and then he said

"you've got to learn to be selfish"

ha ha ha ha ha. well. I'll give it a try :D

I am sitting at work and I think I may be on the rebound from the stress. Because of boyfriend. Because he is amazing and patient. Ha. I loooooove him LOTS cause honestly, I have been under the worst stress and didn't want to drag anyone into it, ah, but who calls me at my worst hour (11pm)? HIM sooo he got to hear it last night when I couldn't keep it in anymore. wow, it wasn't pretty but now I feel like a weight has been LIFTEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HOORAY

I have figured things out

Personal statement: it's almost there

Recommendations: pretty much out of my hands. Advisor is done, she's sending it herself, doctor will finish on time, Friday at the latest, so its' all on my former boss. All on you, MATTHEW!

Race: on sunday. At this point, I'm just gonna go with it.


Cookies: I stood in the "baking needs" aisle at the supermarket picking out low-protein flour (it makes the sugar cookies nicer) 4 pound of light brown sugar 1 1/2 pound of chocolate chip, a pound of raisins and thought "why the fuck am I doing this to myself?" I put everything back in its place and walked to the end of of the aisle where the Betty Crocker quick bake "homemade cookies in 20 minutes" bags were located, and for 1.69 a piece I got frickn' peace of mind. Now instead of slaving over an oven, I'm gonna make me some cookies, 4 different kinds, package them up for bookclub and still have time to lounge on the couch for "Lost" To Betty I say "AMEN SISTER!"
"Lost": just a note. I love it. So. much. addicted. the end.


Bookclub: a woman from bookclub called last night to remind me I was in charge of snacks. She is the loveliest woman in book club, I adore her because she is sooooooo nice and the person closest to my age (ahahahh and she's like, 38 or 40 ha) but she said "I'm so excited you'll be there because you always say the most interesting things" She could've been lying, but I don't care. I was like "huh guess i may add something positive after all" who knows. Bookclub is supposed to be fun I'm not supposed to obsess about saying witty things. hahahah besides, when we play the word game (where someone finds an obscure word and everyone tries to guess the definition) I always WIN! i don't always write down the correct definition (though a couple times I have) but I often write the most CONVINCING definition, ahahahha cause I'm good at making things up. PS Smith -------> says "chick lit" is OK. So now I really have no guilt! Suck on that bookclub people who only want to read "award winning works of literature" (oooh not that I am complaining-I got mad love for bookclub, it makes me read qualitay, although I just read "Skeletons on the Zahara" which was in a word, AMAZING, but now I have no guilt for mixing it up with stuff like "The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" (which is a great story!) or "The Bergdorf Blondes" (dumb as all hell but pretty damn entertaining. It got me to start drinking peach bellinis).

I think I must look kinda bad today. Well and yesterday. The kid at the grocery store was soooooo polite and nice (although I do say "please" and "thank you". I mean, I did work in a store once and polite people do make all the difference and when people say "please" and "thank you" I used to try and be as helpful as possible) and then he said "you have a good night now" I thought "huh kinda weirdly nice in a sympathetic way....perhaps he saw how many cookies I have to make and took pity." Then this morning the guy at Starbucks went out of his way to be nice. He didn't yell "NEXT" when it was my turn, but walked down the counter to where I was standing and said "Now what can I get for you today?" in this very kind voice, and then said "Ok Coffee light blend frappucino. And how about something to eat?" and then "Alright Autumn Green Apple Cake comin' right up for you" After I paid he leaned over the counter (now if I hadn't been totally worn out and looking kind of bad and knowing it this would've been creepy) hands me my apple cake and says "Now you have a good day today." I looked at him and said "Oh.... Thank you...." and he nodded sympathetically. Jeez. I thought "How bad do I look?" So when I got to work I looked in the mirror. Wow. My hair looks EXCELLENT-it's the John Frieda line for brunettes. My face, however, is an entirely different story. Because I was crying for like, an hour and a half last night, my eyes were rather swollen. So I wouldn't look like a raging "pot user" as my friend's mom calls it, I used some Visine. Uh. Too much visine, which in turn has taken away the red eyes, but increased eyelid swelling. It's rather unfortunate. There are the dark circles too. But you know, whatev, I am getting shit done today and no bad looking-ness is gonna stop me. Nor is my food obsessed co worker who drives me crazy.....No ONE can TOUCH me TODAY. ARWWRRRRAAAWWRRRR.

PS I realized that while slightly Lynette, I am also slightly "Desperate Housewife" Bree, except not as psychotic with a crazy Susan edge (the klutziness) PS Marcia Cross, who plays Bree, just got her Masters in Clinical Pyschology...no wonder she's such a damn good actress.................yeah. ahhahaha