Thursday, July 16, 2009


I am into short angsty posts this week lol.

A friend from Girl Scout camp is getting married next month. She posted on Facebook something to the effect of "43 days til the wedding! ah!"

I reply "blah blah blah can't believe you're getting married blah blah hope it's not too stressful"
someone else replies "breathe"

Now a word of advice to anyone who might be in a situation where a friend is getting married. DO NOT TELL THEM TO BREATHE! Not only is it trite, but also idiotic. I would be like "I am breathing asshat, I have to to stay alive."

I am a stressful person. I thrive under pressure and when it comes to throwing an event, my best work happens when I am stressed. I accept this and am ok with it. So I plan to be pretty intense when it comes to wedding planning. And NO ONE better tell me to breathe. NOOOO no no. You CAN however, offer to cut and paste things and lick envelopes and make tissue paper flowers. Now THAT sh*t is constructive.

PSA/Vent of the day over.

Is it wrong??

...That I take mild delight in my coworker's hatred of my noisy eating and drinking?
..and that I hated noisy eating and drinking too 'til I found out how much my coworker disliked it and then tried to be noisier?

It is probably wrong.
But then again SHE came to work with swine flu.
It's not like my noise is contagious.

Tee hee.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Quick Update

1. Jamaal and I hashed out wedding stuff. He told me that he would like a prospectus. I typed one, broken down month by month til four days before the wedding (where its broken down by day). He hasn't seen it yet, but I told him I made a seven page wedding plan, color coded broken down into excruciating detail and he was.....happy. Can you believe it? He was like "nice, this is what I need!" The whole time I thought he didn't want the details! This was a lesson in communication. Oh and how we should really live together soon so we can talk on a more regular basis, lol. I see him tomorrow though, so YAY!

2. I planned a NYC bday weekend for my sister and Jam. It is going to rock and I am very excitedface.

3. I went kayaking yesterday...I think my dad and I have "discovered" one of the best places in the whole damn world to kayak. I'm in love with it.

4. My job is slipping through my fingers. I am completely losing my controlling grip. This is ever so slightly alarming. Of course part of it is not my fault at all, which is a mild satisfaction, though the part of it that's not my fault impacts me anyways since the company I work for is withholding money from the hospital until it's fix....but then again, I'm not paid the salary they're withholding either. That should go to the person who takes my old job...which has not been filled. Which then makes me wonder why I'm not getting paid more, since I'm working two jobs. UGH.

5. I am going to NH next week. I am living for Thursday the 23rd when I am FREE.

6. I want to take a photography class. I can't photograph for sh*t with my doubler and forgot all the crap about lighting I learned with the film camera I used to rock.

7. I have been running a lot since May and still weigh exactly the same. How is this possible? How can I explain this to my doctor, who's always like "I wish you would lose just 10lbs" If I still way the same in March when I see her, I'm not sure I'll even convince her that I'm marathon training. Which leads me to believe that dr's scales should have the ability to sort out your weight according to what is fat, muscle, bone, fluid, etc. The end.

8. I am reading another stupid book. That's two in a row. In both cases the women had published quite profusely in the past. I swear I don't know how. The first book was just plain dumb and predictable, the one I'm reading now is chopped up and has basically no character development whatsoever. At least in the first book I cared about the characters to a mild extent. In this second one, I could not care LESS. I think I'll read Green Collar Economy next, get a little non-fiction in there...

9. I have nothing interesting left to say. Therefore I'm cutting myself off before #10. The end.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Venting for just a SECOND

I am the "South Shore Liaison" for my local alumnae club.
My responsibilities total TWO:
1. have a gathering in the spring
2. hold the South Shore Sendoff in July/August.

There is this admissions volunteer in the South Shore area who thinks that it is her job to do this. So last year she flips her SH*T about me planning it. So I invite her to do it jointly and she completely dropped the ball - in a way that was nearly a problematic level of embarrassing. Luckily I managed to cover my ass and pulled off the event a-ok. And I was NOT shy about saying that this other woman disappointed me greatly.

This year I handle everything on my own, wade my way through a dumb evite snafu blah blah blah. I checked my email via phone and saw that this woman had RSVP'd "no." Yes! I thought. Today I open Evite to see "I was planning on holding this event in Duxbury in August for people who want to go." Stupid effing TW@T! Not only is she still on this "it's my job thing" but now she's pirating my evite, because she has nnooooo clue how to pull off the event. She has no contacts at my school and because she's not affliated with our club, she can't get the info.

I shouldn't let it bother me because people are so not going to remember this in a month. But it's irritating...and I've suggested that she take my position on the board when my term is up - I don't intend to be living on the South Shore anymore/much longer than my term expiration in February, but what I get everytime is a toss of the head and an "I'm busy, I'm a lawyer."
Well I am BUSY and a PROJECT MANAGER but I made time to fulfill my responsibilities.


Oh well. I have to be happy with the satisfaction that the whole alumnae club board knows she's an issue. Still it's annoying to feel as though the carpet is going to pulled from under your feet any second...

OK vent over!

In happier news, I got in the pool for the first time all summer and it was glorious!
Also, a friend confided in me and my sister and cousin that she thought her OWN sister was "a weirdo" something we have known for years. The hilarity that ensued was priceless.

That's been my weekend, and it wasn't too shabby :D

Friday, July 10, 2009


I moved the birds to the top.
For inspiration.
And cause they're so dang cute.
1-2-3 AWWWW

The Pot or The Kettle?

I love my dad. A bajillion times ten. He's my buddy and has been since I was little.


There is one thing about his personality that drives all of us girls INSANE -one second he's on a high, and you say one thing to topple him the teensiest bit, one joke that went too far or was misinterpreted, one comment that came out sounding a bit too harsh and he plummets to rock bottom. My sister and I were bemoaning this fact over dishes last night. "What set him off?" we wondered. "Why does he do this?" "It pisses me off!!" I said..


Later that night I'm talking to Jam. Haven't talked to him in over a day, which considering we email at least once a day and talk once a night, is a lot for us. We exchange pleasantries, I get all excited about the 15th months til our wedding, ready to tell him about the progress I made yesterday on churches, invites, decorating ideas and even a rehearsal lunch/dinner when he says "Oh yeah, that website, by the way, my family will not want their names on it."


My sister has been designing a fantastic wedding website mock-ups. It's nowhere on the internet, just for clarification, and she asked for his family's last names in an email. Now as someone who gets privacy and the internets, I know that we can really limit the people who see this site - and seriously, will the guests not know Jam's family's last names? On the other hand, I guess I "get" it. I guess they want privacy. I am still kind of mystified who/what they want privacy from but then again, I air my laundry out on a somewhat anonymous but detail-oriented blog, so how am I to know/judge. I tell my sister, she takes care of it. Even though this thing is still in its infant stages. But may as well nip it in the bud before there's drama, because one of the 'maids might've freaked too. Basically we didn't think about this, Jam called us out. FINE.

What bothered me so much was the high I was on was completely destroyed. Gone. I didn't even want to talk to him anymore. Was it because he asked me to change that stuff? No. It was because I barely got a word in edgewise before something critical came out of his mouth. It kind of makes you not want to discuss your other plans, you know? Plus Jamaal is at a point in school where I feel as though he'll snap if I mention one more wedding thing. Hell, I get sick of talking about it sometimes. I want it to be simple, but I also want it to go smoothly and enjoy the day, thus this planning ahead. I feel like I'm doing it entirely alone though (as opposed to with my fiance - my friends and family are awesome helpers, but it would be nice to have the FI involved) and when I do this stuff all I can think is that Jamaal doesn't really care at all and that I shouldn't even bother. But then I think "no, I'm doing this for me, for my own satisfaction because I want things to be beautiful and memorable" which is entirely true. It just sucks that I get negative feedback without any positive and that any wedding-oriented discussion seems like a burden.

Oh well.

After we hung up, I started to cry.
THEN I realized - I AM my Dad. Like the spitting freakin' image.
I groaned at the thought of this, because it was so true. F*ck.
Then I got over it and went to sleep. At this point nothing is worth that much feeling.
10 months down the road and we find ourselves at this point, THEN we need to have a discussion about whether this is even worth it. Hopefully it won't come to that. Because if I have to listen to anymore "This is why we eloped" or "this is why we did xyz at our wedding" or "I knew this would happen to you" I will FLIP OUT! I am doing what I want and liking it - I just have to get the other half on board. Boo effing hoo.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Wedding Counter Thingamabob

I added a wedding ticker to the bottom of my blog!

Too bad the only reasons I'm so excited about it is the fact that it's colorful and has birds.
Oh well. LOL.

Back to work I go!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Books again

I'm flying through books these days.
I guess because I gave myself a break from the ridiculously intense non-fiction I had out from the library. It really was a bit much!

I finished The Julie/Julia Project. I am in awe of Julie Powell and her commitment to "the project." If only I had known about her blog when it was happening! Of course those were the days filled with piping plover monitoring and sanctuary keeping, and I was stuck in my only little world of intense happiness and intense reverse-homesickness, so it probably wouldn't have been as striking as reading the book now.

When I got to the end, the part where Julie talks about getting a phone call from her mom, telling her Julia Child passed away, I sort of had the same reaction. Julie says something to the effect of "I didn't know her personally, etc" and then "I sat down at my desk and cried" I read that sentence and thought "well of course, you had lived with this woman's recipes for a whole year, of course there would be an emotional pull." I sat on the green line and contemplated for a second, then felt myself filling up (what is up with the emotions these days? Someone said "Dude you're pregnant." Not to overshare or anything, but I said "Dude, not humanly possible, lady business happening right now." LOL. Nevermind the lack of sexytime in my life!) ANYWHO I felt myself filling up because at that moment I realized I DID have a sort of loose connection to Julia. I'd met her! Plus Rachel and I had lived in one alleged, maybe even TWO of her dorm rooms at Hubbard House, via my calculation based upon the old room numbers listed on the circuit breaker box (which I opened with a knife stolen from the kitchen) and the various archives/historical presentations on Smith's website. Of course anything historically Smith seems embedded in rumor (ie location of Sylvia Plath's dorm room, why Helen Hills Hills Chapel has two she didn't marry her cousin, it was random and weird coincidence she married another Hills). But we do know she lived in Hubbard for sure. Oh and the time I met her, I waited in long line in the President's garden, with nothing for her to sign. All I wanted to do was to tell her I lived in her old room at the Hub. I waited with a fellow member of the improv comedy group the SIKOS and just as it was our turn to greet the much-celebrated alum, she grumbled "no more, I have to go." I think we all sank a little. Then as she stood, leaning heavily on a cane, she reached out and touched my friend's shirt, right on the boob and said "Oh. Your shrit says Liberty Cafe. Is that still in Philadelphia?!" How Alyson managed to close her mouth and reopen it to give a coherent answer with Julia Child's hand resting on her left bosom is BEYOND me, but it is something I will never EVER forget. As Julia walked one way (towards King-Scales no doubt, where she always ate on campus, shafting her Hubbard roots, which I can't understand, since I once saw our cook grease a cookie sheet for chicken with an entire pound of butter, very Julia-esque) and we departed towards center campus, we were all silent, until Alyson shrieked "JULIA CHILD TOUCHED MY BOOB! AHHHH!" "That was awesome," I concluded. Oh it was.

Next up in book discussions is Life List, a fantastic biography of Phoebe Snetsinger. Snetsinger, at the time of her death, had seen more birds than any person in the world. It was an obsession for her, and one that, in my personal opinion (well and factually I think) led her to encounter some terribly dangerous situations - the death of her birding friend due to altitude sickness, her attack and rape in Papua New Guinea, and ultimately her death in Madagascar. I thought I would complete this book and think "what a crazy insane lady" but I finished it feeling much much more sympathetic and understanding. Would it be my choice? No, absolutely not. But do I love birds enough to understand her drive? Yes, I really do. Were I a single lady, or say, in her situation, a 50's housewife, highly educated and intelligent yet expected to stay home with 4 kids, would I have pursued a similar path? Maybe. Maybe that's why I turned out sympathetic instead of judgey.

I don't keep a life list, like Phoebe. And I don't go to places hell-bent on seeing certain birds. I do buy field guides to any new destination though. I do read through them ahead of time and try and learn as many birds as I can. I did go to Kenya hoping to see a turaco, and lord knows however many other birds. I probably missed some (though the turaco erases the ones I missed with its shear awesomeness). I did go to Costa Rica praying, quite literally, to see a quetzal, a mot-mot, and a trogon. I saw only the quetzal, but did that sighting, as well as a hummingbird sitting on my hand to feed completely undo the failed other sightings? Hells yes. So in that I am very un-Phoebe, though I still can't sufficiently express my admiration for her drive and determination, and also, her efforts in conservation. Sort of in her honor, I am going to start a life list. Luckily I mark all the birds I've seen, with dates and locations, in my field guides, so that won't be too hard. I don't know whether I've seen 200 birds or 500 birds in my lifetime, but I know that when I leave this world, I won't be leaving with the regret of never having seen a shoebill. I realized that in my reading of Life List, and I have to admit that coming to that realization was only a good thing.

Finally Commencement. Oh where do I start. I tried to go into this with no expectations. Now this is the book written by a Smith alum, set in part on the Smith campus. Hmmm. I noticed an error on the first page, and that seemed an ominous sign. The Alumnae Quarterly never ever ever ever publishes engagements and never announces births or weddings until AFTER they've taken place, for reasons you can well imagine. I thought "really, this big of a flaw, on the first page?" Then I had to tell myself to let it the f*ck go because 99% of the people reading the book did not go to Smith and out of the 1% of people who did .99 of them do not give a crackling sh*t about stuff like that. So I shook it off and read on. I love love LOVE the connection J. Courtney Sullivan creates between her characters, the close bond they feel as students. I hate hate HATE the stereotypes she creates and emphasizes in the book. I'm guessing the author was a delicate "Quad Bunny" when she refers to Green Street as the "vegan/lesbian/armpit hair" area of campus. I kind of freaked the f*ck out when I read that....I'm not sure why I felt the level of anger I did, because usually I'm great at shaking off Smith stereotypes (ie tons of lesbians, gay for four years, never meet a guy, no one shaves, everyone is "radical" blah blah blah). I guess coming from an internal source it pissed me the hell off. Why? Because I knew people who were none, one, two, or all three of those things, and that was just in my house. And I knew people who were none, one, two or three of those things who lived all over campus. I am none, and out of my three closest Hubbard friends, the other two are none, and one is one of those things. So where the f*ck does she get off perpetuating that stereotype? Furthermore, there was and is something super-catty about some of the stereotypes she talks about. I think the author does a great job with some of the issues, such as the character who comes to Smith engaged and graduates with a girlfriend, she measures the reactions of friends and family and deals with what it's like on "the outside" but some of her snarky reference annoy me. Not because they're not true (ok except the vegan/lesbian/armpit hair thing. I know I'm dwelling but that went riiight up my butt) but it's the snide way they're delivered like "she didn't want to become one of those girls watching TV with their pant unbuttoned oblivious to the rolls of fat..." and referring the the house president as a girl that looked like a middle-aged man with her belly hanging over her pants, sticking out from her white undershirt. Snark snark snark. Sorry Quad Bunny, your book was almost fantastic....

oh snap! lol. some lines are utterly perfect though and I'll share later, when I'm not at work!