Monday, September 14, 2009

Sometimes I wonder...

why I spend the loooonely niiiights...

ha ha j/k. As much as I love Nat King Cole and all (and "Stardust" in particular).

Sometimes I seriously wonder why I can't just be content with how life is going and why I sometimes obsess with what's going on with other people. Why do I care? Because I am generally happy. Yeah, I'm waiting for "things to start" like moving in with my love and starting life together and getting married and stuff.

Why do I let the outside world/other people and their expectations/opinions of what I should be doing get to me? WHY?

That's so not me. It isn't. I like to think that I march to the beat of my own drum but...maybe I don't. And it wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't totally hate myself for letting this outside junk influence me and make me FEEL bad about myself and THINK negative thoughts. Ugh. Boo.

Sometimes I wish I could step outside my body, take myself by the shoulders, shake myself and say "for the love of GOD and sunny Jesus you have SO MUCH just be HAPPY for a change."

It's a challenge. Maybe I should work on it this year. Gotta fill that place that gets all emptyangrydarkjealousspiteful with something good.
Yes. That sounds like a plan.


Elizabeth said...

You need to come over and let me integrate you! One of the best things that comes from this is that you stop caring what other people think. Seriously! I noticed this right away. Just look at my life, haha. Flower infants?! JESUS! And we don't have to do the full integration in order to work on this. We can work on it in our first session.

You know you want to!

Al said...

ha ha ha ha maybe it's just what I need. Because it's a truly frustrating quality that I tend to DWELL on, as you know, LOL.

I think flower infants are kinda brilliant.