Mistake one: I decided to go to the Derby Street Shops to buy "nice" cards. Like a special card for Jam, special card for my grandparents, a special card in which to send my check to the dudes who made the Foster Parrots Calender, that kind of thing. When I had been bumped into for the 47th time and the 56th person had walked in front of me whilst I was browsing through the cards, I freaked out. Thankfully, I did this silently. I then put all of the cards back, called the woman who I held the door for and who didn't thank me "bitch" and got back into the safe green confines of the forester.
Mistake two: I decided to conquer Wal-Mart. I needed medicine for my canker sore, which is in the front of my mouth and out of control so I thought "go forth and brave Wal-Mart 4 days before Christmas." That was also an insane situation. Crazy absolutely crazy. The first thing I had to do was fight for a parking space. Then I made my way into the store, grabbed a basket and went right to the film section, to grab some Kodak UC400 professional because I'm a film whore and I'm stocking up for Kenya. I think 2 or 3 more packs of that and I'll be set, which is good, cause at $12 a pop, it hurts the wallet a little bit. I then wandered to the fabric section, because after driving my cousin to work and seeing her Vera Bradley tote, I decided I wanted to make the quilted tote I set out to make last fall......I didn't find fabric for that, but I did wander into the yarn section after knocking over a display (and saying "OH GOOOOODDDD" aloud - for that I got stares from the unkempt fat people known to congregate in Wal-Mart. I'm not sure why they were staring. Was it cause I was talking to myself? Was it because I took the Lord's name in vain? I DON'T KNOW!) anyways, yarn, and upon seeing cheap acrylic yarn, I was reminded of an email I received from lion brand knitting that said blankets and afghans were needed for hurricane victims in Mississippi. If you know me then you know how I am. I grabbed 6 skeins of yarn (hopefully two afghans worth) to make simple blocks that I will sew together into a blanket. Next I went to try and secure some Coke zero, no luck, so I moved on to travel size beauty products. Don't you hate it when you go to look for something and someone sees you looking at it and decides that they need whatever you're looking at too, so they STEP IN FRONT OF YOU and start reaching around you? Yeah, well there was a lady like that in the travel aisle. So annoying. The only person more annoying was the one that I made room for in the kleenex aisle. She had a big cart, so I stepped back to let her through, and she pushed her cart through, but stopped it in front of me, so she could take her sweet ass time perusing the Puffs and Kleenex looking for the perfect box while I waited for her to move. I wanted to scream. Needless to say, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. While using self checkout, an emo boy in this gay knitted cap comes up behind me with all these girlie pink toys and puts them on the belt. This always irritates me. So they go all the way up to the front by my stuff, so he walks up right next to me. Then he watches over my shoulder as I do the transaction. He was in one fat fucking hurry, which is ridiculous, since we all know nothing can be done fast around this time of year. He watches over my shoulder for the exact moment he can press "start" on the touch screen and start checking out the girlie toys with reckless abandon. He watched me swipe my card, watched as the number touchpad came up, watched as I hit "cancel" and when I was really sure he was watching my every move, instead of signing my name on the electronic signature line I wrote "Wait your fucking turn"
I am such a bitch! Merry effing Christmas!