Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Wedding Wednesday 2/54

I have to get this out before I get busy doing, you know, my real job.

We have wedding budgetary issues.

**before I get into this, I do want to write a disclaimer. In the following post, I will b*tch about a conversation I had with my dearest fiance. I am writing this to vent. Once it's out, I'm going to be mostly over it. Just so no one comments and is like 'wow you are a b*tchasswh*re' or "you should not be getting married." LOL I love him, we're going to make this happen no matter what, even if we have to cancel everything and just get married in the church we booked and call it a day and just continue to live our lives together forev' and totally love each other every day. It will be fine. But I need to get this off my chest. WHEW**

Not budgetary issues in the sense that one of us has lost our job, or has suffocating medical bills or even insurmountable credit card debt. Ohh noo. Nothing tragic or bad. It's just that last night, there was flippage over our proposed wedding budget of $20,000. I told Jam that I had used a budgeting tool that put us at around $22,000. He kind of freaked (which if he is reading this, which I doubt, would DENY! but I heard the pitch of your voice raise!) I said "I thought that was decent, only $2,000 over what we budgeted, and certain things will be eliminated from this budget, or greatly reduced, like the cost of the wedding night bridal suite (we get it for free if we book 20 rooms at the hotel and so far we've already booked five!), the cost of invites, flowers, blah blah blah." Jam was like "Oh but it could spiral to $27 or $28K!!" I tried to stay calm. I hope I didn't sound like a biatch because there were a lot of things I wanted to say. But I didn't because they were mean and spiteful and after all, we are talking about 1. a lot of money 2. one day. Ok. I tried to calm him. So much of this stuff isn't even going to come from our budgeted money. Example, I have budgeted to save $15K so we will have enough to go on a honeymoon. This is mostly to cover the large expenses, like reception, dress, flowers, cake, DJ, maybe videographer, maybe musicians. That won't touch 10K ea, according to my budget, if we're splitting down the middle, which leaves us with 5K + for a rehearsal dinner and honeymoon. Jam was all "I can't SAVE 15K!!!" I said "That's fine, but can you save the 10K you agreed on?" Silence.

Sigh. It's so much money, I get that. And I also get that I live with my parents and can save what I do from week to week. But to renege on the agreed sum with a year to go? And with me frickin' BUSTING my ASS to do more DIY stuff that I can handle (and I am not so deluded to call it "DIT" do-it-together" because we all know who is going to be cutting and pasting for the next 12 months). I internally freaked. I have done so much to reduce the cost to both of us AND my parents offered to pay for the pricey photographer to get our cost down, and now he's worried he can't hold up his end of the bargain? YEAH. THAT MAKES ME FREAK OUT. *deep breath*

I told him to cut his guest list by 20 people - the first round was supposed to be 10 each, but for maximum savings? Yup, 20. I B- and C-listed 20 people of my own. Half are my parent's friends, and I'm going to show them the list and if they feel strongly about it, they are more than welcome to offer to pay. I don't want them to feel pressured, or like I'm asking them for money, and I don't think they will, but that was the best option for me to cut 20 people - that way I keep my family and my personal friends in my budget and offer the parent's an option. All good yes? And that candy bar you wanted that sounded so awesome? CUT CUT CUT. Ok. So maybe not that.

The thing is, I never wanted to be this type of person. I wanted to save my pennies and have enough to invite who we wanted and to have everything run smoothly. I didn't want to be the harpy who is all "cut 20 guests and don't you dare complain because I am making sh*t to make this day beautiful." Because everyone says it's not about the day. And it isn't. But in a way, it kind of is. And if I can't be happy getting there, what is the point of having an effing wedding day?

Of course we're going to figure this out. Of course. And I'm going to bring up the fact that me doing everything so far only to be checked at the door makes me resentful and were this a joint effort this would not happen. I've had free reign about 99% of the time, so to get pulled back without any offer to help out is tough. I'm going to lay it out there this weekend. I need participation here. I'm the only one googling, researching, budgeting, frickin' CRAFTING like mad, and because apparently we can't have a joint bank account for the wedding, I'm the only one seemingly saving. I know (hope?) this can't be true, but it's high time for an honest conversation. You know, so I don't lose my mind. To be fair, planning a wedding long distance is not easy. I'm sure people think that after nearly 5 years in a long-distance relationship we should be able to pull this off easily but alas, tis not the case.

In happier, lighter news, google reader fed me a fantastic post Budget Savvy Bride had on her blog, a "Real Wedding" post (side note: I realized today that I really like BSB b/c 1. it's realistic 2. it is not preachy 3. it's fun and full of great ideas. I read a couple of wedding blogs and some are great but I'm like "oh please stop preaching to me about xyz" This one, never the case.) The couple's budget was, GASP, 20K! The wedding looks goooorgeous (take a look at the pics!)! The bride had some great advice about asking for help, making a DIY priority list, not seeking approval (something we're both totally guilty of even though we try to be all "we don't care what people think...") so yeah. Great advice. I'm going to reread the post and try to chill. And start those lists - what I want to DIY, where it lands in the priority queue, who can help. I know one lady (EE (: ) is totally willing to partake in wedding crafting. Maybe we can get together and do a few crafty weekends, EE? My sister is a willing crafter as well, and I am sure I could rope my mom into it. We can do this and save, we can do this and meet our budget goals, and we can figure it all out so that my fiance isn't having a financial heart attack and we can still go on that honeymoon he's been dreaming about and I can have that wedding full of homemade and wonderful thoughtful details that I'm dreaming about. Yes we can, Yes we can.

We can do this.

See how I talked myself down?

And I am not even pissy about last night's phone call. LOL.


jessica @ budgetsavvybride said...

your post cracked me up-- you are not crazy- everyone has moments like these when dealing with money and wedding budgeting. :) thanks so much for your kind words about my blog! I blushed a bit reading that. :)

Becca said...

Hi, i found you from Jess/ BSB. I am getting married the day after you, and have a MUCH smaller budget, but yeah, i feel your pain. i have been going crazy saving and crafting by myself. good luck working everything out!

Al said...

Oh my, a famous blogger comment from Jess! My little blog can't handle it!

Thank you both for telling me I'm not crazy ;) It helped! A TON!

Becca, I know you will be able to pull it off. We just have to keep sane, keep saving, keep crafting, right?!

A. Cademia said...


I do not think you are a crazy psycho-hose biatch (or whateveR). I'd be frustrated if I were in your position.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that since i'm still living in MA with basically not a whole lot going on I would LOOOOOOVE to help you if you needed it. For real, if you need me to run any errands, help with crafts, pick things up, research...ANYTHING, I would love to help. Don't feel like you'd be obligated to let me help in exchange for anything...if that makes sense, I would just genuinely love to help you out/be crafty.

f'real, lemme know!!
-Al squared-

Elizabeth said...

Crafty weekends!!!! Yes!!! Ok so with my church job that means crafty Friday nights and Saturdays, but still. Let's do it!

I hear you on the budget stuff, and I think you just need to talk to your man face to face. He probably has no idea just how much stuff you've been doing, nor how much money it's going to *save*! I bet he hears some of your plans and thinks, "Too good to be true. Probably expensive!" Sit down with him and lay it out there. MBA man needs to save it UP!

Al said...

Thank you thank you all :)
There will be tasks. And crafts. And more crafts. Not just yet. I am compiling a list this weekend b/c it's about time to send out save the dates (it's hard for me to write the famous bridal blog abbreviation "STD" without giggling. Immature.) Anyways, yes, there'll be much to do and I will need your help. You ladies rock.