Thursday, April 06, 2006

Reality TV fo' Realz

Now that I've been left in relative silence by 3/4 coworkers (there's one still lurking about) and have eaten my incredibly satisfying left over from last night's dinner lunch, I am going to write about my now not so secret shame: reality tv.

Ok yeah, I was one of those people who boycotted "Survivor" when it came out. Yeah, yeah I was at Smith trying to have a conscience and all and was like 'oh reality tv. I look down upon those people who produce those shows. Instead of paying real actors who need work they use average people and make them do tricks like a monkey and then reward one of them with money at the end. Cheap and vile entertainment. BAH." Of course, being the inventors of reality TV, MTV was completely exempt. Whenever possible I made myself "The Real World" and "True Life" 's WHORE Then I graduated from school. I saw "The Apprentice" and was like 'hunh'. I totally watched the first three seasons too. Then I got into "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" where they completely exploit your emotions to get you to watch TV. But I let it go because they were doing good for the world. When I started working, and more so this year, all hell broke loose. TV has become my escape from reality. Let's face it - college? ha ha ha not really REALITY. Working full time, having an 1 and a half commute each way, dating a boy you LOVE but who lives 300 miles away? That's mother-f*cking reality. Oh and bills and all that shit too, hahahahah.

Anyways, my newest addictions now include reality TV. Sure there's "Lost" and "Grey's Anatomy" which I *said in high pitched sing song voice* LOOOOVE* But now there's also Amazing Race, SuperNanny, America's Next Top Model and Project Runway.

I'm gonna start with America's Next Top Model. (Small font to compensate for the length of the post)

Ok. This show is so ridiculous, although the good thing is that unlike effing "Dancing with the Stars" the panel doesn't really give a shit what the audience at home thinks when making their decisions. Besides, Americans wouldn't get it anyways, what the judges look for. They'd just be like "awww the blonde one from Arkansas is cute" and vote for her even though she can't walk in effing HEELS! So there's a good thing at least. I just think it's kind of a joke because most of the girls aren't amazingly pretty or talented. I guess the point is to mold them into a supermodel, but have you seen last season's winner, Nicole? TOTAL FEMBOT! I'm sure she's sweet and all and she's pretty enough but honey, you have bendable limbs! BEND THEM!

This seasons models are pretty interesting. I mean Jade, the queen biatch is enough to keep us entertained an entire season, and it's not cause she's good or pretty. She just a plain ol' bitch. But she does create drama in the house and on the set, so every week I hope she stays in the competition and they weed out one of those boring other girls because I love tuning in to see what bitchy/idiotic/pompous thing Jade will say/do next.

The girls-

Kathy - well she must've deserved elimination because I don't even remember her being on the show. ha. so there

Wendy - seemed sweet and she was unusual looking, a bonus. And I even pulled for her since Katrina f*cked up her house real bad. But she sucked at modeling. So she had to go. Though I wish she could've beat Gina, because seriously, she had to be better than Gina.

Kari- ahhhh so sweet, so young, so blonde blue eyed middle america-ish. No I did like her actually. Her falling shot, I thought, was beautiful and graceful. Her cover was hot, and her bald shot was freaky as hell, but she really played off her features. Sadly, in North Dakota they've never seen Vivienne Westwood fashion show mandated shoes cause....she falls when she walks in them. Oh they are totally hooker shoes, yes, platforms, 6 inch heels. But she fell. So sweet little 18 year old Kari. DONE.

Gina - effing Gina. Now Jade totally tormented this girl, yes, but she never stood up for
herself! EVER and she got herself into the worst situations by opening her mouth. You would see her mouth start to open and you wanted to jump through the TV, tackle her and go "no, no no don't do it Gina!" She was clearly a big airhead too, plus she would freeze in front of the camera, especially when Jade was there mocking her. I would be like 'listen, you f*cking twat who's not even pretty - shut the f*ck up or I will cut you with my ridiculously high cheek bones" Her bald shot, I thought, was beautiful, and some of her other pics were cute, but they all looked the same. Oh and her cockroach flip out scene - PISSED ME OFF - Therefore - DONE

Molly Sue - what is there to write? She seemed sweet. Tyra was all about her. But she was so flat. She was always talking about 'Mah outgoin' personality no one is seein' UM HELLOOOOO THEY TAKE PICTURES OF YOU! WITH A CAMERA! At anytime you could've revealed that personality of yours. Yes they gave you a bad haircut, but you're supposed to be a model girl, work with it. But she never worked it at all. AT ALL. It's too bad cause this girl has gorgeous coloring. I think when they cut her hair, they took her confidence too. Therefore she's DONE

Brooke - The judges and such said right out one day "she's not conventionally pretty"

No shit. Brooke is kind of funky looking. But I see that she has potential to really model well. But when you watch her on TV and LISTEN to her, you're like "HEH???" She is an airhead extraordinnaire - I mean really dumb, which she attributes to her shyness and panicking when in public. For now I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt because she is definitely very sweet and good-natured. She brings little drama to the show and she's a nice break. She hasn't taken any amazing pics yet because she holds her body so oddly in most of the shots making her look really awkward, though I found her bald one interesting, even though she turned her face away from the camera.

Danielle - when I first saw her I was like "Hell no, take it AWAY" But then she got extensions and I was like 'ok, maybe' She is a little ghetto, but then I noticed that she's kind of a good sport about stuff. Like falling on her ass in those heels and spraining her toe. There were no histrionics and she really wasn't a diva about it. Plus she says some funny shit, like when Jade said she wanted to be a kindergarten teacher and Danielle interviewed and said "I'd rather home school my kid's than send them to Jade's class." Funny. Danielle's pictures have been gorgeous, in my opinion, from her bald one, to her amazing Snow "Black" one, to her singer one. When she's not made up, you look at her and go "what the HELL" but as soon as she puts some makeup on all that you're like "yes please"

Furonda - fastly becoming a favorite! When I first saw her, much like Danielle, I was like "someone tell her to
stop posing with her armpits exposed please!" But then they gave her extensions too. She looked better, but I was still unconvinced. Her bald picture scared my shitless. I mean it's very artsy in a way, but I saw it and went "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh" Miss J also doesn't like her and is like "her head looks like a lightbulb" Yeah? Miss J - you look like a man dressed as a woman.....ohhh.........wait..........Anyways. Furonda has a long way to go in my book, but I see HUGE potential. Her bald shot, scary, her falling shot, awkward, her cover, OK. Her career shot, pretty nice....potential. And last night she was awesome on the mini "Wild N' Out" segment and her PSA was fabulous - she was a great speaker and she's become a little more humble. And she can deal with Jade. Props, girl, mad props...

Jade - I'll be honest. I do not like this one except for the bitchiness she brings to the show. She is cocky as hell about everything. Ex. "Models today you will walk in heels"
Jade: "Girl I live in heels" "Models, today you will do improv" Jade: "Girl I was made for the stage" I don't actually think she's a confindent person. It's sad really. She's the type of person who brings everyone down so she can feel up. And she talks a lot of shit, like "oh I WILL BE America's next top model, no doubt" Potes, a reviewer on "Television Without Pity" sums Jade up quite well: "In lieu of the standard photo shoot, the girls must film a Cover Girl commercial in which they improvise their dialogue. You can guess how that goes. Each girl only gets two takes, and then they are S.O.L. Brooke falters under the pressure while Jade thinks that she's the bee's knees, but is actually the bee's anus. Seriously, watch this episode just to see her commercial takes. At judging the girls' commercial efforts are widely mocked, with Jade and the personality-deprived Mollie Sue landing in the bottom two. But much like the vampire she so resembles, Jade cannot die and thus Mollie Sue packs her bags to head back to Boringville."

Joanie - "TV without pity hate Joanie" Yeah, yeah, they make fun of her snaggletooth and all and say that she looks like a stripper. But I like her. Why? She's sassy. And I shy away from the blondie blue eyed's too. But I think she's great. She taken pretty pictures. Yeah, she did take a few that resembled a blue-eyed Bambi caught in the headlights, but her "career" shot - holy sh*t, it's professional grade, in my opinion at least. She can walk in heels and did some better than all the rest of the girls except Furonda free stylin' with Nick Cannon, so personally, I hope she's got some s
taying power

Leslie - she's gorgeous and I wish she had more air time. I don't even know what to write about her cause she never gets air time! But anyone who can be dressed up like the Big Bad Wolf and look that good deserves half a chance. She looks amazing! Her bald pic isn't my favorite, but all in all, Leslie has got something a lot of the other girls don't................................dude, and apparently she is only 18? Holy crap....

Nnenna - how can you
not love her? she's from Nigeria, she's got a chemistry degree, and she's given up everything to be here. Yeah, she hogs the phone and wins a lot of the challenges and that can make the other models cranky, but she seems sweet and unassuming. In last week's episode everyone was like "Nnenna only seems to be sweet" Well yeah, she does seem to be, except for phone hogging with loser boyfriend, who she will hopefully ditch for that particularly and strangely enticing male model that put the moves on her during the career photo shoot. That would be some great television right there, dragging a male model into the mix. hehe hehe sweeeeeet. Nnenna's one of my favs cause she seems sweet and is nice to people. She doesn't care what they think of her either, and when you're on a show with a lot of bitches, that may be the right attitude......

Sara -
See they cut Sara's hair and I was like "what the f*ck did they do to her?" but then I saw her old photos with long hair and was like "OH yeah, that makes sense" I think Sara could be a come from behind star. I'm not sure about it, not 100%, but I like her look. She reminds me of a friend from college, though this girl has brown hair and Sara is blonde - maybe it's the California mentality. Sara kind of bombed the commercial by marketing a Cover Girl product with a drink in hand, but for going first and having the commerical being improv, I thought she kicked all ass. And I thought she was the best, yes even better than Nnenna....she is lacking that thing that makes you notice her straight away (like, she doesn't really pack a punch) but I think with help, she could make it...

Ok that's my analysis
I'm not going to make any crazy-ass closing statement, because this crazy-ass post is already crazy-ass long! I will tell you that right now, my favorites to win it all are: Nnenna, Furonda, Wendy, and Sara.....yup...........that's all...........

oh that, and the fact that all the pics except the first are copyrights of UPN and America's Next Top Model


Anonymous said...

Hi! Reality TV! When i had the Good Cable, I watched Project Runway Season 1, which was THE BEST!! I even watched repeats. This weekend, I randomly saw Survival of the Richest. Interesting Dynamic. Also, I'm sure Reality TV is a goldmine for future academics. It is the perfect subject for a trendy academic article, like blog-stuff and fanfiction.
Who else but,

Al said...

you know, Rachel, you are on the money about reality tv being academic article/thesis fodder. That's brilliant. I thought I was smart about someone writing a thesis on the culture of IM, but your idea = BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!

Jam said...

This analysis is priceless. I hope you keep going with it. When can we expect one for the Amazing Race?

Al said...

sorry if it pisses you off
it pisses me off
but it won't behave

Al said...

oh yeah, I'm working on the amazing race one, no worries

Jam said...

No reformatting needed. It looks good to me