Tuesday, January 22, 2008

You Are What You Love, Not What Loves You Back*

Oh-ho ho friends, where do I even begin this one?
Perhaps we should just do a bulleted list. Ah, but certain things have gone down in the last few weeks that SO deserve more than a bullet, but I've cried, raged, and even laughed about all of this sh*t s much in the past week that I don't know if I want to dignify it with more than that. Plus most of it is stupid to anyone but me. Anyways here goes:
-One of my $3,000 grad school classes does not count towards my degree
-My adviser is a dumbass
-The head of the bio dept is likewise a dumbass and actually said "I make up the rules in this department and change them every semester so I have no idea what the rules were when you took that class" and "sorry, we're really failing you this semester as a department by not offering more classes"
-I've added a third class to my already insane schedule. Plant Physiology. Helllllp.
-My other professor insulted me greatly today by telling me that she wasn't sure I could "handle" her class because I wasn't writing a thesis and probably didn't read peer-reviewed science journals. What?! I read f*cking JAMA at work, b*tch, how's that for a peer-reviewed journal that would probably go right over your F*CKING HEAD! (sorry I'm still offended. rrr)
-My Lucy bird is slowly picking herself to death. She's got fatty tumors all over and won't stop ripping them open. At this point she's not physically suffering. I mean yeah it's gross and it's bloody, but she pierces them, they bleed, then they stop, then she picks picks picks. I know it's nasty to even write about, but that's why I'm not putting her down, because as of right now she is still performing all of her usual antics, playing with toys, eating, crapping, preening. I just hope that when she does go over the edge with the picking, it will be fast and she won't suffer.

So yeah. These past 10 days have kind of blown the big one.

There have been some good things though

-Jam visited, which automatically equals infinite amounts of goodness, no matter how short his visits always seem to be :(
-I saved a woodpecker who hit our porch window. He was laying crumpled in the snow. Of course I had a heart attack, mostly because my bird saving record is about 1/6. I picked him up to see if his neck was broken and it did not seem to be. Amy brought me a box and towel and I laid him in there, he eventually righted himself, grabbed onto my hand and when batsh*t crazy and flew a lap around my porch before smacking the window. Again. Before I did more harm than good I scooped him up, put him on one of our bird feeders and watched him like a nervous mother hen til he flew away. That was a highlight.
-The Patriots won!
-Put a shitton of music on my iPod and am working on a massive flickr update
-One of my classes is amazing and I have a friend crush on my professor. He's old enough to be my dad, yes, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to have a beer with him after class and PICK HIS BRAIN for ways to save the world. I told him that was my life's mission and he didn't laugh. He said "Why not?" You know what? Maybe this semester won't suck as hard as I thought.....

Sigh. Anyways, I feel confident about school because I have such a burning and overwhelming desire to graduate, but the professor being so insulting was really the final straw. You can't let people like that get to you (DIGRESSION HERE) but oh I relished the moment she asked where I went undergrad and I could say "S-M-I-T-H you TW@T!" Ok not really, I did the ol "Smith College, it's a smallish school is western Mass *cough cough seven sister aka ivy league for girls cough* I try not to name drop with Smith because honestly while it is a great school there are no shortage of positively wonderful schools out there that will totally open the same doors Smith has for me. But I will say that when you really need to zing someone, Smith is a positively wonderful weapon to have in your arsenal. It shuts people up. Ha, I remember this guy was talking down to me once, saying he was in law school, being polite but condescending as I listened demurely over my mojito, saying "wow" and "impressive" at all the right moments. Then he said "so. where'd you go to school" I figured this slightly chauvinistic specimen had never even heard of the place, so I just threw it out there "I went to Smith" I said. Dead silence. I figured he'd never heard of it, but whatev, that's totally fine. Then he said "So. You're actually really smart." I tried to make a joke out of it and said "Oh was I coming off as dumb?" "No no" he said "you're just really smart. That's a great school." I just said "Thank you, it is, I loved it there" even though I wanted to smack him upside the head and ask "was it the female or the polite and quiet part that was throwing you off the fact that I'm INTELLIGENT!" ARGH!

Anyways, so yeah, we can't let the "naysayers" get to us, but seriously when they're throwing this much sh*t at you it's hard to dodge a flying crap or two. Perhaps the sh*t fight is over now though. We'll see. I am really going to have to kick some ass this semester though. I've got about 105 days to do it. Phew. I really hope I can make it. Jesus and Starbucks and I are all going to be a whole lot closer from now on.

*And I'm in love with illusions so saw me in half
I'm in love with tricks so pull another rabbit out your hat
You Are What You Love
Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
A fairly accurate portrayal of my life/school/career at the moment. bitches.


Elizabeth said...

Man Al, that BLOWS! Tufts has really screwed up this time and in so. many. ways. AAARRRGGGHHH! I'm very angry for you. Very very angry.

I'm absolutely amazed that you're taking another class and still going to graduate in May though. Holy cow. You are a SOLDIER! Forget saplings in the wind my dear. You're a f*cking GIANT SEQUOIA!!

And way to be on rescuing that bird. That's total awesomeness. :) MAD LOVE! E

Al said...

Ha ha really my favorite part of this post is where I saved the bird. It really made my day, LOL, as usually the birds I try to save DIE. I totally wanted to say to that whore professor "BITCH! I SAVED A WOODPECKER YESTERDAY!!! What have YOU done for creature-kind lately?" tee hee. I have pics of the woodpecker I'll have to post. And you're right, my giant sequoia-esque presence WILL be tromping across that stage in May!!!!