H1N1 and How I'm Over It

I was hoping that the stupid swine flu outbreak would not affect my college reunion plans (could I be anymore selfish, seriously?!) and luckily I learned today that it shouldn't.

I feel bad for everyone who has suffered a case of the flu or even died from it. The flu sucks. I've had regular old flu four times in my life and have never been so miserable. And I've had norovirus, people - 24 hours of vomiting still can't compare to four days of sustained 102+ fever, the freaking PAIN of your blood cells exploding inside your body, the aches, the heat. Yuck. Flu is gross.

All that being said, I would like to point out an issue that one of my favorite African bloggers brought up: malaria kills millions of people each year.

Another fact I learned at book club from the famous Rainy: One in six women in Liberia will die in childbirth or from childbearing complications. One in f*cking SIX.

Yes, swine flu and its pandemic proportions is worrisome. The way it spreads (unlike malaria and pregnancy, for example) are totally scary. To think you could hop on a plane and hop off with swine flu is freaky. But it's hard for me to get all up in arms about swine flu when there's other sh*t, preventable sh*t, killing people everyday.

That is all. I have no other point except to complain...

I Got Tagged and Totally Missed It :P

I caught up with a blog friend (acquaintance? stranger? pal? LOL) and she tagged me in a meme forever ago, but because I hadn't read any blogs in forever, I totally missed out. I am in need of a little break at the moment, so I'm going to go for it. Yay!

8 Things I’m Looking Forward To

1. This weekend and its busy-ness - visiting with the fiance, Ducks Unlimited dinner (dork!), kayaking for the first time and cleaning up a local waterway, Mother's Day and catching up with the fam.
2. Smith Reunion Weekend
3. Going up to the island in NH
4. Jamaal finally moving up here and us finding a place to live
5. Planning some wedding stuff (also dorky...)
6. Reading some new books
7. Finally using a Christmas gift certificate to get my eyebrows done at a fancy place
8. Becoming more organized at home and work

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Worked
2. Lifted weights
3. Cast-on a baby dress
4. Semi-cleaned my room
5. Fed the birds some lettuce
6. Caught the 5:00 train by rushing insanely through the subway/South Station (felt accomplished)
7. Finished re-reading the sixth book in "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" series
8. Had a panic attack :( (Have I blogged about these? How I'm remembering this nightmare I have weeks ago and every time I have a vivid memory of the nightmare it triggers a panic attack? It's sh*tty as hell. Ironically it only happens when I am alone. It's weird and totally annoying and kinda scary. And I hate it. They're fading though, as the memory of the dream fades, which is good at least).

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Get on top of things at work (snooooze I know) It could really earn me the respect I need to do my job well. I'll keep trying.
2. Finish my project backlog
3. GET A KITTEN
4. Help Jamaal find a job so he can move up here...and buy me a kitten.
5. Design knitted garments.
6. Find the perfect job in the conservation biology field....or at least a great volunteer opportunity that jives with my work schedule.
7. Find my sister an awesome job so she is happy and makes more money so she can tell the bank that laid her off to "SUCK IT"
8. Shop irresponsibly for clothes and makeup/body products to redo my wardrobe. LOL.

8 Shows I Watch

1. LOST
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. ANTM
4. Ugly Betty
5. Gossip Girl
6. Animal Cops/Precinct
7. The First 48
8. What Not to Wear

8 People I Tag

1. Amy
2. Rachel
3. Alex
4. Jam (in hope he revives his blog)
5. EE (in hopes she revives her blog)
6. I have
7. no more
8. blog friends :P

hmmmfff

I just read online that basically, planning a wedding is the antithesis of feminism.
Wow.
Can't a girl be a strong independent woman and still want to wear a white dress and have a big ol' party?
I understand that's not for everyone. TOTALLY. And I understand people take the wedding day planning and the event itself waaaay waaaay too far and over-the-top.
But.
I can still be a bride and a feminist...and go a little crazy planning out every detail, from diy envelope liners to homemade cookie favors.
Right?
Or are my DIY goals of baking and making the very antithesis of feminism?
Argh.
I am thinking that they're not. Why? Because no one asked me to do this. I decided I wanted to do it. And just because I have skills traditionally thought of as "female" skills, why should I not flaunt my abilities? I GOT MAD SKILLLZZZZ and everyone is going to get to enjoy them. Including me!!
Ok. I feel better now. Phew.

Dos De Mayo

My Saturday, according to Fitday.com:

	Fat 27 %		Carbs 26 %
	Protein 7 %		Alcohol 39 %

My running website says to try and get your fat intake down to about 25% of all caloric intake per day. I don't think they meant balancing it out with five margaritas.....

Speaking of Spice

I said this to my friend in a voicemail last night:
"I thought I'd catch you before I went in for bowling league. Yup, I'm in a bowling league. That's what I've become, that's life after school. After you graduate perhaps you too could join a bowling team."

It made me realize that, as CJane put it, I need to get my spice back.

Bowling league would be awesome if I was legitimately good at bowling and went for more reasons than just to eat the cheesy fries and play Mass Millions (won $3 last night...no one won the big jackpot....I'll let you know). The thing is, I SUCK at bowling, as in bowling a 48 suckage.
meh.

I tried to be spicy last weekend. I went to an alum event in Newton to hear the college archivist talk about photography at Smith. I went from this:


to this:


in an effort to be spicy, and really just came out with slightly less insane hair and not enough makeup to look less tired. Oh well, it didn't really matter because I was about the 5th oldest person out of the group. The median age had to be about 70. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but think I am seeking my spice in the wrong places.

I told Jamaal about this sudden lack of seasoning and at first he laughed and said that it was all a ridiculous notion. I was silent for a long while and then I said "but I'm a slave to my job - I work long hours and stress over it, then I come home, work out if I'm lucky, shove some food in my mouth and fall into bed - what the f*ck happened? I'm 27 damn years old, aren't I supposed to be more interesting?"

You know what he said?
He said "But you bowled tonight"

I flipped. I mean it was funny after, but I was like 'I BOWLED? That's your version of excitement? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Finding a spider in my bed on Sunday night was more exciting!" (and freaky I might add).

I think he figured out what I was talking about finally because he was like "yes I know I know, since I've been in school we haven't done anything, it's true. We used to go out, we used to do stuff when you came down here, but we haven't in a while." Not since I forced him to go to the Statue of Liberty that is, lol. It was hard with us in school - harder for him because he has less flexibility about getting sh*t done. I could do work ahead of time before visiting him unless I had some hideous exam I needed to study for, but he is more "in the moment" with conference calls and group work, etc.

He promised spice when he moves up here (finally. whenever that may be.)

I shouldn't be so down because my life could really blow and it doesn't. It's just surface crap that needs cleaning, organization that needs to happen so I don't have to come home and be bogged down by boring sh*t. It's just that I was particularly complainy yesterday I guess. meh.

Something I did do earlier this week is a little garden photo shoot. You can really see spring happening now, especially with the native plants adapted to this wacky climate:

I also got this totally rad scarf in the mail from my RSE 3 partner.


I noticed how wackadoodle my front teeth look. Damn retainer, I should've worn it like I was told. uhhhhwell.

Alright I'm off to prepare for my big conference call. I feel less nervous about it, an improvement over last month. Sigh. Then I might try and find some spiciness...I will probably just end up watching ANTM in my pj's though, LOL

Because Turkey is the Spice of Life

And certainly makes spring more delicious ;)

Taken at BWH(ospital)

Delicious Spring

This morning I woke up with the windows open. It's the first time since last summer that it's been warm enough to do that...and I have to wait til it's quite warm because of the creatures with which I cohabitate (the birdies cannot have a draft blowing on them). Waking up to the morning sounds and a warm breeze is really the most pleasant way to wake up, I think, and I am not a morning person.

The sunlight and the air put me in such a great mood this morning too. The commuter rail seemed to glide over the tracks on its way to Boston; I looked out the window at the marshy areas in Weymouth and Braintree (I have learned that the left side of the train is the good side). I paused during my re-reading of Kalahari Typing School for Men to check for the lone Canada Goose and the set of turtles on the "turtle log" in a swampy bit before the Braintree T stop.

Once I got on the shuttle bus, I became reabsorbed in my book, but stashed it away when we crossed over Huntington. The trees near the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, Simmons and the Fens are blooming and look gorgeous. The leaves are just starting to come out. I really do love spring.

Whenever this change of season happens, I can't help but to think of Kenya. I was there from January to May and yes, there was the marked change between "the dry" and "the wet" but other than that, there was no way to mark the passage of time. As much as my heart sometimes aches from missing Africa, I know that deep down I am a New Englander who requires my year to have four distinct seasons. I feel somewhat unhinged without them. As glorious as Kenya is in both dry and wet, the warmth, the flowers, the birds, there is something truly delicious about New England, Boston, in particular, clawing its way through the grey and brown end of winter to emerge colorful and lush in the spring. Of course by August we'll all be bitching about the heat, the scorched lawns and wilted flowers, but for now, we're reveling in all of April's spring tidings and May's potential. We're soaking up the warm rays of the sun (with SPF 45 on) and thinking "This....this was just what I needed."

Give me a few days and I assure you that I will return to the harried, overworked cranky yankee I normall am ;-) For now though, I'm going to go outside and smell the tulips.

Today I...

1. Drank too much beer during lunch
2. Wasted time in the BWH gift shop with my coworkers
3. Ate a cupcake
4. Knit
5. Enjoyed Life
6. Walked in the sunshine


Today I did NOT
1. do much work
2. have a headache

I see a very very suspicious pattern here....

Greetings from Slackertonville

Well I promised to do this list of 27 things I'd like to do before I turn 28....of course that was about a week ago. Let me tell you, work and life have not allowed me a second thought about being 27 - which is not bad, I'm not complaining or anything, but I just haven't had the time I expected for deep personal reflection.

The weekend flew by and I didn't do too much....which is actually frustrating because I had goals for this weekend dammit. That's not to say I didn't do anything - on Saturday I drove out to Northampton to go to tea and it was so much fun. I needed it. Of course I felt like ass because I think I have an ear infection (boo) but the amazingness of being back at school, back in our old house full of memories was just fantastic. The house smelled the same, looked pretty much the same (some cleaner furniture) - I realized how much a part of my life Hubbard really was/is. I guess what most people remember from college might be the parties or the classes or the town where they went to school - obviously I remember all of those and fondly, but the memories that have really stuck have been house memories. Probably because so many of us were embedded into house life.

Sunday was the day I wasted, lying in bed, going to storage for the migration of the clothes, and poking around Whole Foods and AC Moore. Huge timesuck day.

Monday I volunteered with my sister at the marathon. We worked at the cancer hospital's tent and let me tell you, it was freakin' inspirational. I've been to the marathon live a couple times but never as an "adult" and as someone who has completed a half-marathon and has a concept of exacty how freakin hard 26.2 actually IS. I so admire the people running for charity - there are so many, 100's for the cancer hospital alone. Amazing! My favorite part was ringing a cowbell on the sidelines screaming at the top of my lungs for the runners. I have a loud-ass voice too, so I got a great response from a lot of the runners. Some of them acknowledged with the eyes, too tired or too focused to respond, which I totally understand, but others flashed a thumbs-up or high-fived. I also found a friend from college and friend from high school and went buckwild as they ran by - they flashed huge smiles as they made their way to the top of the hill. Badass. Today I opened the paper where the Globe listed the full results of yesterday's race and for some reason I went to the end - the last person in took 7+ hours to run the race. I wish I had been there to give her a high-five. While we all love watching the elite runners kickass, the woman who came in dead last has BALLS, man. How many times did she want to quit? Probably a lot....but she didn't. She crossed that finish line and she is awesome for doing it.

Ok so the weekend wasn't a bust. It was pretty great actually. But in terms of getting shit done, it didn't happen, and one of those items that I really wanted to do was make my 27 list. Most of the times I am anti- "lists of things to do before xyz." For example, I don't have a "bucket list" because I have this irrational fear that if I complete everything on my bucket list, I'll die. I mean I get that it's inevitable and all and since I'm the type of person who piles on tasks to to do lists with reckless abandon, I probably will never complete my bucket list, but still....I think all the blog reading I've been doing lately has pushed me to get out there and be a little more adventurous....and has certainly delivered a swift kick in the ass in terms of prioritizing family and friends and good times above the dumb sh*t (work, judgements, boring crap, time-wasting) I realized that I've become a bit dull. It's not a huge problem, and I'm not worried about it yet, but I'm thinking it's time to add a little spice - and what's wrong with writing it down? Life is short....ridiculously so....and I have to enjoy it dammit!
So. Here goes:

27 Things I Want to Do Before I'm 28:

1. Go somewhere new and somewhat faraway
2. Make a superfluous and ridiculous cake for no reason
3. Finish my running excel file bird life list (uber DORK!)
4. Make a blurb photo book
5. Run the Boston Marathon*
6. Take more photos of everything, especially people
7. Become insanely and enviously organized
8. Finish a long-abandoned craft project (under the sea cross stitch? sr year calligraphy project?)
9. FTDS and move in with Jamaal, opinions and judgements be damned
10. Memorize a poem. Or two.
11. Set the bar higher at work- I'm not organized, I'm not putting in 100%, and that makes me sad
12. GET OUT OF DEBT DAMMIT, ALLISON!
13. Spend more quality time with Jamaal. We hardly have any down time or time to do fun things beyond go out to dinner. I want to do fun stuff for a change (not that food isn't fun, but you know). I want to do photo-worthy things.
14. See a Red Sox game LIVE (bonus points for a stadium other than Fenway!)
15. Skip work, even if just for a day, to do something furtive and fun, like go to the beach. ooooh the indulgence!
16. Have the wedding planned out almost to completion so I enjoy the day
17. Take advantage of what Boston has to offer (restaurants, museums, shows etc)
18. Help more people and animals. I donate platelets and all, but it's kind of removed from the situation.
19. Bird watch more - see five new species! (neeerrrddd alert)
20. Take better care of my skin (beyond sunscreen, I don't do much of anything)
21. Chillax more. I am overbooked always, and feel guilty when I don't want to go to something, but have nothing to do otherwise. Have to stop feeling guilty too.
22. Conquer a fear (this will be the hardest thing on the list!)
23. Reduce that knitting stash!
24. Visit the Mapparium
25. Reconnect with someone
26. Spend more time in my kayak taking in the world.
27. Make a five-course dinner for me and Jamaal. I don't even know what those five courses would be really, but it's the kind of thing you hear in movies, and I'm gonna do it!


There it is. There's the list. I'll check in next year and see how I've done. For now, I'm heading home!


*This will be on April 19, 2010, technically 3 days after my 28th birthday, but I think you'll all cut me a break

Stuff today, Stuff tomorrow

Today I bought myself some bday gifts.

Normally I'm not all "oooh it's my BIRTHDAY I must buy myself lots of presents" usually it's more like 'oh I have been lusting after this one item for many months, now I shall use the excuse of my birthday and the check from my grandparents to purchase it' (*coughcoughdigitalrebelxticoughcough*). Anywho.

Today I decided to be frivolous. Well maybe not frivilous because I can use everything I bought, but I threw care and budgetary concerns to the wind. Plus I had a coupon, lol.

I bought myself new headphones because I broke mine. I actually already owned these headphones, but they lasted a year before they were busted. I bought them again because they were only $10 and they freakin' rock. If I had to spend $10 a year for them I might, simply because they come with different sized earbuds. I had been rocking your generic "comes with ipod" headphones and I dunno if my ears are oddly sized or shaped, but those b*tches killed. These are GREAT. I guess jlb makes fancier ones that are $40, but they only got mediocre reviews. I may as well get the ones that I love for a quarter of that and try to treat them a bit nicer in hopes they last. I tried them out today by listening to 'i am trying to break your heart' with my eyes closed. Seven minutes straight. It rocked. I felt relaxed and happy and now I won't have to listen to "man with high-pitched girlish laughter who sneezes a lot" and "loud man" on the train anymore. yyyyaaayyy.

Then I went to Sephora (coupon). I got this awesome hair sample there a while ago and I just dug it up recently and used it. It's fantastic. I went to pick up the full size, some more Hope in a Jar, some fresh face wash and some newer nicer-smelling body wash....and of course get my free bday gift, three mini glosses. Not too shabby.

I love unwrapping new stuff like this. It's Hope in a Jar, and it was so perfect and smooth and white....is it really hope in a jar? ha.

Then I went to Target to buy a new pillow. I left my old one at Babson, and it's really the lamest thing ever that I never called them to see if they have it. It's just that with work being what it is and my days being long, the thought of trekking there was so daunting that I let it go. Yeah, it was my favorite pillow. It was also stained an ungodly color and disintegrating. I did a "Oh I'm not going to buy a new one when Jam and I are going to move in together and buy new stuff" blah blah, but it was really gross and it should've been tossed a long time ago. The thing is that it was pure latex, and you can't find that sh*t anymore (not cheaply at least). No I don't want down, I don't want cotton, I don't want bamboo, and I don't want friggin' memory foam. I want plain old bad for the environment, weird smelling pure latex. It was not to be. I bought an extra firm Target pillow for 9.99 with a special gusset for side sleepers. I hope it doesn't disappoint, but I have very low expectations:
**edited to add: The pillow rocked my world. Seriously. I can't even tell you how freakin' comfy it was. I was lying in bed thinking "why did I not do this years agooo......" but then the thought ended because I fell asleep and slept like a rock an hour past my alarm clock. ha ha ha. Might have to chuck my other three pillows and get another one of these!**

I also bought bday candy. Birthday sour patch kids (gone) and birthday chocolate (saving). I have to say after giving up candy for lent, eating it again has been anticlimatic and disappointing. I think I might pretty much quit it altogether. There's no point, no secret thrill. Sigh. Oh well. Maybe I should try healthy food again, for the thrill...

Also, I had Lily out for a long while. He likes it and it makes him happy. How do I know? He will compose 20 minutes worth of whistling songs to tell me so. Then he settles into his "comfy mode" (last pic) and grinds his beak (sign of contentment in birds).

In other news, I've been addicted to this blog lately. I dare you to read it and not cry. It's so f*cking sad I can't even begin to tell you. But it's amazing. I'm not being very eloquent here, but basically it's f*cking sad, but it would be as amazing as it is if it weren't and it sucks that the blog ever had to be invented in the first place, but what this guy has shared with all of us is so beautiful and heartbreaking that I think the world is a better place for it. Read it without crying I DARE YOU. If my coworkers are reading this, yeah, that's what I was doing with all the tissues this morning - it wasn't allergies, it was me dabbing at my eyes.

So Matt's blog got me thinking about how damn fragile life is....I worry about so much ridiculous dumb sh*t it's not even funny and I take so much for granted. Like on Monday as I trudged into work I was thinking "ugh I'd rather be anywhere but here." Then I caught myself. I work at a damn cancer hospital, how do I think the patients and families feel about being here?! I was like "b8tch. get to work. stop complaining." It's good that I can self-administer reality check/dope slaps when needed. Seriously though, I've been thinking a lot about the future and how Jam and I will just need to treasure every moment together because you never know what sort of f*cked up thing might happen.
Therefore I have been compiling a list for my kids. It is short 'cause I don't have any yet, but here goes:

I. Things I will never make my kids do that I had to do as a kid
1. Eat pork chops, pork loin, pork anything. iiiiiiiiick

II. Things I will let my kids do that I wasn't allowed to
1. Decorate the whole driveway with sidewalk chalk (my dad was type a about the driveway,
(lol).

III. Things I got to do as a kid that I want my kids to be able to do
1. Travel with family all over the country (it rocked, happiest memories ever)
2. Go to summer camp and run wild
3. Go out in the backyard and run wild
4. Go to college, study abroad, etc
5. Be an innocent kid for as long as possible
(I like that this list is the longest)

IV. Things that my parents didn't make me do that I WILL make my kids do
1. recycle
2. practice an instrument/language if they choose to take it up. my biggest regret is that my
parents weren't hardasses about this, at least til I was old enough to make up my own mind!

I know when it comes down to it I'm just going to want to give them a loving home where they are safe and happy. But I might print out this list as a reminder. Especially part IV. I'll tap it and say "stop, turn, walk back to the piano and practice my little darling." ha ha ha. Ok maybe not. We'll see.......

Ok that's it for today...tonight....gotta go call Jamaal, tell him how much I loooove him because I don't do it enough.

Today's Random Thoughts

1. A No-Go: I receive Martha Stewart's near-daily craft email. Today's email contained instructions for making paper peonies out of recycled paper. Since I'm yearning for spring and always feel the need to be keeping busy with something crafty, I thought 'yes, peonies sound fun and delightful, plus these are made with recycled paper. Brilliant, Martha, brilliant.'
Then I saw that it took 16 steps to make them and required obscure ingredients (ok obscure to me) such as "silpat" and "pearlized medium" and would also require a blender. Cancel paper peonies.

2. Allergy Season: I am stuffy, sneezy, cough-y, and eye-watery. But my claritin that I put out on a legal pad this morning is gone, so I must've taken it.

3. Slackeration: I have artfully avoided doing work for the past 3 hours (except for work emails). Time to take a blogging break and get some real sh*t done.

4. No Organizational Skillz: I am so beyond scattered right now in EVERYTHING it's not even FUNNY. Total lack of organization and plan. Every day is waking up, struggle to keep head above water, get home, eat, crash. The problem is that I've been maintaining this since my promotion, and pretty much pulling it off. My work and social activities increased exponentially when promotion occurred (not that the two are related in any way, ha ha) and I'm drifting along. I think the reason for the acceptance of drifting is that I haven't actually forgotten anything yet, like an important meeting or a hard to schedule appointment...if that had happened I may actually have my sh*t together...instead I make my meetings and appointments and let everything else go to hell. It's a "I look together on the outside, but on the inside....disaster" situation. I think I will take a personal day tomorrow or work from home in an effort to pull sh*t together. Oh, and to go to the eye doctor. I thought earlier this month I'd be able to do the eye dr and then work, but then I remembered that the eye doctor 1. dilates my eyes and 2. runs at least an hour late. By the time the eye situation is good enough for me to drive to the train, it will be noon or so, getting me to the city at 1:30. And then what is the point really? Maybe I should take my dad up on his ride offer, cause then I'd be home around 11 and be able to put in a solid day's work. hmmm.

5. Shafted by a Minister: Jam and I asked my minister if he'd marry us. He went "uuhhhhheeeeeeuuummmmmmmwellllllllll. I don't know. Let me think about it." Heh? It'd be easier if he'd just have said "No." He's moving this summer and that's part of it. All the other reasons why not I'm really kinda unclear about. My coworker said "You can find a minister everywhere." I wanted to say something uber snarky about Catholicism and generic weddings, but I bit my tongue (and normally I'm not a bitch like that about religion, because I'm cool with whatever people want to be/believe in/wedding style preference, but she routinely lorded Catholicism over my head when she worked right next to me, so it was hard to keep it in......I know BITCHY and EVIL. That's me.) sigh. We have backups, but I think it'd be rude to ask them (one of whom is the associate pastor at my church) and then have the regular minister say "yes" after all and have us either drop the back-up and make them feel like they were our second choice OR tell the minister that we don't need him after all, making him feel like he didn't really matter. Dang. If any ministers are reading this, cut the bride some slack: don't say "maybe" just say "no!" ah!

6. When People Change Their Minds: I signed up to volunteer for the marathon. When I did this it was all so casual "show up at 10" "plenty of parking" "just bring yourself." Well well welllll. This has turned into "show up at 7:30 if you want parking, otherwise good luck" "bring five chairs, a cooler with ice, and a shade tent" and "you'll have to stay til the roads open at 3:30" WTF? I mean whatever, I signed up, I'm not about to back out, but seriously, put that sh*t in the job description so you don't surprise people the week before, because that is super-crappy. What sounded like awesome funness is quickly starting to sound like more trouble than it's worth. They better have some damn good free t-shirts.

7. But You Have WAY More Skills and Are More Talented Than Me Times Ten: I got this email from a fellow alum that was like "hi I saw that you're a project manager on the alum web site and would love to talk to you about it because I'm trying to break into that field" Coooool I think. Then I see this woman is a 2000 grad...ummmm...and that she attached her resume. She has FIVE more years work experience than me and a ton of previous management experience. Seriously, she has a frickin' rock star resume. I can't even pretend to be badass. I'm going to have to tell her that my lowly position only oversees 7 people who don't even work in the same state as I do, and that I basically have no power. I'm going to enjoy the flattery til tomorrow morning though, just so ya know.

8. Le Pig: I ate an entire box of Special K red berries today (though to be fair, this did include two meals, breakfast and dinner. still though). This tells me one of two things: 1. I am a pig determined to gain 20 lbs by my wedding 2. I am not sufficiently meeting my body's nutritional needs. I am really hoping it's 2. Tomorrow, during "get sh*t together" day, I am going to address this problem, as well as the fact that I haven't trained for my 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks (ok I was really sick though, cough, could not breathe). I can't go through a box of red berries a day, no matter how delicious it may be.

9. Epiglottis Malfunction: I choked, really choked for the first time yesterday. It freaked me the f*ck out, I will tell you that much. I was munching on a roasted potato and laughed and inhaled. It happened so fast I didn't even get that I was choking, that the freaking potato was OBSTRUCTING my windpipe and I had stopped breathing. Then I got this really weird dizzy out of body experience feeling (hi dumbass, that'd be you running out of oxygen) and I noticed my grandfather staring at me with his hand on the arm of his chair (parent/grandparent body language for "will I need to spring up from my seat and give you the heimlich or are you going to breathe?") and I managed a cough. Actually it was a really foul gag cough barf noise, which no one really seemed to notice, since I've been hacking up my pleura on a regular basis for the last two weeks....it was the desperate inhale that caught everyone's attention. I got up from the table because I thought I was going to barf, but I didn't, thankfully. A lot of coughing helped, plus a glass of water. Jesus, though, that was some scary sh*t.

10. Twenty-seven (late 20's!): My birthday is on Thursday (woooo). I am somewhat indifferent about it, not because I am anti-bday, but because bad stuff always happens on or around that date. To name a few: Waco, Oklahoma City, Columbine High, Virginia Tech...It's pretty much a downer-type day, so I usually do something quiet with my family. I am hoping for some cake though. Not even fancy cake, homemade funfetti cake would be AWESOME. My gift to the world that day will be some platelets. My gift to myself will be.........hmmmm. I don't even know. Oh well one gift will be making a 27 before I'm 28 list. A list of 27 things I want to do before I turn 28. Some will be tasks, some will be fun, some will be boring. But I am a lover of lists.

11. Sugah: My friend who does brain integration therapy suggested that I have a yeast imbalance in my system and that I should stop eating sugar. I was like "GET OUT OF HERE NO" but my tummy was bothering me so badly, I decided to give it a whirl, plus Lent was happening, so it was kind of perfect. Since about 99% of my refined sugar consumption was in the form of delicious candy, I decided the kick candy for Lent. It wasn't even that hard, and I only cheated twice (two mini snickers 2 or 3 gummi worms). My stomach feels a ton better, and I'm sure my teeth are thanking me. Today I bought some candy from the work vending machine, and expected it to taste like a little piece of heaven with a rainbow running through it. I ate it furtively, like the candy police were gonna come and get me. Boo hoo. It did not taste like rainbows. No one gave a sh*t I was eating candy. It wasn't even that good. Dammit, I am over candy.

12. Because What's a Post without OVERSHARING: OK. So this wouldn't happen to any men who might be reading this (yeah right) but girls probably get this.....today I totally forgot it was lady biz time of the month. HOLY CRAP. I had NO warning whatsoever (symptomatically...I mean I have been taking the placebo pills for four or five days lol) and totally went in the bathroom for an innocent pee and thought I had kidney failure. Then I put two and two together and. Well. You get it.

heh. can't believe I just put that in a public space. oh well.

With those 12 things I depart for yet another social activity. I think I am turning into a grouchy old lady because it starts at 7 and that means I won't be home til 10 and I am all "b*tch b*tch b*tch" about it, even though it should be great fun. There's ice cream involved. I better go psych myself up a bit. Til next time....

Doooooce

So I just commented on Dooce's post about vaccines.
The non-vaccine route makes me nauseous. That's me. I don't expect anyone to agree, but there it is. My view stems from a lot of things: being a vaccinated kid, a scientist, working at an institute that is super-cutting-edge whose research focuses hugely on vaccines (cancer-curing vaccines!) and more than anything, from standing in a pediatric ward (if you can even call it that) in the middle of Kenya. Good lord. There are no words. To this day, it still makes me upset. I stood amongst dying children 90% of whom had something fixable, but would die because they had no access to what they needed - from surgery to vaccines. About 10% had devastating burns.
Like I said....there just aren't words for what I saw. I can't even....

So I decided, to trying and lighten my spirits on a Friday afternoon and feel more badass, I would list the things I am "immune" to (in quotes for those who think vaccines are a conspiracy and I'm not really immune to anything):

measles
mumps
german measles
tetanus
diphtheria
polio (US)
(here's where it gets fun)
polio (rest of the world)
hepatitis A
hepatitis B
yellow fever
typhoid
HPV 6,11,16 & 18
flu**
rabies***


**some strains this year....duh
*** not really immune, I just would not require RIG or 5 vaccines, I'd be a-ok with 2 shots, ideal for traveling in a rural setting.

hmmm. I feel significantly more badass, I must say, even though the likelihood of contracting yellow fever on my way to the T is practically impossible.

Well it's 63 degrees, balmy for Boston. I'm off to walk to the train without a coat!
Have a good weekend all, be back soon.

Crazyface

I work with another project manager, who is brilliant, talented and tenured, not to mention, published!

She is really really type A but I get along well with her, because in learning the ropes at the new promotion, I need her attention to detail very much.

Now though, I am wondering if my dependence has become a problem.

I sent out an agenda for tomorrow's big conference call and asked for everyone's input and approval.

My old boss said "looks good."
The statistician said "looks good to me, if something comes up not on the agenda, we'll figure it out"
The QA manager said "Nothing to add"

The other PM sent a list. Explaining what I should bullet and sub-bullet (even though the sub-bullets were extensive notes because we're just going to have a straightforward bulleted list in the final agenda....the subs would be WAY to confusing, but were in the draft to ensure I covered in my private notes for the call everything we wanted to talk about).

Her list was in paragraph form and numbered 1-6....I noticed in item #5 she totally pulled the rug out from under me! She took the liberty of consulting the statistician behind my back and getting all the information needed for another doctor's research concept. I didn't even get cc'd.

I know the old project manager was a super disaster and fairly inept and I know there are a lot of "trust issues" and crap still left over. The project manager I'm working with was even accused of not training old project manager properly, so I know she's afraid of getting burned again. Plus layoffs this week have us all on edge.

Here's the thing - I need to be assertive, but I don't want to burn bridges. I have to do it in a super-nice way, because ultimately I do really like this other PM and will most likely continue to work with her closely. But it's not cool that she's just going off and doing this stuff and then making me look kinda dumb by explaining she's covered it and already gone above and beyond (because she replied all in an email). Meh. I dunno what to do. Guess I'll go sleep on it. Figure out what to do in the morning. Maybe I'm just being all crazy.

Slogging through the Sludge in my Brain

Ok. So this week (ha ha and it's only Tuesday) I am just very mentally deficient.
I don't know what is up with me, but I am
1. feeling lazy
2. BEING lazy
3. Getting easily confused
4. Confusing others
5. Having trouble following directions
6. Feeling disjointed

None of it is actually unpleasant because all in all I feel fine. Finetastic. It's annoying cause I'm doing random sh*t. Like "oh let's buy some yarn online cause it's only $2." LIKE I NEED MORE YARN. Or let's enter a bridesmaid giftie giveaway and comment on the WRONG blog. And it wasn't like "oh I like these soaps" it was like "this is my plan and blah blah blah blah blah" Then I realized and recommented. Who does that? Silently slip away in shame, lol.

A mouse just ran in our office. Gave me an adrenaline rush. At least I'm a *bit* more awake now. ehhhh.

Anywho, I blame the previous list of 6 items on:

1. allergies and allergy medication. Makes me sluggish
2. hormones (ok I dunno, sounded good)
3. coping mechanism for extreme stress at work, tomorrow's 3PM principal investigator call in particular
4. coping mechanism for extreme disorganization at work
5. techinically having too much time on my hands and not effectively filling free time with productivity, thus falling back on laziness/disjointedness to fill time
6. because I can

I don't know the answer. All I know is this: I have got to get my shit together. And FAST. I am soooo scattered. I think it might actually be PI call stress. Ugh. I shouldn't be stressed....One PI loves me. The other didn't want to hire me...but I got hired anyways and it has kind of blown up in his face, right? So I am the victor here...BUT I STILL want to make a very good impression and prove that I am smart and capable and able to balance everything out. I think I have an intense fear of being really spastic tomorrow. Oy. I'm off to do some stuff before I leave....to go bowling....where I will probably be doubly spastic but will have the sense not to compare myself to a S------ O-------, ahem, Mr. President.

Funnymoon

Jamaal dropped a bomb last night...

He said "I have a revision for a honeymoon destination"

I said "should I be worried?"

He said "NOOOOOO"

So I said "Better tell me..............."

Then he said "Botswana."

If I hadn't felt like my right leg was going to fall off at the hip, I would've started jumping on the bed.
Seriously.

Of course nothing nothing is final. It will all come down to cashmoney in the end. Am I super-excited to be putting dollars in the bank right now though? HELLS YES.

I'm off to make a conference call agenda....and research safari camps on the Okavango.
*giddy*

Time for a New Post - No Wedding Stuff!

It is 59 degrees today. It's enough to make a girl want to run around outside without sleeves - you know, go really wild.

Unfortunately I feel a late season cold coming on. UGH. I was sick this time last year - how do I remember? I had my yearly physical just about a year ago, and I have one tomorrow, so all in all if I had to pick a time to be sick, it's kind of ideal to feel ill right when you're planning to go the dr's anyway.

I have to admit, as lousy as I may end up feeling tomorrow (and this could pass...my sister is bringing me medicine and then we're going out to party for EE's bday to drink, and isn't liquor a cure-all? LOL) I am looking forward to taking a personal day, and it's worth enduring the physical invasion that is ye olde pelvic exam. Just wish I had had the sense of mind to make my appointment in the early morning - it's a 2pm, and I'm just going to be twiddling my thumbs all day waiting for the moment of truth, the "slide your butt down" moment (*shudder*) Oh well. At least I don't have to get any shots! That is a bonus! And I still hate going to the dentist more, and let me tell ya, the dentist is a hell of a lot more expensive too. So there.

Actually I won't be completely wasting my morning. A local TV station reporter is coming to my house to film my account of my "brush with death" on the Turnpike. By "brush with death" I mean "flat tire in an inconveniently dangerous location." I kept telling the woman over the phone not to be disappointed by the lack of dramatic flair in my story, but she was into it. I guess the Turnpike was thinking of cutting the Emergency Service Patrol program earlier this year. It does have a million dollar price tag, but seriously? Gov. Patrick could totally come up with that if he stopped wasting money on useless sh*t like THIS. Anywho, Commerce Insurance picked up the tab for some advertising, so I guess Channel 7 just wants everyone to know how awesome ESP is and how they've helped all these people, me included. I think all in all it's kind of a dumb story (not the ESP is awesome, but my particular part of the story, my lame flat tire story), but did I get my eyebrows waxed for it? Obviously.

A Year Ago Tonight.....

Jamaal made me one happy lady. Sure, maybe the basking glow of the initial engagement has worn off, but the buzz of excitement I get everytime I think of the man? Well it has yet to weaken or fade and I think it may even be getting stronger as time goes by. Can't wait to marry him...CANNOT WAIT. Love you sweetness.


(clearly my accessory whoredom hasn't faded either - like my brand new pretty pretty green bag which my sister totally pressured me into buying? ha ha)

Drooling, Gnawing Off Arm in Excitement

Now if you read the entry below, you already know that I went to a "Make your own invite" class and found it totally rocked and inspired me to take on the DIY challenge of wedding invites...

What I didn't tell you was the thought of picking out fonts, placements, colors and graphics to go with the fun stuff (like gatefold cards, japanese silkscreened paper accents and ribbons and eyelets) made me want to bang my head against a wall. Not that I don't appreciate font, color and placement; on the contrary, I LOVE IT, it's just that I don't do it well and with the flair of a graphic designer. Never mind the whole tech-savvy issue. Not that I'm computer-tarded by any means (I blog, right?!) but I lack the patience that people like my sister have when designing things online. Actually, she was pretty much going to be my design process crutch. I hadn't told her yet, but I fully expected her to help me with fonts and the like.

Now invites are probably going to be the next thing I start tackling for a couple of reasons. First of all it will force dear fiance to make a guest list, which will in turn make me super organized and get addresses and info together. Second, it will force me to tie down my minister (who is leaving our church in June *whimper*) Third, it will force us to pick a church and times. Yes. Lots of forcing. But honestly we've done a lot of the things you can do without a time and church, and most of what's left needs to have those things in place. Soooo. Invites it is. Also, handmade invites allow me to indulge in things like bone folders and embossing powder. ROCKIN'

So I was killing a half hour between conference calls and decide to look at some favorite wedding sites for a bit of inspiration. It's a little rough out there - we don't really have the budget for fancy letterpress or engraving. Yeah, we could make it in our budget, but not how I envision it, unfortunately, because I have fancy ideas ;) So I am forever on the lookout for something that is pre-designed but affordable. I found BLISS. Through a series of links I came across A Practical Wedding featuring THIS. Yes. This amazing woman designs the invites and sends them to you in pdf form to self print. SO they are custom designed and totally badass and a fraction of the price. So you still get to look suave and hip and amazing, yet save money and have the whole DIY experience. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Could it get anymore exciting??!!!?! If Jamaal were here he'd look at me funny and say "of course it can get more exciting. Well not for me, right now, at this moment. This is the ideal solution. And I want to start NOW!

I am seriously in love with ALL of these designs:

I love the flourish on the top of this one. Since we don't have a firm "theme" it'd definitely work well...

This is simple and manly and very Jamaal. Though I hope he lets me pick, bwaahahhaaha.

Birds are my thing. Kinda perfect.

Again, simple. I think that 10/09/10 would look awesome in the design too...

We will be in a rustic barn...plus this design reminds me of fall...

Simple but fancy. I think this design could go with anything.

LOVES IT.

Birds again. Clearly I'm drawn to the nature thing.

I love this for 25 bazillion reasons. It's a shoutout to me growing up running wild in the woods, my love for mice and chipmunks (yes I absolutely rescue them from the pool. shh. don't tell my parents about the mice!) It's whimsical, unusal and could totally help pull the wedding together. How? We-eeellll. I would love love love to have a bit of a woodland theme. Nothing too strange or ridiculous woodland or too focused around the theme (cause that's weird and people would hate me lol), and because it still needs to be a bit elegant, but woodland in the sense that there's a strong natural influence in the decorations, place settings, etc. This would work.

These two are actually my top favorites though, because I'm still to unsure about the rodentia theme ;)

Awesome awsome swirly design. It's elegant but it STILL HAS BIRDS

Sigh. I just love this one. Fantastic. Fabulous.

Ok I'm wedding'd out. Gotta check my email, and change - my sister and I are off to see Fleetwood Mac tonight (her FAVVVVV) Yay!

I Haven't Blogged in FOREV

Whew. Well I was all excited about blogging every day and sh*t and then I totally fell off the bandwagon. Part of the problem is this promotion I got at work. It's great cause I get paid more and stuff and have a ton of responsibility, which is a bonus since my old job really only required a warm butt in a desk chair and someone with half a brain able to push computer keys down. Ok, that's a huge simplification of what I used to do.....it was actually more difficult than that....it's just that after four years I had sort of reached the learning capacity for my job. Sure there's always plenty to learn about lymphoma itself, but since new things weren't really making their way into the database, I had leveled off. This job is so much more multifaceted - not only am I responsible for integrating new things into our database, but I have to keep up with doctor's papers and concepts and abstracts, help them with stats (ack!), make research presentations, etc. So yes, more stuff, but it's good stuff, learning stuff, and it keeps me uber busy.

What else is new? Not much admittedly. I went to the "make your own wedding invites" class, and it was awesome. I was totally inspired and I think I've actually modified my color scheme to go with the options for make your own invites. Ok, specifically I found the most amazing silk-screened Japanese paper that would be ideal on invitations, and that esentially wiped out the possibility of using a heavy influence of fall colors to shifting towards theme colors of navy and champagne with fall accents. Now I get how moronic that sounds "theme colors" and sh*t, cause I am NOT one of THOSE girls. I didn't even get that people "did" theme colors and I think it's kind of obnoxious when someone picks "Pink and Brown" (not that there's anything wrong with the colors themselves) and you show up to their reception and everything is pink and brown. blaaaah. Of course that being said there will definitely be a navy/champagne influence lol. Well the bridesmaids will be in navy....and the centerpieces will be white pumpkins....aaaand....maybe there will be some other navy stuff.....and maybe some more champagne/off white......lol.....ok maybe I haven't actually planned it all the way through, but I'll be going with those colors for the invites and letting the other stuff fall into place.

So with regard to weddings, I have this friend who is lovely and amazing and wacky and married. So naturally, she asks a lot about the wedding, which is fine, I like talking about it (to a point, I don't want people to glaze over!! oh. though my family is not spared from glaze-inducing conversation, mwahahahahha). The thing is is that she has something to say about EVERYTHING I tell her. To the point where I want to stop telling her things. She hasn't seen my dress because I fear what she has to say. My other friends are like "oooh pretty" but I know with her it will be an exhausting conversation with words that are carefully picked out so that if she doesn't like it, I'll think she will, etc etc (though she forgets sometimes that I know her tricks!!! ha!) But some days I've been really frustrated and almost upset at our email exchange because it's judgey and seemingly setting me up for failure...or sometimes simply condescending. I don't want to dwell on it too much, but it's getting to me. I've told Jamaal some of the things and he laughs it off and says "well she's crazy" but he's really not on the receiving end! I think the thing of it is, if it were coming from an unmarried friend, I'd almost prefer it because with her I'm thinking "she's had her moment, it was beautiful and memorable. The food and drinks and DJ were great and the bride look fantastic" so why is she picking on me? Maybe that's the whole problem....she's had her day in the sun....she wants it back! I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut because if I have to hear about how lucky I am for having SUCH A LONG engagement, or how I need to include Jamaal in the registry process because he might need the black and white Welcome mat as opposed to the brown one, or how I'm so lucky that I won't have to cut a guest list resulting in tragically hurt feelings and broken friendships, I may poke myself in the eye!

In other news, I changed my Ravelry profile pic to this today:
I hope it doesn't portray the wrong message, ie "I'm as vain as a peacock"!!! I took it the weekend before last at the parrot shelter and am kinda in love with the colors. Speaking of birds, I'm going to go get Lily out...he is SCREECHING! Ah quiet.

Hmmm for taking a break this post is not that interesting.

What else is new? Oh. I decided to start officially training for the Portland (Maine) half marathon in October. I figure that six months is a decent enough training window to get in shape, considering that I am NOT in any sort of shape to be running 13.1 miles. Yesterday's workout was stretch and strengthen (aka do 25 minutes of pilates, say you'll finish after dinner, fail to finish after dinner, do hip stretches for injured hip). Today was 3 miles and I decided that if I did it in 45 minutes or less I'd be happy, because even though 45 minutes is pretty slow, it would prove that I could run for 45 minutes, could run 3 miles, and on top of it all, would get a pretty decent workout in. I did it in 38 minutes! I was ready to do a victory dance...except I was too tired. The thing that sucks about this week and training in general with a busy schedule is that tomorrow I'm leaving the house at 5:30am and won't be home til probably midnight and Thursday I'm out til 9 at least. boo hiss. I guess I just have to stick with it best I can and start modifying my schedule to fit in running. The nice thing is that if I wear sneakers to work I can probably fit in a 2 mile walk, so that's cool. Hmmm I could probably even do that before work if I get off the train in the right place......sweet, 1 problem solved, now I just have to get the 3 mile run in on Thursday :)

What else? Nothing, I've bored you all enough. I leave you with a video I just made. Ignore the fact that I look like I have a mustache, it's dark as hell and I tilt my head oddly to avoid having a double chin, lol, and admire the cuteness of my bird and his demanding neediness as I typed this post:

(no video right now b/c firefox/google/blogger hate me :( will try again later!)

HOLY CRAP

五色粉散 So Pink !, originally uploaded by John&Fish.

If you like birds, photography, nature, color - ANYTHING you must look at this extraordinary photostream on flickr. I am practically drooling over the gorgeousness of it all. Hoooooly crap.

Perhaps more regular posting or even wedding crap for tomorrow :)