The panic part actually isn't about being responsible for a tiny human - I'm sure being a first-time mother is completely overwhelming and even a little bit scary. What panics me a teeny bit is having a biracial baby. I totally skip the newborn and toddler years, fast forward straight to elementary when the kid comes home from school and wants to know why his or her skin color is different, why his or her hair is different, why the kids at school said XYZ to them. I mean, I'm sure I'll have answers, I'm sure Jamaal will have answers and we'll be able to soothe and reassure our child, but I worry: will my child see me as someone who can't relate to his or her problems because of my paleness, my different features, or because of my hair?
It's probably something to not worry about right now - at least, that's how Jam sees it. He is constantly reminding me how genes are funny and how it's impossible to know what our child will look like, what our child's complexion, eye color, or hair will even look like. People reassure us 'biracial children are beautiful!' I agree, but still, this nagging worry of being the "unrelate-able parent" sticks in my mind (and then of course, our kid will reach teenage-hood and just being a mother will make me unrelate-able lol).
Reassuring me right now are a couple of things. On our flight home from our honeymoon, I saw a news clip highlighting Sesame Street's newest music video, "I Love My Hair"- God love Sesame Street and their ability to tackle issues with song. Not only is this video adorable, it sends a great message to anyone with "hair situations" - and is geared towards black/biracial girls with naturally curly hair. I got all emotional when I watched it, thinking about how it's such a great self-esteem booster for little girls everywhere. Knowing that things like this will be around when my kids are little is very reassuring.
Then there are the forums -weddingbee.com proved to be a lovely, supportive community of (mostly) women during my wedding planning process. They've branched off into a "babies" board, and today (while looking for a hair produce for my own unruly mop) I found a post about styling biracial kids' hair. The women on the 'bee flocked to answer, sent product recommendations, websites, comments. Knowing that there's a community out there that will help a stranger is awesome. Which leads me to the internet - how did I worry about this so long and NOT google?! Via weddingbee and google, I found a TON of websites on biracial hair - information about products and styling, self-esteem when it comes to natural hair, etc. I even found a product line for mixed kids! It warms my heart to know (and gives me a swift kick in the ass as a reminder) that I won't be the first white mom going through this (duh) and that with the help of friends, family (though maybe not my mother in law, who told me about something terrifying called a "hot comb"!!) we'll totally handle any hair issues that come up. Anxiety relieved.
Of course, just by writing this post, you know the gods above have seen to it that I will produce only boys, right? Who won't have hair issues...who will probably just want fades like their dad....and all my anxiety will have been for naught...either that OR I'll have a daughter that has a different hair style for every day of the year. Oh my poor future children - your mom is already crazy :)