Friday, October 23, 2009

Ok, who emailed my blog post to People?

Ha ha ha

I know no one did...I know I was hunted down on

I was contacted by a stringer for People yesterday.
The email sounded sooooo attractive.
They're looking for brides getting married in less than a year - about six of them, spread throughout the country - who want to lose weight before the "Big Day" (ps this phrase never fails to annoy me. "Big Day." Hmm. More like "Single Most Expensive Day of Your Life." Whatevs).

So I read on, because it sounds interesting. It goes on to say that the magazine will pay for a personal trainer to help meet your fitness goals and then, obviously, you'll be featured in the magazine. I started imagining myself doing that thing I do to make myself look pregnant, and how I'll have to do it in spandex for the magazine...then I imagine myself as a willowy, toned bride, sweeping down the aisle as confetti is thrown at me and Jamaal by our warm, smiling guests. Hooray!

Then I read "So if you're in the market to lose at least 50 pounds, if not more..."
Hmmm. Right. That kind of takes me out of the running.
Because in that last post, when I said "lose some weight" and "get toned" I meant more than maybe 10 pounds. Because if I lost 50, I probably would not have the strength to walk down the aisle.

Dreams of a People feature - gone. Shattered by the fact that by some miracle, my Dunkin Donuts fanaticism and my penchant for buffalo chicken burritos from BoLoCo have not made me sufficiently obese. Darn. Maybe I should've gained that 75 pounds the platelet donor clinic asked me to gain....* OK. Probably not. eh. I have to say that next October when this sh*t goes to press, I might actually be first in line to buy People...just out of curiosity!

*they didn't really. A guy who works there, who thinks he is hil-A-rious asked my to gain 75lbs so I could give a triple unit of platelets; my platelet count is so high I can give a double in 45 mins, so he knew I could do a triple in a bit more than an hour, but alas, this is one thing for which I do not weigh enough!

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