Monday, June 05, 2006

brief reflection on the bitches I work with

So I was just listening to a conversation between stupid and anorexia, two of my coworkers. Anorexia's brother is getting married soon. She, of course, hates the bride-to-be, as does the rest of the family (so she claims) and she is making this wedding as difficult as possible for everyone in her attempts to get her brother to cancel it from frustration or cancel it because suddenly his sister has made him see the light about the whore he is about to marry and calls it off. Yeah right.

Now I have no idea if this fiancee is cool or not because anorexia is an entirely unreliable and biased source. And she's fucking crazy. Regardless of these factual bits, the point is that the bride-to-be registered at Target. God forbid, not Target, which to them, is a six letter word scarily similar to the dreaded *said in a whisper* Wal-Mart! GOD NO! NOT TARGET! When she mentioned that bride to be had registered there, I said "Oh a lot of people do though." WHICH IS TRUE. First of all, some people don't give a crap about 300 thread count sheets and Vera Wang China. Secondly, some people do care about that stuff, but also register at places like Target that sell quality things that aren't through the roof expensive. This ups your chance of actually getting things that you registered for and provides an opportunity for guests who can't afford to spend $300 on a place setting of china to get you something nice. But like I said earlier. Target is a six-letter swear word to these girls. As Anorexia said, "why can't she have some fucking class and register at Crate and Barrel?"

I sat in utter disgust for a moment, then started to think about my coworkers and how fucking catty they sounded. Seriously. They sounded like girls who were in high school who had just lost for prom queen. Whiny and ranking on other people. Then I realized everything about these bitches is superficial. Anorexia is obsessed with her looks. We all say "ugh my thighs/lovehandles/belly/whatever could use some trimmin'" SHE says "I can't eat that, too fattening" or "I do between 500 and 600 sit-ups a day, and if I can't get a six pack, YOU certainly couldn't" or "Allison will probably eat my share of dessert AS WELL as her OWN" (translation, Allison is fat and a pig) She only wears name brand clothes, particulary Ann Taylor Loft, because they're the only clothes that really fit her shrunken frame. She will only sport a coach or kate spade bag and looks disgustedly at my Vera Bradley old lady tote (which I think is DA BOMB! It's got elephants on it!) and thinks that making homemade gifts for people is horrifying and that the amount of money you spend on a gift is the only way they'll know you love them - she was horrified that I gave my boyfriend a scrapbook for our one year anniversary. She was like "oh that's nice, but I am giving my boyfriend a magazine signed by Jay-Z cause he loves Jay-Z, like, a lot."

Stupid, my other co-worker, is just that. Really fucking dumb. She isn't as superficial as anorexia and will sport the non-namebrand items, but she does stuff socially because it's the "thing" to do. She's one of those people who just goes with the flow. She does stuff like drinks beer cause all the cool kids are doing it, even though she hates beer. Every night the Sox are home, she announces "I'm going to the game." Me: Hey, I'm out, have a good night. You have plans? Stupid: *tosses hair* Um, Yeah, going to the game Me: Oh awesome, you got tickets then? Stupid: Oh God, no, we depend on someone on the street to sell us theirs. She pretends to be SO INTO the Sox, yet she doesn't know the players. Another coworker, the ONLY cool one in this office, and I were talking about Doug Mirabelli and stupid was like "um whoooo????" I wanted to be like "For someone who goes to "every" home game, you don't know who Mirabelli is?YOu must be dumb. She also goes to the cape every weekend. I think she goes just so she can tell us she is going. "Um it's TOTALLY a CAPE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!" She also loves to come in in the morning and go "Oh my God, Cape traffic? So bad, ugh, it took me, like, hours to get down and back." IT's sad that she can't do anything originial. And pathetic and superficial and lame.

These girls are bitches. But you know what else? THey're miserable bitches who fool themselves into thinking they are actually happy. They fill their meaningless lives with kate spade bags and tanning salons and scalped red sox tickets trying to fill the void of pointlessness in their lives. The best part is that they're also clueless and have no idea that everyday their bitchiness and stupidity gets broadcasted to no less than 10 of my friends, just so the rest of us can realize how great our lives are ;)

2 comments:

Rachel said...

So, just checking your blog after forever...
I am a slow one: "Wait, Target is a six-letter word. That's funny! Wait, shouldn't it be four letter word. Oh wait... I get it!"

Anyway, I've decided not to do Walmart anymore, but for different reasons, I assume. Target registries are a great idea!

Al said...

ha ha Rach, I love you. It's one thing to not go to Wal-Mart because it is an evil corporation that exploits their workers, but quite another to not go there because you think you are "SO ABOVE IT"! ;) Target registries sound good to me too....I mean, who cares, you are getting presents?! BE GRATEFUL!