Maggie Mason writes in "No One Cares What You Had For Lunch"
"All of us should just learn to tolerate stupid people. But what if we didn't have to? If you ruled the world, things would be better, at least in a few small ways."
Here are the Top 10:
1. Strollers would have a dedicated car on the subway, thus making all other cars stroller free.
2. Spike heels would be programmed to collapse when in contact with human flesh.
3. Bostonians would get over themselves and learn to use the Charlie Card and shut up about it.
4. People with SUV's would stop driving them. If not, they'd at least learn to park them without having to go back and forth 7 or 8 times to get into a parking space.
5. The counters in the women's bathroom would be heated so the excess water that's always hanging around on the counters in ladies' rooms would evaporate. That way if you made the mistake of leaning against the counter while washing your hands, you wouldn't have a water line across the front of your shirt.
6. Tampons would come in a box of 100 for 3.99. I am so damn sick of tampon boxes getting smaller and smaller while the price stays the same (4.79 for a box of 18? Are you sh*tting me?!)
7. There would be a gate at the end of the self-checkout line that would prevent the next person from encroaching the register before the person already there finishes their transactions. It would only open when the current purchaser takes their receipt.
8. People who leave their carts in the parking lot or take up handicapped spaces when they don't have handicapped tags and aren't handicapped would be flogged. Ok, not flogged, that's too violent. Maybe just shocked with an electrical current when they tried to get into the grocery store??
9. There would be a book drop that led to the local library in every home.
10. We'd have Mountain Day, just like Smith.