brief reflection on the bitches I work with

So I was just listening to a conversation between stupid and anorexia, two of my coworkers. Anorexia's brother is getting married soon. She, of course, hates the bride-to-be, as does the rest of the family (so she claims) and she is making this wedding as difficult as possible for everyone in her attempts to get her brother to cancel it from frustration or cancel it because suddenly his sister has made him see the light about the whore he is about to marry and calls it off. Yeah right.

Now I have no idea if this fiancee is cool or not because anorexia is an entirely unreliable and biased source. And she's fucking crazy. Regardless of these factual bits, the point is that the bride-to-be registered at Target. God forbid, not Target, which to them, is a six letter word scarily similar to the dreaded *said in a whisper* Wal-Mart! GOD NO! NOT TARGET! When she mentioned that bride to be had registered there, I said "Oh a lot of people do though." WHICH IS TRUE. First of all, some people don't give a crap about 300 thread count sheets and Vera Wang China. Secondly, some people do care about that stuff, but also register at places like Target that sell quality things that aren't through the roof expensive. This ups your chance of actually getting things that you registered for and provides an opportunity for guests who can't afford to spend $300 on a place setting of china to get you something nice. But like I said earlier. Target is a six-letter swear word to these girls. As Anorexia said, "why can't she have some fucking class and register at Crate and Barrel?"

I sat in utter disgust for a moment, then started to think about my coworkers and how fucking catty they sounded. Seriously. They sounded like girls who were in high school who had just lost for prom queen. Whiny and ranking on other people. Then I realized everything about these bitches is superficial. Anorexia is obsessed with her looks. We all say "ugh my thighs/lovehandles/belly/whatever could use some trimmin'" SHE says "I can't eat that, too fattening" or "I do between 500 and 600 sit-ups a day, and if I can't get a six pack, YOU certainly couldn't" or "Allison will probably eat my share of dessert AS WELL as her OWN" (translation, Allison is fat and a pig) She only wears name brand clothes, particulary Ann Taylor Loft, because they're the only clothes that really fit her shrunken frame. She will only sport a coach or kate spade bag and looks disgustedly at my Vera Bradley old lady tote (which I think is DA BOMB! It's got elephants on it!) and thinks that making homemade gifts for people is horrifying and that the amount of money you spend on a gift is the only way they'll know you love them - she was horrified that I gave my boyfriend a scrapbook for our one year anniversary. She was like "oh that's nice, but I am giving my boyfriend a magazine signed by Jay-Z cause he loves Jay-Z, like, a lot."

Stupid, my other co-worker, is just that. Really fucking dumb. She isn't as superficial as anorexia and will sport the non-namebrand items, but she does stuff socially because it's the "thing" to do. She's one of those people who just goes with the flow. She does stuff like drinks beer cause all the cool kids are doing it, even though she hates beer. Every night the Sox are home, she announces "I'm going to the game." Me: Hey, I'm out, have a good night. You have plans? Stupid: *tosses hair* Um, Yeah, going to the game Me: Oh awesome, you got tickets then? Stupid: Oh God, no, we depend on someone on the street to sell us theirs. She pretends to be SO INTO the Sox, yet she doesn't know the players. Another coworker, the ONLY cool one in this office, and I were talking about Doug Mirabelli and stupid was like "um whoooo????" I wanted to be like "For someone who goes to "every" home game, you don't know who Mirabelli is?YOu must be dumb. She also goes to the cape every weekend. I think she goes just so she can tell us she is going. "Um it's TOTALLY a CAPE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!" She also loves to come in in the morning and go "Oh my God, Cape traffic? So bad, ugh, it took me, like, hours to get down and back." IT's sad that she can't do anything originial. And pathetic and superficial and lame.

These girls are bitches. But you know what else? THey're miserable bitches who fool themselves into thinking they are actually happy. They fill their meaningless lives with kate spade bags and tanning salons and scalped red sox tickets trying to fill the void of pointlessness in their lives. The best part is that they're also clueless and have no idea that everyday their bitchiness and stupidity gets broadcasted to no less than 10 of my friends, just so the rest of us can realize how great our lives are ;)

Musings

Finally after three weekends in a row of travelling, I am going to hunker down at home and do some cleaning and crafting, about which I am very excited.

Plans for the weekend were to spend the day on Martha's Vineyard tomorrow, but given the ominous weather report, those plans will probably be cancelled as we are going out there without a car, or I should say, my sister and I will be without a car while my dad takes the one vehicle we're taking over to a traffic safety demonstration. I think we envisioned ourselves shopping, hanging out and maybe even lounging on the beach, but in the rain, those plans really take a nosedive, especially with the lacking transportation. I hate to even admit, but I was slightly relieved to hear the weather. These past few weeks have certainly been enjoyable, but grueling. Living out of a suitcase every weekend can be irksome, but make that three weekends in a row, throw in driving an average of 1,000 miles a week, and then add in 10-12 hour days at work so as not to lose precious vacation hours you get one tired person. At least all the travelling I have done has been for fun: sister's graduation in Virginia, cousin's graduation in New York, two-year reunion in Northampton, relaxing getaway in Maine. But still, my relief at sleeping late in my own bed is great.

Of course my bedroom is a huge disaster. My sister has been keeping some stuff in there while she moves around her room and unpacks her stuff and moves things she doesn't need at this moment in time to storage. I don't mind that there's a bookcase, a box of something that I forget and a large wheelie suitcase in my room, but this does make moving around somewhat of a problem. And since I can't access things easily, like my closet, for example, I think "hell I'll just wait to unpack." Deadly choice. Last night we finally moved the bookcase out, and instead of putting away my packed clothes, I dumped them in the middle of my floor, rolled up my duffel (Vera Bradley, Citrus Print!!) and watched Primetime instead of being productive and cleaning up my shit. argh. Now I have some work ahead of me. I am optimistic about it though, cause HOLY CRAP I have two entire full days at home! I am even playing hooky from volunteering, which I feel slightly guilty about. But only slightly since they've been a little bitchy about people coming in only on weekends. Ha. I know the directors mean well, but their job is running the sanctuary. Mine is working at this cancer hospital. 8-4. Mon-Fri. I wish I could work at the shelter, but it's not gonna happen. I think because I used to work there every day while semi-employed the directors are kind of bitter that I got a job and can only come on weekends, and though they have an overflow of volunteers they feel bad about telling me not to show up on weekends because I was once uber-committed. Ah well.

Anyways. Other optimistic things about this weekend are the multi and varied crafts that lie ahead of me. Firstly, I have an entire "fix it" table that needs to be dealt with. Broken clothes mostly, or half finished sewing projects. The purses I have made are big ones, they are just stacked on my fix it table. Some I haven't even made yet, like several for my sister, and I think the timing for making them is just right. Her fabrics are pretty and summery and since she is not a large bag whore like me, they would be just about the right size for her, so that will be fun, especially since I now know that plastic mesh is the key to getting the form of the purse just right. I think I need to fix a few of the purses I made for my mom too. So I'll do that. Then there is much scrapbooking to be done. I am working on a secret scrapping project, plus I want to do my basic Kenya album. There are going to be two Kenya albums. The first will be like my other album, simple 8 1/2 by 11 black paper. The pics will be mounted right on the paper, I think, with stories explaining the situation. I will put every single one of the 300 pictures I took in that album, with a few added in of the London side trip, which won't be in the "artful" scrapbook." The artful scrapbook will be the one I show guests. It will have about a third of the pictures as the big book, and they are my personal favorites/bests, along with some taken by other people on the trip. This is supposed to be my masterpiece, set up perfectly with stickers and quotations and mounted photos and colored paper. This may take a while, but I am really looking forward to getting it just right.

If I get sick of any of those projects I might try some others from the craft blogs I've been stumbling upon left and right. So I started reading Loobylu after Dooce featured some artwork of hers. Then I kind of got into littlebirds, which then led me to wee wonderfuls. I don't recall how I stumbled upon whipup or luckybeans, which has crafts but I mostly read because the author and her family live in Zambia, and as an Africaphile I will read anything that has to do with the great continent and reading a first hand account of life there is wonderful. I'm sure the author is like "my life is so average, why would anyone but family and friends read this (besides creepy internet stalkers)?" but I look forward to each new posts and love the pictures, even if it does make me "homesick" (is that the right word?) for Kenya times 1,000,000,000. Sigh. Ok, wandering off topic; point: crafty blogs have given me soooo many fun crafty ideas, like this divine colored pencil holder, which I intend to modify and make for my knitting needles! Maybe even with felt numbers.....oooohhhhhhh good idea...........

The only bad things about the weekend: rain so I can't garden. While this isn't heartbreaking or anything, I noticed that my small garden which is lovely from afar is unkempt as hell. It needs edging and weeding. And de-lilybugging, though I am tempted to rip up the tiger lilies altogether as those little lily beetle bastards destroy them every summer. Also, I feel like I really need to reign in my life. The past three weeks have been a flash of gas-consuming, food-consuming, nearly unconscious purchasing of goods and gifts. So when I read Suze Orman's column in Oprah about a young girl who was out of school but still lived with her parents, had $8,500 in credit card debt despite working two jobs and student loans, I thought it sounded hauntingly familiar. And then when I read Suze's advice to "stay put and get out of debt" I thought "shit I am never getting out of this house." Which turns into "I am not getting out of this house until I get married," which turns into "I can never afford to get married," which turns into "even if I do get married, I won't be able to afford a house, and we'll have to live with my parents." Once the thought process gets that far, I start to panic. I think this time the whole deal hit me hard enough to actually REALLY do something about it. I feel like I'm lazy with finances. I pay my bills on time (except the car) and pay more than the amount due, but I feel like I'm slacking because I could really be working hard at paying down the cards. Moreover, I should only have about 6 car payments left at this point, but I have more like 9. Awful! Especially when you consider that I could have an extra $325 a month to mess around with and put towards credit card debt. With that kind of spare change I bet I could be debt free in a year! Argh! So yeah, that's my other weekend mission. Fix life. Hahahahahah not like there's much on my plate is there? At least I'm no longer feeling like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown, LOL.

The very necessary venti latte, Starbucks Cup #90, Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I See It #90

If we really want to understand
innovation and collaboration, we
have to explore shared space.
Consider Watson & Crick: How
many experiments did they do to
confirm DNA's double helix? Zero.
Not one. They built models based
on other people's data. These
models were thier shared space.
Their collaboration in that shared
space powered their Nobel Prize -
wining breakthough. If you don't
have a shared space, you're not
collaborating.

--Michael Schrage
MIT design researcher
and author of Serious Play.

Lately I've been all pessimisstic and embittered by Starbucks Cups. I've been like 'shut up you' and 'who died and made you Jesus.' Just as I started to write a snide remark in response to Michael's comment, some ponderance about how if you don't communicate well or hate your coworkers you have the antithesis of collaboration, I took a second to think about my job.

Now I don't love every minute of my job. If I did, I wouldn't blog at work. Ha. No it's no great secret that I am not the hugest fan of my job, and in the very beginning it used to break me down to a blubbering sobbing mass (oh, not AT work, after work, late at night while talking to boyfriend). Maybe after a year my senses have been dulled, but I think the year that has passed has allowed me to understand that my work is actually valuable and is useful. And it's really all about collaboration. My job is to enter people into an anonymous non-hodgkin's lymphoma database. Big deal, right? That's what I thought. But then I realized that there are doctors throughout the country that depend on my data to write their papers. The papers, in turn, are presented to conferences throughout the world. They talk about who has what cancer, who got what treatment, and what their outcomes were. So technically, I am setting up a framework. That framework is used by doctors and researchers. Maybe someday the framework I set up will lead to the key that's needed to find the cure to lymphoma. It's all about collaboration, people.

Signs You Are on the Verge of Having a Nervous Breakdown (not really, but still)

1. you wish the Poland Springs dispenser in the office was filled with vodka
2. you fantasize about standing on the seats of the train and screaming "shut the f*ck UP" to everyone making the least bit of noise
3. you wish there were more hours in the day so you could do all the crap you need to do AND sleep
4. you get pissed off that the dryer takes nearly 40 minutes to dry clothes and bust out a hairdryer to speed up the process
5. you have major deadlines at work but all you can do is google celebrity gossip
6. people ask you to hang out the next night but you tell them you can only plan in hour time blocks no more than 4 hours ahead of current time
7. you actually consider selling all your sh*t and running the f*ck away, but gas is too expensive
8. you actually consider selling all your sh*t, asking your boyfriend to runaway with you and elope, but gas is too expensive. Oh, and that's just silly ;)
9. you have this psychotic urge to tear up all the calendars in view. with your teeth!
10. you consider leaving work 4 hours early to wander aimlessly through Boston Common
11. your eyes won't close because they have been trying to focus on work on a screen for WAY TO LONG
12. you go to the cafeteria at work just for a change of scenery
13. you go to the bathroom just to have a quiet place to sit
14. you blog about your issues
15. you talk to your pets - they're the only ones that "get you" anyways, LOL
16. you talk to your plants. They are the best listeners ever
17. you wear a skirt to work not even realizing you have hairy legs (I thought that day would never come. sigh)
18. you make an afterwork to do list that has 20 items that must be completed in 4 hours and include such monumental tasks as "7. compose symphony" or "13. make lobster thermadore for dinner, baked alaska for desert" or "19. detail car" Insanity
19. you spend an hour at work looking up good places to stay in Iceland
20. while sitting in your desk chair, you throw your head back and see if you can find hidden designs in the ceiling tiles

William Steig is Brilliant

From "C-D-C"

why I will see this movie even if every critic in the world says it blows

Sir Ian McKellan (currently starring in The DaVinci Code):

"I'm very happy to believe that Jesus was married. I know the Catholic Church has problems with gay people and I thought this would be absolute proof that Jesus was not gay."


Awesome.

black and white make grey's anatomy

So.
I was procrastinating by looking at photos from the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" because I think I am still recovering from it two days later. So the photos lead me to seek out truth to the rumor I heard that Ellen Pompeo doesn't like her character. I found an interesting interview about that here After reading the interview, I stumbled upon a Grey's Anatomy fan site that had a link to the Nightline interview with certain cast members. I found this one of the single most interesting things I have watched in a long while.

So they're talking about race on TV, specifically about race on Grey's Anatomy. Maybe I'm clueless or maybe my thought processes are different than most people, but I find it funny that I never once looked at the cast and thought "black, white, asian, white, white, black, black." My thought processes were more like this: "oh wow, YES Dr. Burke KEEP taking your clothes off" or "Meredith, tell him off. TELL HIM OFF!" or "If you say "vagina squad" one more time, Alex, I will come through the TV and smack you myself" or "Thank you, I am now adding the term "va-jay-jay" to my everyday vocabulary." Nightline, however, explores the racial aspect of the show, as does Time, but what I love about Shonda Rhimes are her interviews talking about how she wrote the characters as having their own unique flaws and quirks and never as a specific race, ethnicity, etc. I love that! I never really thought about it, I guess maybe because the shows I tend to watch faithfully have a somewhat diverse cast, as in not so glaringly one race (except Most Extreme Challenge where they are all Japanese, hahahahha).

No seriously though. I mean, yeah, Lost is kinda unrealistic in the fact that it looks like the UCLA volleyball team crashed on the beach, but then you kind of look more closely and see that there are unusual characters on there. Yeah, you got a lot of white people but you got some black folks, asian people, a fat man, a latina (ok HAD, she's totally dead) ummmm oh oh! the iraqi dude, a brit addict, a nigerian drugrunner turned priest, etc etc. Oh and NOW Dr. Clue. Frickin Dr. Clue. You even have a biracial couple rocking out. And then there are the reality shows. America's Next Top Model, where half of the girls are white, half are black, asian or like Jade, a biracial butterfly, LOL. And "Everybody Hates Chris" is the FUNNIEST SHOW ON TV RIGHT NOW! WATCH IT! But like I said before, I don't tend to notice these things. I don't watch Grey's Anatomy and think "Oh my God the chief of staff at the hospital is BLACK!" or "Oh my GOD Joanie and Danielle on ANTM are two different races but they're FRIENDS! How shocking!" But apparently people do watch TV with a little internal mental label maker going "black.....asian......white, and BLONDE!..........asian.....black....black.....black....what is with all the black people here??"

I am happy that Shonda Rhimes decided to defy the rules and just write a show. Just write a show where the character's paths were predestined and did not depend on a certain prototype. In the case of Grey's Anatomy you can seriously argue that the show is colorblind in the fact that it was written without "color" so anyone could've landed the roles. Shonda did steer the boat by demanding interesting actors during casting. So interesting. Nightline even called it "revolutionary" or something along those lines. I basically think it's great. But maybe it's cause I try not to be a racist person (ha ha yeah, I know I should've given some white guy a chance, but I'm happy with my black man thank you very much, LOL) the reality of it all is that I watch Grey's Anatomy every week because it's fabulous. The fact that it has given actors the chance to play what is for them an atypical role (Isiah Washington as a surgeon and not a thug, though imagining him cast as a thug is perhaps one of the most ridiculous and hilariously absurd things I've ever heard. Dude, do casters just look at him and go "great, black man, you're a thug" I mean COME ON PEOPLE! He's Dr. Burke! He plays the trumpet! He's ELOQUENT DAMMIT!) but I don't watch it because it's making any sort of statement. No way. I watch it for ten bajillion other reasons. It's got drama, romance, weird medical issues, people with issues, people with more issues, people with serious issues, and SEX. And hey, let's face it, we ALL know it's the biracial sex that really gets me hot anyways, so to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy I say "BRING IT, BITCHES."

why if I liked girls I would want to hook up with Potes from televisionwithoutpity.com

How hilarious is this:

Jade is next. She says that Danielle is a little ill, but when you model and travel you have to do well on shoots no matter what. Jade is ready to rock. She is ready to rock you with her stupidity, as well, as she says that she'll never forget shooting on the elephant, which reminds her of an ancient dinosaur. She adds, "'Cause they are in the dinosaur family." Yes, and birds are blind. And my cat, Miss Itty, pees apple juice. Is there some sort of National Geographic For Dummmies that we could buy from a charity drive, and then send in bulk to the show? Jade does not do a spectacular job and has trouble taking Jay's direction. Jay tells her that she's thinking about it too much, and notes that Jade becomes instantly stiff when he gives direction, and perhaps thinks it's a critique. Joanie agrees that Jade was stiff and looked uncomfortable with what she was doing. Sutan, the makeup artist, lies to Jade that she did well. Never trust a man who dresses like Tyra Banks, mostly because it means he shops at Victoria's Secret.


I generally like the reviews on televisionwithoutpity.com. They're funny, the people who write them have a great sense of humor, BUT mostly I just skim along for a few pages and then abandon ship because they get boring after a while. Maybe because you don't need to read a detailed review of Grey's Anatomy. You were there. You watched it. And you like McDreamy, so when you read an entire page dedicated to how much he has been sucking lately, even if you agree you're kinda like "yeah ok, know it, don't need to read it." The one exception to the rule would be Potes' s reviews of America's Next Top Model. First of all, ripping apart a reality tv show is great because you get to rip apart REAL PEOPLE without them EVER knowing (unless you know them. which would suck, cause then there would be all this bullshit and guilt about hating them and you would hold back in your real enraged criticism of their suckage). Anyways, I read Potes's thumbnail sketches on Wednesday morning after the episode and eagerly await her full length reviews later in the week because they are that hilarious. And because she hates Jade. And so do I. Maybe, just maybe, the ugly biatch will be eliminated tonight. Grrrrrrrr.

Evil has a name: JADE

Meanwhile on Amazing Race, we are also down to the last three after the glorious elimination of MoJo. I'm thinking it's the season finale, though the strategy may be to squeeze one more episode out next week, I'm not sure exactly.

So we're down to:

BJ and Tyler.
Personally, I like BJ and Tyler. Yeah, they're hippies, they have long disheveled hair and look like they do not bathe, but they're FUN. Everyone is always ranking on them (both on the show and in life) People are like "they're hippies, they're creepy, they're loud, they're annoying, they say that lame catchphrase "TTOW" all the time." That is jealousy, my friends. Why? Because twice they have been almost eliminated and had all their money taken instead in the non elimination round, and you know what? They were actually better off! Yeah, yeah, you can claim it was because other teammates gave them money and clothes, but seriously, it's cause they got mad skill when it comes to collecting money, begging, performing WHATEVER! I have different personal reasons for liking them. One is that they actually make an effort to embrace their surroundings. Yeah, there are people who accept their surroundings and make due, but most teams are kind of distant. Like Ray and Yolanda are awesome (I think) and they seem nice, but their attitude is very much get in, do it, get out. BJ and Tyler, even if they only speak a few words of the local dialect, will make an effort to communicate. They are respectful of local customs and habits. Basically, they don't act like freaky Americans in a foreign land. Which is not to say they don't act freaky, they do, but people seem to like it. Maybe because inside they are saying "lookit those freaky Americans" which to me is wwaaaaaayyy more desirable than "lookit those rude Americans." I'm not sure if I'm being clear, but quick examples of stupidity:

Lake (hick accent): Woman I should've made you do the challenge where you had to dive for the clue in the pool
Michelle: Laaaake....would you have really wanted me to? In front of Russian men? In a bathing suit?
MoJo: Can we get tickets to Palller-moe? Paller-mo? Palomino?
Airline ticket counter man: "Palermo"? (said "Pah-lairrrrr-mo" with a very italian rolled "r")
MoJo: Yeah Paller-mo
Airline ticket counter man shoots them look of death

Fratboy 1: hey we need a ticket to Palermo
Fratboy 2: hey ladies
Alitalia ladies: hello, ciao
Fratboy 2: hey ladies, uh, you got hickies?
Alitalia ladies stare bewildered: wha?
Fratboy 2: y'all got hickies? is that why you're wearing scarfs around your neck?
Alitalia ladies shoot them looks that says "please die now"

Fratboys:
Well the above comment spells it out for you. They suck. They think they're the shit. When they did an underwater challenge and came out in speedos (shudder) they were like "good think this beach is empty, otherwise there would be ladies all over us." They've told both Yolanda and Monica that they were lucky to have men with them otherwise they would've been in "trouble" several times. Ha. Monica may have liked that comment, I'm not sure, but Yolanda's look in response to that comment was like "I would not touch you with a ten foot pole. ps. seen my boyfriend Ray? I guarantee you his dick is twice the size of yours, maybe even THREE times, bitch." Heh. I hope they do not win, though I am not sure that they have the best chance. Yes, they are actually pretty good players, but they've made some pretty damaging tasks in the past, especially when it comes to reading maps. They may be doomed because they can't read. Maps, I mean, they can't read maps. Though if they were in fact illiterate, I have to admit, I wouldn't be shocked.

Ray and Yolanda:
Nice folks I think. I mean Yolanda even got ahold of BJ or Tyler's purple pants when they lost everything in the non-elimination round. That is so chill. But that is Ray and Yolanda to a T. They are chill. Almost too chill. They need to get fired up if they are going to win, and their chill-ness makes me want to take a lighter and hold it close to their skin and be like "yo does this burn, cause you two are slightly bot-like." Well, except for that time they were fighting. Maybe they need to fight again? That way, Ray could get all pissed off and be like 'You didn't drag me here for nothin' bitch, I'm gonna get that million dollars even if I have to share it with you" He would actually show emotion. And we know Yolanda's not gonna pull a Monica and get all weepy and shit. She will get vengeful and be like "Fine Ray, I'll show you exactly what I can do and how much better than you I can do it." Ha. If that happened, I think they would win.
Time
will
tell.

Starbucks Cup #109

The Way I See It #109

What you do to others you really
do to yourself. So when you do
good to others, you're doing good
to yourself. Alternatively, when
you do bad to others, you're doing
bad to yourself. So in thinking of
others, think of yourself, for to love
and to do right by others is to love
and do right to your own self.

--Leela James
Musician. Her songs can be heard
on Starbucks Hear Music station,
XM Satellite Radio Channel 75.

Tell me something, Leela: who died and made you Jesus?
PS. The reason why you can be heard on Starbucks XM Radio is because no one else plays you.
The end.

hahhahahahahaha my mood today is clearly BITCHY? The good news? Season Finales tonight of Amazing Race and Top Model. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

SWEEEET

Question: is taking sex quizzes more fun than doing productive work?
Answer: yes. yes it is.


You prefer Passionate sex!


You enjoy passionate sex. You're the kind of person that has tons of fun in the sack, and you can really get into it. Not necessarily rough and lusty, passionate sex is the kind that satisfies both your lovin' and horny needs.

You are 62% kinky



You are kinky. You are always up for trying something new in the bedroom... or wherever else you chose to.

You have a sexual IQ of 120



When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

I wish you would just shut the f*ck up and die

haahhha a little aggressive, the title is. But you know what? That's how you feel when you have an anorexic coworker who is not just anorexic, but also a grade A #1 bitch. I have gathered some of my favorite Anorexia quotes from the past year of working together so I can share my miserable coworker with the rest of the world. I know some people have it worse, absolutely, but this right here, is pretty bad in the most passive aggressive way possible:

"Yummy"
Anorexia says this about everything I eat. It's mostly because she is so hungry, everything looks yummy to her. The annoying thing isn't the word itself, it's how she says it. It's delivered with this tone of "it looks tasty but is so incredibly fattening I would never allow it to pass through my lips." Example "That looks like yummy bread" "That cookie looks yummy" "oh what a yummy snack, does it taste good?"

email 6/28/2005:
PLUS my COWORKER (anorexia) was supposed to have a 10 o'clock meeting...I thought "perfect, I can eat my food in peace." Then it gets moved to 11....now it's moved to 1pm!!! I'm like F*CK!! And then she turns and says, "I thought you wanted more food" and I wanted to say "I do, but I just don't wat to eat it in front of you!" oh welllll.
It's hard to eat in front of her. This is because she is analyzing every piece of food that comes within a 20 foot radius of your mouth. No doubt she is watching you to count your caloric intake and then looks at your body to assess exactly where the fat deposits are headed. Plus she's hungry, so when you are eating, it's hard for her to take her eyes off you...

6/30/2005

No news except ANOREXIA IS ON VACATION FOR TWO GLORIOUS DAYS AND I CAN EAT AND EAT AND EAT AND NO ONE WILL GIVE TWO CRACKLING SH*TS WHAT I"M EATING AND HOW OFTEN I"M EATING IT

someone will probably turn that phrase into something dirty, no doubt. It's ok though, i don't even CARE I am just busy plotting what I am having for lunch :) satisfied smile
Isn't my joy in this email actually sad? Now I do eat in front of her because binging at the end of the day made my stomach hurt, but I was in a dark place a year ago, LOL

email 7/12/2005
also. Anorexia is being a paranoid b*tch today. Like schizo paranoid...she's like 'they hate me so much here that they're just looking for reasons to fire me, but my work is really good, so that can't be an excuse, and I show up here on time, so that can't be an excuse, so they're auditing all of my work to try to find the tiniest mistake so they can have a reason to fire me BLAHHH"
Not eating food makes you paranoid. The end.



You should threaten to feed her.

Secret Confession

:

"It's All Coming Back to Me Now"
is on the radio
and I remembered that I totally love the song
Yes, I did play it on the piano while my cousin Andrew mocked it
and yes, it was the funniest family moments ever
and yes, it IS Celine Dion singing
BUT
I love it.
And my old Celine Dion tape is TOTALLY coming with me on my drive to Virginia.....
THE END

I'm not an addict it's cool I feel aliiiive

So.
I thought I was being a hypochondriac on Wednesday when I started to feel under the weather.
I sat at my desk thinking "oh, yeah, see what working in a hospital will do to you? It makes you completely irrational about your health. You have symptoms that aren't really there! You start to become CRAZY!!"

Now the day before my coworker and I had been joking about how working at a cancer hospital had made us absolutely psychotic about self-screening constantly for symptoms. I work with lymphoma and I'm always giving my nodes a once-over. My one swollen tonsil makes me FLIP the FUCK out every so often, even though I know perfectly well that I just have tonsil stones, which are completely foul, but also completely benign. For a long time I worried about them so much that I gave myself cricopharyngeal spasm. Of course, once I read what a cricopharyngeal spasm was and realized that the lump in my throat was not because my lymph nodes were slowly spreading to take over my entire throat, slowly blocking my esophagus so I wouldn't be able to eat and then blocking my trachea so I couldn't breathe leading to a slow and agonizing death, the damn thing went away, since all of the was IN MY HEAD. I read a few articles on hypochondria and was like "ok. I just sort of have it in one area, but I need to get a grip. It's a case of too much knowledge about one specific disease. If I didn't have this job, I probably wouldn't have these symptoms and I certainly wouldn't think I had lymphoma!" I was further comforted by the fact that my coworker who works with colorectal disease had started panicking about the disease to the point where she asked her physician for a SIGMOIDOSCOPY! They don't just give those out, but she said that she was spazzing so much that the nurse practitioner who saw her was like 'fine, here's a referral for one.' Of course she lost the referral and hasn't had it done, but she was like "if I didn't work here I would not be spazzing about having my colon checked for polyps! I wouldn't even be thinking about polyps! WHY DO WE KNOW TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"

So needless to say on Wednesday when I started feeling a little off I was like "It's all in your head." I had woken up with this horrible, unslakable thirst. Upon waking up I drank a 16 oz lemon dasani that my dad had gotten for free somewhere. I followed up with a 16oz revive Vitamin Water, then another lemon dasani, then a liter of crystal lite lemonade. I was still thirsty! I thought "I might be coming down with something" but then chalked up my thirst to either the salty meal I had the night before, OR adult onset diabestes.....Ha! By three o'clock I was like 'shoot, I feel bad. I'm gonna head home.' As soon as I got home I changed into pajamas. I didn't even think about it, it's like my body just voluntarily made the motions to get into my pajamas. I was shivering and hot at the same time and my body HURT, like weird tingly hurting on my back and legs and my head was pounding...I realized that I was not being a hypochondriac then, I realized that I was coming down with whatever my mom had two weeks ago.

Yesterday I took the day off work and slept for most of it (see: picture of me looking ill). When my mom came home at 3 I rallied and decided to go to Wal-Mart to get medicine and then to get bird food and gas (and craft supplies, but shhhhhh, no one has to know that's really why I wanted to go out). I went to Wal-Mart after gassing up and getting crafty supplies so I was feeling pretty drained as hell. I went to the cold aisle and looked for the magical pills boyfriend told me about so long ago: Advil Cold and Sinus. They were gone! I was like "oh great, and my other options are? TYLENOL??? No way, not gonna cut it" As I leaned closer to the cold and flu shelves I noticed that in the space for Advil Cold and Sinus there were cards that said "take this to the pharmacy register" I was like "hunh. ok. wait...........wait...........oh shit, this has pseudophedrine in it, doesn't it?" I had heard somewhere that if a OTC drug has pseudoephedrine in it it was going to be kept behind the counter because pseudoephedrine is one of the base ingredients for meth. So, already feeling like a criminal for wanting to buy medication with an illicit ingredient in it, I take the card to the pharmacy register. The pharmacist leans over from the other end of the pharmacy and goes "Can I heeelllpp you?" As soon as I flash the Advil Cold andSinus card he is all business. "Um you need a license to buy that" he says, and turns away, as if I did not have a license with which to buy it. I said "oh that's NO problem" about to say "I'd give you my first born for this right now" but then I thought "No, that would probably indicate to him not that I had a flu/cold thing and had a fever and body aches and mucus blocking my nasal passages, but that I had a meth addiction and needed to buy some pseudoephedrine for my supplier because the police were already watching him." So instead I just handed over my license. The pharmacist looked from me to my license picture no less than 6 times and then said "This is gonna be a few minutes" While he took my license away, I started reading the yellow paper they had posted by the register, which listed the regulations of Public Law 109-177, and understood exactly what the pharmacist was doing with my license. He was entering how much Advil Cold and Sinus I was buying, along with my name, address and license number! THEN I had to submit a digital signature! HOLY SHIT INVASIVE was what was flashing in my mind at that moment. I wanted to be like "so you need finger prints and a mug shot for your file?" But I felt so violated already that by the time the pharmacist handed me my license and as-legal-as-nearly-illegal-drugs-can-be Advil Cold and Sinus, I just backed away slowly, grabbed some cough drops and fled before the hidden cameras could get a clear shot of my face.

The irony of it all? I live in a state where they won't pass a primary seatbelt law, but they put your life's history in a database when you go to buy some advil. F*cked up, that's all I have to say.

Starbucks Cup #100, Beth Israel Deaconess Boston

The Way I see It #100

What if, in addition to filing a tax

return every year, we had the

chance to decide where our tax

dollars would be used? Programs

and government departments

that no one likes would simply

go away.

--Bart Jarman

Starbucks customer from

Gilbert, Arizona.

Well Bart from Arizona, I am indeed very glad that YOU do not get to make these decisions, because it's dumbasses like you who think that we can live in a utopian society without organizations and government and programs who would choose not to give money too.....hmmm. examples, the police, because they're "so aggressive" or "too authoritarian" or "mean" or "rude" and then when I'm in a car accident on the side of the road, no one comes to help me cause a bunch of assholes decided not to pay for police. Or the DPW let's say, because what do they do but "sit around parked in an empty lot sleeping" right? yeah, so a sinkhole opens in the road and swallows my car. Not only is it stuck there with me in it because you decided not to put up the money for the police, but now it's never gonna get fixed, and you're gonna have to close the road forever because no one there to fill the gigantic, gaping 7-foot wide, 5-foot deep sinkhole that's hanging out in the middle of the ROAD.

BART!

YOU HAVE BAD IDEAS!

hahhhaha clearly pessimism today!

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

So.

I just got off the phone with this lady who works for the National Comprehensive Cancer Network. She is coming to audit certain cases I have entered into our database in..hmmm 2 weeks from tomorrow. Holy crap right?
Ok now this wouldn't be such a big deal if I hadn't fallen so utterly and miserably behind in my work. It's quite wretched, and now she is coming in two weeks and expects to have up to September 2005 in the database. THIS IS 32 PATIENTS.
Now some of you might be like "I don't even know what this means and why are you freaking out"
Well
I am freaking out because abstraction for lymphoma is just not the same breed of abstraction as it is for breast, lung or colorectal cancer. I'm not saying that NHL is necessarily more difficult, it's just more complex in that lymphoma is a "liquid" cancer without identifiable tumor sites and can be widespread in the body. The patients who have it badly enough often have to get bone marrow transplants. It is in general a crazy-ass DISEASE. So I have these 32 patients and 8 pages of followup to do. This does not bode well.....the coming weeks shall be slightly disastrous. But I think I can do it. I think I just might be able to pull it off. And apply to grad school at the same time. I can do it all, right?

Heh, better schedule that pedicure for the day after the audit. I am soooo gonna need it :)

pessimism/optimism

Pessimism:

"On the one hand I congratulate Deborah Finn of Beacon Hill for her internet campaign to get Bostonians to smile at one another more often. She rightly identifies our reputation for showing the cold shoulder to strangers as a deterrent to people moving here and says "There's not a lot I can do about providing affordable housing, but I can smile and say "hello" to a stranger. We'll see if it works." Well on the other hand, Deborah, as a lifelong Bostonian, let me explain a few facts of life to you. There are some very good reasons why we may not smile as much as the friendly folks in the midwest or the south. For starters, this is not an especially friendly place we live in; the soil is rocky and hard to farm, the water is cold, the winters are usually harsh, and the weather, in general, is horrible. Someone once said that Boston has two seasons, "winter and August," and August is no bargain, when everybody goes on vacation at once, and all escape routes from the city are clogged with traffic. Speaking of traffic brings up some more good reasons why we don't smile. If it isn't insane locals training for the Indy 500 at the local rotary, it's the clueless out-of-towners, who try to map out their trip while in motion instead of figuring it out before they leave Duluth. Navigating our pothole-laden roads and picking up bent rims and broken fenders reminds us of our highest in the nation insurance rates, which reminds us of the obscenely high cost of living, which reminds us of our high tax rate, which reminds us of our mediocre politicians. So you wanna remind us all to smile more? Listen closely while I flash a big one......................................................................Enjjoy it, that's IT for the year."
-Keller at Large (who, to add to the pessimissm, I usually find to be an a$hole)
WBZ 1030, this morning, as I listened in the hideous traffic on my way to the hideous public transportation system we lovingly call the "T"

optimism:

Starbucks cup #89
Grande latte, Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital, Boston

The Way I See It #89

Recipe for happiness: an insatiable

curiosity, a joy of discovery, quick

to forgive, hold no grudges, love

without condition, stay loyal to the

death, see the best and ignore the

rest -- wow, we can learn a lot from

man's best friend!

--Nick Bolletieri

Tennis coach and founder of the

Nick Bolletieri Tennis Academy

What a tennis coach knows about dogs and happiness is beyond me, but I'm letting it go in favor of optimism, which is what I'm depending on to make it through life in general today - optimism, coffee, and of course, the Shaggy that is emerging from the radio at this very moment. Word.

Metro-sexual

I read this in the Boston version of the METRO yesterday:

Take Them Off!
According to Dr. Victoria Zdrok on the
Web site AskMen.com, leaving your
socks or shoes on while doing the deed
is the No. 1 most irritating thing men
do in bed. Others include drooling on
her and mentioning the sexual skills of
other women.

Did this make me cackle? HELLS YES.

Starbucks Cup #93, Beth Israel Deaconess, Boston

The Way I See It #93

THe one reason that my group
Run-DMC was on point was
practice! My motto is" If I miss a
day of practice, I know it. If I miss
two days, my manager knows it. If
I miss three days, my audience
knows it! Practice, practice,
practice!

--Rev Run
Musician, His songs can be heard
on Starbucks Hear Music station,
XM Satellite Radio Channel 75

something wicked this way blogs

Ok.
So we all know that I am a craft WHORE.
I admit it. I have spent hours printing stuff from the Martha Stewart website instead of working. Ditto for the Lion Brand yarn website.
Oh, and the Berocco one too. Yes. And if more cross stitch was available online, I would absolutely be printing off patterns.
Today I feel like I discovered a whole new dark side of craft whore-dom:
The Craft Blog.

I was led to one via dooce. She has a post today about a doll that her daughter's pseudo online godmother (or something like that) sent to her, with a link to her blog. I went there and saw a bunch of cute stuff. Well. Loobylu has a list of craft blogs she reads everyday. So I click on one: http://littlebirds.typepad.com/little_birds/ And it is effing cute as hell. I even printed the "wee bunny" pattern because, hey, they'll make great gifts for when everyone and their mom I know has BABIES (cause you know it will happen. I mean, hell, it's already happening with Jam). So then I recall that this weekend is "Crafty Weekend," a weekend planned by none other than EE for the sole purpose of craftiness, with definite drunkenness thrown in there. I started reminiscing about some projects I've completed since my last craft post.

One is this picture:

I made this for my friend, Elizabeth, for her birthday. I made it like, months and months in advance and I was really pleased with how quickly it made up. Plus it uses hand-dyed threads. From now on, everyone needs to know that I am a hand-dyed thread whore. When my boyfriend and I went to Vermont, he so patiently waited as I ogled the entire wall of Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Art threads and fondled, and YES I mean fondled in that WAY each of the colors. What's sick is that I knew half of them. I picked up a green and was like 'oh I've always wondered exactly what the color "Scuppernong" looked like, wow it's green!!' I saw a pink called "Meredith's Pink" and thought 'I should get this for my mom, cause her name is Meredith' SICK!!! I love it though. Loooove it. I also made a picture for Elizabeth's mom, for she invited us once again to Maine. But I'm not posting it yet, it needs to be a surprise. ANYWAYS, this picture may have bought my way into a little "side deal" because a coworker of EE's liked it, and he and another coworker are opening a store and he was like "keep us in mind" (basically, long story short :) ) I would love to sell my stuff in a store, cause it would justify my hopeless addiction to threads, fabrics and patterns. And it would give me an excuse to cross stitch all the time, which is fabulous.

Ok. After that, I decided to knit something for Jam's coworker, who is just the loveliest woman. She and her husband are expecting a girl, and since (literally) 10 out of 10 of the last people having babies in my family/neighborhood/circle of friends have been BOYS, so I leapt at the chance to make this little number:
I was so excited to hear that Jam's coworker and her husband are expecting a girl, as I bought this pattern years ago when my neighbor was pregnant. Of course, she had a boy. Then my other neighbor had a boy. And then my cousin got pregnant. Of course, she's having a boy. I thought that I would never get a chance to actually knit this sucker, but finally, finally, someone is having a girl. I had the yarn for this project and everything. Actually, I had started it, but when people just kept popping out boys, I abandoned it. So I finally got to make it up, and I will admit, it was a bit of a challenge. The lace fringe was particulary irritating to make, and since this is a jaeger pattern, it was full of strange little brit knitting anomalies that required me to sketch things out on a piece of scrap paper and make lots of tic marks, you know, so the slow-witted American in me could complete a finished product. I will say that when I did finish this, it was adorable, and I think Katrina really liked it when she opened it. Just hope the baby does ;)


Finally, my sister and I are working on complimentary samplers for twin girls who were born on April 6th. Now I had many baby patterns in my stock, but Ame and I did not want to make them identical patterns, nor did we want the traditional cartoonish baby pictures either, so we decided on something feminine, yet elegant, something that the girls could really grow into. I love the insect sampler Amy picked, but wasn't as fond of the floral one that complimented it, though in the end, I decided to order it because I could not come up with a better idea. Now that I've started it, I definitely love it, the colors are so subtle and pretty, they really work off each other and look great when put together on the fabric (before I started stitching I had a mess of thread in my hand and was like 'ew, these are gross colors') I think they're really soft and pretty, as are the ones in the insect sampler, though the picture I use here makes them seem a little garish. Wow, looking at these side by side makes me realize exactly how much these will complement each other....cool :D

POISON CLOAK

I was recently reminded of a friend's love of rhubarb.
It came up in an email conversation about pies. I believe my sister wanted to make herself a pie for Easter, which evovled into a "what is your favorite pie" discussion. I answered "strawberry rhubarb" becasue it is my favorite pie of all time, FOREV!

Then my friend emailed "I LOVE RHUBARB!"
I vaguely remember discussing this in college - I mean we did share a room for two years and I am sure it came up. What I did not recall was this:

"PS: Once I tried to make a cloak out of rhubarb leaves. A poison cloak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!! HaHAhaHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I thought this was rather brilliant (the stalks of rhubarb are edible, of course, but the leaves are poisonous). Anyways. In her honor, I give you

Rachel of the Poison Cloak

Starbucks Cup #83, Beth Israel Deaconess

The Way I see It #83

They told you that beauty is in the
eye of the beholder. What they
failed to tell you is that it is best
seen with the eyes closed. What
you look like isn't important. What
is important is who you are inside
and the choices you are making in
your life.

-- Tiana Tozer
1992 Paralympic silver and 1996
bronze medalis, women's
wheelchair basketball.

Reality TV fo' Realz

Ok.
Now that I've been left in relative silence by 3/4 coworkers (there's one still lurking about) and have eaten my incredibly satisfying left over from last night's dinner lunch, I am going to write about my now not so secret shame: reality tv.

Ok yeah, I was one of those people who boycotted "Survivor" when it came out. Yeah, yeah I was at Smith trying to have a conscience and all and was like 'oh reality tv. I look down upon those people who produce those shows. Instead of paying real actors who need work they use average people and make them do tricks like a monkey and then reward one of them with money at the end. Cheap and vile entertainment. BAH." Of course, being the inventors of reality TV, MTV was completely exempt. Whenever possible I made myself "The Real World" and "True Life" 's WHORE Then I graduated from school. I saw "The Apprentice" and was like 'hunh'. I totally watched the first three seasons too. Then I got into "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" where they completely exploit your emotions to get you to watch TV. But I let it go because they were doing good for the world. When I started working, and more so this year, all hell broke loose. TV has become my escape from reality. Let's face it - college? ha ha ha not really REALITY. Working full time, having an 1 and a half commute each way, dating a boy you LOVE but who lives 300 miles away? That's mother-f*cking reality. Oh and bills and all that shit too, hahahahah.

Anyways, my newest addictions now include reality TV. Sure there's "Lost" and "Grey's Anatomy" which I *said in high pitched sing song voice* LOOOOVE* But now there's also Amazing Race, SuperNanny, America's Next Top Model and Project Runway.

I'm gonna start with America's Next Top Model. (Small font to compensate for the length of the post)

Ok. This show is so ridiculous, although the good thing is that unlike effing "Dancing with the Stars" the panel doesn't really give a shit what the audience at home thinks when making their decisions. Besides, Americans wouldn't get it anyways, what the judges look for. They'd just be like "awww the blonde one from Arkansas is cute" and vote for her even though she can't walk in effing HEELS! So there's a good thing at least. I just think it's kind of a joke because most of the girls aren't amazingly pretty or talented. I guess the point is to mold them into a supermodel, but have you seen last season's winner, Nicole? TOTAL FEMBOT! I'm sure she's sweet and all and she's pretty enough but honey, you have bendable limbs! BEND THEM!

This seasons models are pretty interesting. I mean Jade, the queen biatch is enough to keep us entertained an entire season, and it's not cause she's good or pretty. She just a plain ol' bitch. But she does create drama in the house and on the set, so every week I hope she stays in the competition and they weed out one of those boring other girls because I love tuning in to see what bitchy/idiotic/pompous thing Jade will say/do next.

The girls-

Kathy - well she must've deserved elimination because I don't even remember her being on the show. ha. so there

Wendy - seemed sweet and she was unusual looking, a bonus. And I even pulled for her since Katrina f*cked up her house real bad. But she sucked at modeling. So she had to go. Though I wish she could've beat Gina, because seriously, she had to be better than Gina.

Kari- ahhhh so sweet, so young, so blonde blue eyed middle america-ish. No I did like her actually. Her falling shot, I thought, was beautiful and graceful. Her cover was hot, and her bald shot was freaky as hell, but she really played off her features. Sadly, in North Dakota they've never seen Vivienne Westwood fashion show mandated shoes cause....she falls when she walks in them. Oh they are totally hooker shoes, yes, platforms, 6 inch heels. But she fell. So sweet little 18 year old Kari. DONE.

Gina - effing Gina. Now Jade totally tormented this girl, yes, but she never stood up for herself! EVER and she got herself into the worst situations by opening her mouth. You would see her mouth start to open and you wanted to jump through the TV, tackle her and go "no, no no don't do it Gina!" She was clearly a big airhead too, plus she would freeze in front of the camera, especially when Jade was there mocking her. I would be like 'listen, you f*cking twat who's not even pretty - shut the f*ck up or I will cut you with my ridiculously high cheek bones" Her bald shot, I thought, was beautiful, and some of her other pics were cute, but they all looked the same. Oh and her cockroach flip out scene - PISSED ME OFF - Therefore - DONE

Molly Sue - what is there to write? She seemed sweet. Tyra was all about her. But she was so flat. She was always talking about 'Mah outgoin' personality no one is seein' UM HELLOOOOO THEY TAKE PICTURES OF YOU! WITH A CAMERA! At anytime you could've revealed that personality of yours. Yes they gave you a bad haircut, but you're supposed to be a model girl, work with it. But she never worked it at all. AT ALL. It's too bad cause this girl has gorgeous coloring. I think when they cut her hair, they took her confidence too. Therefore she's DONE

Brooke - The judges and such said right out one day "she's not conventionally pretty"
No shit. Brooke is kind of funky looking. But I see that she has potential to really model well. But when you watch her on TV and LISTEN to her, you're like "HEH???" She is an airhead extraordinnaire - I mean really dumb, which she attributes to her shyness and panicking when in public. For now I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt because she is definitely very sweet and good-natured. She brings little drama to the show and she's a nice break. She hasn't taken any amazing pics yet because she holds her body so oddly in most of the shots making her look really awkward, though I found her bald one interesting, even though she turned her face away from the camera.

Danielle - when I first saw her I was like "Hell no, take it AWAY" But then she got extensions and I was like 'ok, maybe' She is a little ghetto, but then I noticed that she's kind of a good sport about stuff. Like falling on her ass in those heels and spraining her toe. There were no histrionics and she really wasn't a diva about it. Plus she says some funny shit, like when Jade said she wanted to be a kindergarten teacher and Danielle interviewed and said "I'd rather home school my kid's than send them to Jade's class." Funny. Danielle's pictures have been gorgeous, in my opinion, from her bald one, to her amazing Snow "Black" one, to her singer one. When she's not made up, you look at her and go "what the HELL" but as soon as she puts some makeup on all that you're like "yes please"

Furonda - fastly becoming a favorite! When I first saw her, much like Danielle, I was like "someone tell her to stop posing with her armpits exposed please!" But then they gave her extensions too. She looked better, but I was still unconvinced. Her bald picture scared my shitless. I mean it's very artsy in a way, but I saw it and went "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh" Miss J also doesn't like her and is like "her head looks like a lightbulb" Yeah? Miss J - you look like a man dressed as a woman.....ohhh.........wait..........Anyways. Furonda has a long way to go in my book, but I see HUGE potential. Her bald shot, scary, her falling shot, awkward, her cover, OK. Her career shot, pretty nice....potential. And last night she was awesome on the mini "Wild N' Out" segment and her PSA was fabulous - she was a great speaker and she's become a little more humble. And she can deal with Jade. Props, girl, mad props...

Jade - I'll be honest. I do not like this one except for the bitchiness she brings to the show. She is cocky as hell about everything. Ex. "Models today you will walk in heels" Jade: "Girl I live in heels" "Models, today you will do improv" Jade: "Girl I was made for the stage" I don't actually think she's a confindent person. It's sad really. She's the type of person who brings everyone down so she can feel up. And she talks a lot of shit, like "oh I WILL BE America's next top model, no doubt" Potes, a reviewer on "Television Without Pity" sums Jade up quite well: "In lieu of the standard photo shoot, the girls must film a Cover Girl commercial in which they improvise their dialogue. You can guess how that goes. Each girl only gets two takes, and then they are S.O.L. Brooke falters under the pressure while Jade thinks that she's the bee's knees, but is actually the bee's anus. Seriously, watch this episode just to see her commercial takes. At judging the girls' commercial efforts are widely mocked, with Jade and the personality-deprived Mollie Sue landing in the bottom two. But much like the vampire she so resembles, Jade cannot die and thus Mollie Sue packs her bags to head back to Boringville."

Joanie - "TV without pity hate Joanie" Yeah, yeah, they make fun of her snaggletooth and all and say that she looks like a stripper. But I like her. Why? She's sassy. And I shy away from the blondie blue eyed's too. But I think she's great. She taken pretty pictures. Yeah, she did take a few that resembled a blue-eyed Bambi caught in the headlights, but her "career" shot - holy sh*t, it's professional grade, in my opinion at least. She can walk in heels and did some better than all the rest of the girls except Furonda free stylin' with Nick Cannon, so personally, I hope she's got some staying power

Leslie - she's gorgeous and I wish she had more air time. I don't even know what to write about her cause she never gets air time! But anyone who can be dressed up like the Big Bad Wolf and look that good deserves half a chance. She looks amazing! Her bald pic isn't my favorite, but all in all, Leslie has got something a lot of the other girls don't................................dude, and apparently she is only 18? Holy crap....

Nnenna - how can you not love her? she's from Nigeria, she's got a chemistry degree, and she's given up everything to be here. Yeah, she hogs the phone and wins a lot of the challenges and that can make the other models cranky, but she seems sweet and unassuming. In last week's episode everyone was like "Nnenna only seems to be sweet" Well yeah, she does seem to be, except for phone hogging with loser boyfriend, who she will hopefully ditch for that particularly and strangely enticing male model that put the moves on her during the career photo shoot. That would be some great television right there, dragging a male model into the mix. hehe hehe sweeeeeet. Nnenna's one of my favs cause she seems sweet and is nice to people. She doesn't care what they think of her either, and when you're on a show with a lot of bitches, that may be the right attitude......

Sara - See they cut Sara's hair and I was like "what the f*ck did they do to her?" but then I saw her old photos with long hair and was like "OH yeah, that makes sense" I think Sara could be a come from behind star. I'm not sure about it, not 100%, but I like her look. She reminds me of a friend from college, though this girl has brown hair and Sara is blonde - maybe it's the California mentality. Sara kind of bombed the commercial by marketing a Cover Girl product with a drink in hand, but for going first and having the commerical being improv, I thought she kicked all ass. And I thought she was the best, yes even better than Nnenna....she is lacking that thing that makes you notice her straight away (like, she doesn't really pack a punch) but I think with help, she could make it...

Ok that's my analysis
I'm not going to make any crazy-ass closing statement, because this crazy-ass post is already crazy-ass long! I will tell you that right now, my favorites to win it all are: Nnenna, Furonda, Wendy, and Sara.....yup...........that's all...........

oh that, and the fact that all the pics except the first are copyrights of UPN and America's Next Top Model

the daily mumps

My sister sent me this the other day

"Have you seen this website? http://dailymumps.com/

I've been scrolling through all the pictures and practically peeing in my pants."

Now my sister is one of the funniest people I have ever met, one of the few people who has actually made me laugh so hard I've started to 1. cry 2. pee 3. gasp for air 4. all of the above. AT ONCE!
So I figured that she was a pretty good judge of what was funny. SO I clicked on the link....

and.........





I'M ADDING THIS TO THE LIST OF BLOGS I READ DAILY BECAUSE IT IS EFFING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

If you click on the link, I recommend you look at all the pictures posted, you know, just so you can get to know the family a little better, oh I mean the "tiny indigenous
laborers who pose in exchange for rice and strips of twine" who are featured in this hilarious-not-a-photo-blog comic.

I'm telling you, if I'm ever lucky enough to have kids, I'm going to shun most parenting books (note I said most) because it's websites like this and dooce that teach you one of the MOST IMPORTANT necessities of child-rearing - a f*cking sense of humor :)

About the Lilting HOUSE

UPDATE YOUR FUCKING BLOG SO I WON'T BE BORED AT WORK ANYMORE!!!!1111oneone

pretty please??? :)