Sometimes I really hate people.
A while ago, I told my coworker that I had wanted to go to South Africa since coming home from Kenya (makes no sense, but go with it), and was pleased that Jam mentioned SA as a potential honeymoon spot, either that or Australia, equally as cool. She voiced her opinion on both of those, I assure you of that.
Today we had a departmental meeting and at a table full of my coworkers and other people in my department I don't know that well, in the midst of our talk of marriage and honeymoons, my coworker jabs her thumb at me. "This one" she says "wants to go to South Africa for her honeymoon." When no one really reacts to that statement, she adds "Her boyfriend is black, she's white, how do you think THAT's gonna go over. IN SOUTH AFRICA!!!"
No one answered, and I sat up and said "It would be FINE." Awkward silence follows.
Then someone changed the subject.
Normally I let little comments about being in a biracial relationship roll right off my shoulders. Honestly. People have said sh*t to my parents that they've avoided telling me because they thought it would hurt, which is so sweet of them to do, but when they've told me, I'd surprise them by laughing, usually because the comments were laden with hypocrisy and double standard. Today though, I got really sad, like I wanted to cry sad and so so angry all at once. I'm not sure why because my coworker didn't say anything blatantly racist really....And maybe she's even a little bit right, maybe if we went to South Africa we'd raise a few eyebrows. I think more than anything I just wanted her to mind her f*cking business. I wanted to stand on a chair and scream it too. It's my life. And it's my and Jamaal's decision what we do and where we go and therefore, it's us that will face any consequences. No one else has to deal with it. Don't give me unsolicited advice and point out the fact that life may be made difficult for me because I have chosen (get that CHOSEN) to love and share my life with someone outside my race.
I think maybe that's what bothers me more than anything, that we're constantly made aware by outsiders that we're a biracial couple. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate questions from people I know who are open and want to learn more, that doesn't bother me, but it's comments like "you shouldn't go there because you're white and he's black and that might bother people" that just irritate the hell out of me. Even people I barely know saying "oh you'll have beautiful children" is really starting to piss me off. Dude, what if I don't want to have kids? What if they're busted as hell? It could happen! There are all these assumptions made too. It makes you want to bang your head against the wall sometimes. Ugh. See I don't look at Jam and say "ah, yes, there he is, my boyfriend who is black." I'm thinking that when I come through the door he's not like "oh my white girlfriend." He's Jamaal, I'm Allison, he's a guy, I'm a girl and we LIKE EACH OTHER. It's that simple. That's all. Why can't people accept it??? Oh it frustrates me. Ha maybe I should take my revenge next time and look at someone picture of their significant other or spouse who's the same race as they are and say "OH! I see you're dating/married to a white/black/asian/hispanic/other girl/ guy!" They probably wouldn't get it though.
Ok my rant is over, my eye has stopped twitching, and I no longer feel the need to cry or smack someone, no longer feeling vulnerable. Phew. *Adjusts picture of self and Jam so its more prominently displayed on desk* Ready to face the world again. Bring it on, B*TCHES!
PS Costa Rica posts are forthcoming, I promise!