Thursday, March 06, 2008

Driving While Doing....

In our family a great source of entertainment whilst gathered 'round the dinner table is to recount the day's experiences. This usually involves a tale or two about what we saw while driving to/from work/school. My father usually kicks it up a notch because he gets to pull over and ticket some of the lunatics you see out there, and pulling over people doing stupid sh*t is, I think, one of his favorite things to do, not because he actually enjoys the process because honestly, I think he'd rather just get in the car and drive to work like the rest of us. It's because he 1. stops someone from doing something dangerous that could hurt someone else 2. stops them for hurting themselves 3. gets an entertaining story to tell at dinner that night. Sweet.

He tends to see what we all do, the typical reading the paper, reading books, doing makeup, typing on a laptop while driving. And I'm not talking about "driving" as in sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I'm talking about "driving" as in going 50mph+ It's insane. He gets to hear all the lame comments too. He stopped one guy recently and said "Sir I pulled you over because you are going 65mph and reading and weaving all over the road endangering other drivers" The guy looked right at him and said emphatically "I am reading RELIGIOUS materials!" My dad did the smart thing and said "Oh. Ok...." and wrote him the ticket.

The other morning in my fog of nasal congestion, I decided that I would in fact go to school and not confine myself to bed for another day. I had a route planned because a drive to Medford in rush hour traffic would require some more gas, I had to mail a birthday present to a friend and I needed some decongestants and kleenex and cough drops. I also wanted Whole Foods brand Cranberry Cocktail because little elves and fairies frolic through the forest picking berries just for that juice it is THAT GOOD. I get in my car and as I make my way to Whole Foods I notice a red old-style camry-ish looking car weaving everywhere. "Jesus!" I think as they almost shear off my front bumper, re-switching lanes to be in front of me again. I notice the driver's right hand flailing in front of her face. "Putting on makeup" I think. The driver continues to weave and drive erratically, almost sideswiping someone as she checks her face in the rearview. She puts her directional on at a red light and I decide to use the next entrance because I want to see what this maniac is doing, I want to see how good her makeup is.

But she wasn't putting on makeup. She was shaving. HER FACE. Now I have nothing but sympathy for the women of the world who have unwanted facial hair. I imagine that if you have a 'stache and don't want one, that it probably kinda blows (I had my "imaginary" 'stache waxed once. It hurt like a mofo and I got a rash, so I get it, though probably not really because despite the Vietnamese waxing tech's insistence, I don't have a visible 'stache....I don't think) I also get the fact that sometimes, you do have to throw on some lipgloss in the car, though I usually wait til I'm parked in the lot to do it, but I'll even let a little makeup touch up while driving slide. It's the combination of the shaving and driving that disturbs me though. Don't you think that's one thing you'd definitely take care of at home? You know, so you don't show up to your job with like, half your lower lip dangling cause you had to swerve to avoid Squirrel Nutkin on the road? I just don't know.....


Alexandra Strong and Able said...

Well there was that one time I forgot to get my vajayjay waxed and thought I'd do a little maintenance in the car...

Anyway, just wanted to comment here with my blogs name in case you ever feel like reading it! It's actually rather boring. Basically me whining about being out of shape and training for the 5k, etc.

Also, I can't believe the she-beast is married. I guess they got married last year. Maybe the guy married her cause he spends most of his time in Iraq?

Ugh, I'm bad. Whatever, she tried to beat me up once.

Also, your dad (and mom, and amy!) is/are awesome!

Al said...

Hey you!
Thanks for leaving your blogname, I would love to read. I totally whine ALL THE TIME on this blog. It is the blog of whining.

Oh I know, I can hardly believe the beast is married lol. I shudder to think of their spawn.

Tee hee we can be evil together!