summer....or really, at this point, even spring

Today I am horribly horribly cranky.
There's really no good explanation for it, but I feel like I'm about to snap.

I have been slightly rude to coworkers (like answering their questions with one word answers in an attempt to get them to stop talking to me) Me: (yawning) "Oh excuse me I am so sleepy for some reason today" (translation - I am so fucking tired for no reason, I tried to go bed early last night, felt really really sad so was awake and then had to read myself to sleep") Anorexia: "WHY?" Me: "I dunno really." Anorexia: "Were you up late? On the phone? Talking to your boyfriend?" Me: "Not really" (translation: "Mind your own business and shut the fuck up"

I have been rude to the email chain, by telling them, in case they were planning to, not to bash the president. That would really just push me over the edge. Am I a fan? Um. NO. But I am kind of at the point where I am 1. so incredibly sick of hearing how he sucks at life and everything else. So sick of it. People use him as a scapegoat from everything to "I got my period this morning. That damn president" to "Meatloaf hasn't had a new album since the 90's. Has to be Bush's fault" to "it's 25 degrees out today. God is making us suffer in the cold because He and everyone else in the entire world universe solar system, etc, hates the president of America." Fucking stoppit already people, you're starting to sound lame, and a majority of the people who were pissed off about the election but knows that the really evil ruling majority is actually the SENATE have lost all sympathy for you and no longer care what you have to say. I am serious.
2. you try being the president. I'm serious. See if you can do a better job. If you do, I would totally give you credit, but I am guessing you have no f*cking clue what it's like to be an elected official or to feel the pressure that a president feels. This is for all critics of all presidents. Once you've fucking tried to rule an entire nation, then you can really criticize. for now, please shut up, you are making my head hurt.
3. seriously, what the hell have you done for the world lately? Oh nothing but selfish acts, yeah that's what I thought. I'm not saying the president doesn't have his own agenda and isn't selfish, I am sure he is. But pause. SO ARE YOU, A-HOLE. I'm not saying I'm not. I totally am a selfish person. Absolutely. But maybe in my own quiet way I have stopped vocally complaining about shit because at this point in time we should've all realized that it's completely useless and you are just wasting the oxygen I need to breathe. Maybe I have secretly been plotting how I can go on to change things for the better. In teeny baby steps I've already done things, dedicated my time, and in certain cases what little money I have to devote to charitable causes, to change the world. Do I climb my roof every day and say "Take that bitches, I changed the world today!" No I don't. But at this point, I would rather hear that than about the President, however selfish those proclamations from the rooftops may be.
4. People talk about issues and don't know shit about them. This gets me the most. I won't even elaborate, but when you start going on and on and on about something and you are trying to convince me that the government, president, administration etc are assholes, but then you don't even have evidence or proof or even KNOW what you are talking about, SHUT UP I don't want to fucking hear it! Jesus Christ.
Sigh. Anyways. That's not like, aimed at anyone in particular, or even anyone I personally know, and for the record, people who think the president is the shit in a good way annoy me too, though honestly, when I hear people talking positively even if I completely disagree, it such a welcome change of pace I feel relieved.
I dunno. Maybe this is incredibly bitchy. But honestly, I am really trying to just focus on how lucky I am to live in America. Do you SEE what is happening in the rest of the world? We are so privileged and have so many rights and freedoms. I wouldn't trade places with anyone. And if I suggested "MOVE" to any of these people bitching they would probably look at me horrified and say "me? why ever would I move" Oh wait, because your life doesn't suck that hard. In fact it's pretty good. Cause you're AMERICAN. Of course I would like our country to be run better. I'd like people to have more respect for each other, and I'd like people to realize how blessed their lives are. I'd like people to stop being so fucking selfish. But that's not something that will change overnight, and people are going to have to change their lives before they realize these things and stop being jerks.

That was like the longest rant ever that began as "why I am depressed today" and evolved into "why you should all shut up"
boo.
I digress.
The real point:
I have no idea why I feel like this today.
I am going to chalk it up to the seasons. I forget what spring is like. I forget what it's like to sleep with the windows open, and to have the sun coming in through the screen door and to have plants in bloom and to be warm, and I think it just hit me all of the sudden and I got cranky. Yeah, let's let that be the explanation.

stolen from my sister

I stole this from my sister's livejournal cause my blog window was still open from this afternoon and I thought "hey why not, it's something to do besides watching TV"

open up your media player. load up all your MP3s. Set it to random. List the first 20 songs that play. no cheating. bold the ones you find most embarrassing (if there are some.) Italicize your favorites. Underline your least favorites. post your list in your journal so others can mock and scorn and laugh.....

1. Carl's Fishing Net -from "Snow Falling on Cedars"
2. Journey through Africa -from "Nowhere in Africa"
3. Only If - Enya
4. Alma Mater, Smith College - Smith College Choir? Glee Club?
5. Music for the Nagangabana - The Baka People of Cameroon
6. Shake - Swahili bootleg CD bought in Kitengela Kenya
7. I Must Pass- from the documentary "Africa"
8. Kanan Neni - Raka Traore from the documentary "Africa"
9. The German Soldier -from "Snow Falling on Cedars
10. Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles
11. Szerelem, Szerelem -from "The English Patient
12. Get Back - The Beatles
13. EI - Nelly
14. You'll Keep Me Then? -from "Out of Africa"
15. Inkanyezi Nezazi -Ladysmith Black Mambazo
16. Karen Builds A School -from "Out of Africa
17. Something - The Beatles
18. In My Life -Chantal Krez-difficult-last-name-girl-who-sung-the-theme-song-to "providence"
19. Tearing Herself Away -from "The Hours"
20. In the Ghetto - Cartman

This was fun. Of course after I did the first 20, I heard all the songs I really like, like Check it Out by the Beastie Boys, Thin Line by J5 featuring Nelly Furtado, and Cry to Me, Solomon Burke. The above list doesn't really capture my style, though I like soundtracks and african music. I'm just glad Nelly got in there, hahahahha.

An African chant in Kikuyu just came on. I closed my eyes and imagined myself in Kenya. I am grateful music has the ability to transport you. Now "Heart Asks Pleasure First" in on from "The Piano." It is so incredibly passionate! I haven't listened to that soundtrack in forever, it's so wonderful. I should watch the movie, another great film. This soundtrack always made me want to move and dance too. Probably because I wrote papers to it in college, and when I fast song came on I"d take the opportunity to get up and MOVE. Oh boy, now Stevie Nicks is singing "Sunday Kind of Love.."......kind of puts me....in a......heh heh heh moooooood ;-) And my cue to leave this post "It's five o'clock somewhere" I do believe it is time for me to hit the Captain and coke..

church lady

I was informed yesterday that the family would be required to attend church this morning. Today would have been my Grandma Kitty's 74th birthday, and we donate flowers to the church service every year on the weekend of her birthday in her memory. SO even though my dad's been having a hard time returning to church after the gay marriage battle* we knew that we would have to go to see the flowers and take them home, etc etc.

Well this morning I awoke to my alarm and I was cranky as all hell. Horribly cranky. I'm not sure why. I did stay up late last night, first reading "Off the Beaten Pat: Massachusetts" trying to find fun things to do with my sister, who'll be moving home after she graduates, and my boyfried for when he comes to visit. I drifted, my boyfriend called and woke me up and then tried to carry two conversations at once, which for some reason really annoyed me so I was kind of bitchy (sorry for that) so that call just ended the night weirdly, and I proceeded to have the weirdest dreams about friends and family, woke up with my jaw out of the socket from grinding my teeth, and nearly peed my pants because I had woken up in the night having to pee and was too cold and lazy to get up and go. So bad start. Then my hair wouldn't cooperate and I didn't have enough bobby pins in the house to fix it. grrrrr. I got into the car in a huff.

Upon entering the coat room at church I was feeling VERY UNCHRISTIAN. I mean REALLY bad. THis guy was trying to shove his kid's mittens in his coat and was taking up all the space at the coat rack, right where I needed to hang my coat. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other (my feet were resting in a pair of fabulous Chinese Laundry extended toe stiletto black sling backs though!) and probably sighed. He moved, but as he moved, another lady from my church walked in. NOw she's nice enough, but she's overkill sometimes and was VERY happy this morning. She made some joke to my mom, and was all cheery happy and as we walked out of my church I made a throw up face. My mom just looked at me like "wtf are you DOING we're IN CHURCH!"

We go upstairs to get seated. It's a full house, as the third graders were getting their bibles and there was a baptism. SInce my dad mom and I wanted to sit in a pew together, we had to sit in the very back, which was actually fine with me, as we never sit there. As I turned into the pew, I saw what would be my punishment for sitting in the back: Henrietta (whose name I have changed to something slightly ridiculous to protect her identity).

Henrietta is a lady that goes to my church. She kills my soul. We were in bell choir together and she was wretched and could not read music, yet she and her equally wretched friend spent the whole time criticizing everyone else and bossing them. Henrietta is a bad singer who launches into an operatic vibrato in the midst of hymns, out of tune and behind on the words (not that I'm a good singer. I suck, actually, but at least I know it.) WHen it comes down to it, Henrietta is evil. THis is how I know: she is 80+, wears highly fashionable "mature woman" type clothes, and heels to church. She is not NORMAL, so she must be evil (clearly, this makes sense). There are a bunch of other characteristics besides these that make her evil, like her busy-bodiness, her short troll-like-ness, her bossiness, etc. I want to note that I am sure she is a perfectly reasonable and maybe even nice woman, and these observations are one made be a person who knows practically nothing about her, they're just a stereotype meant to be funny. Anyways, we went through announcements at church, and she had an under-the-breath comment for everything. Minister: "In the old English tradition we will be serving a Pancake Dinner in conjuction with the Episcopal Church on Shrove Tuesday" Henrietta "IMAGINE Pancakes for dinner, uckkkkkk" or Minister: "Do we have any concerns I missed" Henrietta gesticulates wildly to a man in front of us with his hand raised (under breath) 'Right here in front of you hello you missed this one"

This was annoying enough, but when it came time to sing the first hymn, that was when the true challenge began. I saved the hymn insert so I could copy down how the congregation sung it compared to Henrietta. Italics represent when she broke into operatic vibrato:

Congregation: Open my eyes, that I may see Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Henrietta: Open my eyes, that I may seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee truth THOUuuuuuuu me

Congregation: Place in my hands the wonderful key That shall unclasp and
Henrietta: Plaaaaaaaaaaccceeee the wonderful key That shallllllllllllllllllllll

Congregation: set me free Silently now I wait for Thee, Ready my God, Thy
Henrietta: set me freeeeeeeeeeee noww I wait for theeeeeeeeeeeeeee God, Thy

Congregation: will to see; Open my eyes illumine me, Spirit divine!
Henrietta: will to see; Open my eyesssssssssssssssss SPIRIT DIVIIIIINNNNNEEEEEEEEE!

Now. Church is supposed to be somewhat solemn and reflective. Try being solemn and reflective next to this woman! I started to feel a laugh coming inside. I was like "no don't even think about it. think of something sad, quick" I looked at a church member who has been sick for a while. THat calmed me down. But everytime the vibrato started up I was in agony trying not to laugh, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her short body facing me, as if she was singing like that on purpose to challege me! IT was pure torture. I'm sure she thought she could teach me a thing or two about singing, but still....my suckage almost cannot compare to hers.

Luckily we don't sing too too much in church, although there was an extra hymn "Jesus Friend so Kind and Gentle" for the baptism today. More vibrato. I gripped the pew cushion and stared hard at the baby so as not to laugh. Then on a more serious note I realized how important it would be to me to have my children baptized and raised as Christians, which surprised me as I never realized that it would be important to me. Luckily, these thoughts finally got me in the right mindset for church and since I had been a bad christian x 1000 already I decided to devote my attention whole heartedly to the sermon. It was about transfiguration and working on eliminating your "blindspots," things you are aware of, or maybe even only slightly aware, but desperately try to ignore. The minister was like "ask your spouse, your kids, your parents, your siblings what your blindspots are, they'd be more than happy to tell you what you need to acknowlege and work on." I have to think about this one for me. But immediately I thought of things for my parents. MOM DAD I HAVE SEX LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND SOMETIMES EVEN IN HOTELS! MOM DAD MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE SERIOUSLY TALKED ABOUT MARRIAGE AND TAN BABIES! MOM DAD I TURN 24 IN 6 WEEKS AND SOMETIMES I THINK YOU THINK OF ME AS 16! MOM DAD I REALLY WISH YOU WOULD REALIZE HOW MUCH I DO WANT TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL BUT HOW FUCKING SCARY IT IS TO KNOW IT COSTS 30,000 A YEAR! MOM DAD I HAVE SEX, HOT NASTY.....

IT was then I caught myself thinking about sex in a house of God. I glanced at my parents, serenely listening to the end of the sermon. We stood to sing a final hymn. As they walked out ahead of me I thought "sometimes, God gives people blindspots for a damn good reason.....I think I'll stick to trying to convert them to using alternative sources of energy and hybrid vehicles before I approach the whole sex deal....cause I think those blindspots are pretty much working out for me right now. HA. As I shuffled out into the aisle, I looked back and saw Henrietta looking at me as if she could see right into my dirty mind and twisted soul. I sauntered down the stairs, making extra sure to wiggle my butt and flaunt my sleek looking legs (control stockings thank you God). Sometimes, fun is what you make of a situation. Even church.







*yes, our church had to vote whether or not to "allow" gay marriage in our church. The vote was like 173-9 overwhelmingly in favor of "yes" but that's not the reason my dad's not going, the reason is that the discussion prior to the vote was so incredibly disrespectful that he was not sure he could stand in the presence of such rude individuals, so he's been careful to work a bunch of Sundays to avoid the situation. I missed the gay vote but haven't been going to church because I've either slept through it or been away, not making a statement like my father has, hahahaha. I will say that he and most of the church members are back to their old selves and we've moved on though, so that's grooooood.

Two night skillz

I am about to go to a baby shower for a doctor at work.
Normally, I don't hang with the docs. I am too lowly to be found in their presence.
But this doc, well basically, she's the shit. She's really fabulous, wrote me a rec for grad school, is chill and really pretty (hahahhaha she's probably smart too hahaha) and just a cool lady. Anyways, she had her baby a month early while I was in Kenya, so I scrapped the baby sweater i was making cause I was kinda like "forget it."

Well on Wednesday my coworker is like "oh let's go to the baby shower they're having for her." I was like "BABY SHOWER!!!!!!!????!!!! WTF??!!!"

Because I have skillz I only panicked for a sec. Then I rushed home. I gathered my patterns about me, went to AC MOORE, bought cheap thread and what is in my eyes, substandard but acceptable and even pretty fabric. I plopped myself on the couch for every free moment I had on Wednesday and Thursday and at 12am last night, I finished this:

Now it is much more vibrant in real life, and I did have to modify it a bit. I did not have the bird charms, nor did I have the patience to do about 100 french knots on each cloud, so I excluded both. It still looked cute though. I did go with a blue linen fabric, very nice. Framing was a huge issue. The design in 5 1/2" by 5 3/4" and of course I bought a 5x7 mat, having the options of 5x7 or 8x10. I was afraid that a small design set in an 8X10 mat (the opening is 8x10) and then framed in an 11x14 frame, would look lost. So as I stitched and realized that the 5x7 did not have a chance in hell of fitting the picture, I decided I would cut it.
I had a blue mat, darker than the fabric very nice. I cut the entire lower half of the frame, not even thinking, so the razor score line went across the mat, no good. Took the less desirable but white mat that came with the simple white frame I bought. Right away as I'm cutting, the razor strays from the straight edge, and I have a freakish crooked line travelling across the mat. Now I am desperate. It's midnight. I know I won't have time to deal with this in the morning. I look for extra mats in the house. None. I have an idea. I rip out a manilla envelope I had in my desk. It is full of matted prints of my "best photos ever" that I had on my wall in college. I find Peyto Lake. It's mat is the perfect shade. I grab the razor, cut it out of the mat and then measure the opening. As I get ready to cut the mat to size, I realize that it's my last chance for perfection. so I line the straight edge up perfectly, then step onto my kitchen counter and onto the straight edge, to stabilize it. I make the cuts nearly perfectly. Of course the edges aren't all nice and angled in now that i've cut them, but it's passable. I didn't even iron the finished piece, or mount in properly. I taped that bitch right to the mat then threw it in the frame I bought. Luckily I had the presence of mind to buy a piece of "non glass", no glare plastic that is better than glass, mostly because it is excellent at concealing small imperfections. So all in all, it looks great, and to a person who is more than likely uncrafty, it'll probably look hawt. I hope it does. Even with my critical eye with this type of thing, if I received this as a gift, it would go on my kid's wall. So that being said, I think I will congratulate my mad skillz :)

Starbucks Cup #65 Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I see It #65

If you're worried about getting a
job - or keeping one - start a
company of your own. By doing
so, you'll reap the rewards of your
hard work and you'll only get
fired if you fail. This is the land
of opportunity. Live in it.

--Bruce Campbell
Actor best known for B-movies
such as The Evil Dead and
author of Make Love! the
Bruce Campbell Way.

Starbucks Cup # 78, venti latte, Hampton, LI, NY

The Way I See It #78

My inspiration for writing comes from

the mundane details of my day.

I hear a song in the hum of the

New York subway, in the drops of rain

on the city street,

in the buzz of overheard

conversations in a crowded park.

The aim of my songwriting is to

translate these ordinary,

everyday moments into something

transcendental and universally inspiring.
-- John Legend

Musician. His songs can be heard on

Starbucks Hear Music™ station,

XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.

This Latte saved my ass and my boyfriend's as I was falling asleep at the wheel driving back from Montauk. I spotted a quaint little brick Starbucks in a quaint little village on Long Island and basically stopped the car in front of it, gathered enough wits about me to actually legally park, and then bolted towards Starbucks without even asking Jam if he wanted anything (which I did go back and do!) Just holding the latte seemed to wake me up, and the Vanilla Sunshine Cupcake I purchased didn't hurt either. Anyways, that delicious latte was consumed at record speed and kept me awake and even bitchy until at least 11pm.....though I was only really bitchy for a short portion of that time, I swear..............;)

my sister teaches me about exercise

moon goddess: guys should be building muscles and girls should be toning them
wildorchid: ahhh ok
moon goddess: because girls aren't built to build muscle
moon goddess: and guys are
wildorchid: ohh ok
moon goddess: my teacher was like, "i'm not being sexist. girls' bodies just aren't built that way"
wildorchid: if someone said that to me I would be like "I agree"
wildorchid: hahahahah
wildorchid: it's not sexist, it's just, you know, the facts
wildorchid: we were meant to have babies
wildorchid: the men were meant to lift the heavy shit we can't
moon goddess: hahahaha
moon goddess: and build pyramids and crap
wildorchid: yep
wildorchid: useless stuff
moon goddess: hahaha

I don't think you're ready for this jelly

Xcalibur: I just farted so hard it vibrated the chair
wildorchid: yesssssssssssss
wildorchid: I took the largest crap of my life just a while ago
wildorchid: we're a hot couple
Xcalibur: sure are
wildorchid: oh that's going in the blog
wildorchid: hahahhahahhaahhah
wildorchid: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Xcalibur: I knew it would

Do you honestly think the world could handle it if we were to procreate?

Nope, which is exactly why we'll do it :)

snow day

Aaahhhhhh

So it's 10:45 am on a Sunday and I am sitting in front of my computer in a slightly disorganized room listening to Christina Aguilera. Nothing is quite as satisfying as being snowed it. :)

It's not that I'm even snowed in. We have maybe 4 inches on the ground. The wind is really intense though, creating blizzard white-out conditions, therefore making it dangerous to drive, therefore making us SNOWED in. Most people would probably be pissed off, but honestly, I couldn't care less. It's the weekend which means I usually try to pack about 7 days worth of errands and chores into 2 days, and on Sunday night I usually end up cranky and tired and generally pissed off that I have to go to work tomorrow and yet I still feel like I never got any "rest."

A snow day changes ALL of that. I can't go out. It's so sweet. I actually think my car may be covered by a tarp held down by bricks. So even if I wanted to go out, it would take too much effort. ha. SO so far I've only been awake for like, an hour, but I already feel like I've accomplished a lot of stuff. I took Lily out of his cage and danced with him to some hip hop and reggaetone, which I think he enjoyed because he whistled the whole time we were dancing around my room. I also went through my cross stitch projects so I could see what was what. I have been cross stitching so many gifts lately. I would post them here, but that would ruin the surprise. So far, I made a baby gift for my cousin:
I was really happy with the way this came out. The colors are a little softer in real life than they are in the picture, plus I didn't know what they were naming the baby yet, so I adjusted the picture so I didn't have to stitch a name. Also, I stitched it on the most gorgeous light blue fabric, as I knew they were having a boy. I even framed and matted it myself, with a dark blue mat to compliment the text and a white frame. It was sweet and simple.

Next weekend I am heading to NYC to see my supah-hot boyfriend (who is texting me right now bragging about all the snow in NYC, hahahah watch out, NEW ENGLAND'S right behind you...actually 22.5'' might be overkill) and to Long Island to go to my friend's cousin's birthday party (we have all become pretty friendly this past year, there's a group of us) ANYWAYS my point is is that I've stitched her a picture as well. Since she is going to school to become a teacher, I figured she'd need a little inspiration on her desk, especially if she has one of those really bad days. I am going to mat and frame this one myself too. I have blue paint and an unfinished frame as well as these really cute little star charms that I'm going to glue onto the frame. I also got the "Michael's Book of Crafts" out of the library for painting tips. I know I want to use crackle medium on the frames of two other pieces I've made for other birthdays, but I don't want to use that on this. I am leaning towards trying to antique the edges, like they have in this frame, but from what the book says it's a shitton of steps, and I'm not sure I'm in the mooooood for a shitton of steps, especially when I have a shitton of other projects to work on! The great thing that I have discovered since resuming my serious cross stitch addiction is that I'm very very fast. Especially when some of these pictures require less detail, though even the baby picture that required a thread color change every five seconds was completed in about 4 days. SO I am stitching up a storm. I actually went to a cross stitch shop yesterday with my mom, where I foolishly bought a $48 piece of hand dyed fabric thinking I would use it to stitch a picture for a charity auction. Yeah right. I got home and stared at it and thought "no way. I love FosterParrots, but this is insane. I am not make them a 28"x36" cross stitch masterpiece only to have it go to silent auction and have someone bid $25 on it and have a net loss. That would be insane." Now I'm not sure if this would actually happen, but it's the first year they're having this huge benefit and all the "what-ifs?" are going through my head. Like, what if no one shows or no one comes willing to spend money, or has the money to spend? Therefore, I have decided to go to plan B, which is a series of smaller parrot pictures. SOmeone else can decide how they will be sold. Also, some things I know for sure that I'm making are lovebird towels. I got a free lovebird pattern online. It's for a standard peach faced, but I think I will adapt it to have several variations, especially since the parrot people can be such drama queens about their birds. I have time I think I should make several sets of these. The pattern is pretty small too, so I may have to adapt it, but this should be a pretty straightforward design, plus it's the only parrot pattern I have thus far. I would upload the image but my computer is being a super bitch. Bitch.

SO I have the benefit stuff to do, but have til September, various wedding and birthday and baby stuff, plus I really want to try and do something fabulous for graduation, especially for Kristen who made me a QUILT which I love and adore. I know it won't be as cool as that, but if I could make something fairly original and of COURSE, Smith themed that'd be awesome. I was thinking of a "memory pillow." I swear I saw one once, but I googled it and google was like 'yeah ok, see that doesn't exist." It's a pillow with this little pocket on the back that you can slip memories into......I'd really love to do that, and have a cross stitch Smith thing on the front. I designed a saying with the Grecourt gates for the class of '03, but then never finished them (which is not such a bad thing considering, LOL) so yeah, I have til May to get on that.

Today I'm also gonna try out my MTV yoga DVD's, my resistance bands and research the New York Half Marathon I want to do. As well as scan my Africa PICTURES :)

Starbucks Cup #67, Longwood Ave, Boston and my timely undeath

The Way I See It #67

Throughout millennia, traditional

peoples have believed features of

the landscape were alive. Whatever

our beliefs may be today, we have learned that we must strive to

understand our place in the

environment and to reach a

sustainable equilibrium with it.

--Johan Reinhard, Ph.D.

High-altitude archaeologist and

National Geographic

Explorer-in-Residence.

By far my favorite Starbucks cup yet.

My timely undeath occured today. I say that because it could have been (though unlikely) my untimely death, but it was not.

As per usual, I took the red line this morning, and was unusually proud that I was on the train at 7am, which means I will be on time, perfectly so, for work. This made me excited, as I had been late every day for the past 7 days or so. sweet. So I'm minding my business on the train and a guy walks on with 2 kids under the age of 4. Shockingly, the man next to me stands up, and the dad tells the little girl to sit. I think "well he should sit with the little boy, who's even smaller than the girl." SO I get up and say "you sit too." He lets the little boy sit. A bit off the mark, but whatev, it makes me happy that I did something nice for someone. After standing for about 10 minutes watching the little kids be all excited about riding the train, I remember why I like getting on at Braintree, the first stop: SO I CAN SIT AND SLEEP. I'm standing on the train, holding on to a dirty pole and think "this is no good. but AH! It's only 7:39, I still have time to catch the 7:40 bus!" When the train pulls up to JFK/UMASS, I lean forward to assess the situation: the bus is by the curb, nearly empty. Sweet, I think, the bus will wait for us, since it's empty and the driver can clearly see the train pulling up the to the station. I make my mad dash to the stairs, and up them I go. I like to get ahead of the bus crowd right at this point. This ensures me a seat, plus I hate getting bogged down in the thronging masses of BC High boys with their huge awkward bags and slow-moving trudging steps. I get to the main thoroughfare and then exit the station. I have three flights of stairs to go down. Another woman and I have clearly moved to the head of the pack in hopes of catching the bus that has now started to move out of the station. "Dammit" the woman next to me says. We start to run. Now I have high heeled boots on, but that's not a big deal, as I can run in anything. And I mean anything. I start running ahead of her and make it to the first flight of stairs thinking "if the bus driver sees me on the bottom flight of stairs running he'll stop" I move on to the second, now way ahead of everyone. I'm about halfway down when I stumble, launching my body headfirst towards the concrete landing. I'm not used to falling that way, so it took a split second to figure out what was happening. I hear the lady who was running with me scream, loudly. It must've helped me to snap out of it, because I grabbed the railing to prevent myself from landing on my head, all the while thinking "this can't be good." I manage to get my feet under me, but this cause my right ankle to turn inward, which in turn caused my knee to bend. My shin hit the stairs and then I slid the rest of the way down and miraculously landed on my feet. Everyone paused for a moment and I got up, straightened my jacket and said "well it certainly isn't worth breaking my leg over." The lady behind me said "I screamed because I thought you were gonna land on your head" I said "oh no, I'm fine!" (though embarrassed as hell). Then she said "Did you break your ankle." I was like 'uh I hope not, but if i did this bus goes to the hospital, hahahah." I got on the bus first (I deserved it after all that) and sat down. That's when the pain hit me. Adrenaline had saved me before, but as soon as I sat down I was like "Oh SHIT that HURT!"

Really, I'm fine....banged up, sore, but fine, considering i could've landed on my head, hahahaha

tuneless humming and w-2's

Dear Anorexia,

I hate it when you tunelessly hum as you do your work. This is the office where fun goes to die. It's silent as a tomb. Which isn't ideal, but you know what? I deal with it. What I hate is the humming. It's not even a real song. It's tuneless noise, worse than the highly irritating white noise of the printer next to me.

What's also annoying is your dumbness. Don't make it so obvious. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't stare at me gaped mouth like a trout that I just fished out of a river, and then go "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???" in a high pitched voice and follow it with a hearty "Nuh-aaa-aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" And if you don't know about certain things, don't bring them up. Like when you say that "Angelina is a dirty bi because she's "done things" with both men and women." I could write a manifesto on that statement. A fucking thesis on 1. why bi's aren't dirty (well, I mean they're not dirty cause they're bi. They could be either physically dirty or dirty dirty, but that's cool too if you're into that) 2. why just because you've "done things" with men and women it doesn't mean you're bi. I want to be like "am I bi? Cause I do a lot of things with women, like eat lunch with them, shop with them, ride on the MBTA with them......soooo am I dirty? will you ask to have your seat changed because you don't want to be near me anymore in case I make a pass at you? (note: if I were a sex-deprived lesbian and could somehow procreate with women and Anorexia and I were the last two people on earth, I would let the human species die. don't hate me for it, you don't know this girl.....*shudder*). Argh. Anyways, you should just let a lot of things go if you can't keep up. That isn't to be bitchy, but when I say things like "You hear how Saddam Hussein walked out of his own trial?" and you say "WHAAA? Nuh-ah, no way, they caught Saddam?" you should just save yourself the embarrassment and keep your mouth shut. I will give you credit for one thing though, you know more about Jessica and Nick than anyone else I've ever met. Fo' Realz.

In other news, I have my W-2's. hooray. I shall use them to buy a laptop. That way, I can blog at home and not at work, thus being more likely to get work done and not lose my job.

ooo-rah.

do you think the laptop will have Paint on it? I hope so........

I love my sister, yes I do, I love my sister, yes I dooooo

moon goddess: oh well
moon goddess: i'm killing 2 birthdays
moon goddess: and then i don't have anyone until you
moon goddess: and i just realized that i need to get you a bday gift.
moon goddess: hmmmm
wildorchid: YES
wildorchid: *cracks whip*
moon goddess: and getting you drunk and laid just won't do it this year...

dooce

Everyday I read dooce.com
Why? Because the woman who writes it is fucking BRILLIANT
I really should email her and tell her "You are fucking brilliant. Screw the people who tell you that you are 1. a bad mom 2. a bad person 3. a bad ex-mormon. Your blog is the shit and it makes my work day bearable THE END"
I was going to write this on a post card I had of humping giraffes and send it to her from Kenya, but then I got VD (Vomiting Diarrhea) food poisoning and instead of writing postcards, I was lying in the fetal position on a dirty bathroom floor trying not to die. But some day, I will tell her how entertained I am by her FUCKING BRILLIANT Blog.
Meanwhile READ IT and bask in the incredible funniness that is: dooce.com
THE END.

Back and better than ever.

I'm back from Kenya. I have been running around like an absolute crazy lady and not updating this blog for the three people who read it, hahahaha.

What I want to do is actually post my journal (that's not quite written) from Kenya onto this blog because I never write things down and type so much faster than I write and have so much time at work to type so it make sense that it should be typed out. I just need to organize my thoughts first. But then it will be here!

I put this picture in because I am in the back right background and it makes me feel special. This is the only play I've ever been in (not counting the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow" play in which I was an extra in third grade) and I totally stole the headband I'm wearing in the picture :P

Starbucks Cup #61, Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I See It #61

Imagine we are all the same.
Imagine we agreed about politics,
religion and morality. Imagine
we like the same types of music,
are, food and coffee. Imagine we
all look alike. Sound boring?
Differences need not divide us.
Embrace diversity. Dignity is
everyone's human right.

-- Bill Brummel
Documentary filmmaker.
His programs focus on human
rights issues.

conversation......

Xcalibur: You better be lucky I can't make a sperm font
wildorchid: o~~~
wildorchid: there's a sperm
Xcalibur: O'''''''
wildorchid: 0 o~~~
wildorchid: egg and sperm
wildorchid: & this is a fetus
Xcalibur: (*)
wildorchid: thats a boob with a high nipple
wildorchid: hahh
wildorchid: or an orange
Xcalibur: LOL
wildorchid: hee
Xcalibur: \_____/
Xcalibur: that is your legs up in the air
wildorchid: hahaha you made my crotch too wide
wildorchid: _
wildorchid: or that
wildorchid: hahaha
wildorchid: 8==D
wildorchid: that's an abstract rendition of your penis
wildorchid: 8==D and your balls, of course
Xcalibur: oh that is nice
Xcalibur: very creative


Ain't love grand?

Merry Effing Christmas

Mistake one: I decided to go to the Derby Street Shops to buy "nice" cards. Like a special card for Jam, special card for my grandparents, a special card in which to send my check to the dudes who made the Foster Parrots Calender, that kind of thing. When I had been bumped into for the 47th time and the 56th person had walked in front of me whilst I was browsing through the cards, I freaked out. Thankfully, I did this silently. I then put all of the cards back, called the woman who I held the door for and who didn't thank me "bitch" and got back into the safe green confines of the forester.

Mistake two: I decided to conquer Wal-Mart. I needed medicine for my canker sore, which is in the front of my mouth and out of control so I thought "go forth and brave Wal-Mart 4 days before Christmas." That was also an insane situation. Crazy absolutely crazy. The first thing I had to do was fight for a parking space. Then I made my way into the store, grabbed a basket and went right to the film section, to grab some Kodak UC400 professional because I'm a film whore and I'm stocking up for Kenya. I think 2 or 3 more packs of that and I'll be set, which is good, cause at $12 a pop, it hurts the wallet a little bit. I then wandered to the fabric section, because after driving my cousin to work and seeing her Vera Bradley tote, I decided I wanted to make the quilted tote I set out to make last fall......I didn't find fabric for that, but I did wander into the yarn section after knocking over a display (and saying "OH GOOOOODDDD" aloud - for that I got stares from the unkempt fat people known to congregate in Wal-Mart. I'm not sure why they were staring. Was it cause I was talking to myself? Was it because I took the Lord's name in vain? I DON'T KNOW!) anyways, yarn, and upon seeing cheap acrylic yarn, I was reminded of an email I received from lion brand knitting that said blankets and afghans were needed for hurricane victims in Mississippi. If you know me then you know how I am. I grabbed 6 skeins of yarn (hopefully two afghans worth) to make simple blocks that I will sew together into a blanket. Next I went to try and secure some Coke zero, no luck, so I moved on to travel size beauty products. Don't you hate it when you go to look for something and someone sees you looking at it and decides that they need whatever you're looking at too, so they STEP IN FRONT OF YOU and start reaching around you? Yeah, well there was a lady like that in the travel aisle. So annoying. The only person more annoying was the one that I made room for in the kleenex aisle. She had a big cart, so I stepped back to let her through, and she pushed her cart through, but stopped it in front of me, so she could take her sweet ass time perusing the Puffs and Kleenex looking for the perfect box while I waited for her to move. I wanted to scream. Needless to say, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. While using self checkout, an emo boy in this gay knitted cap comes up behind me with all these girlie pink toys and puts them on the belt. This always irritates me. So they go all the way up to the front by my stuff, so he walks up right next to me. Then he watches over my shoulder as I do the transaction. He was in one fat fucking hurry, which is ridiculous, since we all know nothing can be done fast around this time of year. He watches over my shoulder for the exact moment he can press "start" on the touch screen and start checking out the girlie toys with reckless abandon. He watched me swipe my card, watched as the number touchpad came up, watched as I hit "cancel" and when I was really sure he was watching my every move, instead of signing my name on the electronic signature line I wrote "Wait your fucking turn"

I am such a bitch! Merry effing Christmas!

Frustrated

So there was a quadruple homicide in Boston last night. So I don't live in Boston, but I work here, and the first ten years of my life were spent in a suburb pretty close to the city and the other 13 have been spent a little farther away, but if I were to ever identify with a city BOSTON IS IT - IT'S THE MOTHERLAND and I love it so much and I know that will never change. So a quadruple homicide, while it didn't happen in my back yard, is really disturbing, because I want Boston to be the best it can be, and it's just not doing that right now. That brings murders up to 71 this year, and at the rate we've been going lately, it will probably rise in the 3 weeks we have left. This is a higher murder rate than we've seen in a decade. A WHOLE DECADE! I remember the late 80s. It seemed like someone was murdered every single night. My mom would have the morning news on while she was getting us ready for the bus and every morning Jim Boyd from WCVB would tell us that someone had been shot or stabbed the night before. All of the sudden, things started changing....Over the course of 9 years, the murder rate plummeted, from 152 in 1990 to 31 in 99! THIRTY ONE! And some how in the course of 6 years, we've started to climb the ladder again. Why? I don't get it. Our mayor is the same. Our police commissioner is fairly new, but seems to be doing an ok job. There are initiatives to stop violence in "problem" neighborhoods, led by community leaders and ministers. The quadruple homicide occured next door to a Reverend that's been leading these anti-violence initiatives! What is going on here? And why are so many young people involved. It always seems like young people are the ones shooting at each other, killing each other. Have the churches become less involved? Are there less after school programs? Are there too few police? Are people turning a blind eye? I've been reading article after article trying to figure it out. I've read that the BPD suck and aren't doing their job...there aren't enough police...the churches and youth coalitions are fragmented or disbanded...the high school dropout rate is high and illegal firearms are easily accessible to deal for money because droupouts can't find gainful employment...budget cuts...churches and coalitions competing for money that has been poured into the city's crime stopping initiatives...small gangs of repeat offenders...personal vendettas...sense of hopelessness among teens and young adults....the attitude "he has a gun, so I need to have one"...all of this makes sense I guess.....
I hate feeling helpless. I hate that kids think they don't have options besides violence. I hate it and it's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do and I want to make it stop but I don't even know where to begin....I just want this Boston to be the best Boston, because I hear stories of how it was back in it's heyday, and its slow decline throughout the 70' and 80's. I remember it at one of its worst time and have witnessed "The Boston Miracle" and now work in the city, loving it more than I ever have. Something needs to be done. I am tired of all of this. I can't imagine how victim's families and friends must feel. They must be exhausted.

(pic: mit.edu)

In case of apocalyptic catastrophe, open freezer

So last night my mother made a roast beef dinner. It was, in a word, amazing (for those of us who like to indulge in cow every once in a while. The cow lovers would have wept at the sight of the beautiful red meat juices flowing from the deliciously browned and wonderful smelling piece of meat on our counter).

So you think now "well ex-cuuuuuse me, little miss "my mom makes a sit down dinner every sunday"

yeah right, that's what you'd like to think.

While my mother cooks nearly every night of the week and we usually sit down as a family (unless only mom and I are eating, then we get lazy, bring our plates into the family room and drape ourselves across the couch or in the recliner to eat while leisurely watching the tv), she usually does not do anything fancy on Sundays. I mean she's a great cook and cooks great meals, but cooking a roast beef is usually saved for Christmas dinner or something like that. Until NOW

What is different about now you ask? I'll explain

For years and years, basically as long as I can remember, my mother has very carefully planned out the whole process of buying and storing food. If a whole turkey is on sale one week at the supermarket for .99 cents a pound, my mom would buy it and freeze it. If chicken breasts were on sale for a good enough price, she'd buy 4 packages. Same with hamburger, steak, pork, etc. We were able to do this because through my dad's various "connections" he of course knows an appliance guy, and we were basically given the freezer because it had to get off the showroom floor or something like that, so we have the accessory basement freezer, which is huge and has a large capacity for frozen meats and stuff like that. My mother would also make soups and stews in bulk and freeze them (though she did slow down when one day we realized all of our tupperware storage bowls were gone - being used in the freezer for storage) buy loaves of bread in bulk and freeze them, buy pizza crusts, pie dough, flour and sugar (freezing them protected them from our damp cellar) and things like popsicles and frozen drink mixes. The freezer was organized in a fairly orderly manner. Top shelf: leftovers, random game meat such as bear and elk acquired by my father through his "connections", and meat that was not numerous enough to have it's own shelf, such as a turkey. The next shelves featured mostly beef and chicken, with the bottom drawer occupied almost entirely by bread products. This freezer was sometimes so full that when you opened the door, a cascade of frozen meats would come tumbling out and hit the cement floor with a hollow thud.

When Hurricane Katrina hit, we watched horrified at the scenes before us. Horrified. It also made us think. If a hurricane hit here, and we were trapped for a week or so, could we survive? (Note: while everyone has a different view and argument about this issue, whether or not the Northeast would ever be immobilized by a storm, I would like to point out that I have been snowed into my house twice, once without electricity and heat, that I can remember without a way to get out, and even when we made our way out we were pretty much trapped anyways, as nothing was open, you couldn't get gas, you couldn't get groceries or water or an oil delivere, etc)
Ok, back to the question - would we survive? My mom immediately said "no, we wouldn't make it"
I was quiet for a minute and said "have you SEEN the freezer?" She just stared at me, kinda like "what?" and I said "mom, we probably could live here for a month if we rationed our food, for a week if we ate whatever we wanted. We have stockpiled canned goods, pasta and rice, we have some frozen veggies (even though my mother looks down on them!), and MEAT, woman, we have MEAT. Her argument was "what if we lost power?" I said "if for whatever reason our generator didn't work (side note: get a gas or oil powered generator. it will save your ass. i'm not even kidding) we'd fire up the grill and have us some barbecue." Finally she agreed that we could make it until help arrived on the food we had in the house, nevermind the fact that we could probably construct a shelter out of the paper towels we have stockpiled for BJ's....

So from then on the basement freezer became known, in my head, as the "apocalypse freezer" because if the apocalypse came, and whatever the apocalypse involved didn't kill us outright, at least we could eat some steak and wings prior to our final undoing.

Where does the roast beef come it? The apocalypse freezer is sadly and systematically being emptied. Believe it.

My mother started to realize that things frozen for 2 years straight did not taste good, even when defrosted and cooked. She realized that freezer burn really did ruin meat and bread and vegetables. She realized that the bear meat that has been in our freezer and is dated "2002" will probably never be eaten. She has learned that all the crackers she bought and kept "in case of company" are now stale, and we are starting to throw away box by box. She also realized that just because you buy something as a snack doesn't mean your kids will know they can eat it, especially when you yelled at your daughter for not eating the turkey you bought for her sandwiches, and then yell at her again for slicing up the 1 inch thick slab of turkey you bought for a "special salad" that was sliced up because you never told anyone there was thin sliced deli meat turkey for sandwiches and a slab of deli meat turkey for a "special salad!"

So the roast beef was part of the emptying of apocalypse freezer. It's sad and lonely in there now...You can actually see the bottoms of the shelves, something I haven't seen in years. Now while part of me is worried about the shelves emptying and the cabinets getting dusty, I know my mom won't really be able to completely ignore her ways.

That's why when our "meat guy connection" from the end of the street showed up with about 100 pounds worth of various meets last week that my mother lovingly unwrapped and then rewrapped in meat paper, I know that apocalypse freezer will not be lonely for long. heh heh heh..

how boring work is today

sent to me by a coworker:

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Friday, December 02, 2005 12:32 PM
To: Allison

Subject:

Dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying! god this is awful! i think i'd rather be at the gyn lol

my response:

AHAHAHHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure about that one.
wait.......let me think.....yup, I'd rather be at the gyn...