I know, I was all about the NaBloPoMo theme, etc.
But then some stupid sh*t happened and I couldn't get OFF it. Seriously.
It had to do with getting an MRI and the MRI people not believing that I didn't have a metal coil in my heart.
I overreacted. I still think I had the right to be angry at them not believing me, but still, I overreacted.
Then I felt guilty. I thought of the fourth-world hospital I visited in Africa where the kids didn't even have bandages for their burns and felt selfish and awful. I was being pissy cause I couldn't get a MRI in what I considered a "timely" fashion.
I felt even more guilty in the waiting room yesterday, listening to the receptionist pre-screen a patient. "Have you ever had cancer?" she asks. Pause, scribbles, OK. "OK so tomorrow we're going to scan your brain." Eff. I'm hear for my effing no good foot. WTF is wrong with me, being so selfish? UGH.
Anyway, I finally got my MRI. The tunnel bit wasn't too bad. Of course I was only in up to my neck, and the scanning apparatus wasn't like, OVER MY FACE or anything creepy like that. I don't think I'm claustrophobic, but I hope I never have to be tested with an MRI.
During the scan I entertained myself by imagining my "lottery list," you know, all the stuff you'd do if you won the lottery. This is totally self-centered too, I know, but it made the 40 minutes of lying absolutely positively motionless fly.
Here's what I'd do if I won 221 million dollars:
First, eliminate my family's debt. My student loans and credit card debt, my sister's and cousin's loan debt, Jam's debt, my parent's mortgage. Yep. Debt-b-gone.
Next, buy the empty lot next to our cottage, and offer buyouts to the neighbors on either side of our cottage in NH. Not only will this give us a ton of space for our hopefully expanding families (I say hopefully because it appears that I will be the first-wed and first parent of the four grandchildren!) but we well have a compound-esque hold on this fantastical piece of property. I think I could buy it all for under a million....amazing considering the views at sunrise:
I wouldn't even do anything particularly grandiose with any of them either. I'd probably keep the house next to us, knock down the one two houses to the west of us. The lot next door I'd keep empty, then the two houses next to that.....well I'd probably keep one up because it looks pretty sweet and maybe do some updating and rustication work on the one immediately to our east. Of course, there would be major updates to plumbing and electricity at all houses, maybe even a wind turbine built to generate our own electricity, definitely a graywater recycling system, and of course, a solution to the "toilet problem." All in all though, I would maintain our rustic feel:
Next up would be a hospital in Oloitokitok.
photo from here
I always said I would build one there were I to become a wealthy woman. This is the hospital to which I am referring when I talk about seeing kids without bandages and meeting a little girl who had the same birth defect as me who will die because she can't afford to go to Nairobi to have it fixed. Messed up. I would have to come up with a detailed plan and most likely require a lawyer, accountant, a pilot and overseer, but I figure if Oprah can pull off her Leadership Academy, I can figure out a hospital, since the only requirement to get in would be injury or illness LOL.
I would also find my friends, Mboya in particular, and make sure they could have a job at the hospital if they wanted....oh and the hospital would have to be 1. green and 2. would never turn away anyone because they could not pay and 3. be based on the ideals of Health in Harmony and Partners in Health. Cause they're soooooo so so soooo so one more time SOOOO brilliant.
Oh there would be so much more to do in Kenya. I can't even tell you...can't even...
Naturally I would have many other charitable things to do. There would be plenty of money for New England Exotic Wildlife Sanctuary, formerly Foster Parrots. Maybe some land for DU....Obviously if the cancer hospital ever needed something, especially to do with community health services, I would be there.
Then of course we'd have the superficial stuff that celebrates consumerism and the shameless love of material goods.
First up, Subaru Forester. I love my '02 - it's seen me through pretty much any terrain you can imagine, a thunder-snow blizzard that dropped about 2 feet on the ground, black ice, treks to NYC, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Maine, NH. It rocks. BUT.....it's kind of dying on me. So sweet new Forester:
oohhhh how glorious....
Then a long vacation at the luxurious Governor's Camp Il Moran Camp:
Next up, this exact penthouse in the Customs House building. You know, while Jam and I are searching for our perfect house in JP/Concord/Lincoln/Carlisle/Wellesley/Duxbury/other town with good schools, lots of land, rustic yet accessible to Boston....
Now the super material junk:
Louboutins:Louis Vuitton tote (to haul my crap in style):
An IMAC for my multimedia needs (OMG so glorious)
A swank new ipod with lots of memory
A clarisonic so my pores become invisible
A mad Container Store shopping spree (for the penthouse and new house of course).
By the time I had finished imagining all this, the Sheryl Crow CD I had chosen to listen to during the MRI was skipping and because I had to remain motionless, I couldn't let anyone know....plus I didn't think skipping CD's warranted the use of the emergency button. Luckily by this point I only had one four-minute and one six-minute scan left, so it wasn't too bad. I kind of bounced off the table all happy with my ideas, LOL. Maybe because I didn't come up with an overwhelming list of "stuff" I'd really need. And definitely because I imagined myself as this charitable-donating fairy, building hospitals, saving birds. It kind of undid all that pissy-ness and rage I had had earlier.
Of course, this was a week ago....
And the doctor has yet to call me....