I don't recall how I stumbled upon whipup or luckybeans, which has crafts but I mostly read because the author and her family live in Zambia, and as an Africaphile I will read anything that has to do with the great continent and reading a first hand account of life there is wonderful. I'm sure the author is like "my life is so average, why would anyone but family and friends read this (besides creepy internet stalkers)?" but I look forward to each new posts and love the pictures, even if it does make me "homesick" (is that the right word?) for Kenya times 1,000,000,000. Sigh. Ok, wandering off topic; point: crafty blogs have given me soooo many fun crafty ideas, like this divine colored pencil holder, which I intend to modify and make for my knitting needles! Maybe even with felt numbers.....oooohhhhhhh good idea...........

The only bad things about the weekend: rain so I can't garden. While this isn't heartbreaking or anything, I noticed that my small garden which is lovely from afar is unkempt as hell. It needs edging and weeding. And de-lilybugging, though I am tempted to rip up the tiger lilies altogether as those little lily beetle bastards destroy them every summer. Also, I feel like I really need to reign in my life. The past three weeks have been a flash of gas-consuming, food-consuming, nearly unconscious purchasing of goods and gifts. So when I read Suze Orman's column in Oprah about a young girl who was out of school but still lived with her parents, had $8,500 in credit card debt despite working two jobs and student loans, I thought it sounded hauntingly familiar. And then when I read Suze's advice to "stay put and get out of debt" I thought "shit I am never getting out of this house." Which turns into "I am not getting out of this house until I get married," which turns into "I can never afford to get married," which turns into "even if I do get married, I won't be able to afford a house, and we'll have to live with my parents." Once the thought process gets that far, I start to panic. I think this time the whole deal hit me hard enough to actually REALLY do something about it. I feel like I'm lazy with finances. I pay my bills on time (except the car) and pay more than the amount due, but I feel like I'm slacking because I could really be working hard at paying down the cards. Moreover, I should only have about 6 car payments left at this point, but I have more like 9. Awful! Especially when you consider that I could have an extra $325 a month to mess around with and put towards credit card debt. With that kind of spare change I bet I could be debt free in a year! Argh! So yeah, that's my other weekend mission. Fix life. Hahahahahah not like there's much on my plate is there? At least I'm no longer feeling like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown, LOL.

The very necessary venti latte, Starbucks Cup #90, Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I See It #90

If we really want to understand
innovation and collaboration, we
have to explore shared space.
Consider Watson & Crick: How
many experiments did they do to
confirm DNA's double helix? Zero.
Not one. They built models based
on other people's data. These
models were thier shared space.
Their collaboration in that shared
space powered their Nobel Prize -
wining breakthough. If you don't
have a shared space, you're not
collaborating.

--Michael Schrage
MIT design researcher
and author of Serious Play.

Lately I've been all pessimisstic and embittered by Starbucks Cups. I've been like 'shut up you' and 'who died and made you Jesus.' Just as I started to write a snide remark in response to Michael's comment, some ponderance about how if you don't communicate well or hate your coworkers you have the antithesis of collaboration, I took a second to think about my job.

Now I don't love every minute of my job. If I did, I wouldn't blog at work. Ha. No it's no great secret that I am not the hugest fan of my job, and in the very beginning it used to break me down to a blubbering sobbing mass (oh, not AT work, after work, late at night while talking to boyfriend). Maybe after a year my senses have been dulled, but I think the year that has passed has allowed me to understand that my work is actually valuable and is useful. And it's really all about collaboration. My job is to enter people into an anonymous non-hodgkin's lymphoma database. Big deal, right? That's what I thought. But then I realized that there are doctors throughout the country that depend on my data to write their papers. The papers, in turn, are presented to conferences throughout the world. They talk about who has what cancer, who got what treatment, and what their outcomes were. So technically, I am setting up a framework. That framework is used by doctors and researchers. Maybe someday the framework I set up will lead to the key that's needed to find the cure to lymphoma. It's all about collaboration, people.

Signs You Are on the Verge of Having a Nervous Breakdown (not really, but still)

1. you wish the Poland Springs dispenser in the office was filled with vodka
2. you fantasize about standing on the seats of the train and screaming "shut the f*ck UP" to everyone making the least bit of noise
3. you wish there were more hours in the day so you could do all the crap you need to do AND sleep
4. you get pissed off that the dryer takes nearly 40 minutes to dry clothes and bust out a hairdryer to speed up the process
5. you have major deadlines at work but all you can do is google celebrity gossip
6. people ask you to hang out the next night but you tell them you can only plan in hour time blocks no more than 4 hours ahead of current time
7. you actually consider selling all your sh*t and running the f*ck away, but gas is too expensive
8. you actually consider selling all your sh*t, asking your boyfriend to runaway with you and elope, but gas is too expensive. Oh, and that's just silly ;)
9. you have this psychotic urge to tear up all the calendars in view. with your teeth!
10. you consider leaving work 4 hours early to wander aimlessly through Boston Common
11. your eyes won't close because they have been trying to focus on work on a screen for WAY TO LONG
12. you go to the cafeteria at work just for a change of scenery
13. you go to the bathroom just to have a quiet place to sit
14. you blog about your issues
15. you talk to your pets - they're the only ones that "get you" anyways, LOL
16. you talk to your plants. They are the best listeners ever
17. you wear a skirt to work not even realizing you have hairy legs (I thought that day would never come. sigh)
18. you make an afterwork to do list that has 20 items that must be completed in 4 hours and include such monumental tasks as "7. compose symphony" or "13. make lobster thermadore for dinner, baked alaska for desert" or "19. detail car" Insanity
19. you spend an hour at work looking up good places to stay in Iceland
20. while sitting in your desk chair, you throw your head back and see if you can find hidden designs in the ceiling tiles

William Steig is Brilliant

From "C-D-C"

why I will see this movie even if every critic in the world says it blows

Sir Ian McKellan (currently starring in The DaVinci Code):

"I'm very happy to believe that Jesus was married. I know the Catholic Church has problems with gay people and I thought this would be absolute proof that Jesus was not gay."


Awesome.

black and white make grey's anatomy

So.
I was procrastinating by looking at photos from the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" because I think I am still recovering from it two days later. So the photos lead me to seek out truth to the rumor I heard that Ellen Pompeo doesn't like her character. I found an interesting interview about that here After reading the interview, I stumbled upon a Grey's Anatomy fan site that had a link to the Nightline interview with certain cast members. I found this one of the single most interesting things I have watched in a long while.

So they're talking about race on TV, specifically about race on Grey's Anatomy. Maybe I'm clueless or maybe my thought processes are different than most people, but I find it funny that I never once looked at the cast and thought "black, white, asian, white, white, black, black." My thought processes were more like this: "oh wow, YES Dr. Burke KEEP taking your clothes off" or "Meredith, tell him off. TELL HIM OFF!" or "If you say "vagina squad" one more time, Alex, I will come through the TV and smack you myself" or "Thank you, I am now adding the term "va-jay-jay" to my everyday vocabulary." Nightline, however, explores the racial aspect of the show, as does Time, but what I love about Shonda Rhimes are her interviews talking about how she wrote the characters as having their own unique flaws and quirks and never as a specific race, ethnicity, etc. I love that! I never really thought about it, I guess maybe because the shows I tend to watch faithfully have a somewhat diverse cast, as in not so glaringly one race (except Most Extreme Challenge where they are all Japanese, hahahahha).

No seriously though. I mean, yeah, Lost is kinda unrealistic in the fact that it looks like the UCLA volleyball team crashed on the beach, but then you kind of look more closely and see that there are unusual characters on there. Yeah, you got a lot of white people but you got some black folks, asian people, a fat man, a latina (ok HAD, she's totally dead) ummmm oh oh! the iraqi dude, a brit addict, a nigerian drugrunner turned priest, etc etc. Oh and NOW Dr. Clue. Frickin Dr. Clue. You even have a biracial couple rocking out. And then there are the reality shows. America's Next Top Model, where half of the girls are white, half are black, asian or like Jade, a biracial butterfly, LOL. And "Everybody Hates Chris" is the FUNNIEST SHOW ON TV RIGHT NOW! WATCH IT! But like I said before, I don't tend to notice these things. I don't watch Grey's Anatomy and think "Oh my God the chief of staff at the hospital is BLACK!" or "Oh my GOD Joanie and Danielle on ANTM are two different races but they're FRIENDS! How shocking!" But apparently people do watch TV with a little internal mental label maker going "black.....asian......white, and BLONDE!..........asian.....black....black.....black....what is with all the black people here??"

I am happy that Shonda Rhimes decided to defy the rules and just write a show. Just write a show where the character's paths were predestined and did not depend on a certain prototype. In the case of Grey's Anatomy you can seriously argue that the show is colorblind in the fact that it was written without "color" so anyone could've landed the roles. Shonda did steer the boat by demanding interesting actors during casting. So interesting. Nightline even called it "revolutionary" or something along those lines. I basically think it's great. But maybe it's cause I try not to be a racist person (ha ha yeah, I know I should've given some white guy a chance, but I'm happy with my black man thank you very much, LOL) the reality of it all is that I watch Grey's Anatomy every week because it's fabulous. The fact that it has given actors the chance to play what is for them an atypical role (Isiah Washington as a surgeon and not a thug, though imagining him cast as a thug is perhaps one of the most ridiculous and hilariously absurd things I've ever heard. Dude, do casters just look at him and go "great, black man, you're a thug" I mean COME ON PEOPLE! He's Dr. Burke! He plays the trumpet! He's ELOQUENT DAMMIT!) but I don't watch it because it's making any sort of statement. No way. I watch it for ten bajillion other reasons. It's got drama, romance, weird medical issues, people with issues, people with more issues, people with serious issues, and SEX. And hey, let's face it, we ALL know it's the biracial sex that really gets me hot anyways, so to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy I say "BRING IT, BITCHES."

why if I liked girls I would want to hook up with Potes from televisionwithoutpity.com

How hilarious is this:

Jade is next. She says that Danielle is a little ill, but when you model and travel you have to do well on shoots no matter what. Jade is ready to rock. She is ready to rock you with her stupidity, as well, as she says that she'll never forget shooting on the elephant, which reminds her of an ancient dinosaur. She adds, "'Cause they are in the dinosaur family." Yes, and birds are blind. And my cat, Miss Itty, pees apple juice. Is there some sort of National Geographic For Dummmies that we could buy from a charity drive, and then send in bulk to the show? Jade does not do a spectacular job and has trouble taking Jay's direction. Jay tells her that she's thinking about it too much, and notes that Jade becomes instantly stiff when he gives direction, and perhaps thinks it's a critique. Joanie agrees that Jade was stiff and looked uncomfortable with what she was doing. Sutan, the makeup artist, lies to Jade that she did well. Never trust a man who dresses like Tyra Banks, mostly because it means he shops at Victoria's Secret.


I generally like the reviews on televisionwithoutpity.com. They're funny, the people who write them have a great sense of humor, BUT mostly I just skim along for a few pages and then abandon ship because they get boring after a while. Maybe because you don't need to read a detailed review of Grey's Anatomy. You were there. You watched it. And you like McDreamy, so when you read an entire page dedicated to how much he has been sucking lately, even if you agree you're kinda like "yeah ok, know it, don't need to read it." The one exception to the rule would be Potes' s reviews of America's Next Top Model. First of all, ripping apart a reality tv show is great because you get to rip apart REAL PEOPLE without them EVER knowing (unless you know them. which would suck, cause then there would be all this bullshit and guilt about hating them and you would hold back in your real enraged criticism of their suckage). Anyways, I read Potes's thumbnail sketches on Wednesday morning after the episode and eagerly await her full length reviews later in the week because they are that hilarious. And because she hates Jade. And so do I. Maybe, just maybe, the ugly biatch will be eliminated tonight. Grrrrrrrr.

Evil has a name: JADE

Meanwhile on Amazing Race, we are also down to the last three after the glorious elimination of MoJo. I'm thinking it's the season finale, though the strategy may be to squeeze one more episode out next week, I'm not sure exactly.

So we're down to:

BJ and Tyler.
Personally, I like BJ and Tyler. Yeah, they're hippies, they have long disheveled hair and look like they do not bathe, but they're FUN. Everyone is always ranking on them (both on the show and in life) People are like "they're hippies, they're creepy, they're loud, they're annoying, they say that lame catchphrase "TTOW" all the time." That is jealousy, my friends. Why? Because twice they have been almost eliminated and had all their money taken instead in the non elimination round, and you know what? They were actually better off! Yeah, yeah, you can claim it was because other teammates gave them money and clothes, but seriously, it's cause they got mad skill when it comes to collecting money, begging, performing WHATEVER! I have different personal reasons for liking them. One is that they actually make an effort to embrace their surroundings. Yeah, there are people who accept their surroundings and make due, but most teams are kind of distant. Like Ray and Yolanda are awesome (I think) and they seem nice, but their attitude is very much get in, do it, get out. BJ and Tyler, even if they only speak a few words of the local dialect, will make an effort to communicate. They are respectful of local customs and habits. Basically, they don't act like freaky Americans in a foreign land. Which is not to say they don't act freaky, they do, but people seem to like it. Maybe because inside they are saying "lookit those freaky Americans" which to me is wwaaaaaayyy more desirable than "lookit those rude Americans." I'm not sure if I'm being clear, but quick examples of stupidity:

Lake (hick accent): Woman I should've made you do the challenge where you had to dive for the clue in the pool
Michelle: Laaaake....would you have really wanted me to? In front of Russian men? In a bathing suit?
MoJo: Can we get tickets to Palller-moe? Paller-mo? Palomino?
Airline ticket counter man: "Palermo"? (said "Pah-lairrrrr-mo" with a very italian rolled "r")
MoJo: Yeah Paller-mo
Airline ticket counter man shoots them look of death

Fratboy 1: hey we need a ticket to Palermo
Fratboy 2: hey ladies
Alitalia ladies: hello, ciao
Fratboy 2: hey ladies, uh, you got hickies?
Alitalia ladies stare bewildered: wha?
Fratboy 2: y'all got hickies? is that why you're wearing scarfs around your neck?
Alitalia ladies shoot them looks that says "please die now"

Fratboys:
Well the above comment spells it out for you. They suck. They think they're the shit. When they did an underwater challenge and came out in speedos (shudder) they were like "good think this beach is empty, otherwise there would be ladies all over us." They've told both Yolanda and Monica that they were lucky to have men with them otherwise they would've been in "trouble" several times. Ha. Monica may have liked that comment, I'm not sure, but Yolanda's look in response to that comment was like "I would not touch you with a ten foot pole. ps. seen my boyfriend Ray? I guarantee you his dick is twice the size of yours, maybe even THREE times, bitch." Heh. I hope they do not win, though I am not sure that they have the best chance. Yes, they are actually pretty good players, but they've made some pretty damaging tasks in the past, especially when it comes to reading maps. They may be doomed because they can't read. Maps, I mean, they can't read maps. Though if they were in fact illiterate, I have to admit, I wouldn't be shocked.

Ray and Yolanda:
Nice folks I think. I mean Yolanda even got ahold of BJ or Tyler's purple pants when they lost everything in the non-elimination round. That is so chill. But that is Ray and Yolanda to a T. They are chill. Almost too chill. They need to get fired up if they are going to win, and their chill-ness makes me want to take a lighter and hold it close to their skin and be like "yo does this burn, cause you two are slightly bot-like." Well, except for that time they were fighting. Maybe they need to fight again? That way, Ray could get all pissed off and be like 'You didn't drag me here for nothin' bitch, I'm gonna get that million dollars even if I have to share it with you" He would actually show emotion. And we know Yolanda's not gonna pull a Monica and get all weepy and shit. She will get vengeful and be like "Fine Ray, I'll show you exactly what I can do and how much better than you I can do it." Ha. If that happened, I think they would win.
Time
will
tell.

Starbucks Cup #109

The Way I See It #109

What you do to others you really
do to yourself. So when you do
good to others, you're doing good
to yourself. Alternatively, when
you do bad to others, you're doing
bad to yourself. So in thinking of
others, think of yourself, for to love
and to do right by others is to love
and do right to your own self.

--Leela James
Musician. Her songs can be heard
on Starbucks Hear Music station,
XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.

Tell me something, Leela: who died and made you Jesus?
PS. The reason why you can be heard on Starbucks XM Radio is because no one else plays you.
The end.

hahhahahahahaha my mood today is clearly BITCHY? The good news? Season Finales tonight of Amazing Race and Top Model. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

SWEEEET

Question: is taking sex quizzes more fun than doing productive work?
Answer: yes. yes it is.


You prefer Passionate sex!


You enjoy passionate sex. You're the kind of person that has tons of fun in the sack, and you can really get into it. Not necessarily rough and lusty, passionate sex is the kind that satisfies both your lovin' and horny needs.

You are 62% kinky



You are kinky. You are always up for trying something new in the bedroom... or wherever else you chose to.

You have a sexual IQ of 120



When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

I wish you would just shut the f*ck up and die

haahhha a little aggressive, the title is. But you know what? That's how you feel when you have an anorexic coworker who is not just anorexic, but also a grade A #1 bitch. I have gathered some of my favorite Anorexia quotes from the past year of working together so I can share my miserable coworker with the rest of the world. I know some people have it worse, absolutely, but this right here, is pretty bad in the most passive aggressive way possible:

"Yummy"
Anorexia says this about everything I eat. It's mostly because she is so hungry, everything looks yummy to her. The annoying thing isn't the word itself, it's how she says it. It's delivered with this tone of "it looks tasty but is so incredibly fattening I would never allow it to pass through my lips." Example "That looks like yummy bread" "That cookie looks yummy" "oh what a yummy snack, does it taste good?"

email 6/28/2005:
PLUS my COWORKER (anorexia) was supposed to have a 10 o'clock meeting...I thought "perfect, I can eat my food in peace." Then it gets moved to 11....now it's moved to 1pm!!! I'm like F*CK!! And then she turns and says, "I thought you wanted more food" and I wanted to say "I do, but I just don't wat to eat it in front of you!" oh welllll.
It's hard to eat in front of her. This is because she is analyzing every piece of food that comes within a 20 foot radius of your mouth. No doubt she is watching you to count your caloric intake and then looks at your body to assess exactly where the fat deposits are headed. Plus she's hungry, so when you are eating, it's hard for her to take her eyes off you...

6/30/2005

No news except ANOREXIA IS ON VACATION FOR TWO GLORIOUS DAYS AND I CAN EAT AND EAT AND EAT AND NO ONE WILL GIVE TWO CRACKLING SH*TS WHAT I"M EATING AND HOW OFTEN I"M EATING IT

someone will probably turn that phrase into something dirty, no doubt. It's ok though, i don't even CARE I am just busy plotting what I am having for lunch :) satisfied smile
Isn't my joy in this email actually sad? Now I do eat in front of her because binging at the end of the day made my stomach hurt, but I was in a dark place a year ago, LOL

email 7/12/2005
also. Anorexia is being a paranoid b*tch today. Like schizo paranoid...she's like 'they hate me so much here that they're just looking for reasons to fire me, but my work is really good, so that can't be an excuse, and I show up here on time, so that can't be an excuse, so they're auditing all of my work to try to find the tiniest mistake so they can have a reason to fire me BLAHHH"
Not eating food makes you paranoid. The end.



You should threaten to feed her.

Secret Confession

:

"It's All Coming Back to Me Now"
is on the radio
and I remembered that I totally love the song
Yes, I did play it on the piano while my cousin Andrew mocked it
and yes, it was the funniest family moments ever
and yes, it IS Celine Dion singing
BUT
I love it.
And my old Celine Dion tape is TOTALLY coming with me on my drive to Virginia.....
THE END

I'm not an addict it's cool I feel aliiiive

So.
I thought I was being a hypochondriac on Wednesday when I started to feel under the weather.
I sat at my desk thinking "oh, yeah, see what working in a hospital will do to you? It makes you completely irrational about your health. You have symptoms that aren't really there! You start to become CRAZY!!"

Now the day before my coworker and I had been joking about how working at a cancer hospital had made us absolutely psychotic about self-screening constantly for symptoms. I work with lymphoma and I'm always giving my nodes a once-over. My one swollen tonsil makes me FLIP the FUCK out every so often, even though I know perfectly well that I just have tonsil stones, which are completely foul, but also completely benign. For a long time I worried about them so much that I gave myself cricopharyngeal spasm. Of course, once I read what a cricopharyngeal spasm was and realized that the lump in my throat was not because my lymph nodes were slowly spreading to take over my entire throat, slowly blocking my esophagus so I wouldn't be able to eat and then blocking my trachea so I couldn't breathe leading to a slow and agonizing death, the damn thing went away, since all of the was IN MY HEAD. I read a few articles on hypochondria and was like "ok. I just sort of have it in one area, but I need to get a grip. It's a case of too much knowledge about one specific disease. If I didn't have this job, I probably wouldn't have these symptoms and I certainly wouldn't think I had lymphoma!" I was further comforted by the fact that my coworker who works with colorectal disease had started panicking about the disease to the point where she asked her physician for a SIGMOIDOSCOPY! They don't just give those out, but she said that she was spazzing so much that the nurse practitioner who saw her was like 'fine, here's a referral for one.' Of course she lost the referral and hasn't had it done, but she was like "if I didn't work here I would not be spazzing about having my colon checked for polyps! I wouldn't even be thinking about polyps! WHY DO WE KNOW TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"

So needless to say on Wednesday when I started feeling a little off I was like "It's all in your head." I had woken up with this horrible, unslakable thirst. Upon waking up I drank a 16 oz lemon dasani that my dad had gotten for free somewhere. I followed up with a 16oz revive Vitamin Water, then another lemon dasani, then a liter of crystal lite lemonade. I was still thirsty! I thought "I might be coming down with something" but then chalked up my thirst to either the salty meal I had the night before, OR adult onset diabestes.....Ha! By three o'clock I was like 'shoot, I feel bad. I'm gonna head home.' As soon as I got home I changed into pajamas. I didn't even think about it, it's like my body just voluntarily made the motions to get into my pajamas. I was shivering and hot at the same time and my body HURT, like weird tingly hurting on my back and legs and my head was pounding...I realized that I was not being a hypochondriac then, I realized that I was coming down with whatever my mom had two weeks ago.

Yesterday I took the day off work and slept for most of it (see: picture of me looking ill). When my mom came home at 3 I rallied and decided to go to Wal-Mart to get medicine and then to get bird food and gas (and craft supplies, but shhhhhh, no one has to know that's really why I wanted to go out). I went to Wal-Mart after gassing up and getting crafty supplies so I was feeling pretty drained as hell. I went to the cold aisle and looked for the magical pills boyfriend told me about so long ago: Advil Cold and Sinus. They were gone! I was like "oh great, and my other options are? TYLENOL??? No way, not gonna cut it" As I leaned closer to the cold and flu shelves I noticed that in the space for Advil Cold and Sinus there were cards that said "take this to the pharmacy register" I was like "hunh. ok. wait...........wait...........oh shit, this has pseudophedrine in it, doesn't it?" I had heard somewhere that if a OTC drug has pseudoephedrine in it it was going to be kept behind the counter because pseudoephedrine is one of the base ingredients for meth. So, already feeling like a criminal for wanting to buy medication with an illicit ingredient in it, I take the card to the pharmacy register. The pharmacist leans over from the other end of the pharmacy and goes "Can I heeelllpp you?" As soon as I flash the Advil Cold andSinus card he is all business. "Um you need a license to buy that" he says, and turns away, as if I did not have a license with which to buy it. I said "oh that's NO problem" about to say "I'd give you my first born for this right now" but then I thought "No, that would probably indicate to him not that I had a flu/cold thing and had a fever and body aches and mucus blocking my nasal passages, but that I had a meth addiction and needed to buy some pseudoephedrine for my supplier because the police were already watching him." So instead I just handed over my license. The pharmacist looked from me to my license picture no less than 6 times and then said "This is gonna be a few minutes" While he took my license away, I started reading the yellow paper they had posted by the register, which listed the regulations of Public Law 109-177, and understood exactly what the pharmacist was doing with my license. He was entering how much Advil Cold and Sinus I was buying, along with my name, address and license number! THEN I had to submit a digital signature! HOLY SHIT INVASIVE was what was flashing in my mind at that moment. I wanted to be like "so you need finger prints and a mug shot for your file?" But I felt so violated already that by the time the pharmacist handed me my license and as-legal-as-nearly-illegal-drugs-can-be Advil Cold and Sinus, I just backed away slowly, grabbed some cough drops and fled before the hidden cameras could get a clear shot of my face.

The irony of it all? I live in a state where they won't pass a primary seatbelt law, but they put your life's history in a database when you go to buy some advil. F*cked up, that's all I have to say.

Starbucks Cup #100, Beth Israel Deaconess Boston

The Way I see It #100

What if, in addition to filing a tax

return every year, we had the

chance to decide where our tax

dollars would be used? Programs

and government departments

that no one likes would simply

go away.

--Bart Jarman

Starbucks customer from

Gilbert, Arizona.

Well Bart from Arizona, I am indeed very glad that YOU do not get to make these decisions, because it's dumbasses like you who think that we can live in a utopian society without organizations and government and programs who would choose not to give money too.....hmmm. examples, the police, because they're "so aggressive" or "too authoritarian" or "mean" or "rude" and then when I'm in a car accident on the side of the road, no one comes to help me cause a bunch of assholes decided not to pay for police. Or the DPW let's say, because what do they do but "sit around parked in an empty lot sleeping" right? yeah, so a sinkhole opens in the road and swallows my car. Not only is it stuck there with me in it because you decided not to put up the money for the police, but now it's never gonna get fixed, and you're gonna have to close the road forever because no one there to fill the gigantic, gaping 7-foot wide, 5-foot deep sinkhole that's hanging out in the middle of the ROAD.

BART!

YOU HAVE BAD IDEAS!

hahhhaha clearly pessimism today!

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

So.

I just got off the phone with this lady who works for the National Comprehensive Cancer Network. She is coming to audit certain cases I have entered into our database in..hmmm 2 weeks from tomorrow. Holy crap right?
Ok now this wouldn't be such a big deal if I hadn't fallen so utterly and miserably behind in my work. It's quite wretched, and now she is coming in two weeks and expects to have up to September 2005 in the database. THIS IS 32 PATIENTS.
Now some of you might be like "I don't even know what this means and why are you freaking out"
Well
I am freaking out because abstraction for lymphoma is just not the same breed of abstraction as it is for breast, lung or colorectal cancer. I'm not saying that NHL is necessarily more difficult, it's just more complex in that lymphoma is a "liquid" cancer without identifiable tumor sites and can be widespread in the body. The patients who have it badly enough often have to get bone marrow transplants. It is in general a crazy-ass DISEASE. So I have these 32 patients and 8 pages of followup to do. This does not bode well.....the coming weeks shall be slightly disastrous. But I think I can do it. I think I just might be able to pull it off. And apply to grad school at the same time. I can do it all, right?

Heh, better schedule that pedicure for the day after the audit. I am soooo gonna need it :)

pessimism/optimism

Pessimism:

"On the one hand I congratulate Deborah Finn of Beacon Hill for her internet campaign to get Bostonians to smile at one another more often. She rightly identifies our reputation for showing the cold shoulder to strangers as a deterrent to people moving here and says "There's not a lot I can do about providing affordable housing, but I can smile and say "hello" to a stranger. We'll see if it works." Well on the other hand, Deborah, as a lifelong Bostonian, let me explain a few facts of life to you. There are some very good reasons why we may not smile as much as the friendly folks in the midwest or the south. For starters, this is not an especially friendly place we live in; the soil is rocky and hard to farm, the water is cold, the winters are usually harsh, and the weather, in general, is horrible. Someone once said that Boston has two seasons, "winter and August," and August is no bargain, when everybody goes on vacation at once, and all escape routes from the city are clogged with traffic. Speaking of traffic brings up some more good reasons why we don't smile. If it isn't insane locals training for the Indy 500 at the local rotary, it's the clueless out-of-towners, who try to map out their trip while in motion instead of figuring it out before they leave Duluth. Navigating our pothole-laden roads and picking up bent rims and broken fenders reminds us of our highest in the nation insurance rates, which reminds us of the obscenely high cost of living, which reminds us of our high tax rate, which reminds us of our mediocre politicians. So you wanna remind us all to smile more? Listen closely while I flash a big one......................................................................Enjjoy it, that's IT for the year."
-Keller at Large (who, to add to the pessimissm, I usually find to be an a$hole)
WBZ 1030, this morning, as I listened in the hideous traffic on my way to the hideous public transportation system we lovingly call the "T"

optimism:

Starbucks cup #89
Grande latte, Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital, Boston

The Way I See It #89

Recipe for happiness: an insatiable

curiosity, a joy of discovery, quick

to forgive, hold no grudges, love

without condition, stay loyal to the

death, see the best and ignore the

rest -- wow, we can learn a lot from

man's best friend!

--Nick Bolletieri

Tennis coach and founder of the

Nick Bolletieri Tennis Academy

What a tennis coach knows about dogs and happiness is beyond me, but I'm letting it go in favor of optimism, which is what I'm depending on to make it through life in general today - optimism, coffee, and of course, the Shaggy that is emerging from the radio at this very moment. Word.

Metro-sexual

I read this in the Boston version of the METRO yesterday:

Take Them Off!
According to Dr. Victoria Zdrok on the
Web site AskMen.com, leaving your
socks or shoes on while doing the deed
is the No. 1 most irritating thing men
do in bed. Others include drooling on
her and mentioning the sexual skills of
other women.

Did this make me cackle? HELLS YES.

Starbucks Cup #93, Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I See It #93

THe one reason that my group
Run-DMC was on point was
practice! My motto is" If I miss a
day of practice, I know it. If I miss
two days, my manager knows it. If
I miss three days, my audience
knows it! Practice, practice,
practice!

--Rev Run
Musician, His songs can be heard
on Starbucks Hear Music station,
XM Satellite Radio Channel 75

something wicked this way blogs

Ok.
So we all know that I am a craft WHORE.
I admit it. I have spent hours printing stuff from the Martha Stewart website instead of working. Ditto for the Lion Brand yarn website.
Oh, and the Berocco one too. Yes. And if more cross stitch was available online, I would absolutely be printing off patterns.
Today I feel like I discovered a whole new dark side of craft whore-dom:
The Craft Blog.

I was led to one via dooce. She has a post today about a doll that her daughter's pseudo online godmother (or something like that) sent to her, with a link to her blog. I went there and saw a bunch of cute stuff. Well. Loobylu has a list of craft blogs she reads everyday. So I click on one: http://littlebirds.typepad.com/little_birds/ And it is effing cute as hell. I even printed the "wee bunny" pattern because, hey, they'll make great gifts for when everyone and their mom I know has BABIES (cause you know it will happen. I mean, hell, it's already happening with Jam). So then I recall that this weekend is "Crafty Weekend," a weekend planned by none other than EE for the sole purpose of craftiness, with definite drunkenness thrown in there. I started reminiscing about some projects I've completed since my last craft post.

One is this picture:

I made this for my friend, Elizabeth, for her birthday. I made it like, months and months in advance and I was really pleased with how quickly it made up. Plus it uses hand-dyed threads. From now on, everyone needs to know that I am a hand-dyed thread whore. When my boyfriend and I went to Vermont, he so patiently waited as I ogled the entire wall of Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Art threads and fondled, and YES I mean fondled in that WAY each of the colors. What's sick is that I knew half of them. I picked up a green and was like 'oh I've always wondered exactly what the color "Scuppernong" looked like, wow it's green!!' I saw a pink called "Meredith's Pink" and thought 'I should get this for my mom, cause her name is Meredith' SICK!!! I love it though. Loooove it. I also made a picture for Elizabeth's mom, for she invited us once again to Maine. But I'm not posting it yet, it needs to be a surprise. ANYWAYS, this picture may have bought my way into a little "side deal" because a coworker of EE's liked it, and he and another coworker are opening a store and he was like "keep us in mind" (basically, long story short :) ) I would love to sell my stuff in a store, cause it would justify my hopeless addiction to threads, fabrics and patterns. And it would give me an excuse to cross stitch all the time, which is fabulous.

Ok. After that, I decided to knit something for Jam's coworker, who is just the loveliest woman. She and her husband are expecting a girl, and since (literally) 10 out of 10 of the last people having babies in my family/neighborhood/circle of friends have been BOYS, so I leapt at the chance to make this little number:
I was so excited to hear that Jam's coworker and her husband are expecting a girl, as I bought this pattern years ago when my neighbor was pregnant. Of course, she had a boy. Then my other neighbor had a boy. And then my cousin got pregnant. Of course, she's having a boy. I thought that I would never get a chance to actually knit this sucker, but finally, finally, someone is having a girl. I had the yarn for this project and everything. Actually, I had started it, but when people just kept popping out boys, I abandoned it. So I finally got to make it up, and I will admit, it was a bit of a challenge. The lace fringe was particulary irritating to make, and since this is a jaeger pattern, it was full of strange little brit knitting anomalies that required me to sketch things out on a piece of scrap paper and make lots of tic marks, you know, so the slow-witted American in me could complete a finished product. I will say that when I did finish this, it was adorable, and I think Katrina really liked it when she opened it. Just hope the baby does ;)


Finally, my sister and I are working on complimentary samplers for twin girls who were born on April 6th. Now I had many baby patterns in my stock, but Ame and I did not want to make them identical patterns, nor did we want the traditional cartoonish baby pictures either, so we decided on something feminine, yet elegant, something that the girls could really grow into. I love the insect sampler Amy picked, but wasn't as fond of the floral one that complimented it, though in the end, I decided to order it because I could not come up with a better idea. Now that I've started it, I definitely love it, the colors are so subtle and pretty, they really work off each other and look great when put together on the fabric (before I started stitching I had a mess of thread in my hand and was like 'ew, these are gross colors') I think they're really soft and pretty, as are the ones in the insect sampler, though the picture I use here makes them seem a little garish. Wow, looking at these side by side makes me realize exactly how much these will complement each other....cool :D