Resolving to....

You ever have a project that you avoid tackling because you have no clue how to start?

Yeah, I'm at that point right now - only it's at work!

Usually work is my "let me go in, get sh*t done, and get out" place, the place where I know how to do everything, a place where I might procrastinate, but my stuff gets finished, maybe the day before it's due, but it gets DONE. Home is usually the place where I have about a billion projects stacked up and have no idea where to even start, and I get so overwhelmed I sit on the couch and watch a mind-numbingly stupid reality series marathon...like Jerseylicious (ps - anyone watched that? It's ridiculous....yet so addictive. One girl's lip gloss is the exact shade of her skin, except iridescent. I find myself fascinated...)

So yeah, here I am at my desk, looking at a spreadsheet sent to me nearly two months ago for modification and I have no freakin' clue how to fix it. And I'm kind of in that situation where I should ask for help, specifically from the woman who sent it, but it's been so long since she sent it I'm embarrassed to send her anything but the completed project, or at least, a project that's completed to the best of my abilities that she'll have to heavily modify. Oy. Disaster. I have about four or five of this type of project to complete too, nevermind catching up my project that is behind a year. YES. We're behind a year.

The good thing? Despite the general disorganized state of our apartment, I feel that this year I can really meet a couple of my new year's resolutions: 1. be more organized/neater 2. finish unfinished projects 3. destash/declutter. I feel so ready to tackle these things! I have plotted on the Container Store's website, I have organized my Ravelry queue and have plans to photograph projects and yarns to upload them to my profile, so I can keep things in order. I am ready to organize my binder of recipes, to make the switch from scrapbooking with paper and glue to making edgy photo books on Blurb, ready to tag my Flickr photos, ready to visit the dry cleaner's once a week until my laundry bag of dry cleaning is gone. I'm ready to clean out my car and keep in clean, even treat the poor gal to a car wash every couple of weeks. I'm ready to commit to monthly pedicures with my sister, because they're only $20 near my office and they're WORTH the indulgence. I feel so ready to ATTACK......EVERYTHING....except my JOB....AHH! This never happens to me! Ironic.

I suppose it's good that I'm actually paid to do my job, so somewhere, deep down, I know I'll find the motivation I need. Part of the problem was the last few weeks of December. I admit, seeing that pedestrian accident left me terribly shaken. I am a LOT better now, especially after having this wretched emotional catharsis on Christmas Eve, but work the week before and after Christmas was highly unproductive, partly due to the endless questions of coworkers, wanting to know all the details of the accident, partly do to the fact that the woman's face was on the work intranet - I couldn't escape what had happened and it left me paralyzed. I am still freaked out by it - nearly getting side-swiped last night left me this shaky, anxiety-ridden mess - but I feel like pieces are slowly falling back into place. I think they're coming easier at home because that's a "safe space" (forgive the stupid cliched "buzzword" lol) and taking some time at work because I still arrive a bit rattled after stepping off the shuttle bus. I guess everything will come together soon, and I'll be back to my old self, ready to tackle the work world. For now I guess I'll just have to take it one project at a time. Eek, and ask for help, even if a project is two months late. Luckily I am excellent at writing humorous self-deprecating work emails that almost always evoke a sympathetic response. Go me.

A picture, because my blog is getting wordy and boring:

View from our apartment. We face north, so we get lovely sunsets visible from the living room, dining room and kitchen windows. I love it, though now that it's January, I mostly get home after dark. Just something to look forward to when the long days of summer are back.