Thursday, February 02, 2006

tuneless humming and w-2's

Dear Anorexia,

I hate it when you tunelessly hum as you do your work. This is the office where fun goes to die. It's silent as a tomb. Which isn't ideal, but you know what? I deal with it. What I hate is the humming. It's not even a real song. It's tuneless noise, worse than the highly irritating white noise of the printer next to me.

What's also annoying is your dumbness. Don't make it so obvious. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't stare at me gaped mouth like a trout that I just fished out of a river, and then go "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???" in a high pitched voice and follow it with a hearty "Nuh-aaa-aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" And if you don't know about certain things, don't bring them up. Like when you say that "Angelina is a dirty bi because she's "done things" with both men and women." I could write a manifesto on that statement. A fucking thesis on 1. why bi's aren't dirty (well, I mean they're not dirty cause they're bi. They could be either physically dirty or dirty dirty, but that's cool too if you're into that) 2. why just because you've "done things" with men and women it doesn't mean you're bi. I want to be like "am I bi? Cause I do a lot of things with women, like eat lunch with them, shop with them, ride on the MBTA with them......soooo am I dirty? will you ask to have your seat changed because you don't want to be near me anymore in case I make a pass at you? (note: if I were a sex-deprived lesbian and could somehow procreate with women and Anorexia and I were the last two people on earth, I would let the human species die. don't hate me for it, you don't know this girl.....*shudder*). Argh. Anyways, you should just let a lot of things go if you can't keep up. That isn't to be bitchy, but when I say things like "You hear how Saddam Hussein walked out of his own trial?" and you say "WHAAA? Nuh-ah, no way, they caught Saddam?" you should just save yourself the embarrassment and keep your mouth shut. I will give you credit for one thing though, you know more about Jessica and Nick than anyone else I've ever met. Fo' Realz.

In other news, I have my W-2's. hooray. I shall use them to buy a laptop. That way, I can blog at home and not at work, thus being more likely to get work done and not lose my job.


do you think the laptop will have Paint on it? I hope so........


Elizabeth said...

She did NOT say "WHAAA? Nuh-ah, no way, they caught Saddam?"

She did NOT. That's unbelievable! Oh. My. God. I can't handle it. I kind of want to see her for myself just so I can appreciate her fun-goes-to-die-ness. Because I think I know what she's like from your descriptions, but I know I can't, not really. And it sounds amazing.

Amazing in a bad way, but in a way that's better if someone else can really commiserate on just how evil/stupid/Nick-Jessica obsessed/stupidly anorexic they are.

Love you HONAY! I can't WAIT to shop on Saturday! Woo hoo!

Lurve, E

Jamaal said...

The combination of you and Elizabeth is too much for anyone to handle, LOL. I think she should be put out of her misery or fed more often.