the squish

I do have a beautiful wedding I need to blog, but first,
FIRST

I must take a moment to calm myself down. Why? I am feeling the financial squeeze of graduate school tighten it's grip.

Don't feel bad for me! No, I'm serious. Don't feel bad for me, I got myself into this mess by using credit cards liberally my last year of college, allowing myself to be forced into buying my car after I graduated even though I was unemployed, going to Kenya in January without a second thought, and now, going to grad school. It's my own damn fault, but now I'm panicking about it and totally flipping the F8ck out. No good!

I think it's actually going to be ok. So I just spent $180 to cover books for one class. That's alright, maybe my other class will be a readings/paper writing class! No books! Let's be optimistic here! So what if I messed up my online billpay and screwed myself by not making my Old Navy and MBNA payments and now owe them a collective $312 this month. It's ok! I'll pay with my savings. So what if I have to make up about 6 car payments. I'll get there! Phew, all this optimism is starting to kill me.

Oh well. It's back to making a stricter budget. How on earth will I move out of my house with this kind of debt? It's depressing, but I'm trying to keep my chin up, because honestly, I think that's the only way I can pay my way out of this major debt. Plus, to look on the bright side, I'm making a budget that shows how if I plan my Christmas shopping very carefully, I won't go into a lick of debt this holiday season. Happy happy, joy joy -_-
Gulp.
Wish me luck.