Monday, February 09, 2009

Worry Worry the WORRIER

I had ANOTHER dream about Kenya last night. Honestly, it's the weirdest thing. I don't know where this is coming from. I was walking down the street alone in Kimana and had to pee, and a lady offered me the use of her law office's private bathroom for 10ksh (which is like, I dunno, like a dime or some sh8t. I could do the math. Ok I will. Hang on. Ok it's 12 cents). I paid the dime and peed and that was pretty much it. So odd.

Of course when I woke up I was filled with this weird anxiety. I worry about my Kenyan friends all the times because they don't have a lot - and I guess what I mean by this is that they don't have the resources to protect themselves/flee/escape in any sort of trouble, and I often worry about them getting caught up in some sort of turmoil. This worry was totally spurned by the tanker explosion in Molo and then the Nakumatt fire in Nairobi. I read too much news. Oh, and I worry too much.

So basically once I got to work, this is how my morning went:
-Read about tanker fire in Molo.
-Wonder if friend Charlie was near Molo.
-Recall that Charlie works in Kimana and lives on an island in Lake Victoria. WTF would he be near MOLO?!
-Read about Nakumatt fire.
-Try to remember which Nakumatt we shopped at. Figure it's probably not the same one.
-Worry about Mboya - would he be out foodshopping on a random afternoon?
-Recall that Mboya works 12-14 hours days, so no, he would not be out foodshopping.
-Worry about all the other Kenyans I know who *may have* been foodshopping (insane -see?)
-Give in and email Mboya even though I know he won't get the email for weeks, then check it and send an email back to the effect of "why are you so crazy, I'm fine"
-Google Australian bushfires to see what they radio meant by "South East Australia"
-Study CNET map intently
-Make sure RSE 5 Scarf Pal does not live near fires (I lost your email address! Ballina looks far, Christine, but I am thinking of you anyways!!)
-Go to Facebook to make sure my transplanted PartyLite representative (affectionately known as KFlood) does not live near the fires
-Go to all Aussie blogs in my favorites. Wonder if lack of posts = evacuation
-Wonder what I can do (because I am not only insane, but also a pathological fixer)
-Get frustrated by Australian Red Cross site's ability to only collect dollars in AUS, then wonders if it really matters because credit cards don't give a sh*t because MONEY IS MONEY
-Decide to take a few moments to calm the eff down
-Do some work
-Lament my packed week which involves a range of activities from donating platelets to checking Sephora to see if they have any left over dusty boxes of my grandma's favorite soap which has been recalled.
-Check blogs obsessively (oh oh, not the Australian ones, the other ones I have bookmarked)
-Do some more work. Wonder if I am really worth of promotion to Project Manager.
-Wonder if I can even do Project Manager job.
-Sit paralyzed by fear of being incompetent.
-Worry about worrying so much. Isn't it bad to worry?
-Try and find a red velvet cake recipe....possibilities for the perfect one seem unlikely
-Download Pride and Prejudice soundtrack from iTunes
-Contemplate weekend activities (have Jamaal get me a prescription for Valium? Maybe just sex will do? I DUNNO)
-Wonder if I am gaining weight even though I feel like I am always hungry and a hungry person can't be gaining weight cause they're not eating enough food, right?
-Feel guilt about eating the entire box of Thin Mints in a day.
-STOP feeling guilt about food. F*CK IT! I AM ONLY GOING TO LIVE ONCE (that I will remember in this particular lifetime at least).
-Get worrisome email from friend "my weekend was hellish, will email after meeting" ah! *edited to add that she is ok, just her car and bank account got majorly f*cked over the weekend*
-Check a favorite wedding blog. See wedding dress featured (won't tell you which in case Jam is reading!! which he isn't. but still)
-Channel energy and write embarrassingly long comment on why it was great to buy my dress where I bought it, which is actually true because I was a brand whore and wanted an Oscar de la Renta dress and was willing to cut something else out for it, but actually found something totally affordable and amazingly gorgeous and just HAD TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.
-Sit and wonder if my synapses are misfiring.
-Laugh at self. Because it's the best medicine....for insanity. LOL.

Seriously. I am tired just posting that list.
Hmmm, though I do feel wondrously calm right now....hmmmmmm.

In other news, I went to fetch my wedding dress this weekend and it is just glorious. It's even prettier than I remember, probably because it's not the floor sample with some of the beads ripped off, lol.

Here is a sneak peek (ok Jam, if you are reading this, off with you!)


The VENUE!!(we will have to decorate it oursleves, but I love this simple yet gorgeous scheme here)

Ideas for the 'maids
So there. We've made some forward progress. And on the 22nd I'm going to a class for DIY Invites at the Paper-Source. I've accepted the fact that I'm such a picky control-freak that a lot of the wedding will be DIY. Hopefully this won't result in a breakdown. One thing that won't be DIY and that I get to pick is the photographer - obviously I am going with a family friend...who just updated his website and his photos look stunning, which makes me happy!!
Hmmm this whole post was very calming indeed.
I'm feeling much better now. Phew.
Until tomorrow, when I will most likely be high-strung and worried all over again.


RecoveringActor said...

Followed you from ISE7... and you and I sound so similar. Without the Africa. Best of luck on the nuptials! I'm avoiding them like tha plague. Have the guy... we both want to be married.. we just don't want the wedding part.

(I am a little in love with your bridesmaid dresses choices. tea length dresses are always nice)

Al said...

oh hellooo and welcome! yes, the wedding's a lot. We talked about eloping in Costa Rica, then though about the resulting fallout from family and friends if we did that, so we decided to go for it up here. Actually having a long engagement is fantastic because I'm getting all this crap done waaaay ahead of time!!

everything and nothing said...

I was sick and for once not obsessively clicking on your blog. Now it has exploded with new content. Anyway, those dresses look cute. I especially like the strapless, um except for its straplessness. That koala is precious and Australia does seem a great candidate for Animal Cops! I think I'm loopy on DayQuill or something....

Elizabeth said...

Allison, when you life is less insane you really need to spend the night at my house! Not only will you avoid a round-trip commute and get to sleep innnnn, but I will get to start integrating you! I personally expect your brain to be in good shape, with the exception of WORRY! and STRESS! in astonishingly high levels.

Let's not have a coronary before you're 30, mmmmmK? I love you, lady. Let the brain integrator help you.